ADVERTISEMENT

Seeing a good clapback is always satisfying. It's witty, has an element of justice, and can defend against unnecessary insults. The funnier it is, though, the more effective. We don't only want justice, we want to make the comeback sting more with a joke.

There is an X (Twitter) page that collects this sort of humor. People online say all sorts of things. And there's no shortage of wannabe comedians or just people with a well-developed funny bone online as well. Clever Comebacks is the place where one can find some witty roasts. So we invite you to scroll through our selection from this X page and tell us your own stories of clapping back in style.

#3

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Already done thanks to Obama. Seriously my roommate is diabetic and when he got on ACA his insulin went from $500 per month to $50 per month. He literally cried he was so happy.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

How many of us would want to be able to come up with witty comebacks on the spot? How often do most of us wonder how to clap back in the moment? Not an hour, a day, or a week later. The secret to a great comeback, according to a theater artistic director, is focusing, really focusing, on what the other person is saying.

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, told the BBC in 2016 that you can't really plan a good comeback. It's like improv on stage in that regard – you work with what the other person is giving you. Paul claims that people think faster than other people speak. That gives them time to come up with a witty answer.

ADVERTISEMENT
#6

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Rizzo
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like someone got their history knowledge from the Flintstones. ;)

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

Paul says good listening skills come in handy when coming up with a clever comeback. For those who want to hone their listening skills, she suggests a simple game of one-word volleyball. Two people build a story by quickly adding a word as a response to what the other person just said. 

She uses the same technique when teaching improvisation theater. "The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul told the BBC.

ADVERTISEMENT
#8

50 Epic Comebacks That Immediately Put Jerks In Their Place, As Shared On This X Page

Due-News4850 Report

Add photo comments
POST
Kappy Pfeiffer
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love this one. But just like the sun and moon, it probably goes right over OP's head.

ADVERTISEMENT

People begin hearing insults thrown at them in childhood. Although at that age they might seem insignificant, a child should know how to react properly. Psychiatrist Suzanne Bender, M.D., writes for Psychology Today that ignoring the other person doesn't always work. "Rude remarks without any pushback may continue, or even escalate," she added.

Agreeing with the offender might work. But children should do so with humor. If a kid tells another child "You look like a grape in this shirt", the kid might retort with "Well, I love grapes and couldn’t be prouder to represent this fruit." Yet the problem with this is that it requires verbal agility and to think on one's feet. 

ADVERTISEMENT
#14

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Spidercat
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He cancelled the whole human race with a flood a few chapters later...

SM
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe there is supposed to be this place called Hell. I think that is about as "canceled" as you can get.

Jeff White
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will always be amazed at the stunning lack of thinking(?) that goes in the attempt of someone of faith to use logic or examples to fortify their arguments that are explicitly stated should be taken on faith. Unfortunately twisted.

eame
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, it's right there in their beliefs. You have to have "faith", because logic would mean you see it for the farce it is.

Load More Replies...
SCP 4666
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They cancelled an aramaic preacher man for talking about one god and benevolence

Flora Porter
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people might say that the concept of God was an early attempt to be able to cancel people who had different beliefs and habits.

Appalachian Panda
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, I think it began as a way to explain things like where the sun goes at night and what happens when you die, but then things got out of hand when some people decided they could turn it to their own advantage.

Load More Replies...
michael Chock
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is it cancel culture protestors only stand up for predators and racists? Meanwhile they ban books, enforce dress codes, enact religious law...

Dan Flo
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imagen religious people canceling someo... oh, right. And God even lives in a gated community.

Jules
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you believe in God, you must accept that he is busy cancelling / smiting people ALL THE TIME.

JessieJ&LilyLovebug
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on whether you take the position of the Evangelical Christians that the Bible is literal truth, or that of early, and past, Christians that they are fables and stories meant to teach and guide. I remember a Time Magazine article in the early aughts about a movement of young people distancing themselves from the term Christian, and embracing terms like Followers of Jesus, because they did not agree with the Evangelicals and those like them.

Load More Replies...
Donkey boi
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just because I'm a pedantic Ahole... Nowhere in the bible does it actually say it was an apple. In the original Hebrew text from the Book of Enoch, the tree is described as a species of Tamarind with a grape like fruit. I'd argue that as it was from The Tree of the Knowledge of Good an Evil, which was a unique tree, the fruit was also likely unique.

