After I had surgery (and had been given a little too much anesthetic for my weight) I told my parents about the hedgehog I had been hiding from them for over a month in my closet. I was 18 at the time. The conversation went about like this from what I've been told.
Me: Dad, come here...
Dad: what?
Me: There's a hedgehog in my closet...
Dad: Jordan, no there isn't...
Mom: (My dads name), go check... This sounds like something he would do...
Dad: Fine...
(My dad walked out for a few minutes and came back to the room I was in)
Dad: (My moms name), He has a hedgehog in his closet...
Mom: (dads name), no he doesn't.
Dad: yes, he does...
(Mom walks out, and comes back with a look of shock)
Me: Dying of laughter...
The End.

My parents were a bit confused when they looked in my closet found an anatomically correct wooden arm with metal bracket joints and elastic to move the individual fingers.

I took "make an anatomical model of the arm" a bit too literally in my 6th grade science class and felt really dumb holding a working wooden arm in class when everyone else had drawings. I was hiding it because I used the power tools without permission. My parents were pretty cool about it after I explained why I had wooden body parts in the closet and let me to go an engineering tech school part time along side high school a few years later.

I'm the kid here, but when I was 12 my mom found a shoebox full of blood-soaked socks under my bed.

I'd gotten my period and was too embarrassed to ask what to do, so I just, you know. Socks. I don't know what she thought it was, but the fact that she was relieved when she learned she was holding a shoebox full of menstrual blood and ruined Peds is probably telling.

We have a wooded wet land area behind our house and every spring for a couple of weeks our yard and sidewalk gets invaded by the cutest little baby frogs. They are only about the size of a US dime. My daughter was about 5 and she caught one and smuggled it into her room in her pocket. I found her playing with it in her room. It took a bit of convincing that the baby froggie would be happier outside and away from our cats.

Not a parent, but a nanny. I found a stash of dresses and make up under a five year old boy's bed. He had raided a box of old clothes that their mother was donating and took his sister's dresses that fit him, he found the correct sizes for his age and everything. He said he used it to be a "sassy girl".

My friend's mom found his box of dead baby raccoon skulls in his closet. I stopped hanging out with him pretty soon after.


**Edit**: To clarify, he admitted to tying baby Raccoons he found in his dad's garage to a fence then [ending] them with a crossbow.


**Edit 2**: If I get another message in my inbox about him being a future serial [criminal], I'll shoot *you* with a damn crossbow. Come on people, read the damn comments.


**Edit 3 (Aug 2016)**: Not sure if anyone will ever see this, but he just received a life sentence for [unaliving] somebody. F**k.

I'm not a parent, I'm the baby sitter, but one time I watched a 6 year old Jewish girl who was really upset about not celebrating Christmas. Her parents were really orthodox and didnt let her sing Christmas carols or even eat candy canes. As I tucked her in, she showed me a little gingerbread house she made out of saltine crackers, skittles, and peanut butter. Cutest thing I ever saw, and I never told her parents as she would have gotten in trouble, but she was something special.

My $2500+ dollar gaming system.. and desk, which was on a different floor in the house entirely.

Just walked in from work one day and noticed it missing, was about to freak out when I saw that my 10 year old and (almost) 16 year old had moved it, and the entire contents, up to their room.

Thought it about it for a few moments, not even upset when I noticed how much more room it gave me down stairs, and hatched a plan.

When he turned 16 a week later, I said, "Happy Birthday! It's yours now!" and purchased him $100 worth of games on steam to rock the system with.

... now I'm planning a nice gaming laptop for myself ;).

Recently I found a green piece of folded paper on the floor of my 11 year old daughter's room.

I opened it and the only thing written on it was "CHUCK NORRIS".

My mom found a locked briefcase in my brother's room. She was convinced there was d***s in it, so she panicked, broke the locks and opened it. She found p**n and fireworks. She was pretty embarrassed.

When my husband was little (talking 5 or 6 years old) his mother couldn't figure out why his room had been getting smellier and smellier over the previous 2 weeks. She finally did some searching and found a "nest" in the back of his closet. He had taken 2 eggs out of the fridge, put them in a little nest he made out of his shirts, and put a plastic dinosaur on top of the eggs to attempt to hatch baby dinosaurs. In his little kid mind, this seemed like a perfectly logical idea.

My parents found a crack pipe in my room when I was in like 3rd grade...I found it on the playground and thought it was a treasure.

My mom once found my fish tank full of fish in my closet. I wasn't allowed to have fish.

EDIT: I called them my "illegal fish" for the longest time...

Watch Fox News.

