I was a young adult. Mid 20s, good job turning into a career, bought a nice NYC apartment; growing up. We'd always had dinner with my mom's little sister. My aunt. We're all there chatting & eating appetizers. My brother is running late but he's *always* late. He lives up in Scarsdale & has more traffic to deal with. It's all normal chit chat until I catch my uncle making a nasty crack about my brother's tardiness to my mother which upsets her. She's easily upset & the uncle knows this. It was a pointless, nasty crack. It served only to upset my mother. **Suddenly, like Proust's Madeleine's, memories of him doing this to my mother for my entire life came flooding back.** I was immediately upset. I waited until he was alone in the kitchen and I casually but quite *seriously* squared up to him. I told that him if he *ever* spoke to my mother like that again and embarrassed her in front of her family that I'd be dead f*****g sure to embarrass him in front of *his* family. If that meant breaking my size 12 foot off in his a*s, I'd be more than happy to oblige him. Moreover, that I wasn't a little kid any more and his days of bullying my mother because nobody was backing her up were f*****g *over.* Then I smiled, patted him on the shoulder and went back out to the appetizers.

He was real, *real* quiet during dinner. Didn't really look up from his plate. We stopped having Thanksgiving together soon after.

My 4-year old sister was sitting at the dinner table next to Grandma. After taking a bite of something she said "my tongue hurts" to which Grandma replied , "well come here and let me kiss it to make it feel better." The moment their lips touched, my sister vomited directly into Grandma's mouth. My dad bursts into laughter and Grandma passes off my sister while she gets up to go clean up in the bathroom. Not more than 5 seconds after she left, a 2 square foot chunk of the ceiling caved in and fell directly onto her chair.


TLDR: my sister puked into my grandmother's mouth to save her life while eating Thanksgiving dinner.

Ah, the worst one was probably where the entire family (an odd 20 or so) got sick so we all had to take turns going into the bathroom to throw up for the rest of the night. Nobody ate the Turkey after that.

Walked into the garage with my dog and a casserole. My dads champion show dog came galloping out to meet me let out a death scream, had a heart attack and died. Tried cpr for ten minutes. It was clearly dead. He went inside saying what did (me)he do! Grabbed a bottle and left. I picked up the dog and went around to vet clinics for one that was open, the one that was just said yes he’s dead.
I’ve never recovered. It was also my birthday.

My grandmother asks my atheist uncle to say grace. Normally he complies as he knows it's just a thing his mom likes her kids to do. But other conservative uncle has been proselytising to him all day and telling him he's worried he's going to hell and taking his non-church going kid with him. So instead of saying grace, he starts with, "Dear heavenly Father, please tell (conservative uncle) to take Jesus, Christmas, Easter, and a cross and shove it up his a*s." Finishes with an amen. Fisticuffs ensue.

I was having a farting contest with my cousin in the bathroom. She let out one of those ones that ends in an upturned squeak, like her a*****e was meekly asking me a question. I lost it and threw my head back in laughter, and when my head came back down, it was into the granite countertop. at like 127 mph. I split my forehead open and had to go to the ER for stitches.But wait^theresmore.

In the ER, one of the nurses asked how I cut my forehead and I told her I was laughing at a fart. She laugh-farted in response.


I was 11 so obviously it was the funniest goddamn thing that had ever happened to me.


Anyway I’m 30 now and still have that stupid scar right between my eyebrows and sometimes I remember how I ruined thanksgiving like 20 years ago and then a nurse farted and I laugh.

Last year my parents were discussing my younger brother, who's in college and wanted to take a gap semester. They were concerned because he already wasn't showing much focus and they were worried that if he took a gap semester then he would never go back.

I tried to reassure them by reminding them that I, like him, really hated college the first time I went, but then I went back a second time and had more drive and focus because the second attempt was based on my own desire to improve myself, rather than just trying to please them.

And my dad very calmly and casually said, "Yea, well, you're not exactly the role model we want him to emulate."

And that was pretty much the most savage thing my dad ever said to me. Thankfully I had already known for quite some time that I was the black sheep of the family, but to hear him say it so bluntly was unexpected, and I basically stormed out without another word.

I'm leaving for basic training the day before Thanksgiving this year. So, my family celebrated on Sunday. My mom and step-dad were supposed to stop by (they live an hour South, and have a cabin an hour north) on their way home. Well, 6pm rolls around and they still haven't shown.

Turns out, my SD decided that he didn't want to go to my uncles and instead wanted to meet us at my grandparents. Which he never told us. So he just drove right on home, denying my mother her last chance to see me before I'm gone until February. I'm honestly still pretty angry.

It's not like a crazy story but my uncle was dating this lady who was super fake and acted like she was faaaamly from the beginning. She kept asking to host a holiday and my mom wanting to be nice said she could have Thanksgiving because that was my mom's holiday to host and she wanted the gf to feel included.

