Join the Fun!

#2

Never Underestimate A Woman

Final score:

1.1Kpoints

POST

Martha Meyer 3 years ago

I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.

60points

#3

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

Final score:

996points

POST

Jamilia Mamedova 3 years ago

She did her make up, all by herself!

355points

Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

#4

Love This Guy

Final score:

991points

POST

Kamilla Juel Sørensen 3 years ago

BUUUUUURN!! :D

260points

#5

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Final score:

907points

POST

izzy.kitsune 3 years ago

b u r n !

190points

#6

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

Final score:

879points

POST

Lis Daglish 3 years ago

BOOM.

167points

Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

#7

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Final score:

836points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

But, but, but.....I got nothing.

179points

#8

You're The Problem

Final score:

827points

POST

kasa alex 3 years ago

Well said, sir

166points

#9

Thank You Andy Wang!

Final score:

808points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.

302points

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

#10

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

Final score:

734points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)

Hahaha BAM, got ya there.

161points

#11

Illegal Plants

Final score:

722points

POST

Da Coconut Nut 3 years ago

Welp

145points

#12

British Museum

Final score:

701points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

People that feel British, aren't really British. They are, in fact, Bri-ish

120points

That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

#13

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

Final score:

697points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Don’t forget the pandemic.

143points

#14

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Final score:

695points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

Look, a vampire CAN turn into a bat (man)!

140points

#15

Useless Trees

Final score:

694points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Who needs oxygen if there is no wifi?

239points

#16

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

Final score:

687points

POST

izzy.kitsune 3 years ago

OOF

132points

#17

Rage Against Something

Final score:

678points

POST

Ami Temi 3 years ago

Wow, perfect comeback.

135points

#18

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Final score:

673points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

And she is killing it.

278points

#19

Separate Payments

Final score:

654points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Sounds like the perfect plan.

206points

#20

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

Final score:

650points

POST

Jill 3 years ago

Imagine if they did!

193points

#21

Depression vs. Asthma

Final score:

634points

POST

I'manoob! 3 years ago

Savage!

134points

#22

Big Footprints To Fill

Final score:

626points

POST

J. F. 3 years ago

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, thanks to BP

273points

#23

Not Mine But On Point

Final score:

622points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

Shrek also had a donkey marrying a dragon... 🤔

186points

#24

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

Final score:

602points

POST

Kirsten Kerkhof 3 years ago

Such a polite burn that.

215points

#25

Elite Finish

Final score:

602points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.

250points

#26

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

Final score:

601points

POST

Wendillon 3 years ago

No thanks, I don't need birth control cause I'm not pregnant.

399points

#27

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

Final score:

597points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.

189points

#28

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

Final score:

586points

POST

Jill 3 years ago

I could say the same thing about Stewart's Calculus book as well. (For those of you not in the know, the physics book he mentioned is one of the most popular physics 101 books used at universities.)

69points

#29

That Last Line Though

Final score:

582points

POST

Wendillon 3 years ago

So because the warning label on a bottle of bleach says not to drink it, are you just going to blindly follow it and not drink the bleach? What if it tastes really good??

286points

#30

Left vs. Right

Final score:

571points

POST

Jessamyn Zolcznski 3 years ago

Burn...oh wait. (Sorry)

231points

#31

They Did Not See This Coming

Final score:

563points

POST

Sandra Charlot 3 years ago

I've tried to read Bible, but I'm not much into fantasy book :)

130points

Mike Ward 3 years ago

You should have kept going, it's full of gory plot twists that the film Saw would be proud of. If you ever feel you haven't encountered enough blood lust and depravity, open a bible up to the part where David gave Saul 100 Philistine foreskins in exchange for Saul's daughter, pure horror.

45points

Blue of the yams (They/He) 3 years ago

C'mon dude. I'm not Christian, but it's rude to call a holy text fantasy. It's okay if you don't believe in it, but you ought to be respectful.

35points

Stille20 3 years ago

It's not fantasy. It's religious text. Your remark is a snide dismissal of a book that has impacted all of western culture for good for for bad.

17points

rgr8 3 years ago

That was uncalled for. I am a christian who also believes in science. I don't go about telling other religions that there Sacred Texts are works of fantasy. It is what they sincerely believe, and there is no reason that it should be called false. There is no such thing as a false religion.

15points

Henry Cheves 3 years ago

I like fantasy, but I can't stand bigotry.

