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Seeing a good clapback is always satisfying. It's witty, has an element of justice, and can defend against unnecessary insults. The funnier it is, though, the more effective. We don't only want justice, we want to make the comeback sting more with a joke.

There is an X (Twitter) page that collects this sort of humor. People online say all sorts of things. And there's no shortage of wannabe comedians or just people with a well-developed funny bone online as well. Clever Comebacks is the place where one can find some witty roasts. So we invite you to scroll through our selection from this X page and tell us your own stories of clapping back in style.

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Already done thanks to Obama. Seriously my roommate is diabetic and when he got on ACA his insulin went from $500 per month to $50 per month. He literally cried he was so happy.

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How many of us would want to be able to come up with witty comebacks on the spot? How often do most of us wonder how to clap back in the moment? Not an hour, a day, or a week later. The secret to a great comeback, according to a theater artistic director, is focusing, really focusing, on what the other person is saying.

Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, told the BBC in 2016 that you can't really plan a good comeback. It's like improv on stage in that regard – you work with what the other person is giving you. Paul claims that people think faster than other people speak. That gives them time to come up with a witty answer.

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laura lee
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So tell me what vegan jewelry sculptures and monuments look like? Yeah you can't

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Bewitched One
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I laugh at this every time. I think the atheists only tell that person because they want them to stop preaching about their own religion

SCP 4666
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And they tell you to read the holy book about atheism.

Tiffany Marie
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm surprised more people aren't athiests now. I did my time. 12 years growing up in a fundamental church cult. It's all about power and control. Narcissistic pastor who spent all the money given on Hawaii trips and Rolex watches. He even preached one day saying if we didn't give more he'd go to a different church that pays. Church people are so brain washed and also judgemental. The most annoying thing is they're too easily offended. "You haven't been to this church! It's the real deal!" It's NOT. Holy ghost Pentecost is a cult built on narcissism. It's like if Homelander was the Pastor. My long time friend recently texted me saying I need Jesus. She was blocked. No. I don't. I need better people who are healthy emotionally. I have had therapy, goals, sobriety ect. It's a shame as I could use CoDa which is a support group for codependency but just can't deal with the Jesus stuff.

willow_
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are on point with a lot of congregations being cult-like, judgemental, etc. But those kinds of congregations do not follow the bible and use it as their guide for life. They will be the ones to pick out verses and use them against you, and they will make unsolicited remarks about how "if only you went to church," etc. But I am a Christian, and not all of us are like that. We, as Christians, were told to love our neighbor, and even love those who hate us. We are told not to be judgemental or to gossip. We are even told that we should not condemn people. While some "Christians" are like what you describe, not all of us are.

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michael Chock
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't forget asking body parts of past notable Atheists to grant wishes or at least to pass their messages along to nothing.

Flora Porter
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of those posts that BP seems to be contractually obliged to publish once a month.

Z Alexi
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whatta bunch of concocted hooey Flora Porter typed..."Contractually obliged"~~like she knows. Get lost.

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Suck it Trebek
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an atheist I approve this reply. And another thing alot of atheist don't even tell people because alot of us don't want to deal with the backlash and proselytizing that inevitably follows.

SheHulk
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They forgot the atheists who slaughter believers in the name of no one!

Sonja
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm an agnostic. Religious people have generally less problems with accepting me than atheists. They always try to prove to me that god doesn't exist by claiming the concept was unscientific. And that is true, but it's not proof that Gpd dors or doesn't exist. It's a circular (and ridiculous) argument to say: the existence of God can't be proven, thus for he doesn't exist, because that would mean also, that things also only exist, if they can't be proven. Up to today it isn't possible to finally prove that black holes exist. No one has seen one. No one is able to. We know that they most likely exist, because the math works out and wouldn't work if they didn't. But no scientist would exclude the possibility that they don't exist only based on that. There could be another phenomenon causing the effects we see, which we don't know. That's science. As an agnostic I'm adamantly sure we can't know if God exists and in which form. Because we can't qualify God in any way

Jennifer Ness
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never have I heard or read anything from an atheist saying the REASON for their atheism is that it's unscientific. I have heard and read many an atheist use science to push back on ridiculous claims made by believers (Earth is 6,000 years old, dinos didn't exist, eyeballs are proof of intelligent design, etc.)

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Vicki Perizzolo
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

hahahaha -- at least we don't wear warning labels or go door to door either.

Julia L Guns
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gosh this whole thread is captured by vegans… Is there a connection between atheists and vegans? Never thought so…

William Travis
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was at my job for over 11 YEARS before anyone knew I was atheist... meanwhile the part-time preacher made sure everyone knew his religon within a week of them being hired.

Dan
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be fair, I'm kinda an azzhole about being an atheist 🤣

Somethingpenguin
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This showed up on another post, so as jerome (idk the last name sry) yes they charge I the name of noooootthhhhhhiiiiiinnnngggg

Anne McKinney
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is the exact argument I use when I hear someone say the LGBTQ community is shoving our lifestyle down their throats. It's laughable!!

Mickie Shea
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did not know this, so now I shall get my bucket of notes and head for the streets.

