It was October 16, 2015. I was working from home that day when I saw a call from him at around 9:15am. I had to ignore the call because I was in an online meeting.



At 2pm my Dad calls my phone, which is unusual since he knows I'm working. I answer it.



He is speaking quietly and very calmly. He says, "Son, I love you very much. I have some terrible news. Jared passed away this morning." Jared's wife was calling me from his phone to say she found him dead.



I couldn't process what he was saying. I said, "That's not funny. Jared, his wife and me and my wife were supposed to meet up next weekend for dinner."



Jared had sleep apnea surgery that same week. He had taken a painkiller and benadryl together. It stopped his heart.



He died 2 days before his 40th birthday.



We were friends since grade school. We did everything together, he was my brother. He was the best man at my wedding earlier that year. I had just shared my son's heartbeat with him via a text message 2 days before. Jared was so excited to be his crazy uncle.



I miss him every single day.

I don't know her situation but honestly the best thing I did for my sister was telling my mum about her self harm. It took a while for her to find a therapist she liked (who didn't tell mum most of what they talked about) but she has found one who does cognitive behavioural therapy and it really helped. She is now more than 5 years self harm free. You are already doing a great job supporting her but it is a tough gig to do all on your own at 14! If her parents aren't going to be helpful I would talk to the school wellbeing/guidance counsellor if they have one. It's hard to see a psychologist where I live without parent's consent because of payment, but there are drop in places or phonelines if needed. Self harm can quickly get more serious if untreated so the root problem needs to be attended to.

Here's the answers you asked for! It's a bit long, sorry abt this :')
TO CLEAN A CUT:
Make sure your hands are clean (eg wash them or something), if it's still bleeding then put pressure on it for a minute or something (however long it takes for it to do its thing). Wash it with some water to clean it—you don't need to use anything big, like different antiseptics unless you think she's at a risk. Then put a plaster/bandaid/bandage on, and ta-da! You have yourself a clean cut.
TO CLEAN A BLADE:
Wash it with antibacterial soap (eg dish soap) and then use a household lubricant (WD40 is great for rust removal/prevention!). Scrub the WD40 on the blade to get rid of rust. Last thing to do is to dry it, et voilà. I do think burning works too, but this is what I do for my Swiss knife after using it for stuff, like cutting open stubborn food packages.
COPING METHODS:
I'm not super good at helping those in need (I'm in a stalemate myself, knowing several of my friends selfharm but not bringing it up bc they'll then ask me, and I'm not telling them I cut/have cut). One of them mentioned in a roundabout way that an alternative is drawing on your skin helps. I, personally, tear up A4 paper on a daily basis (I have no pages left in my copy) bc some destruction is being done, but it's not permanent/longlasting. The oragami is a great idea! Not only is she learning/getting better at a skill, but it could help distract her from self-harming. Another thing would be if you text her often, like at times she would be alone and have the opportunity to cut. Don't be too overbearing with the contact, just check in on her when she's alone.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT HER:
You seem like your super kind and supportive. I'd say be there for her, don't make every conversation abt her habits,, and continue your friendship as before.
ABOUT ALCOHOL:
You should encourage her not to drink, since it's bad for her health. You're more likely to become addicted to alcohol when you drink it from a young age than after 18. Ask her if she could at least cut down on the amount she consumes.
SHOULD YOU GET HER A THERAPIST:
8 honestly don't know. I think you should leave it for now, but introduce the idea to her again when you're both more comfortable talking abt it.
ARE YOU A TERRIBLE FRIEND:
Absolutely not! You're being very considerate and caring. Keep being your amazing self.
You seem quite self-sacrificing, so just remember to take some breathing space and time for yourself, aswell :)