Join the Fun!

#2

Never Underestimate A Woman

Final score:

1.1Kpoints

POST

Martha Meyer 3 years ago

I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.

60points

#3

“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

Final score:

996points

POST

Jamilia Mamedova 3 years ago

She did her make up, all by herself!

355points

Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

#4

Love This Guy

Final score:

991points

POST

Kamilla Juel Sørensen 3 years ago

BUUUUUURN!! :D

260points

#5

Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

Final score:

907points

POST

izzy.kitsune 3 years ago

b u r n !

190points

#6

People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles

Final score:

879points

POST

Lis Daglish 3 years ago

BOOM.

167points

Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

#7

Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe

Final score:

836points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

But, but, but.....I got nothing.

179points

#8

You're The Problem

Final score:

827points

POST

kasa alex 3 years ago

Well said, sir

166points

#9

Thank You Andy Wang!

Final score:

808points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.

302points

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

#10

I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh

Final score:

734points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago (edited)

Hahaha BAM, got ya there.

161points

#11

Illegal Plants

Final score:

722points

POST

Da Coconut Nut 3 years ago

Welp

145points

#12

British Museum

Final score:

701points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

People that feel British, aren't really British. They are, in fact, Bri-ish

120points

That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

#13

This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet

Final score:

697points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Don’t forget the pandemic.

143points

#14

Raw Skiny Jeans Bat

Final score:

695points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

Look, a vampire CAN turn into a bat (man)!

140points

#15

Useless Trees

Final score:

694points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Who needs oxygen if there is no wifi?

239points

#16

What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly

Final score:

687points

POST

izzy.kitsune 3 years ago

OOF

132points

#17

Rage Against Something

Final score:

678points

POST

Ami Temi 3 years ago

Wow, perfect comeback.

135points

#18

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

Final score:

673points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

And she is killing it.

278points

#19

Separate Payments

Final score:

654points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Sounds like the perfect plan.

206points

#20

They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

Final score:

650points

POST

Jill 3 years ago

Imagine if they did!

193points

#21

Depression vs. Asthma

Final score:

634points

POST

I'manoob! 3 years ago

Savage!

134points

#22

Big Footprints To Fill

Final score:

626points

POST

J. F. 3 years ago

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody, thanks to BP

273points

#23

Not Mine But On Point

Final score:

622points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

Shrek also had a donkey marrying a dragon... 🤔

186points

#24

Another Reason To Love The Beatles

Final score:

602points

POST

Kirsten Kerkhof 3 years ago

Such a polite burn that.

215points

#25

Elite Finish

Final score:

602points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.

250points

#26

Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

Final score:

601points

POST

Wendillon 3 years ago

No thanks, I don't need birth control cause I'm not pregnant.

399points

#27

Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

Final score:

597points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.

189points

#28

Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

Final score:

586points

POST

Jill 3 years ago

I could say the same thing about Stewart's Calculus book as well. (For those of you not in the know, the physics book he mentioned is one of the most popular physics 101 books used at universities.)

69points

#29

That Last Line Though

Final score:

582points

POST

Wendillon 3 years ago

So because the warning label on a bottle of bleach says not to drink it, are you just going to blindly follow it and not drink the bleach? What if it tastes really good??

286points

#30

Left vs. Right

Final score:

571points

POST

Jessamyn Zolcznski 3 years ago

Burn...oh wait. (Sorry)

231points

#31

They Did Not See This Coming

Final score:

563points

POST

Sandra Charlot 3 years ago

I've tried to read Bible, but I'm not much into fantasy book :)

130points

#32

Columbus Day

Final score:

551points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."

220points

#33

Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

Final score:

524points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

Austin Powers: The man who tackled me.

105points

#34

'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

Final score:

524points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

They’re the smart ones haha.

127points

#35

I Love Puns

Final score:

516points

POST

Losferatu 3 years ago

Let's play a game: Spell the type of establishment we're eating at, and I'll buy you your meal!

152points

#36

Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

Final score:

506points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Gotta be pretty pathetic to play games like that.

149points

#37

Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

Final score:

497points

POST

Kirsten Kerkhof 3 years ago

I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...

192points

#38

Invasive Species

Final score:

487points

POST

Lis Daglish 3 years ago

I love that his hoover made a clear break for freedom.

111points

#39

Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test

Final score:

484points

POST

DforDory 3 years ago

I'm dying!🤣🤣

145points

#40

Oof! British People Be Like...