10points

Wreathy 3 years ago

Not to mention the bible has a lot of historical value, referred to and used by archaeologists to piece together our ancient history. Stupid, childish comment said to be 'cool'. Walk on by.

8points

lara 3 years ago

Too bad, one of the most interesting books I have ever read. Deuteronomy and Numbers, especially. Revelations would make a wizard horror movie.

6points

Aj Grimes (them/they) 3 years ago

Same but some of the stuff was misinterpreted.

5points

Kylen Miller 3 years ago

I mean, that's kinda harsh

4points

i'll sleep when im dead 3 years ago

I appreciate the sentiment, but please be respectful of other peoples religions. I know you meant no harm whatsoever by this comment, but do be mindful. Have a nice day!

2points

Anonymous Panda 3 years ago

I don't find this funny. You don't have to belieive in God. You don't have to read the Bible. You don't even have to interact with Christians. But you also don't have to disrespect what some people consider Holy. I'm Christian, I'm not criticizing science. In fact, I believe in science. But I also believe in God. If you don't believe in Santa, you don't go criticizing people who do.

2points

CHANCE HARDWICK 3 years ago

If you read anything but Genesis, you'll know it's not a fantasy book.

2points

Kevin Watson 3 years ago

Look at it this way - if you believe and it turns out there's no god, you've wasted a tiny amount of time and will disappear when you die anyway. But if there IS a god, and you spout this crap all your life, you will get a first hand lesson in hell. And you think you're smart...

1point

Walt White 3 years ago

It's just like that Greek Mythology book you read in High School.

1point

Olivia Miller (Livie) 3 years ago

I’ve seen a lot of hate on this comment and wanted to say THIS IS A JOKE they probably understand the importance of religious texts but they thought they might crake a joke about it. OK? Though I agree that religion should not be made fun of, this is a joke aimed at the above post and not at any Christians reading these comments

1point

TheGr81sComing 3 years ago (edited)

Its alright if you think its a fantasy book. Some people take it seriously and some don't.

1point

PearlsNotSecretRapCareer 3 years ago

*clap clap clap*

1point

Candia Lee 3 years ago

I prefer a book that reads like a movie, especially those by female authors.

0points

Zuko 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Shinomi Chan 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Little Bear 3 years ago

What the fudgesticks are you thinking! The Bible is not to be taken word for word, its values are.

0points

Erica Cochrane 3 years ago

I love fantasy, but the bible is way too insane, even for me :P

0points

IwiLLsTeaLyOuRsoUl 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

LegendYak 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

あんぱんまん 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Hunter 3 years ago

same

-1point

fuggnuggins 3 years ago

I don't mind a bit of fantasy, but I can only tolerate so much of that actually, wilfully sadistic drivel at a time.

-2points

Zachariah M. Baird 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Astrid Nineor 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sasy 3 years ago

Every Atheist I know has read multiple works of many religions, they want to know everything.

17points

Ruth Mayfly 3 years ago

I tried to read the bible, but I got stuck on a bit of the old testament which was catagorizing different types of spots as clean or unclean (clearly an early way of passing on knowledge about communicable vs non-communicable diseases, but damn was it dull to read) I've never got through other religious works either. I think I just don't consider them special enough. To me it's just some dude/dudes from long ago talking, it's kind of interesting to get inside their mindset a bit but also there's nothing to elevate their viewpoint above any of the other people who existed then or who exist now.

6points

Navy Blue Bandana 3 years ago

Ok I am Christian, and I certainly wouldn't mock your religion (or lack thereof) online, so it would be great if you didn't mock mine!

11points

Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago

As Christians, we should expect and accept mockery (cf. John 15:18). It does no good to argue with atheists (Matthew 7:6). We should instead love them (Luke 6:32).

5points

CHANCE HARDWICK 3 years ago

Yes! Do I go on online threads and mock athiesm? No! Please don't mock Christianity.

2points

morg6543@bellsouth.net 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Virgil Blue 3 years ago

I believe nothing is above mockery, that includes religion. Just grow a thicker skin, lt will.make your life easier.

0points

Terd Fergison 3 years ago

Respect is earned, not given. The god of the bible is super evil. In Egypt he supposedly murdered 1st born sons (some must have toddlers and infants). He supposedly flooded a world killing every puppy and kitten on earth via torturous drowning. This is a hugely malevolent, evil god. He doesn't deserve any respect. He's a fictional character that deserves scorn and ridicule. There was a time when christianity ruled the world, and it was called the dark ages for a f-u-c-king reason! When christians ruled the world, they tortured and killed people just for saying the sun is the center of our planetary system. When you guys ruled the world, it was by the sword and by murder. Now you have the guts to complain if someone speaks the truth or has a valid criticism? F-u-c-k that!

