I once told a friend I loved hiking just to fit in, and now they keep inviting me on these long hikes. I’ve been pretending to enjoy it, but I’m dying inside every time. Now I can’t back out without looking totally fake.

I can only tell this story because I later fixed it.

In 2012 I was supposed to be in my final year of undergrad. My school had a graduation requirement they called "languages of the world" that required you to take one of a handful of classes. I could have just taken Stats, but I really hated math. So I decided to take Russian 202 (second year, second semester Russian). But to get there, I had to commit to two years of Russian classes. I passed the first three semesters of Russian classes, but in my final semester of my senior year, I failed Russian 202, which means I did not have the required credits to graduate. I already had a cap and gown, my family was already scheduled to come out. So, I walked at graduation, got the empty diploma folder and moved on.

My first job out of school was working for an attorney as a paralegal. I did not put on my resume that I had graduated, but I did put what school I attended and how long I attended, and the attorney made the assumption that I had a degree. I worked there for 4 years and my degree would come up pretty infrequently. I was good at my job and at one point the attorney offered to help me financially if I decided to go to law school. So in 2016, while applying for law school, I also signed up for an online Stats class. I finished my Stats class (and undergraduate degree) in June 2016 and started law school in August. The only person that ever knew, during that time, that I was not a graduate was my wife.

I ended up doing really well in law school, getting on law review, and have passed the bar in two different states since then. But for about 4 years I lied about graduating undergrad and suddenly found myself having to fix it when my boss offered to pay for part of my law school.

That i know what the f**k im doing in life.

I'm not proud of this one or any of the implications, but I was 14 years old, so bear with me.

We were in 9th grade. A girl I was friendly with was talking about how her ex boyfriend was lying about her, saying they had sex or something. She seemed really upset. So I chime in, thinking this is so funny and absurd,

"Just start telling people he asked you to put a d**do up his a*s."

We laugh, I think nothing of it after this moment. The dude she was talking about was a grade or two above us and not in my social circle. Let's call him... Ben Smith.

Towards the end of the school year, I heard a rumor in passing. "Ben Smith wants to be f****d in the a*s." I do a literal double take. I ask my friends about this. Apparently, there are rumors he's secretly gay and people KNOW he sticks things up his butt because he asked his ex to do it.

I didn't know how to handle this. At the time I felt like he deserved it because of how upset the girl was, and he was lying about her first. I laughed about it, didn't really admit that was my lie until after graduation and the story happened to come up again.

As an adult, I just feel guilty. It was homophobic 😬.

One Easter I took my girlfriend to my parents house for dinner. We had ham, deviled eggs, and baked beans. Afterword we just went out for a drive, and wandered up into the mountains where a new neighborhood was being developed--houses were in progress but no one lived there yet. And it stunk. It was vile. She theorized there was a dead animal, or a backup in the sewer system ...

... but it was me ...

The deviled eggs and beans chemically conspired in my belly to convert my digestive tract into a clandestine, invisible, and silent chemical weapons program.

That was more than 20 years ago. I married that girl. To this day if someone says they are looking at a home in that area, she warns them that sometimes the wind changes, and ushers in a wave that smells like someone scraped a roadkill skunk off the asphalt one hot July afternoon, and used it as toilet paper. One day over the summer my son and I went up there for a bike ride, and she worried if we could exert ourselves in that thick putrescence. She tried to warn us away.

And it's too late to confess, right?

Told some friends i knew a language i barley did. Ended up learning said language… Now im a language nerd because i just discovered my love for learning languages.

Told my coworkers I was "really into running." Now they keep inviting me to join marathons… and I’m over here struggling to jog up a flight of stairs.

I told a girl I know kung Fu when I was like 9, so I had to go out and actually learn Kung Fu to prove it.

I once told my friend I could cook a gourmet meal, but now they expect five-star dinners every week. My microwave is starting to feel like a chef's hat!

"What is a potato?" I said at a dinner.

I told my coworkers i’d totally run a marathon just to sound motivated, and now they keep asking about my training schedule. like, i’ve barely jogged a mile, and now i’m panicking about actually having to run one.

