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malaixa
Community Member
2 posts
205 comments
109 upvotes
1.1K points
If you're easily offended, you might want to steer clear of me. I don't believe in playing it safe with my writing. If there's a line to be crossed, I'll cross it with glee. If there's a taboo to be broken, I'll shatter it like a champagne glass at a rock concert. But if you're looking for a wild ride through the twisted mind of one of the 'funniest' reaccionario of our time, then buckle up and let's go.
malaixa • commented on a post 2 months ago
malaixa • upvoted 2 items 2 months ago
malaixa • upvoted an item 4 months ago
malaixa • upvoted an item 9 months ago
malaixa • upvoted an item 10 months ago
malaixa • upvoted 12 items 1 year ago
My Parents Took Pictures Of Us Asleep In Weird Positions When We Were Kids. We Recreated The Photos As Adults, But Just Look Like A Bunch Of Drunks
My Parents Took Pictures Of Us Asleep In Weird Positions When We Were Kids. We Recreated The Photos As Adults, But Just Look Like A Bunch Of Drunks
My Dad Kept Asking To Come Over After He Missed My Son's First Birthday Party Because Of Covid. Turns Out He Made Him 8 Custom Wooden Toy Cars
Hey Pandas, Have You Ever Been Caught In A Lie And Had To Dig Yourself Out Of It?
So today I was going to GSA and I saw a friend I’m not out to on the way there (let’s call her J). For context, GSA is across the hall from J’s club that she runs, and both of us were waiting for the door of the clubs to open (each waiting for our own club). I didn’t want J to see me go into GSA, so I made some excuse about having lost my jacket and I was looking for it. So I run down the hall to the library so i can waste some time and sneak in once she goes to her club. But in the library I run into this other friend (who im also not out to) let’s call her H. H is always curious and she asks me where im going. I tell her I am just looking for my jacket and expect her to leave, but instead she insists on helping me find it. So im running around the library hoping she will eventually get bored and leave, knowing very well that the jacket I “lost” is in my backpack. But she doen’t go anway, so eventually I pretend to have some moment of realization and remember the jacket is in my bag. I hurry off quickly and she seems to suspect something is up but I leave without a word. I feel really bad for lying to J and H, and I was late for GSA. I probably should’ve just gone straight to GSA and at this point I don’t even know why I haven’t come out to my friends. So yeah that’s my story. Also sorry for ranting :PHey Pandas, What Are Your Best Tips For Getting Over A Breakup?
'No More Tears, Just Laughter: Malaixa's Playful Approach to Moving On' • Create a "Burn Book" where you can write all your ex's flaws and make fun of them. Bonus points if you turn it into a comedy sketch. • Cry your heart out but make sure to do it in public places. It's always funnier when people stare at you awkwardly. • Replace your ex's face with a potato in all your old photos together. Trust me, it's hilarious. • Channel your inner Beyonce and write a breakup anthem. Bonus points if you create a music video featuring you dancing in a ridiculous outfit. • Attend a clown therapy session. Nothing heals a broken heart quite like clown makeup and balloon animals. • Start a new hobby, like juggling or sword swallowing. It's hard to be sad when you're trying not to accidentally stab yourself. • Eat your feelings, but do it in a creative way. Make a cake shaped like your ex and then smash it to bits. • Create a voodoo doll of your ex and then do silly things to it, like make it dance or give it a funny hat. • Watch every episode of The Office and Parks and Recreation back-to-back. It's like a master class in comedic timing. Finally, remember that laughter is the best medicine. So, surround yourself with funny people and keep finding reasons to smile. And if all else fails, write an absurd breakup novel featuring a protagonist who is just as ridiculous as you are. ;)
Hey Pandas, Have You Ever Been Caught In A Lie And Had To Dig Yourself Out Of It?
