Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Join the Fun!
Join 1.2 million Panda readers who get the best art, memes, and fun stories every week!
Thank you!
You're on the list! Expect to receive your first email very soon!
Bored Panda is Even Better on the App!
Stay Updated with Real-Time Notifications
Instant Access via Homescreen Tap
Simple Interface - Even Your Cat Can Use It!
Gay Doctor of Plague
Community Member
6 posts
179 comments
1.4K upvotes
819 points
///
Gay Doctor of Plague • submitted a new post 2 years ago
Gay Doctor of Plague • upvoted 33 items 2 years ago
wheresmychin reply
Not exactly an answer that will save your life, but may save the life of an animal. Never, ever, ever give away animals for free to strangers. Creating a financial disincentive to adopt weeds out people who cannot afford to care for a pet, people who will neglect that pet, and most importantly people who intend to abuse that pet. Serial animal abusers search for free animals on social media explicitly for this purpose. Always charge money. It’s not so you can make profit. It’s to increase the chances that animal will be okay.
-Fluffe- reply
Never ever pull out a deadly weapon (as in knife) in a fight if you do not intend to use it right away. If the other guy gets their hands on it, there is a strong possibility that they will use it on you instead.vintageordainty reply
Avoid wearing headphones, earphones, or air pods if you're walking alone on a street especially when it's dark. This attracts kidnappers since they think you are off-guard and would not hear them approaching. Avoid being on your phone too cause it makes you appear distracted. Just walk and be alert. If you feel like somebody is coming or following you, try to fake a phone call as if someone is waiting for you not too far from your current location. Say things like "I'm almost there guys" or "I'm already here at (current location)." This stuff came from a caught kidnapper. He describes what type of people they go for in the street. They also avoid approaching people with both hands stuck in their pockets since they are unsure if they're holding a knife or other self-defense weapon. Hope this helps.afinnegan2000 reply
If you have a bad gut feeling about someone but nothing seems to be out of the ordinary, run. It's better safe than sorry.mysticroots reply
If you're ever trapped in your car, pop the headrest of your seat out. Those metal pieces that lock it in place are also designed to break the cars windowskalleas reply
Eating +24h old cooked pasta that has not been refrigerated can be deadly if you're knifed or shot badly and is about to pass out and wont be able to put pressure on it, make sure the wound is at least pointed upwards when lying down as u will bleed out much slower. if injected with an unknown venom, don't ice the area, most venoms become less effective if you instead heat the troubled area instead. If stranded in the desert, don't save ur water, drink it when u are thirsty, a lot of people pass out and die with still water left because they were saving it
posh_bagels reply
If you ever have to touch an electrical wire that you’re not sure is live or not, touch it with the back of your hand. If you touch it normally, the electricity will make your muscles contract, and you’ll automatically grab on to the wire tighter and tighter until you’re dead.
Stuckatwork271 reply
If anyone is ever getting electrocuted around you do NOT touch them directly. Instead use some sort of object to get them away from the object they are holding or touching. You can use a belt wrapped around a waist (again be careful not to touch them), a broom, mop, fast moving office chair, hell if its that serious you can drop kick them out of contact. Can't tell you how many people have gotten themselves electrocuted grabbing someone stuck to something.
Navaro27 reply
If you are ever being chased by a polar bear get completely naked and drop your clothes on the ground as you run away. Polar bears have really bad ADD and will firmly inspect your clothes before chasing you again
2_Robots_In_A_Coat reply
If you or your kid is eating fruit and they complain about it tasting 'fuzzy,' 'hairy,' or something along those lines, it means that they are allergic to it. You'll want to schedule an appointment with their pediatrician to schedule an allergy test.