Cindy Brick
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope -- didn't cancel them. He was still around. They just had to work for their living...

Timbob
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually, he canceled ALL of future generations, FOREVER ,

Natty Tempest
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Coupla cities too... Turns out 'I don't like that, make it not happen any more' is a universal thing.

lakitha tolbert
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God has canceled whole cities full of people, multiple groups of people and individuals, and once he canceled the entire human race except for one guy and his immediate family! oh, and there are some Christians canceling people right now for not believing in him.

Margaret Weaver
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody ever got cancelled all the way into a literal pillar of salt, guys, cmon.

Kelly Hartle
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If a person doesn't believe a single book is literal and absolute, don't the Christians cancel him?

EJN
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not to mention all those other examples in the bible where God burns someone for a mistake. Even the dude who tried to keep the ark of the covenant from falling got burned!!!

Sven Horlemann
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The more I learn and understand about religion and scripts like the bible, the more ridiculous it gets. But ok, people kind of need to believe, whatever it is.

Rebecca Derr
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He promised not to do it again, but if he acts like us humans, watch out.

me McG
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Given' gods track record it's now a kinder, gentler, cancel culture.

Granny
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

seems the Bible should be banned to to its murderous content

Jerry
Community Member
10 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Demonstrates very poor understanding of the Bible, not canceled. Suffered consequences of a breach of contract. Then spent thousands of years putting a plan in place to help lighten the consequences and offer a new contract better than the old. Seriously, I've you’re not very familiar with a book don't talk about it like you know it. That goes for any work of literature.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#15

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jeff White
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And Polio, Ruebella, Measles, Pertussis, hell even Chicken Pox. Before a vaccine became available, approximately 100 US children, died each year from Chicken Pox.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

However,children can practice and enhance their verbal agility. Bender suggests parents roleplay with their kids. That way, the child can take turns to be both the aggressor and the responder. Practicing these types of situations might increase the kid's confidence. Next time, they might have a clever comeback prepared, and that's incredibly empowering to a young child.

#16

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Spidercat
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Get lost in a grocery store situated in a an ethnically diverse neighbourhood while trying to steal spices."....There, fixed it.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#17

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also the left isn''t the one hoarding guns and ammo and preparing for a new civil war. We don't want war and bloodshed. That's kind of our thing.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT

What's interesting is that "the battle of wits" is not an invention of social media. Pamela Druckerman writes for The New York Times about the movie "Ridicule", which examines the social injustices of late 18th-century France. It portrays French aristocrats as having a never-ending battle of wits.

The film is set on the eve of the French Revolution, and shows the corruption and callousness of the aristocrats. Those who were able to make their rivals look ridiculous, possessed 'esprit.' As Merriam Webster defines it, the term means 'vivacious cleverness or wit.' The movie’s tagline is this: "Wit opens every door."

#22

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Nonna_SoF
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alright, so since no pastor alive today witnessed the s**t they preach about they're all false witnesses and therefore broke the 9th commandment.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#24

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jeff White
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Regardless of the man / woman context, this is the best response of all.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

Druckerman likens this order of society to her daughter's playground. You and everyone around you is in a competition not to look ridiculous. "When my daughter complained that a boy had insulted her during recess, I counseled her to forget about it," Druckerman writes. "She said that just wouldn't do: To save face, she had to humiliate him."

#26

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not to mention that just because two people of biologically opposite genders (male and female) have sex and conceive, that does NOT mean those people are or were “straight”. Bisexual people exist. Pansexual people exist. And non-binary people exist. And genderfluid people exist. Many people are capable of conceiving a child. Having sex that results in pregnancy does not automatically make the genetically-contributing parties “straight”.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu

So if we're doomed to always be on our toes and have witty comebacks ready on the go, how do we make them land? Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant, told the BBC that it's best to respond to an insult in a positive way. She says that toxic banter turns the environment sour for every employee.

ADVERTISEMENT

Instead of being mean, says Raffy, try to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation" and don't make the antagonist the bad guy. It's best to turn them into the "victim" of the circumstances. What are some examples? "If a colleague says, 'This project is going nowhere fast,' you could say, 'At least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction,'" Raffy suggests.