My grandmother infamously tried to make an ice cream cake back when those were a new thing in the early 80s. She put ice cream on the cake batter…and put it in the oven.

My grandfather said it was tasty though.

I once had the great pleasure of getting to ask our very experienced master electrician who had decades in powering giant events but one day couldn't get his computer to boot:.

"Uh, Mike? Are you sure it's plugged in?"(it was not).

There's a lot of guys who would never get laid if it wasn't for intelligent women who make bad choices.

Computer tech here, traveling for work, I checked into the hotel. My room is on the first floor. I get in the elevator and press 1. Nothing happened. I press it again a few times. The other guy in the elevator says "Hey buddy, you're already on the first floor."

"Oh... Yeah."

I was really burned out.

My eye doctor walked into the wall once during an exam. My EYE DOCTOR 👀.

My psych once asked me what caused my PTSD

As I was telling him, I started crying and shaking.

"Damn I didn't think the question would make you cry" he responded.

THREE PHDS AND YOU DON'T THINK REMEMBERING THE CAUSE OF THEIR PTSD WILL MAKE SOMEONE CRY???

Support Trump. I'm not saying this in a cheeky way, necessarily, but I have friends and family that will do mental gymnastics to justify supporting Trump despite a *vast* amount of evidence piled up against him. They will then turn around and believe anything they hear about Biden and family without a shred of evidence to support their position. It's baffling. I'm conservative, but the way Trump has hijacked my party with non-stop false claims is alarming. The way he is undermining trust in our electoral system just because his ego can't handle losing is scary. Smart people in my life falling for it really confuses me. Like *how*?! Maybe my assumption that they are able to critically think is vastly inaccurate.

My Dad is super smart. Like... He's a member of MENSA smart, has several patents he wrote when he was in his early 20's, once asked a flight attendant a bunch of weird questions about the plane we were on so he could do some crazy math equations FOR FUN. You get the picture.

But his smarts were no match for little toddler me crying because my toy pony stopped making noise after I brought into the bathtub. Dad panicked, figured he could dry it out.... In the microwave. He did not seem to make the connection that in order to make those noises it had to have electronic (aka METAL) parta inside it. So pony goes in the microwave and a few seconds later it basically explodes into flames. We were both in shock for a few minutes. Surprisingly I stopped crying because it was so unexpected and then Dad taught me about how metal doesn't go in the microwave.

I’m an ocean lifeguard - I was driving a truck on a beach that has unstable cliff faces, so part of my job is telling people it’s unsafe to sit under them. I pulled up to a man that was comically sitting on a fallen rock, directly in front of a sign that said, “DANGER FALLING ROCKS.” Warned him it wasn’t a safe area, and he kinda smirked for a second before looking around, and seeing that I was right. He got very, very embarrassed - turned bright red, head in his hands, visibly upset and very apologetic. I told him it’s fine, and that a lot of people don’t think about things like that. He said, “No, you don’t get it. I should know better, out of anyone. It’s not fine. I’m a geologist.”.

This week I had to explain gravity to a group of people and they didn't believe me.🙈.

Last week I couldn't find my phone, so I looked down to the phone in my hand and started to try the Find My Phone thing when... oh.

(I swear I'm at least reasonably intelligent.).

My cousin (21) got the highest marks in his A levels and GCSE’s in england, he’s now in scotland studying at one of the hardest university’s to get into, one day he decided to hoover the lounge this is how it went:

*me walks in*

“what are you doing?”

him- “hoovering the lounge?”

me- “you need to plug it in first?”

he was pushing the hoover around the room without plugging it in and turning it on.

As a kid I saw my stepfather (a Doctor with several specialist qualifications who did two Masters in the same year on a whim) put his hand under the lawnmower to dislodge something....The lawnmower was still on. He didn't lose fingers permanently but had several months of recovery and skin grafting surgeries. He was academically brilliant but lacked a lot of practical life skills, clearly.

Physician got a flat on his high end Mercedes.

Mr Fixit decided to take things into his own hands, dismounted the wheel and got a ride to the tire store.

“I need a tire for my Mercedes.”

“Where’s the flat one?” They asked, presuming they could either repair it or get the specs.

“I threw it away, it was flat.”

Dumb**s threw the entire wheel and tire into a dumpster and it was gone when he returned. Car had to be towed, new OEM wheel ordered.

What may have been a $10 flat repair put his car out of commission for over a week and cost more than $1,000. This was in the ‘80s.

Buy a billion dollar platform and tell the main revenue stream to f**k off.

Just this week someone microwaved a fork in the office kitchen. I work at a research institute. Everyone in here has at least a master's in engineering.