Arendious reply
If you can't talk, but have access to your phone, you can text message 911 The "ordering a pizza" trick isn't (or wasn't at least) an official thing. You might get a call-taker who remembers that story, and figures out what you mean, or they might just assume you're stoned and hungry. Is your emergency really f'ing bad, and you need help fifteen f*****g minutes ago? Then answer all the f*****g questions that you (safely) can. Yes, the dispatcher thinks they're stupid too, but you're going to get better help sooner.
anon reply
If you are injured or need help in a crowded place direct your pleas to a specific person. Otherwise people tend to think that someone else will help, it’s known as the bystander effect. In an emergency every second can be crucial, give specific instructions to specific people
deqb reply
If you're in a crowd that's packed almost uncomfortably tight, ask yourself: If my shoe fell off right now, would I be able to retrieve it? Or would I just never see it again? if the latter, GTFO of that crowd.
WebBorn2622 reply
From a person who lives in the arctic: If you are outside in cold weather and you are freezing, but all of a sudden feel really warm with no explanation as to why DO NOT REMOVE ANY CLOTHES. You are about to die and your body is spending it’s very last energy on heating you up. Seek shelter and warmth immediately even if it feels like you are boiling hot. People have been found freezing to death in their underwear not far from civilization because they believed they were warm
Lvcivs2311 reply
We all know the symptoms of a heart attack as pain in the chest and/or the arm closest to the heart (usually left, sometimes right). But women tend to have pain in their stomach instead. There are also cases of people thinking they have pain in their back which turned out to be their heart.
Lonely_Person_1670 reply
I have 8 siblings; one is a firefighter/paramedic, other is a 911 dispatcher, other is a soldier, other is a cop and my sis is a lifeguard. They all contributed to this. None do Reddit so they wanted this. A lot of this is frequently asked questions. Sorry, this is long, we have a lot to share. Fish smell but no fish? GET OUT, ELECTRICAL FIRE, CALL 911. Drunk but no alcohol? Tell the person to smile, if it's drooping, it's a stroke. Stabbed? Don't move it. Go to the ER because it's the only thing preventing you from bleeding to death. Cinnamon smell in your drink? Don't drink it, it's a cover up for poison. No service and need help? You're still able to call 911. Ocean retreating? Get to high ground, there's a tsunami. Need heat/light? Burn a crayon, it will last up to 14 minutes. Don't know how to talk to 911? Say where you are first, what happened, your info, the victim's info, stay calm and answer questions best you can. The more info, the better. Square waves? Avoid the water, you'll drown. Think you're being followed? Make 4 right turns. Still behind you? Following you, DON'T GO HOME, GO TO THE POLICE STATION. Held at gunpoint/knifepoint and told to go somewhere? DON'T GO. You're more likely to be found where you are than to the location you're being taken and make a scene too. White fuzzy spot on your banana? Don't eat it, spider infestation. In the woods and nothing to eat? Dandalions (the yellow ones) are fully edible. Carjacker? Crash the car, then you're useless. Under rubble? Grab an object and tap in intervals of 3, wait 10 seconds, tap 3 times again and so on. Unmoving tornado? It's coming towards you. Fall on tracks at a subway? There's a crawl space under the platform, go there until you get help. Don't know the emergency number? Call 112, it's a worldwide emergency number. Disturb a bee/wasp nest? They're not stupid, don't go in water, they'll keep stinging you when you go for air. Purple flag on the beach? Don't swim, there are dangerous sea creatures in that area. Bleeding? Elevate it above the heart. Gas smell? DON'T USE THE ELECTRIC, YOUR HOUSE WILL EXPLODE. Bitten and poisoned? DON'T SUCK IT. YOU'LL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE. Someone overdosing? DON'T BE AFRAID TO CALL 911, NOR YOU OR THE PERSON WILL GET IN ANY LEGAL TROUBLE. Elevator falling? Lay flat on your back and cover your face. When does drunk driving occur? Late hours of the night (Midnight-4:00 in the morning) Friday-Sunday. Hair randomly stands up while outside? DUCK AND COVER, YOURE GETTING STRUCK BY LIGHTNING. What info should I carry? List of medicines you take, allergies, name, age, address, phone number, where you live, what language you speak, blood type, any useful information for emergency services. Fire? Before you leave the room, touch the door with the back of your hand. Cold? Peek out. Hot? Use the window if possible. What's the 3-minute rule? You only have 3 minutes to escape a house fire. 3 weeks without food is survivable. 3 days without water. 3 hours without shelter. 3 minutes oxygen deprived How should I leave a fire? Don't use the lobby or where you came from, when you walk into a building, there are exit signs, use those instead. What's dry drowning? When you're drowning to the point you feel like you need to throw up water, even though you make it out, go to the ER because your lungs will fill with fluid over time then you drown from the fluid. What if an animal is vividly colored? It means they're more likely to be poison. Money falling from buildings? Don't pick it up, get the hell out of there, it's a way terrorists kill more people, is by having them all in one place. What happens if a service animal is not with its owner? Go with it, it's getting help.
