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Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.

Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.

#1

I Understand Completely

I Understand Completely

My_Memes_Will_Cure_U Report

#2

Never Underestimate A Woman

Never Underestimate A Woman

Dry-Net Report

#3

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

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F.S
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is a full blown ignorant racist. All her tweets are this vile but ofc she is pro-family, pro-life and a "christian"...yuck

Lilac Beauty
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a Christian who is agrees with the fact that people from different nations should be able to come to the U.S. and that it is amazing how they are so successful and become lawyers, doctors, writers and much more. I also support the LGTBQ+ community completely and most of my friends are apart of it. Not all “Christians” are horrible judging hypocritical people.

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Ami Temi
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah, I bet she feels superior with her so-called (fake) blonde Arian genes. Everyone's descendants have been refugees and immigrants at some point and conveniently forgetting that out of hate and greed is just pathetic. I bet she couldn't understand the difference between integration and assimilation. I really admire what the commenter has achieved. Such a beautiful example for everyone!

Ha Trung
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His Pulitzer-winning book The Sympathizer is also a NYT bestseller, FYI.

Bacony Cakes
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What? I'm just telling the truth and also a joke about how every book seems to be a NYT bestseller!

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Anna Goanna
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman is the worst! She actually ran for senate (and lost). She's a Quidiot, flat-earther, anti-masker and a not-so-discreet neo nazi. She blocked me on twitter, so please call her out on her s**t!

Juris Macto
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It should be noted that this moron ran for Senator in Delaware. She was resoundingly defeated.

WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lauren Witzke lives in the US and thinks she lives in a civil society.

Xenia Granados
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a teacher survive the Cambodian Genocide and now him and his 5 siblings are doctors!

Louloubelle
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who defines what is a "civil society"? Certainly not this bubblehead.

David K
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know one thing that Karen...sorry Lauren has done. She has made herself look ridiculous in front of thousands of people reading this post.

J. F.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on the culture of the third-world country. A certain one that is known for conquerinmg through history is very troublesome nowadays

Bunny Wood
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also she has her burden of proof backward. If she makes this claim , its up to her to provide proof for it, rather than vice versa

Sara Vance
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

USA has all but become a third world country with our lack of National Health Care

Fixin'Ta
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, I believe she meant "civilized" rather than "civil", further proving her ignorance in general.

Clever Dog
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this post gives me joy, what better way to shut down a troll with a tiny mind than remind them the colour of somebodies skin doesnt have any baring on a persons ability. There are many white people that offer zero to society.

Angela Campbell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i don't know why ppl even bother with the bait. These ppl are such a waste of good space.

R. Lynx
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not to mention that immigrants start more new businesses (how 'bout that for good ol' merikn capitalism) than native born citizens.

M Kate McCulloch
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have found that immigrants can, will, and do assimilate well into other cultures, without losing themselves. If we all went bland, imagine how boring the world would be?

mikedtw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG this Lauren Witzke was a candidate for the US Senate in 2020, thank God her opponent won. Here are some of her quotes found on Google: “Voodoo Africans are migrating into America, infiltrating the Christian Faith, and establishing churches on the pulpit of abortion and social justice. It’s so clever, it could only be demonic.” “China goes off mask in unveiling their plan to overtake America by weaponizing the COVID-19 crisis…” “Wow almost half the country rejects Joe biden (sic). What a great start to his “administration.” Haha what a LOSER!”

Claire Armstrong
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK, I need help here! Am I right in assuming that if someone has a tick next to their name it means that they are a celebrity, well-known name or something? Because if so, that's a couple of these things on here that I've saw so far that are from people with ticks at their names, which is very disappointing, and kinda disturbing actually!

Marnie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay, let's understand something. Adults who come into a country with a different culture and different language typically will NOT become completely "assimilated" and it is extremely unlikely they will become fluent in the language. The older you are, the more difficult it is to pick up a language on average. But their kids will be fine. That is how it always has been for every immigrant group. My Norwegian paternal grandparents didn't learn to speak English until they went to school. And here I am, speaking English as badly as any 10th generation American!

Lord Mysticlaw
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Civil societies"? So you're either from a third-world country or from a civil society, which are opposites and never overlap? Wow.

Rosanna Jackson
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"...cannot" would be more appropriate here than "can not". I point this out because the Pulitzer Prize winning, NYT best selling author did not. Which was very gracious of them.

Truth Monster
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Most third world migrants struggle to assimilate into first world countries, especially when the predominate culture is radically dissimilar. Anyone would, even when you discount the wide educational and wealth gaps. Transplanting a person does not magically erase their biases, their beliefs and their worldview.

Ritchen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This comment is so stupid and just shows that you agree with her even worse comment. To your information there has been plenty of third world migrants living in first world countries for years and years nowadays and the only reason why some of them can’t integrate (yes because you only think of assimilation when you’re an entitled piece of s**t believing he’s or her culture is better than someone else’s) is because people like you and her would never accept them as human beings. When somebody lives in a foreign country he only needs to follow the rules that make it possible to live together, no need to pray to the same god or eat the same food....

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Iapetos
Community Member
3 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

She said "most", not "all", so technically, she wasn't disproven.

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Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

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#4

Love This Guy

Love This Guy

humanitalian , BodyForWife Report

#5

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

twinkletoes_44 Report

#6

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

hayashiiiii , quentquarantino Report

Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

#7

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

themaskedvillain Report

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#8

You're The Problem

You're The Problem

Cereal_killer03 , BodyForWife Report

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#9

Thank You Andy Wang!