When i was in primary school i made up that my older brother is getting married. I ended up photoshopping wedding pictures.

That me and my coworker are brothers. We have the same two last names, kinda look similar, and said it as a joke to one of our students, who told the rest of them. At some point he didnt correct one of their parents and now a lot of the school community believe that we are the brothers.

I’ve had to lie about why we barely have photos with our parents (they are divorced), why we didn’t spent Christmas together (he was traveling) etc. It’s so silly, but at the same time I feel a rush every time they ask something and I need to embezzle the lie.

When i was 15 my birthday was in a week when I met my new group of friends. So I told them I was 16. When my birthday actually came around they bought me balloons saying happy 17th birthday.

I'm now 44 and they all still think I'm a year older. It's kinda weird.

I just say that I am bout to s**t the hell out of my pants and I get out of every inconvenient situation every time.

I told this guy I was from Winchestertonfieldville. Turns out it actually exists and he took me on a surprise trip there!! I had to pretend I knew the town!

Domestic violence rates go up when a big sporting event is on. And a team loses. (Obviously a team loses).

But, say England is playing France in football. The losing country will see a spike in DV.

Quokka mothers will eject their babies from their marsupial pouches at predators to escape.

Omni-Man rules. "I can always make another kid".

I just heard about this one. A hospital in Kentucky pronounced a man brain dead so they could harvest his organs after he overdosed in Oct 2021. They began their routine viability checks. He woke up during a viability cardiac cath, which sent some personnel over the edge and speaking out. They were quickly dismissed by KODA (Kentucky Organ Donor Affiliates). His sister also reported that she saw him crying with his eyes open as he passed her during his honor walk to OR for harvest. Her report was also dismissed. In OR, some of the operating physicians refused to continue with the procedure as they reported he was thrashing and bucking the vent. KODA was not pleased and requested additional surgeons to proceed despite this calling his behavior involuntary. There was no one available to step in. Surgery was canceled. The man is alive and well today. Many of the staff, including physicians, reportedly needed therapy after this experience.

It's illegal in India to find out the gender of your baby, because so many prefer boys over girls.

Most processed meat is linked to cancer.

The lil dog in space Laika died terribly and afraid in an oven above the earth..

The Holocaust that occured in world war 2, was NOT the last.

Cambodia, Serbia, child soliders, and the Hutos, Tibet,
 All with in my 57 years on the planet.

Large portions of humanity are horrible people whose only redeeming quality is to be a bad example.

The youngest recorded mother is Lina Medina. She gave birth at the very (IN)appropriate age of FIVE YEARS, SEVEN MONTHS, AND TWENTY ONE DAYS OLD.

That covid infections harm every system in our body.

Our
hearts,
vascular systems,
brain,
immune systems
connective tissue

stays behind in our guts
and reproduces in our bone marrow.

This can't end well.

That people regularly abandon animals and/or children all over the world.

The human brain is the same consistency as room temperature butter.

Definitely on the most horrifying facts I've ever learned is that a mute mail order bride is ten times as expensive as one who has the power of speech. It's very disturbing and becomes more and more horrifying the more you consider the implications.

Every hour, an average of 12 children go missing across India. Every day that average is 296 children missing across India.

Fatal familial insomnia. Super rare, but also super scary. Basically, you stop being able to sleep, then you go mad, then you die. No cure.

The 6 missing nuclear bombs that we know of.

Microplastics are found in human blood, organs and even placentas. These tiny plastic particles, which come from things like degraded plastic waste and synthetic fibers, are so persuasive in our environment that they’ve made their way into our bodies through te food we eat, the water we drink and even the air we breathe. While the long-term health impacts are still being studies, the idea that plastic is now part of our biologic system is pretty unsettling….

Child slaves in the Congo mine the cobalt used in our phones.

When I body falls from a building, they don’t go ‘splat’, they bounce, unless it’s a very very high fall. Also if you’re driving over 80km/h and hit a horse or large animal, you can inhale its intestines and suffocate on them. Some factual stories from my ex-police father.