cawatxcamt reply
If you are in a big crowd with a group and you lose track of them, call out your own name to find them, not theirs. I don’t know why it works, but people are more attuned to hearing their friend’s name yelled in distress than their own. I’ve had several opportunities to test it out, and I swear it works every time.tehKrakken55 reply
Having to wait a certain amount of time to report someone is missing is 100 percent a lie made up for TV and movies. Finding a missing person is actually a race against the clock and the first 24 hours are the most important. If someone is missing missing, call the cops NOW.
Show All 33 Upvotes
Gay Doctor of Plague • submitted 2 list additions 2 years ago
Gay Doctor of Plague • commented on 4 posts 2 years ago
Show All 4 Comments
Gay Doctor of Plague • submitted 6 new posts 2 years ago
Gay Doctor of Plague • submitted 20 list additions 2 years ago
Gay Doctor of Plague • commented on 20 posts 2 years ago
Gay Doctor of Plague • upvoted 20 items 2 years ago
mysticroots reply
If you're ever trapped in your car, pop the headrest of your seat out. Those metal pieces that lock it in place are also designed to break the cars windowskalleas reply
Eating +24h old cooked pasta that has not been refrigerated can be deadly if you're knifed or shot badly and is about to pass out and wont be able to put pressure on it, make sure the wound is at least pointed upwards when lying down as u will bleed out much slower. if injected with an unknown venom, don't ice the area, most venoms become less effective if you instead heat the troubled area instead. If stranded in the desert, don't save ur water, drink it when u are thirsty, a lot of people pass out and die with still water left because they were saving itArendious reply
If you can't talk, but have access to your phone, you can text message 911 The "ordering a pizza" trick isn't (or wasn't at least) an official thing. You might get a call-taker who remembers that story, and figures out what you mean, or they might just assume you're stoned and hungry. Is your emergency really f'ing bad, and you need help fifteen f*****g minutes ago? Then answer all the f*****g questions that you (safely) can. Yes, the dispatcher thinks they're stupid too, but you're going to get better help sooner.Stuckatwork271 reply
If anyone is ever getting electrocuted around you do NOT touch them directly. Instead use some sort of object to get them away from the object they are holding or touching. You can use a belt wrapped around a waist (again be careful not to touch them), a broom, mop, fast moving office chair, hell if its that serious you can drop kick them out of contact. Can't tell you how many people have gotten themselves electrocuted grabbing someone stuck to something.vintageordainty reply
Avoid wearing headphones, earphones, or air pods if you're walking alone on a street especially when it's dark. This attracts kidnappers since they think you are off-guard and would not hear them approaching. Avoid being on your phone too cause it makes you appear distracted. Just walk and be alert. If you feel like somebody is coming or following you, try to fake a phone call as if someone is waiting for you not too far from your current location. Say things like "I'm almost there guys" or "I'm already here at (current location)." This stuff came from a caught kidnapper. He describes what type of people they go for in the street. They also avoid approaching people with both hands stuck in their pockets since they are unsure if they're holding a knife or other self-defense weapon. Hope this helps.-Fluffe- reply
Never ever pull out a deadly weapon (as in knife) in a fight if you do not intend to use it right away. If the other guy gets their hands on it, there is a strong possibility that they will use it on you instead.2_Robots_In_A_Coat reply
If you or your kid is eating fruit and they complain about it tasting 'fuzzy,' 'hairy,' or something along those lines, it means that they are allergic to it. You'll want to schedule an appointment with their pediatrician to schedule an allergy test. Gay Doctor of Plague • is following 7 people
