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DEBBIE

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DEBBIE

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1 posts

19 comments

17 upvotes

99 points

This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself.

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DEBBIE • commented on a post 2 days ago

‘Hardcore Vegan’ Thinks She Can Shame Everyone At BBQ, Gets A Reality Check That Drives Her Mad

This post made me sad and I can't help feeling that the drama could have been avoided with a few conversations. Firstly, if you knew she was vegan, why didn't you have plant based burgers & sausages available? They're really easy to find, it's common courtesy to cater to your guests and even non vegans might enjoy them, so a packet or two at that first BBQ would have been decent, on your part. You even admitted that even the salads weren't vegan, and all you needed to do there was not add animal products to vegan food. Is she a new vegan?people can be a bit overly enthusiastic in the early days. A quiet word from her brother about not being so vocal might have been an idea. Scheduling the next BBQ while she was away was an OK move- it's not like your life revolves around her, you are allowed to contunue with your lives while she's on holiday, LOL. But excluding her from future events is pretty harsh. Telling her she's welcome, catering for her, in suitable quantities (because meat eaters, even the vegan bashers, sometimes eat the vegan food!) & clearly stating all dietary choices will be respected, might be a way forward.

DEBBIE • commented on 6 posts 3 days ago

Show All 6 Comments

DEBBIE • upvoted 10 items 4 days ago

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Widow to widow, you are not being selfish by not letting his family treat you like c**p. I had to cut off some of his family and it was not harder than being treated like c**p because "they are grieving." We are ALL grieving. I just chose not to weaponize it.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

And that is great. She did a wonderful thing. You are 100% not to put them in that situation again.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

And that is great. She did a wonderful thing. You are 100% not to put them in that situation again.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Using children as pawns is not cool. As someone who was used as a p**n as a child, I can now say that I wish my family members could have been adults and talked it out without getting my brother and me involved. Yeah...not cool.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

You're a good mom + don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You put up with those awful people for your children's sakes for way longer than I would have. Hope you + your kids can have peaceful lives from now on.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thanks Debbie I did know the usual acronyms (MIL SIL etc.) it was the "D" that has had me flummoxed lol. Now a note on your post ... It is definitely time to go No Contact with that side of the "family" let your children decide when they are 18. Until that time there is no need to subject their kind of negativity period. As long as your kids know how much you tried. If you can. move closer to your real family.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

These people are simple terrible human beings it may be a lot of work but I'd cut them all off and move closer to my family. They sound absolutely horrendous.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

They couldn't give a s**t before, why now since according to them you are no longer family. Don't let them anywhere near you or your kids. Sorry for your loss. The fact they abruptly left their own immediate family member's funeral speaks volumes.

Community, Community AITA

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Regardless of the situation, especially if you are being excluded, if they want to see your children so badly then they should be going through you alone and including you. If it's a kids thing only and they have been invited, they should be the ones picking up and dropping off. That is just common courtesy of playdates between people that aren't related let alone family. If they want to see the kids they need to mend the relationship with you and communicate everything through you. I imagine they would try to woo the kids with outings and gifts and talk s**t to them about you. They seem like good kids that know what's going on and have made their own decisions about these toxic inlaws

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

NTA. The "mean" family have treated this woman horribly. They turned their back on a dying man. To me that means they are not family. (Block all communication). Protecting herself and her beloved kids are all that matters. Actions speak louder than words. Good riddance to bad people.

Show All 10 Upvotes

DEBBIE • commented on 12 posts 4 days ago

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

I was trying to make allowances for them, it's all so sad - MIL losing her child, BIL losing his brother, plus his wife divorced him at the same time. But I think you're right, I think they just don't give a s☆☆t. I'm beginning to think that BIL just wants his child entertained, and MIL wants her grandchildren now that her family is getting smaller, with people dying and moving away. Thank you for your condolences. And yes, the abrupt departure from the funeral was really disrespectful and cold.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Honestly, writing it down and thinking about it objectively, and reading people's responses, I'm wondering why I've tried so hard for so long to mend bridges with them. They've always been pretty hard work, and MIL never thought I was good enough for her son, so I shouldn't really be surprised. I did speak to the kids about moving closer to my side of the family, but it seemed like a big disruption for them, to change their home & their schools & friends etc immediately after losing their dad. Now it's been a few years, I think I'll talk to them all again. I think that making a few changes might help us move forward in our lives. In the meantime, we're planning a summer get together with my mum and brother and we're all really looking forward to it. Thank you for your advice

