This is one of my favorite “f**k it” stories. I used to work at a country club. There was a girl (let’s call her Mia) that had worked there for 3-4years before me. Mia was told she was to replace the wedding manger immediately when she started, but had YET to be given the job after 3-4 years. She confided in me that she was done and ready to quit and move on and this would be her last wedding. I told her to do what was best for her.

The country club hosted a lot of weddings and we would always rotate the girls who would take care of the bride and anything she needed. I did it four or five times and only had one bride that was slightly demanding but poor Mia had the worst luck and always got the bridezillas. Mia was one of the NICEST people I ever met. I was in the lobby setting up for cocktail hour. The hall to my left had two doors a closet and the bridal suite. Mia and the bride were in the hall and heard the bride start yelling at Mia about water. They were standing in the hall and I watched the whole thing go down:

Bride: I ASKED FOR COLD WATER! THIS WATER IS ROOM TEMPERATURE! CANT YOU DO THE ONE THING IM ASKING YOU TO DO?

Mia: ma’am you asked for a bowl of ice and a pitcher of room temperature water. You asked to put the ice in yourself. You didn’t want me to touch it.

Bride: WATER IS COLD! EVEN ROOM TEMPERATURE WATER ISNT THAT WARM! IM THE BRIDE! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE ISNT!? TO SERVE ME!

Mia: (smiles and clears her throat) Ma’am I have gotten you water three times now I’m sorry it is not to your liking, but you know what’s not to my liking? YOU, YOU F*****G A*****E! YOUR DRESS IS HIDEOUS! YOUR WEDDING IS HIDEOUS! PURPLE AND F*****G PALE GREEN!? WHAT ARE YOU?! F*****G BARNEY?! YOU LOOK LIKE F*****G BARNEY IN THAT DRESS!! JESUS CHRIST!! F**K YOU! F**K THIS S**T! I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE FOR CHRIST SAKE I DON’T NEED THIS FROM YOU BARNEY LOOKING UGLY A*S B***H! F**K! THIS! S**T! (Storms to the office hands over her name tag and fob and leaves the bride in tears)

Mia works at a college in NC now. I miss her.