ADVERTISEMENT

Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.

The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.

Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.

RELATED:
    #2

    Never Underestimate A Woman

    Never Underestimate A Woman

    Dry-Net Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Martha Meyer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #3

    “Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

    “Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”

    reddit.com , twitter.com Report

    Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

    She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #5

    Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

    Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile

    twinkletoes_44 Report

    Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!

    The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!

    ADVERTISEMENT
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #9

    Thank You Andy Wang!

    Thank You Andy Wang!

    ykafia Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Truth Monster
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.

    Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.

    The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #12

    British Museum

    British Museum

    athrvpatil , SumzIbrahiim Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vic
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People that feel British, aren't really British. They are, in fact, Bri-ish

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu

    That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance. 

    Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #20

    They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

    They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime

    TheRikari Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #22

    Big Footprints To Fill

    Big Footprints To Fill

    mysteresc Report

    #25

    Elite Finish

    Elite Finish

    MythicalBeast263 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #26

    Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

    Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!

    ZacReligious Report

    #27

    Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

    Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure

    svrmster103 , ashallowseafish Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #28

    Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

    Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao

    turing042 , sahaj_amatya Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Jill
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I could say the same thing about Stewart's Calculus book as well. (For those of you not in the know, the physics book he mentioned is one of the most popular physics 101 books used at universities.)

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #29

    That Last Line Though

    That Last Line Though

    livebythem Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Wendillon
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So because the warning label on a bottle of bleach says not to drink it, are you just going to blindly follow it and not drink the bleach? What if it tastes really good??

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #31

    They Did Not See This Coming

    They Did Not See This Coming

    acagastya Report

    #32

    Columbus Day

    Columbus Day

    reddit.com Report

    #33

    Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

    Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback

    IShallPetYourDogo , www.reddit.com Report

    #34

    'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

    'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'

    Master1718 Report

    #35

    I Love Puns

    I Love Puns

    discordgamer101 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Losferatu
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let's play a game: Spell the type of establishment we're eating at, and I'll buy you your meal!

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #36

    Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

    Who’ll Email You When You Block Him

    reddit.com Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #37

    Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

    Can't Get Any More Clever Than This

    KingMushroomIV Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Kirsten Kerkhof
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #43

    Depends On Who Writes The Comic

    Depends On Who Writes The Comic

    Master1718 Report

    #44

    Boomer vs. Millenial

    Boomer vs. Millenial

    buss123 Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    #46

    She Isn’t A Walking Womb

    She Isn’t A Walking Womb

    PlatinumGamer55 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #47

    Weird Motives

    Weird Motives

    Random_420-69 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    wandile dludlu
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #48

    Especially Clever

    Especially Clever

    hydr0p0lis Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vikram Bedi
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #49

    Facebook Comeback

    Facebook Comeback

    AkshayyChavan Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Helen Haley
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #50

    Quite Funny To Be Honest

    Quite Funny To Be Honest

    rahul4112 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Katchen
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WTAF. They ask teens about guns when school shootings plague the country, but are offended by the nail gun joke?

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
    Unlimited content
    Ad-free browsing
    Dark mode
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #53

    Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option

    Forgot To Add That As A Poll Option

    yadun87 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Lily Lu
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They were not arrested, they got displined by their hospital and threatened with being fired. Not cool, but not the same as being arrested.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #54

    Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.

    Tomi, Absolutely Destroyed.

    IDidTheCAPTCHA Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vic
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Atleast she knows there's only s**t coming out of her mouth.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #57

    Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?

    Yeah, Who Cares About White Supremacy, Amirite?

    reddit.com Report

    #59

    Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.