-1point

Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago

Reading the bible is precisely why I'm an atheist. I read it quite thoroughly and the god depicted in it simply did not appeal to me. And I really didn't like all the horrible cruelty said god apparently approved of.

7points

Bee Jairrels 3 years ago

Yea sometimes it can be disturbing most times.

1point

Israel Martinez 3 years ago (edited)

As an atheist, I agree with this ... one cannot argue any concept without actually knowing as much as one can about the subject ... Neil Degrasse Tyson has said as much (he included the Bible in his list of required reading books) ...

6points

The Cute Cat 3 years ago

Many open minded person read all holy books.. I have done the koran and bible.. It is always better to understand more..

5points

Shaista 3 years ago

what did u think of the Qu'ran?

1point

Sarah 3 years ago

I'm a Christian. Most of us don't make fun other religions. Please learn to be respectful of other people and what they believe. This world is already ruined enough with racism, and the pandemic. We need to come together, not make fun of people for what they believe. It's okay to have your opinions, just be respectful of how you share them. Thank you.

4points

Virgil Blue 3 years ago

I know lots of other Christian's that live to make fun and denigrate people, so that's not saying much, but I'm glad you are at least not one of them.

6points

Kika González 3 years ago

The bible is not fantasy. There is proven history, and parables. It is not identified as fact from cover to cover, neither its it complete fiction, or fantasy as the word you used

4points

Terd Fergison 3 years ago

There is a story with a talking donkey in it. God spoke some magic words while creating the universe. God created Adam out of mud, dirt, or clay. There are witches, wizards, warlocks, angels, demons, souls, zombies, giants, dragons, etc. Are any of those things real? No. Pure fantasy.

-2points

Harleen 3 years ago

Could we not mock other people's religions? That's not clever. It's Creedism.

3points

Terd Fergison 3 years ago

Respect is earned, not given. The god of the bible is super evil. In Egypt he supposedly murdered 1st born sons (some must have toddlers and infants). He supposedly flooded a world killing every puppy and kitten on earth via torturous drowning. This is a hugely malevolent, evil god. He doesn't deserve any respect. He's a fictional character that deserves scorn and ridicule. There was a time when christianity ruled the world, and it was called the dark ages for a f-u-c-king reason! When christians ruled the world, they tortured and killed people just for saying the sun is the center of our planetary system. When you guys ruled the world, it was by the sword and by murder. Now you have the guts to complain if someone speaks the truth or has a valid criticism? F-u-c-k off!

2points

Harløw-Banditø 3 years ago (edited)

No offense to any Christians but we just think that the idea of a sky daddy is kinda ridiculous. I’ll believe it when I see it with my own eyes. I need evidence. This is just how I function. Again I do hope that any Christians reading this are not offended

3points

eezycheezes101 3 years ago

Sky daddy? SKY DADDY?! Ok, you went WAYYYYYYYYYY too far just now. Lord (YES, LORD) is my father and always will be my father. You may not think he is, but what about all the other children AND adults, actually, that have no parents, or no actual father figure in their life? So just screw them, right? besides, God shows up in MANY MANY different ways. You may have seen him more times than you can count. Oh, wait, nevermind. You were too busy being an ASSHOLE.

-2points

Abby Deadman 3 years ago

lol 20200207-S...1eaed4.jpg

0points

Brielle DeSenneville Freano 3 years ago

🤯 you have angerd me!

0points

Michał Jastrzębski 3 years ago

nah, we just look at what church does vs what it preaches. Its way more than enough.

0points

Steve Cruz 3 years ago

The most common mistake that Christ-insanes make about Atheists is that we don't know their mythology. I graduated valedictorian from bible college and worked in churches for a decade. Unlike my former colleagues, I couldn't carry on LYING just because it paid really well and made me feel persuasive.

0points

M Kate McCulloch 3 years ago

so much to say on this but pearls before swine is a life lesson I've learned

0points

Roberto Durante 3 years ago

maybe try "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch

0points

Vicki Perizzolo 3 years ago

Sci Fi and Fantasy have nothing on the Bible and it's fictional events

0points

Grace Smith 3 years ago

As a Christian I gotta say: that’s fair

0points

elfin 3 years ago

We also read comments, especially political comments, posted by people who call themselves Christians.

