"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALASKA ISN'T NEXT TO HAWAII " Followed by, ALASKA is connected to Canada??

My wife spent two hours installing a wireless printer because she didn't plug it in. "But it's **wireless**!"

She also cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills she said regular size.

Both stories are absolutely true, and I'm so goddamned happy I married a living dad joke. (She's definitely no idiot though).

We were putting away the groceries when I see her take a new jar of salsa, open it, and put it in the fridge. I asked her why she did that and she said:

"It says right on the jar to refrigerate after opening."

I swear, she's smart as a whip most of the time.

When she told me, quite seriously, that wind is made by trees.

You know, because they sway around which pushes the air around and thus makes wind.

She was not kidding.

Never took a shower, always a bath. I'd ask why and "she just hates showers" Finally our grown children pressured her into an answer.
"I just hate that first cold blast of water when it starts"
Kids and I look at each other for a while, I finally say "I hate it too, that's why I am usually OUTSIDE the shower when it happens"
Long awkward silence. She has been showering ever since..