We all go there and the house is filthy. I'm talking big clumps of old dust bunnies right out in the open all over the place, living room, kitchen, hallways, just everywhere. Smells like a garbage can. I have to use the toilet and I go upstairs to where she says it is. Laundry everywhere. But I get to the bathroom and its caked with mold and a mountain of garbage, makeup supplies and just c**p piled on one of the two sinks in there. Toilet was white with black gunk caked into the sides. I held my pee.

She also ordered in food and served it to us on styrofoam plates. Not that I need it on nice plates but lady you BEGGED for a holiday and then didn't do any hosting at all.

We never went to her place again.

I thought it would be a funny prank to put a rubber chicken in the oven on Thanksgiving. My mom would laugh and laugh. Ho ho ho, there's a rubber chicken in the oven, what a gag.

13 year old me didn't realize that normal adults usually preheat the oven before putting the turkey in.

Incident? I hadn’t seen my parents in two years because I lived really far away. They have dinner at my oldest friend’s family’s house every year. Without anyone except my friend knowing, I flew to where he lives and we drove together to his parents house in time for dinner. We drove up to the house and I saw my unsuspecting parents in the window, drinking wine and having a few appetizers with my friend’s unsuspecting parents.


I’m smaller than my friend so I hid behind him when we walked in the door. He went in and was greeted by excited hellos, then I walked out from behind and everyone froze in surprise! I felt very loved.


Edit: It was a good freeze, even with some tears!

My mother and grandmother had plans to go to a restaurant last year, my sister convinces them to go somewhere else at last minute. Of course this means no reservations but sister is convinced that it'll be fine and they might just have to wait a few minutes for a table. I live in another state so I get to experience all of this from a distance.

They end up sitting at the bar while waiting for a table, having a few drinks and appetizers. After the 2nd round of martinis my mother looks over and my grandmother is leaning back in her chair, completely limp and unresponsive. Everyone freaks out, paramedics are called, grandma is rushed to the ER.

I'm 1,200 miles away when my mother calls to tell me what happened. At this point grandma is at the ER, still unresponsive, crazy low blood pressure and high heart rate. I'm ready to book plane tickets and rush to the airport when mom calls back "Don't worry, everything's OK, your grandmother just got drunk." Her blood test came back completely normal except with a BAC of 0.24 (3x legal limit). She was awake now so I got to talk to her and she was crying "I'm so sorry, I've ruined Thanksgiving." I assured her that she hasn't ruined Thanksgiving, and that everyone is just happy she's OK.

So my grandma is 90 years old, about 4'8", 100lbs. She hadn't eaten anything all day because she knew they were having a big dinner. She also ordered another martini while no one was looking, so the 2nd martini was actually her 3rd. This turned into the perfect storm of really drunk grandma.

TL;DR Grandma got run over by a martini.

My dad had an allergic reaction to shrimp cocktail before dinner and his face blew up. He refused to come out of the kitchen or sit at the table with us. He was just eating his food in the kitchen and trying to act like things were normal, like yelling out “Hey, good mashed potatoes this year, huh?”

Meanwhile, my mom is anger-crying at the table, telling us to just eat our f*****g food that she worked all day on. All of us kids are just very scared and very confused. My sister starts crying because things are so weird and no one wants to eat because there is so much tension. Eventually, my mom convinces my dad that she needs to take him to the ER. My high school senior-aged brother took the bottle of wine and shared it with seventh grade me and got me drunk for the first time. My parents came home to me throwing up on the bathroom floor.

A family friend, who happened to be lesbian, thought it would be a good idea to carry at least 20 plates across the living room. As one could expect, she dropped all of the plates onto the floor.
Then my grandfather, who barely knows this friend says the most infamous words in our families history, “you know those lesbians. Slippery fingers.”.

IT guy. The whole "have you tried turning it off and on again" thing isn't just us being lazy.

Like 70% of all problems genuinely get fixed by a restart, but we can't just say that because management thinks "real IT work" needs to look more complicated. So we remote in, click around a bit, maybe run a basic diagnostic, then... restart your computer.

That fancy touchscreen thermostat we installed in your office is just a screen you are changing the number on. The logic controller we installed in your heating/ac unit uses a different sensor and is predetermined what temperatures it is set at.

I was a server at a chain barbecue restaurant. Yummy food, & they played blues all day. The secret was what they put in the potato salad that was so good… celery seeds. When I was first hired & doing training, they told us we would lose our jobs if we told anyone. It’s been > 25 yrs, I think I’m safe to blow the secret. 😂.

If your 2 year old doesn’t want to paint because they’d rather do something else, we can’t force them. If you keep complaining and being nasty because you want fridge art, we will do your child’s art and put their name in it so you can stop complaining.