0points

Quazmodic 3 years ago

It's not as good as The Lord of the Rings.

0points

Luuta 3 years ago

Fabulous answer!

0points

Minecraft Nube 3 years ago

Sigh, unless anyone here can prove me wrong, what have Christian's ever done wrong to u guys, for everyone who made a rude comment here on Christianity, if you believe in a religion shame on your religion, because they honestly aren't making you any nicer or more respectful.

0points

Wolfstar 3 years ago

What have Christians done wrong to me: Christian parents threw me out and abused me, attempted to assault me for my sexuality, bring their religion into politics, use their religion as an excuse to deny women's rights to their own bodies, etc.

1point

Among Us Panda 3 years ago

Help me

0points

Alex Hamilton 3 years ago

God is to be found in the soul, not in a book. This applies to all faiths,

0points

Terd Fergison 3 years ago (edited)

There are religions without gods. Look up Shintoism. Some Native American religions focus on nature. If you are claiming that there is a soul, can you please provide some evidence that a soul even exists? Science points to the soul being a fictional concept. And how did you come to your god belief? Likely people read you the bible.

1point

Charlotte Shortt 3 years ago

um the bible isnt fantasy......

0points

Terd Fergison 3 years ago

Charlotte, the bible is book with a story with a talking donkey in it. A talking f-u-c-king donkey. In the bible there are witches, wizards, warlocks, dragons, ghosts, giants, demons, angels, souls, etc. There’s Samson, a guy who gets super powers from the length of his hair. Is any of that real? No. It’s clearly fantasy.

3points

hoRSefAce 3 years ago

This is a reply to @AstridNineor but it wouldn't let me reply where she is because she has so many downvotes. And I haven't heard that comeback like 1234 times before. I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.

0points

eezycheezes101 3 years ago

XD "because she has so many downvotes" YES YOU ARE THE BEST @hoRSefAce

0points

Nikki Sevven 3 years ago

Yep.

0points

Seabeast 3 years ago

I'm an atheist who grew up going to church. I have read the bible, actually. It's part of the reason I am an atheist.

0points

Sasha Kuleshov 3 years ago

A history book :D

0points

Panda Mona 3 years ago

If I want to get closer to God, I actually do anything else but reading ...

0points

Terd Fergison 3 years ago

Like get high? Is this a joke comment? Which god do you believe in? If it is the christian god, you can't even get that god without the bible, so maybe start reading it.

0points

meow point1 3 years ago

I'm agnostic. What do I read?

0points

Lord Mysticlaw 3 years ago

I am an atheist and I know the bible very well actually, having been raised very religiously.

0points

sylvantic 3 years ago

i don't get all the anti-religion stuff on the internet. If i believe in g-d and find my religion important, why can't you just leave me to my beliefs instead of trying to convince people that they're wrong?

0points

Jon S. 3 years ago (edited)

The general sentiment among non-believers is that if religion stayed personal, that would be fine and dandy. But when people are using religion to guide ethics and politics, then it becomes a source of misery in society which needs to be challenged.

3points

$fracarr avatar$

François Carré 3 years ago

The amount of nonsense, obscure or ethically questionable content you can find in these books is actually impressive.

0points

Shelp 3 years ago

What they say: "the Bible is a sacred book written by noone else than God himself" What the Bible tells: "Jesus yelled at a tree"

0points

Virgil Blue 3 years ago

But it was a bad tree that did not bear fruit out of season when Mr J was hangry.

1point

Wolfstar 3 years ago

Oh, I've read the Bible. I was forced to by my bastard parents. I hated it a lot. That's one of the reasons I'm an atheist.

0points

Patty Leaton 3 years ago

so its ok for marry to be pregnant to with some one else baby

-1point

Mya Lugar 3 years ago

Me too, Sandra. It ought to be thought of as child abuse to indoctrinate your children in these part straight fantasies mixed with "parables" mixed with historical or geographic smatterings that are passed off as fact.. Kinda like the ELf on the Shelf making kids be good so Santa will come..but Christmas presents will only be there in the afterlife. Who says? Far too vague and dissociative.

-1point

Colin Mochrie At Its Finest 3 years ago

If God was real, wouldn't everyone's lives be perfect? "God is good" says the near-homeless abused lady (as an example).