Thank You Andy Wang!

ykafia Report

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

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#10

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

iamafailedasian Report

#11

Illegal Plants

Illegal Plants

YoloForJesusChrist Report

#12

British Museum

British Museum

athrvpatil , SumzIbrahiim Report

That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance. 

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

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#13

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

El-Cobra Report

#14

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Master1718 , RobbySlowik Report

#15

Useless Trees

Useless Trees

Kennydoe Report

#16

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

lucynyu13 , PressSec Report

#17

Rage Against Something

Rage Against Something

Camotoe Report

#18

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

playhy Report

#19

Separate Payments

Separate Payments

memezzer Report

#20

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

TheRikari Report

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#21

Depression vs. Asthma

Depression vs. Asthma

TitaniumPeak Report

#22

Big Footprints To Fill

Big Footprints To Fill

mysteresc Report

#23

Not Mine But On Point

Not Mine But On Point

justinpwheeler , TheAccountOfSam Report

#24

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

simwalkedaway Report

#25

Elite Finish

Elite Finish

MythicalBeast263 Report

#26

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

ZacReligious Report

#27

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

svrmster103 , ashallowseafish Report

#28

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

turing042 , sahaj_amatya Report

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#29

That Last Line Though

That Last Line Though

livebythem Report

#30

Left vs. Right

Left vs. Right

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

#31

They Did Not See This Coming

They Did Not See This Coming

acagastya Report

#32

Columbus Day

Columbus Day

reddit.com Report

#33

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

IShallPetYourDogo , www.reddit.com Report

#34

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

Master1718 Report

#35

I Love Puns

I Love Puns

discordgamer101 Report

#36

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

reddit.com Report

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#37

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

KingMushroomIV Report

#38

Invasive Species

Invasive Species

MeesterNeusbaumTX Report

#39

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

leafy_avocado Report

#40

Oof! British People Be Like...

Oof! British People Be Like...

BelleAriel Report

#41

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Tubergod1 Report

#42

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

MissTickleToes Report

#43

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Master1718 Report

#44

Boomer vs. Millenial

Boomer vs. Millenial

buss123 Report

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#45

It’s Funny Because It’s True

It’s Funny Because It’s True

Gudakesa , Steph_I_Will Report

#46

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

PlatinumGamer55 Report

#47

Weird Motives

Weird Motives

Random_420-69 Report

#48

Especially Clever

Especially Clever

hydr0p0lis Report

#49

Facebook Comeback

Facebook Comeback

AkshayyChavan Report

#50

Quite Funny To Be Honest

Quite Funny To Be Honest

rahul4112 Report

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#51

Rip To This Antivaxxer

Rip To This Antivaxxer

uhhsamurai Report

#52

That's A No Brainer

That's A No Brainer

TheRealArnab Report

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#53

Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option

Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option

yadun87 Report

#54

Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.

Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.

IDidTheCAPTCHA Report

#55

Bryan Is Probably Still A Virgin To This Day

Bryan Is Probably Still A Virgin To This Day

reddit.com Report

#56

Have Fun With Your New Profession.

Have Fun With Your New Profession.

TheCrazyRedTopHat Report

#57

Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?

Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?

reddit.com Report

#58

Come On Judge

Come On Judge

Master1718 Report

#59

Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.

Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.

shay_143 Report

#60

Task Failed Successfully

Task Failed Successfully

thistardis Report

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#61

The Trash Man

The Trash Man

Inkiepie11 Report

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#62

Hideous Little Goatee

Hideous Little Goatee

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#63

Yeah We Smart Bro

Yeah We Smart Bro

My_Memes_Will_Cure_U Report

#64

Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor

Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor

bellatwirls Report

#65

Profit Before Health?

Profit Before Health?

BelleAriel Report

#66

James Ain’t Holding None Back

James Ain’t Holding None Back

Ya_Yeet_NateDoge Report

#67

Best Way To Respond To A Hater

Best Way To Respond To A Hater

Thenightmeh Report

#68

That's Not How It Works Karen

That's Not How It Works Karen

diemongul Report

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#69

Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?

Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?

reddit.com Report

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#70

Right Back In His Face

Right Back In His Face

reddit.com Report

#71

Stupid Millennials

Stupid Millennials

OvertlySinister Report

#72

Oof Size Large

Oof Size Large

cannabalisticdeer Report

#73

Praise Be To Sony

Praise Be To Sony

reddit.com , twitter.com Report

#74

I See A Sad Pig Too

I See A Sad Pig Too

reddit.com , www.reddit.com Report

#75

Greta On Fire

Greta On Fire

Star-spangled-Banner Report

#76

God Damn I Know That Hurt

God Damn I Know That Hurt

laptitudee Report

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#77

"Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"

"Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"

Master1718 Report

#78

Nudes For Dudes

Nudes For Dudes

princesshabibi Report

#79

Dread It. Run From It.

Dread It. Run From It.

ParkerAnderson130 Report

#80

I Can’t Remember

I Can’t Remember

memezzer Report

#81

Found The Reason Why

Found The Reason Why

beerbellybegone Report

#82

Identical Match

Identical Match

memezzer Report

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#83

Yeah Let’s Keep Doing That.

Yeah Let’s Keep Doing That.

-Makiyu- Report

#84

Someone Has Been Stealing A Few Eggplants, Huh?

Someone Has Been Stealing A Few Eggplants, Huh?

GuiMr27 Report

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#85

Money Beats Brawn

Money Beats Brawn

modsarefaggotz Report

#86

Y = Mx + B For ?

Y = Mx + B For ?

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#87

C- C- Cons- Consent?

C- C- Cons- Consent?

ProbablyMaybe69 Report

#88

Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head

Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head

IamLegionn Report

#89

Gotta Get Home

Gotta Get Home

reddit.com Report