#31

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Europeans didn't colonize America, they conquered it by committing genocide on the people who were already here.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#34

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Debbie
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still find this one funny. Honest and I bet Paul Felder also had to laugh about the response.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#36

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Spidercat
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aaah yes, the socialist funding structure of the US Army and the USPS.... Shhhh...don't tell the GOP.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#39

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
SM
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The economics of government is just way above some people's heads... Actually, so is regular economics!

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
#41

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Roxy222uk
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have you seen the size of those garages, too? Those are wealthy people.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#42

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Clown fish
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe if you cover your face with a mask you might get some action to

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#43

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jeff White
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the OP is a functional something, but BoredPanda doesn't allow bad words ...

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#44

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

emilybest Report

Add photo comments
POST
Helena
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the original question. Because it is my last name. You don't need another reason.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#45

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kevin Sorbo is the guy famous for playing Hercules in the '90s TV series. He has since gone a little funny in the head and believes some very strange things.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#48

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ryan-James O'Driscoll
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's actually not a bad way to cook salmon. It's not a great way, but a healthy and simple dinner in 3 minutes. Fish will be nice and flaky.

View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#49

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jeff White
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uh oh, you're trying to use sense or logic on a vaccine denier? It is astounding how ineffective that method is (although "I" think your example is brilliant). Well done.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#52

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Tabitha
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like so many other religions, Muslims also have less draconian sects. Quit stereotyping.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium
Unlimited content
Ad-free browsing
Dark mode
#54

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Trillian
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I sit there (in a bar or anywhere) reading a book I specifically don't want anyone to "like" me

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#55

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Spidercat
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it comes to Christians Against Science... Proving it and changing their minds are not the same act.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#60

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
SM
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The guns used for Olympic sports are low caliber and have almost no kick to them.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#62

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jeff White
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I appreciate your attempt at common sense. But people who are so deranged regarding vaccines are never going to be affected by math and science and the common sense stuff. I really wish I had something wise and profound to say and help, but I don't.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#64

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
BrownTabby
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On a related note, am I the only one who would have gone bum over breakfast if I’d tried to run full tilt down a bunch of stairs in heels? And am I the only one who wants a version where she does fall down the stairs and the prince helps her and her clothes change back and she tells him what’s going on and he’s a bro and lets her stay with him and gets his guards to throw the stepbītches in the dungeon and “And she was STAYING AT HIS PLACE!” ensues?

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#65

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
steve g
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm earning 40k a month, suicide is going to be a long way over the horizon.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#71

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my favorite YouTube channels is called "Worst Games Ever". I enjoy watching people play terrible games I'd never play.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#73

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Tee Pussi
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good thing they circled the answer, wouldn't have spotted it otherwise.

View more commentsArrow down menu
#75

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

userdaniel13 Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ample Aardvark
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Selling my victims' possessions of course! Edit: *their victims, damn autocorrect

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#76

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
General Anaesthesia
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Over paid, over sexed, and over here". - About American soldiers stationed in Britain during WWII.

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#80

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pronouns this woman used to make that statement. "I" (several times), everyone, your, we. These people don't know what pronouns are do they?

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
ADVERTISEMENT
See Also on Bored Panda
#82

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

clevcomebacks Report

Add photo comments
POST
Jennifer Mathison
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But the “creator economy’’s” product couldn’t be made without the existence of the Netflix one?

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#83

Clever-Comebacks-Posts

Eater__of_Souls Report

Add photo comments
POST
BrownTabby
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So…children…should not…act out scenes from their favourite shows…during…their designated play time…? Is that what you’re trying to say here?

View More Replies...
View more commentsArrow down menu
#85

Imagine How Much Harm They Do

Glass-Fan111 Report

Add photo comments
POST
Scarlett Pettis
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Y E S S S Treat your children with kindness, dignity, respect, and empathy, and they will grow up to to be functionally awesome members of the world.

#86

50 Epic Comebacks That Immediately Put Jerks In Their Place, As Shared On This X Page

BloomSavvy Report

Add photo comments
POST
Honey
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the best action and reaction. Should be #1