I loved school and excelled in all my grades right up until I got to 6th grade. I’d get teased and picked on for being overweight, which I wasn’t used to up until that point; I won’t say I was bullied, it never went that far (although one kid in particular can come close to being described as one), it was more joking around and wise-cracks than anything, but again, me not having been used to it, I didn’t know how to take it. And, I didn’t have the sense of humor and quick wit I do now, I was rather sensitive and humorless, so, I took it as being bullied and took it like it was the end of the world. So, I started hating (and dreading) going to school; so I hardly ever went. I became a truent. This had become the “norm”, school was ripped out of my heart, and I hated being there; not going to school was something I kept up until I dropped out of high school in 9th grade. Was held back twice in 7th grade for my poor attendance (and “mild” bad behavior smfh). I believe it was during the first year I got held back. The one time I decided to show up (which was after maybe 3 weeks) my anxiety was in full force; I knew I was gonna be questioned/criticized/bitched at by teachers staff and students alike for not being at school for so long. So, brilliant me, decided I’d use my weight as the excuse, and say “I was told by my doctor that if I don’t start losing weight I can die soon”. It’s a truth in the medical world, however it wasn’t true in the sense that I was never at no doctor and that was never said to me by one. xD I added that I’ve been away trying to better my health at all kinds of programs (as well as at home). I realized my lie would come with severe consequences if found out about. I made it a point to tell the students not to say anything to anybody, to the teachers especially. My one classmate, Gabby, ending up opening her mouth and telling this one teacher everything I said once the teacher started raggin on me for being absent so much (Gabby’s heart was in the right place); the teacher snapped on Gabby, saying it was my business and not his her’s or anyone else’s to know about. He contradicted himself though, as he wanted to know why I haven’t been around to “get an education”. So Gabby only did what she thought was right, to give him an answer to get him off my back. He also contradicted himself in another way; I’ll get to that soon. But when Gabby told him my lies you can imagine I turned as white as a friggin ghost. 😂 But I quickly felt at ease when it appeared he was gonna dismiss it and let it go. The next day, I decided to go back to school to show some good faith in my attendance. I immediately got sent to the principals office when I got there. My heart sunk as I had a feeling I’ve been caught. Sure enough, that damn teacher went right to the principal and made her aware of what I was going around saying. THAT’s the other part where he contradicted himself that I mentioned. She (my principal) had contacted my doctor, my parents, and some institution that did indeed help kids lose weight (the only one in Brooklyn at the time), and needless to say I was busted HARD… I’d been ordered to see the school therapist for counseling, which was to start after my 1 week in-school suspension, with a stern message from the principal. “You’re lucky we don’t have Children and Youth Services take you from your mom and dad and place you in foster care.”Show All 12 Upvotes
malaixa • commented on 20 posts 1 year ago
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malaixa • upvoted 14 items 1 year ago
My Dad Kept Asking To Come Over After He Missed My Son's First Birthday Party Because Of Covid. Turns Out He Made Him 8 Custom Wooden Toy Cars
Hey Pandas, Have You Ever Been Caught In A Lie And Had To Dig Yourself Out Of It?
So today I was going to GSA and I saw a friend I’m not out to on the way there (let’s call her J). For context, GSA is across the hall from J’s club that she runs, and both of us were waiting for the door of the clubs to open (each waiting for our own club). I didn’t want J to see me go into GSA, so I made some excuse about having lost my jacket and I was looking for it. So I run down the hall to the library so i can waste some time and sneak in once she goes to her club. But in the library I run into this other friend (who im also not out to) let’s call her H. H is always curious and she asks me where im going. I tell her I am just looking for my jacket and expect her to leave, but instead she insists on helping me find it. So im running around the library hoping she will eventually get bored and leave, knowing very well that the jacket I “lost” is in my backpack. But she doen’t go anway, so eventually I pretend to have some moment of realization and remember the jacket is in my bag. I hurry off quickly and she seems to suspect something is up but I leave without a word. I feel really bad for lying to J and H, and I was late for GSA. I probably should’ve just gone straight to GSA and at this point I don’t even know why I haven’t come out to my friends. So yeah that’s my story. Also sorry for ranting :PHey Pandas, What Are Your Best Tips For Getting Over A Breakup?
'No More Tears, Just Laughter: Malaixa's Playful Approach to Moving On' • Create a "Burn Book" where you can write all your ex's flaws and make fun of them. Bonus points if you turn it into a comedy sketch. • Cry your heart out but make sure to do it in public places. It's always funnier when people stare at you awkwardly. • Replace your ex's face with a potato in all your old photos together. Trust me, it's hilarious. • Channel your inner Beyonce and write a breakup anthem. Bonus points if you create a music video featuring you dancing in a ridiculous outfit. • Attend a clown therapy session. Nothing heals a broken heart quite like clown makeup and balloon animals. • Start a new hobby, like juggling or sword swallowing. It's hard to be sad when you're trying not to accidentally stab yourself. • Eat your feelings, but do it in a creative way. Make a cake shaped like your ex and then smash it to bits. • Create a voodoo doll of your ex and then do silly things to it, like make it dance or give it a funny hat. • Watch every episode of The Office and Parks and Recreation back-to-back. It's like a master class in comedic timing. Finally, remember that laughter is the best medicine. So, surround yourself with funny people and keep finding reasons to smile. And if all else fails, write an absurd breakup novel featuring a protagonist who is just as ridiculous as you are. ;) malaixa • is following a person
malaixa • 4 followers
