I was tasked with washing something that would have 100% electrocuted me. I refused. They fired me. Then asked another employee to do it. They were electrocuted. Sued into oblivion and the place is gone now. Missed my chance for a big payout but eh... didnt nearly die.

NAL, but my uncle used to be a prison manager at the local prison in the area of NZ where I grew up. They had 'court' hearings when the prisoners had done something against the rules etc, they'd go before a couple of the prison workers and explain, kinda like an internal hearing I guess. Uncle was the 'judge' for a lot of these.

One dude had been found with a cellphone. Denied up and down that it was his, didn't know where it came from, blah blah blah. Uncle asked him several times if he wanted to own up, guy absolutely INSISTED it wasn't his.

Uncle "well, someone's wasted a hundred bucks on a phone then"

Prisoner "F**k off, I paid $600 for that!"

Uncle "............."


hahahahhaa miss his work stories.

Around 1990 there was a guy on trial for armed robbery. He pled not guilty. A witness on the stand identified the defendant. The defendant jumped to his feet and roared, “I should have blown your head off when I had the chance…..” pause, thinks, adds, “if I had been the one who robbed you…”.

I was having a farting contest with my cousin in the bathroom. She let out one of those ones that ends in an upturned squeak, like her a*****e was meekly asking me a question. I lost it and threw my head back in laughter, and when my head came back down, it was into the granite countertop. at like 127 mph. I split my forehead open and had to go to the ER for stitches.But wait^theresmore.

In the ER, one of the nurses asked how I cut my forehead and I told her I was laughing at a fart. She laugh-farted in response.


I was 11 so obviously it was the funniest goddamn thing that had ever happened to me.


Anyway I’m 30 now and still have that stupid scar right between my eyebrows and sometimes I remember how I ruined thanksgiving like 20 years ago and then a nurse farted and I laugh.

My grandmother asks my atheist uncle to say grace. Normally he complies as he knows it's just a thing his mom likes her kids to do. But other conservative uncle has been proselytising to him all day and telling him he's worried he's going to hell and taking his non-church going kid with him. So instead of saying grace, he starts with, "Dear heavenly Father, please tell (conservative uncle) to take Jesus, Christmas, Easter, and a cross and shove it up his a*s." Finishes with an amen. Fisticuffs ensue.

My mother and grandmother had plans to go to a restaurant last year, my sister convinces them to go somewhere else at last minute. Of course this means no reservations but sister is convinced that it'll be fine and they might just have to wait a few minutes for a table. I live in another state so I get to experience all of this from a distance.

They end up sitting at the bar while waiting for a table, having a few drinks and appetizers. After the 2nd round of martinis my mother looks over and my grandmother is leaning back in her chair, completely limp and unresponsive. Everyone freaks out, paramedics are called, grandma is rushed to the ER.

I'm 1,200 miles away when my mother calls to tell me what happened. At this point grandma is at the ER, still unresponsive, crazy low blood pressure and high heart rate. I'm ready to book plane tickets and rush to the airport when mom calls back "Don't worry, everything's OK, your grandmother just got drunk." Her blood test came back completely normal except with a BAC of 0.24 (3x legal limit). She was awake now so I got to talk to her and she was crying "I'm so sorry, I've ruined Thanksgiving." I assured her that she hasn't ruined Thanksgiving, and that everyone is just happy she's OK.

So my grandma is 90 years old, about 4'8", 100lbs. She hadn't eaten anything all day because she knew they were having a big dinner. She also ordered another martini while no one was looking, so the 2nd martini was actually her 3rd. This turned into the perfect storm of really drunk grandma.

TL;DR Grandma got run over by a martini.

I thought it would be a funny prank to put a rubber chicken in the oven on Thanksgiving. My mom would laugh and laugh. Ho ho ho, there's a rubber chicken in the oven, what a gag.

13 year old me didn't realize that normal adults usually preheat the oven before putting the turkey in.

Not really a negative incident but we left my one aunt in charge of cooking the turkey.

Fast forward a couple of hours and we're all playing cards when someone mentions "wait, why don't we smell the turkey?" Yep, she completely forgot to turn on the oven and let it sit there for about five hours with no heat.

We had pizza that year.

When I worked a college, this guy cheated on his girlfriend.... with her mother! He dated both of them, knowing they were related, but they didn't know they were dating the same guy.

He got both of them pregnant too, and vanished shortly after they found out he dating both of them. We used to semi-jokingly wonder if he ran away or was stuffed into a barrel at the bottom of the lake.

Bunch of men in a small town lied to their wives about hunting trips and were f*****g each other in a motel