-2points

Colin Mochrie At Its Finest 3 years ago

Adding, I have no issue with Sandra's statement and Idgaf if it offends someone.

0points

BabaBizzle 3 years ago

I don’t like reading fiction.

-3points

Patrick O'Harris 3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

#32

Columbus Day

Final score:

551points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."

220points

#33

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

Final score:

524points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

Austin Powers: The man who tackled me.

105points

#34

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

Final score:

524points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

They’re the smart ones haha.

127points

#35

I Love Puns

Final score:

516points

POST

Losferatu 3 years ago

Let's play a game: Spell the type of establishment we're eating at, and I'll buy you your meal!

152points

#36

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

Final score:

506points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Gotta be pretty pathetic to play games like that.

149points

#37

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

Final score:

497points

POST

Kirsten Kerkhof 3 years ago

I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...

192points

#38

Invasive Species

Final score:

487points

POST

Lis Daglish 3 years ago

I love that his hoover made a clear break for freedom.

111points

#39

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

Final score:

484points

POST

DforDory 3 years ago

I'm dying!🤣🤣

145points

#40

Oof! British People Be Like...

Final score:

476points

POST

Patti Brock 3 years ago

🤣 😂

88points

#41

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Final score:

456points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

At least they are honest.

186points

#42

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

Final score:

455points

POST

Me He 3 years ago

SAD!!

93points

#43

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Final score:

447points

POST

Steve Barnett 3 years ago

But Batman has a utility belt. A UTILITY BELT!

225points

#44

Boomer vs. Millenial

Final score:

443points

POST

MrsPossum 3 years ago

Loving the 315 reactions versus the 4.6k reactions. Boom! 🤣

108points

#45

It’s Funny Because It’s True

Final score:

404points

POST

Chez 3 years ago

*pages

66points

#46

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

Final score:

400points

POST

Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)

276points

#47

Weird Motives

Final score:

386points

POST

wandile dludlu 3 years ago

I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift

125points

#48

Especially Clever

Final score:

368points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...

94points

#49

Facebook Comeback

Final score:

312points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.

104points

#50

Quite Funny To Be Honest

Final score:

312points

POST

Katchen 3 years ago

WTAF. They ask teens about guns when school shootings plague the country, but are offended by the nail gun joke?

241points

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#51

Rip To This Antivaxxer

Final score:

133points

POST

Roxy 3 years ago

u need to vaccinate

43points

#52

That's A No Brainer

Final score:

125points

POST

ADHORTATOR 3 years ago

It seems that nobody likes Florida...

37points

#53

Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option

Final score:

120points

POST

Lily Lu 3 years ago

They were not arrested, they got displined by their hospital and threatened with being fired. Not cool, but not the same as being arrested.

3points

#54

Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.

Final score:

118points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

Atleast she knows there's only s**t coming out of her mouth.

38points

#55

Bryan Is Probably Still A Virgin To This Day

Final score:

117points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

😂 burn..

29points

#56

Have Fun With Your New Profession.

Final score:

115points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

What did I just read?? :-O

37points

#57

Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?

Final score:

115points

POST

Roxy 3 years ago

Wasted

10points

#58

Come On Judge

Final score:

114points

POST

Marcellus the Third 3 years ago

Why does her Twitter claim she's a judge?

22points

#59

Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.

Final score:

111points

POST

Pamela24 3 years ago

If he's not willing to have a condom on, he's not worth to have sex with. Simple as that. It means he values your health way less than his potential pleasure. In a committed relationship where you agree on a different contraceptive (if you don't wish to get pregnant) and get tested for STIs beforehand, sure. But never with a casual sex partner.

21points

#60

Task Failed Successfully

Final score:

110points

POST

Clare E 3 years ago

My chicken from Hello Fresh does have a kill date actually.

46points

#61

The Trash Man

Final score:

100points

POST

Luisa Vasconcelos 3 years ago

Burn.

30points

#62

Hideous Little Goatee

Final score:

99points

POST

Doggo Georgia 3 years ago

LOLLLLLL

16points

#63

Yeah We Smart Bro

Final score:

97points

POST

izzy.kitsune 3 years ago

touche

36points

#64

Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor

Final score:

96points

POST

Martha Meyer 3 years ago

The "Ok, boomer" thing just needs to die. When will people see that this generational war is serving no one?

27points

#65

Profit Before Health?

Final score:

95points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

No Expense was Spared on Covid supplies. We might, however, have not paid the programmer...