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thank you. I think I needed to hear people telling me it's ok to block them. I've actually just done that now, so they can't surprise me with any further upsetting messages. It wasn't doing me or the kids any good. I feel like a weight has been lifted!

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

They're all adults, apart from BIL's 13 year old daughter. Unfortunately this situation is affecting her too. Previously, when they'd make the trip to visit MIL, me and DH would go over each day, for lunch, a swim, a bike ride etc, so she was used to having 4 other kids to hang out with. Now the poor child just has a bunch of adult dinner parties with no company her own age, and I think this was BIL's attempt at relieving her boredom. I like to see the kids getting together, they're the innocent parties in all of this, and I've invited BIL to bring her round to us, or a trip out to the Waterpark etc.. now I'm not welcome there. I thought that was working OK, and I feel sorry for her, but I keep reminding myself that it's not my doing. I'd definitely be concerned about them all bad mouthing me in front of my kids. MIL used to try to talk s☆☆t to us about SIL before their divorce. It's really not the kind of environment I want for them. And thank you, yeah, they're good kids!

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

What a lovely comment, thank you. I find it all outrageous and mind boggling too, it seems so uneccessary. I'm just grateful that the children are so level headed, kind and loving, because yes, that's absolutely how my husband and I have brought them up, and I know he'd be really proud of them right now.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Hi Abby, I figured it's for brevity. It's my first ever post & I thought I'd use the given conventions, as it seemed the norm. Plus, once I started talking about these issues that have been weighing me down, I found myself going on a bit, because it felt so good to be getting it all off my chest!

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Hi Gabby OP = original poster (so me, here). DH = dear husband. DS & DD = dear son & dear daughter. F = female, M = male. BIL = brother-in-law. SIL = sister-in-law. MIL = mother-in-lae, or, in this case, Monster-in-law!

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thank you, that's good advice. I'm not usually one for blocking people - hence me hanging in there for so long. Though honestly, I'm questioning why i did,, now! On the infrequent occasions when they pop up, it's so horrible and upsetting. I really am thinking it would be better to just never hear from them again. I'm going to do it!

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thank you. Yes they are good kids. The cousin was critical of them refusing to go, and of my eldest messaging them, which apparently sa upset them all. But it was such a simple, polite message, asking them to explain themselves. My daughter was only 16 at the time, but I told the cousin that they could all learn something about mature, open , honest communication from her, and how proud I was of her.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thank you, it's really reassuring hearing your perspective, having experienced similar as a child. Yes, my kids are not impressed by the family's behaviour, and they're really not keen to see them all without me. The youngest barely knows them, as she was only three and a half when her dad was diagnosed, and absolutely, I think it's really important to respect my kids' opinions. I bet your mum really appreciated your love and loyalty in the face of harsh treatment during those upsetting times.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Sorry for your loss. Cancer is such a horrible disease. I'm glad the family came through for you and your mum.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thank you. Yeah, abandoning her child was truly awful, and by turning their backs on me and the kids, they all disrespected his dying wish that we'd be looked after once he was gone.. You're right, I need to be looking to my side for the kids to have a sense of wider family. We all flew over for my niece's wedding, and it was so nice for everyone to get together and just be nice to each other!