    Honestly Wish I Had This Comeback With Half The Idiots Ive Been With.

    shay_143 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Pamela24
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he's not willing to have a condom on, he's not worth to have sex with. Simple as that. It means he values your health way less than his potential pleasure. In a committed relationship where you agree on a different contraceptive (if you don't wish to get pregnant) and get tested for STIs beforehand, sure. But never with a casual sex partner.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #60

    Task Failed Successfully

    Task Failed Successfully

    thistardis Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #64

    Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor

    Should Have Seen That Coming Eleanor

    bellatwirls Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Martha Meyer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The "Ok, boomer" thing just needs to die. When will people see that this generational war is serving no one?

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #65

    Profit Before Health?

    Profit Before Health?

    BelleAriel Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Truth Monster
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No Expense was Spared on Covid supplies. We might, however, have not paid the programmer...

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #66

    James Ain’t Holding None Back

    James Ain’t Holding None Back

    Ya_Yeet_NateDoge Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love these guys and their inability to notice, in their search for rare Pokemon to steal, they that have a friggin talking Pokemon that can translate to English. Like the only one I'm aware of. Ah well, still loved that show when it came out

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #68

    That's Not How It Works Karen

    That's Not How It Works Karen

    diemongul Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #69

    Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?

    Can Somebody Cashapp Me A Dang Pizza?

    reddit.com Report

    #70

    Right Back In His Face

    Right Back In His Face

    reddit.com Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Hugh Cookson
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The sooner you Americans wake up to the fact that you have and are still being fleeced / robbed by the very system that is supposed to help you when you and your families are in need of healthcare through no fault of your own, the better. There is no other country in the World - mostly - that would stand idly by and let some of it's most vulnerable and sickest citizens suffer and die because they don't have the correct 'insurance'. Not only is it cruel but also uncaring and downright sadistic...... Glad I live in a half way decent country ....

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #73

    Praise Be To Sony

    Praise Be To Sony

    reddit.com , twitter.com Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Aaron Dettmer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The word murder also doesn't appear in the Constitution. But it's still not right. Genocide too. Oh, and Holocaust

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #75

    Greta On Fire

    Greta On Fire

    Star-spangled-Banner Report

    #76

    God Damn I Know That Hurt

    God Damn I Know That Hurt

    laptitudee Report

    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #77

    "Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"

    "Millenials Are Killing The Big House Market"

    Master1718 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    A.M. Pierre
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry, but someone whose biggest problem is "Woe is me, I can't sell my mansion" doesn't garner a lot of my sympathy.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #79

    Dread It. Run From It.

    Dread It. Run From It.

    ParkerAnderson130 Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Vikram Bedi
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Today’s movie villains are concerned about the environment/over population ...Like the James Bond villain trying to secure an underground water reservoir to sell in the future...that’s just sad... trying to show environmentalists have some hidden agenda to take over the world.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #80

    I Can’t Remember

    I Can’t Remember

    memezzer Report

    #81

    Found The Reason Why

    Found The Reason Why

    beerbellybegone Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Martha Meyer
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This was always odd to me when I saw it in films, because people were living in houses. If I tried leave through my bedroom window, I would have fallen to death from my apartment building.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #85

    Money Beats Brawn

    Money Beats Brawn

    modsarefaggotz Report

    #86

    Y = Mx + B For ?

    Y = Mx + B For ?

    reddit.com Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Marcellus the Third
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, it says how many friends you can take and give a round. The rest you leech off them. See, math is useless, mooching is the way.

    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #87

    C- C- Cons- Consent?

    C- C- Cons- Consent?

    ProbablyMaybe69 Report

    #88

    Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head

    Simply Ranting A Nation Because You Have A Typical Stock Image Of It In Your Head

    IamLegionn Report

    Add photo comments
    POST
    Ruth Mayfly
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel this is inaccurate. Identifying an outbreak of a known virus is different from identifying a new virus which can't be tested for. China certainly doesn't deserve any praise for silencing the first worried doctors, it does for the fast shutdown and for sharing information on the virus. But in the end I don't think this could have been contained by any country, there were far too many people without symptoms. Even with warning and tests available most countries failed to contain it.

    View More Replies...
    View more commentsArrow down menu