Final score:

476points

POST

Patti Brock 3 years ago

🤣 😂

88points

#41

Honesty Is The Best Policy

Final score:

456points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

At least they are honest.

186points

#42

I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

Final score:

455points

POST

Me He 3 years ago

SAD!!

93points

#43

Depends On Who Writes The Comic

Final score:

447points

POST

Steve Barnett 3 years ago

But Batman has a utility belt. A UTILITY BELT!

225points

#44

Boomer vs. Millenial

Final score:

443points

POST

MrsPossum 3 years ago

Loving the 315 reactions versus the 4.6k reactions. Boom! 🤣

108points

#45

It’s Funny Because It’s True

Final score:

404points

POST

Chez 3 years ago

*pages

66points

#46

She Isn’t A Walking Womb

Final score:

400points

POST

Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)

276points

#47

Weird Motives

Final score:

386points

POST

wandile dludlu 3 years ago

I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift

125points

#48

Especially Clever

Final score:

368points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...

94points

#49

Facebook Comeback

Final score:

312points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.

104points

#50

Quite Funny To Be Honest

Final score:

312points

POST

Katchen 3 years ago

WTAF. They ask teens about guns when school shootings plague the country, but are offended by the nail gun joke?

241points

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#51

Rip To This Antivaxxer

Final score:

133points

POST

Roxy 3 years ago

u need to vaccinate

43points

#52

That's A No Brainer

Final score:

125points

POST

ADHORTATOR 3 years ago

It seems that nobody likes Florida...

37points

#53

Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option

Final score:

120points

POST

Lily Lu 3 years ago

They were not arrested, they got displined by their hospital and threatened with being fired. Not cool, but not the same as being arrested.

3points

#54

Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.

Final score:

118points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

Atleast she knows there's only s**t coming out of her mouth.

38points

#55

Bryan Is Probably Still A Virgin To This Day

Final score:

117points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

😂 burn..

29points

#56

Have Fun With Your New Profession.

Final score:

115points

POST

Vic 3 years ago

What did I just read?? :-O

37points

TheWitchNaru 3 years ago

Women putting up with abusive & shitty men because they're afraid to be single & alone because some asshole in thier life told them that women are nothing without a man...

12points

Load More Replies...

Zenozenobee 3 years ago

I never understood that kind of non sense. Your bf is cheating, and the side girl is the bit**? The side girl may be aware of the situation and that's bad, but even if....Who the hell was supposed to be loyal to you and just went planting his seeds around?

5points

Truth Monster 3 years ago

But she'll be the Sad Clown...

2points

lara 3 years ago

That's a great comeback. BTW, she is a fool and that is the kindest thing I can say.

1point

BoredPanda is awesome 3 years ago

0_0

1point

serge 3 years ago

However, clowns have self esteem....

0points

TheDemonUnderYourBed 3 years ago (edited)

Wait- she knew he had a side hoe, but only questions whether or not to stay once he gets the chick pregnant?? Ah, I see.. Babygirl- LEAVE THE DUDE ALREADY!

0points

CatWoman312 3 years ago

😂😂

0points

#57

Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?

Final score:

115points

POST

Roxy 3 years ago

Wasted

10points

#58

Come On Judge

Final score:

114points

POST

Marcellus the Third 3 years ago

Why does her Twitter claim she's a judge?

22points

#59

Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.

Final score:

111points

POST

Pamela24 3 years ago

If he's not willing to have a condom on, he's not worth to have sex with. Simple as that. It means he values your health way less than his potential pleasure. In a committed relationship where you agree on a different contraceptive (if you don't wish to get pregnant) and get tested for STIs beforehand, sure. But never with a casual sex partner.

21points

#60

Task Failed Successfully

Final score:

110points

POST

Clare E 3 years ago

My chicken from Hello Fresh does have a kill date actually.

46points

#61

The Trash Man

Final score:

100points

POST

Luisa Vasconcelos 3 years ago

Burn.

30points

#62

Hideous Little Goatee

Final score:

99points

POST

Doggo Georgia 3 years ago

LOLLLLLL

16points

#63

Yeah We Smart Bro

Final score:

97points

POST

izzy.kitsune 3 years ago

touche

36points

#64

Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor

Final score:

96points

POST

Martha Meyer 3 years ago

The "Ok, boomer" thing just needs to die. When will people see that this generational war is serving no one?

27points

#65

Profit Before Health?

Final score:

95points

POST

Truth Monster 3 years ago

No Expense was Spared on Covid supplies. We might, however, have not paid the programmer...