Show All 12 Comments

DEBBIE • submitted a new post 4 days ago

Community, Community AITA

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

DEBBIE • upvoted 6 items 5 days ago

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

These people are completely insane. You are SO NTA, but they are horrible. Your children have a good idea of who they are already. They watched them abandon their father, whom these people supposedly loved, the second he got sick and treat you like a total pariah for just existing. Then they treated your daughter the same way for not pretending that you don't exist?. They have no discernible ethics or morals and shouldn't be allowed to try to have an influence on your kids, who sound like they are decent kids from loving parents. If their grandmother is lonely, she knows exactly why she is and she is reaping what she has sown. Wanting to take them on Christmas from you while you're all grieving and leave you alone? They're monsters! No wonder your kids would rather stay with you!

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Yeah, no excuse for abandoning her son. When my mother had cancer my grandfather was very feeble, and my grandmother was a truly horrible person, yet they still managed to support my mother after every round of chemo.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Time to cut them off and move closer to your family. The abandoned their own child/sibling while he was dying and told you that you're no longer family. Nope, they're done.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

OP, I'm outraged. It's mind-boggling that ALL of the family ran away like teenage meanies (as if they wouldn't suffer similar if they were seriously sick or injured). Your children, are far more mature than your in-laws, so I'm glad you're allowing them to decide if they want to visit hostile relatives. I can imagine your husband saw that kindness in you and that was a big part of what he loved about you.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Normally, I don’t comment on this kind of thing, but I’d been through something similar growing up. After my parents divorced when I was not yet a preteen, certain members of my dad’s side of the family treated Mom horribly even though they knew the truth about what happened between them. My sibling and I made a point of trying to minimize contact with them as much as possible, and Mom simply chose to recognize our autonomy in that respect. OP is doing the right thing by allowing her kids to choose whether they would like to spend time with their paternal family and respecting whether they say yes or no. It seems they have said they would rather not spend time with their paternal family and OP recognizing their boundaries is perfectly normal and selfless!

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

If OP isn't "family" to those a**hats, then neither are her kids. The kids only link to those people died, so OP should follow what her kids want. If they want to see the out-laws, fine. If they won't go without OP, also fine. If I were OP, I'd block those horrible people on everything so they'd have to resort to a Singing Telegram or a CandyGram to get thru to me. 😁 I'd also make any social media private so none of the outlaws can find out what OP's fam is doing. Those people s**k.

Show All 6 Upvotes

DEBBIE • upvoted an item 5 months ago

Entitled People, Social Issues

Mom Of 4 Disturbs Other Women At The Pool With Her Swimsuit, Asks If It Was Inappropriate

DEBBIE • submitted a new post 4 days ago

Community, Community AITA

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

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DEBBIE • commented on a post 2 days ago

‘Hardcore Vegan’ Thinks She Can Shame Everyone At BBQ, Gets A Reality Check That Drives Her Mad

DEBBIE • commented on 6 posts 3 days ago

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thank you so much. It felt shocking when my finger was hovering over the block button, but I did it! And it really does feel more peaceful.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

I'm so sorry for your loss, and to hear that you experienced nastiness from your in-laws too. You're right, grief is not an excuse to treat people badly.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Thank you, yes I really have tried, and the kids know it, and think the family have behaved horribly..

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

I had to Google all the abbreviations when I first reading AITAH posts 😄

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

There are on Reddit, but I don't think there are on Bored Panda

DEBBIE • commented on 12 posts 4 days ago

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Sorry for your loss. Cancer is such a horrible disease. I'm glad the family came through for you and your mum.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

DEBBIE • upvoted 5 items 3 days ago

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

And that is great. She did a wonderful thing. You are 100% not to put them in that situation again.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

DEBBIE • upvoted 11 items 4 days ago

Entitled People, Social Issues

Mom Of 4 Disturbs Other Women At The Pool With Her Swimsuit, Asks If It Was Inappropriate

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

These people are simple terrible human beings it may be a lot of work but I'd cut them all off and move closer to my family. They sound absolutely horrendous.

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

Time to cut them off and move closer to your family. The abandoned their own child/sibling while he was dying and told you that you're no longer family. Nope, they're done.

DEBBIE • upvoted an item 6 days ago

Community, Community AITA

Hey Pandas, AITA For Setting Boundaries On My Kids' Time With My In-Laws?

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