26points

#66

James Ain’t Holding None Back

Final score:

93points

POST

Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

I love these guys and their inability to notice, in their search for rare Pokemon to steal, they that have a friggin talking Pokemon that can translate to English. Like the only one I'm aware of. Ah well, still loved that show when it came out

30points

#67

Best Way To Respond To A Hater

Final score:

92points

POST

Pamela24 3 years ago

What a coward.

39points

#68

That's Not How It Works Karen

Final score:

91points

POST

cybermerlin2000 3 years ago

Well... There's the Rotavirus vaccine, taken orally. Just like the polio one.

28points

#69

Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?

Final score:

90points

POST

Vic 3 years ago (edited)

That was witty!!

22points

#70

Right Back In His Face

Final score:

89points

POST

Hugh Cookson 3 years ago

The sooner you Americans wake up to the fact that you have and are still being fleeced / robbed by the very system that is supposed to help you when you and your families are in need of healthcare through no fault of your own, the better. There is no other country in the World - mostly - that would stand idly by and let some of it's most vulnerable and sickest citizens suffer and die because they don't have the correct 'insurance'. Not only is it cruel but also uncaring and downright sadistic...... Glad I live in a half way decent country ....

6points

#71

Stupid Millennials

Final score:

88points

POST

Tabitha L 3 years ago

Damn. Also, true.

13points

#72

Oof Size Large

Final score:

84points

POST

Wendillon 3 years ago

To be fair the spelling wasn't her choice

20points

#73

Praise Be To Sony

Final score:

84points

POST

Aaron Dettmer 3 years ago

The word murder also doesn't appear in the Constitution. But it's still not right. Genocide too. Oh, and Holocaust

35points

#74

I See A Sad Pig Too

Final score:

82points

POST

MJ 3 years ago

I felt that burn through my phone

38points

#75

Greta On Fire

Final score:

81points

POST

Moriarty2 3 years ago

I think her response to him losing the election was a better burn. Lol.

46points

#76

God Damn I Know That Hurt

Final score:

78points

POST

Jill 3 years ago

This could go both ways...

20points

#77

"Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"

Final score:

75points

POST

A.M. Pierre 3 years ago

I'm sorry, but someone whose biggest problem is "Woe is me, I can't sell my mansion" doesn't garner a lot of my sympathy.

54points

#78

Nudes For Dudes

Final score:

69points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

Have a mature discussion and breakup.

21points

#79

Dread It. Run From It.

Final score:

65points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

Today’s movie villains are concerned about the environment/over population ...Like the James Bond villain trying to secure an underground water reservoir to sell in the future...that’s just sad... trying to show environmentalists have some hidden agenda to take over the world.

15points

#80

I Can’t Remember

Final score:

65points

POST

banana 3 years ago

This isn't a roast its just cute xD

13points

#81

Found The Reason Why

Final score:

63points

POST

Martha Meyer 3 years ago

This was always odd to me when I saw it in films, because people were living in houses. If I tried leave through my bedroom window, I would have fallen to death from my apartment building.

25points

#82

Identical Match

Final score:

61points

POST

Kisses4Katie 3 years ago

The Nasty Patty

19points

#83

Yeah Let’s Keep Doing That.

Final score:

60points

POST

Bronwyn Keith 3 years ago

Ouch!

6points

#84

Someone Has Been Stealing A Few Eggplants, Huh?

Final score:

58points

POST

Imposmate 3 years ago

bam

3points

#85

Money Beats Brawn

Final score:

57points

POST

Capelli rosa e patate 3 years ago

I don’t know who either of them are but that made me giggle something awful. 😂

28points

#86

Y = Mx + B For ?

Final score:

51points

POST

Marcellus the Third 3 years ago

No, it says how many friends you can take and give a round. The rest you leech off them. See, math is useless, mooching is the way.

18points

#87

C- C- Cons- Consent?

Final score:

48points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Don’t come to Aus then, the C word is used countless times in a sentence.

27points

#88

Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head

Final score:

48points

POST

Ruth Mayfly 3 years ago

I feel this is inaccurate. Identifying an outbreak of a known virus is different from identifying a new virus which can't be tested for. China certainly doesn't deserve any praise for silencing the first worried doctors, it does for the fast shutdown and for sharing information on the virus. But in the end I don't think this could have been contained by any country, there were far too many people without symptoms. Even with warning and tests available most countries failed to contain it.

15points