26points

#66

James Ain’t Holding None Back

Final score:

93points

POST

Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

I love these guys and their inability to notice, in their search for rare Pokemon to steal, they that have a friggin talking Pokemon that can translate to English. Like the only one I'm aware of. Ah well, still loved that show when it came out

30points

#67

Best Way To Respond To A Hater

Final score:

92points

POST

Pamela24 3 years ago

What a coward.

39points

#68

That's Not How It Works Karen

Final score:

91points

POST

cybermerlin2000 3 years ago

Well... There's the Rotavirus vaccine, taken orally. Just like the polio one.

28points

#69

Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?

Final score:

90points

POST

Vic 3 years ago (edited)

That was witty!!

22points

#70

Right Back In His Face

Final score:

89points

POST

Hugh Cookson 3 years ago

The sooner you Americans wake up to the fact that you have and are still being fleeced / robbed by the very system that is supposed to help you when you and your families are in need of healthcare through no fault of your own, the better. There is no other country in the World - mostly - that would stand idly by and let some of it's most vulnerable and sickest citizens suffer and die because they don't have the correct 'insurance'. Not only is it cruel but also uncaring and downright sadistic...... Glad I live in a half way decent country ....

6points

#71

Stupid Millennials

Final score:

88points

POST

Tabitha L 3 years ago

Damn. Also, true.

13points

#72

Oof Size Large

Final score:

84points

POST

Wendillon 3 years ago

To be fair the spelling wasn't her choice

20points

#73

Praise Be To Sony

Final score:

84points

POST

Aaron Dettmer 3 years ago

The word murder also doesn't appear in the Constitution. But it's still not right. Genocide too. Oh, and Holocaust

35points

#74

I See A Sad Pig Too

Final score:

82points

POST

MJ 3 years ago

I felt that burn through my phone

38points

#75

Greta On Fire

Final score:

81points

POST

Moriarty2 3 years ago

I think her response to him losing the election was a better burn. Lol.

46points

#76

God Damn I Know That Hurt

Final score:

78points

POST

Jill 3 years ago

This could go both ways...

20points

#77

"Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"

Final score:

75points

POST

A.M. Pierre 3 years ago

I'm sorry, but someone whose biggest problem is "Woe is me, I can't sell my mansion" doesn't garner a lot of my sympathy.

54points

#78

Nudes For Dudes

Final score:

69points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

Have a mature discussion and breakup.

21points

#79

Dread It. Run From It.

Final score:

65points

POST

Vikram Bedi 3 years ago

Today’s movie villains are concerned about the environment/over population ...Like the James Bond villain trying to secure an underground water reservoir to sell in the future...that’s just sad... trying to show environmentalists have some hidden agenda to take over the world.

15points

#80

I Can’t Remember

Final score:

65points

POST

banana 3 years ago

This isn't a roast its just cute xD

13points

#81

Found The Reason Why

Final score:

63points

POST

Martha Meyer 3 years ago

This was always odd to me when I saw it in films, because people were living in houses. If I tried leave through my bedroom window, I would have fallen to death from my apartment building.

25points

#82

Identical Match

Final score:

61points

POST

Kisses4Katie 3 years ago

The Nasty Patty

19points

#83

Yeah Let’s Keep Doing That.

Final score:

60points

POST

Bronwyn Keith 3 years ago

Ouch!

6points

#84

Someone Has Been Stealing A Few Eggplants, Huh?

Final score:

58points

POST

Imposmate 3 years ago

bam

3points

#85

Money Beats Brawn

Final score:

57points

POST

Capelli rosa e patate 3 years ago

I don’t know who either of them are but that made me giggle something awful. 😂

28points

#86

Y = Mx + B For ?

Final score:

51points

POST

Marcellus the Third 3 years ago

No, it says how many friends you can take and give a round. The rest you leech off them. See, math is useless, mooching is the way.

18points

#87

C- C- Cons- Consent?

Final score:

48points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Don’t come to Aus then, the C word is used countless times in a sentence.

27points

#88

Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head

Final score:

48points

POST

Ruth Mayfly 3 years ago

I feel this is inaccurate. Identifying an outbreak of a known virus is different from identifying a new virus which can't be tested for. China certainly doesn't deserve any praise for silencing the first worried doctors, it does for the fast shutdown and for sharing information on the virus. But in the end I don't think this could have been contained by any country, there were far too many people without symptoms. Even with warning and tests available most countries failed to contain it.

15points