I used to work at the UPS store in high school. Our last pickup was at 7:00 and we closed at 8:00 pm. Since we had private information and people’s personal mailboxes in the store, security was a big deal.

It was 8:30. Our tills were counted down, the alarm was set, our copiers, fax machine, and computers were shut down, our lights were off, and we had closed and locked a ginormous red gate that separated the entrance from the rest of the store.

Some woman ran up to the door, and like some demon in a horror movie, she hurled herself against the glass and screeched like a banshee.

Keep in mind, we are very obviously closed with a sign saying we are closed, no lights on, and a giant red gate drawn down over the store.

She began pounding on the glass and frantically yelling at us. My coworker worried something was wrong, like maybe she was being chased and needed help.

He carefully opened the door just a crack to ask what was wrong. She immediately tried to wedge her hands and head in the crack and asked “Are ya’ll open?” We informed her that we obviously weren’t.

Her logic was “well you opened the door so now you have to help me”.

She began wailing and crying that she had to mail a package. We explained that even if we were open, our last pick up was an hour and a half ago and we couldn’t even mail it until tomorrow.

She protested and protested and we eventually got the door shut and locked. So we just stood there awkwardly in the dark, hoping she would leave. She kept pounding on the glass and saying “I know you’re open!!!!”

As we debated what to do and if we should call the cops, this lady pulled out her cell phone and called the cops herself!

The cops arrived, we explained the situation, and the woman accused us of lying, despite the sign on the door saying we closed an hour ago at this point.

Then, in front of the officer and on security camera, the woman launched herself at my coworker and hit him in the face. She immediately jumped back and began fake crying that he had assaulted her.

We were dumbfounded. She ended up getting arrested and my coworker pressed charges.


So the stupidest question I got was “Are you open?”.