Huddo's sister
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not an either or scenario though, like most things. Some atheists do like announcing to everyone their views, just like some Christians do, and some don't, like Christians or any other religious group.

jjdubs W
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is that a comeback? Why wouldn't you know who an atheist is if they told you?

JessieJ&LilyLovebug
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Obnoxious doesn't need a reason, but religion is as good a reason as any. Lack of religion works, too. Or any of the other MANY reasons people use to make them feel better about their actions and choices. I don't blame the faith, science, or hobby, I blame the human, because at the end of it all, that human is the source of the problems, and all the other things are just set dressing for justification, and behavior enabling tools.

John Harrison
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. "Lack of religion" is not a means by which people make themselves feel better, nor is it inherently a source of obnoxiousness. Atheists may come across as obnoxious because we are protesting the harms that religion brings. Calling us out for that is like calling out a doctor for distributing a vaccine. 2. "Blaming the human" says nothing and does nothing. We can't remove humans, and we can't magically reach inside our heads and clean out our illogical impulses and biases. What we CAN do is educate people about them, and religion, as a perfect example of human illogic and bias, is a natural part of that conversation.

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Sophia L.
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They tell you faith is a mental illness and stuff like that, but most of them only critize one specific religion. Plus I've done nothing to them, if they don't bother me I don't bother them. I've been bothered and called names a lot.

jmdirks
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No It's the atheists that will file a lawsuit against you for practicing the first amendment.

Sarah Phillips
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so real!! Atheists will even knock on your door and hand you pamphlets about Atheism

Jerry
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not entirely untrue, personal experience but, I've never know an atheist for very long before they tell me they don't believe in a God. Conversely, there are religious believers (mainly Christians) whom I've known for years before ever knowing about their faith.

Rebecca Derr
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Christ never pushed his views on anyone. It was the person's choice to believe or not.

John Harrison
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Atheists don't fly planes into buildings, Timbob. *shrug* I mean ... whose really got the issues?

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Rizzo
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looks like someone got their history knowledge from the Flintstones. ;)

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Paul says good listening skills come in handy when coming up with a clever comeback. For those who want to hone their listening skills, she suggests a simple game of one-word volleyball. Two people build a story by quickly adding a word as a response to what the other person just said. 

She uses the same technique when teaching improvisation theater. "The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul told the BBC.

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Kappy Pfeiffer
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love this one. But just like the sun and moon, it probably goes right over OP's head.

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People begin hearing insults thrown at them in childhood. Although at that age they might seem insignificant, a child should know how to react properly. Psychiatrist Suzanne Bender, M.D., writes for Psychology Today that ignoring the other person doesn't always work. "Rude remarks without any pushback may continue, or even escalate," she added.

Agreeing with the offender might work. But children should do so with humor. If a kid tells another child "You look like a grape in this shirt", the kid might retort with "Well, I love grapes and couldn’t be prouder to represent this fruit." Yet the problem with this is that it requires verbal agility and to think on one's feet. 

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Spidercat
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He cancelled the whole human race with a flood a few chapters later...

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Jeff White
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And Polio, Ruebella, Measles, Pertussis, hell even Chicken Pox. Before a vaccine became available, approximately 100 US children, died each year from Chicken Pox.

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However,children can practice and enhance their verbal agility. Bender suggests parents roleplay with their kids. That way, the child can take turns to be both the aggressor and the responder. Practicing these types of situations might increase the kid's confidence. Next time, they might have a clever comeback prepared, and that's incredibly empowering to a young child.

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Spidercat
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Get lost in a grocery store situated in a an ethnically diverse neighbourhood while trying to steal spices."....There, fixed it.

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also the left isn''t the one hoarding guns and ammo and preparing for a new civil war. We don't want war and bloodshed. That's kind of our thing.

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What's interesting is that "the battle of wits" is not an invention of social media. Pamela Druckerman writes for The New York Times about the movie "Ridicule", which examines the social injustices of late 18th-century France. It portrays French aristocrats as having a never-ending battle of wits.

The film is set on the eve of the French Revolution, and shows the corruption and callousness of the aristocrats. Those who were able to make their rivals look ridiculous, possessed 'esprit.' As Merriam Webster defines it, the term means 'vivacious cleverness or wit.' The movie’s tagline is this: "Wit opens every door."

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Nonna_SoF
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alright, so since no pastor alive today witnessed the s**t they preach about they're all false witnesses and therefore broke the 9th commandment.

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Jeff White
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Regardless of the man / woman context, this is the best response of all.

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Druckerman likens this order of society to her daughter's playground. You and everyone around you is in a competition not to look ridiculous. "When my daughter complained that a boy had insulted her during recess, I counseled her to forget about it," Druckerman writes. "She said that just wouldn't do: To save face, she had to humiliate him."

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LakotaWolf (she/her)
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10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not to mention that just because two people of biologically opposite genders (male and female) have sex and conceive, that does NOT mean those people are or were “straight”. Bisexual people exist. Pansexual people exist. And non-binary people exist. And genderfluid people exist. Many people are capable of conceiving a child. Having sex that results in pregnancy does not automatically make the genetically-contributing parties “straight”.

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So if we're doomed to always be on our toes and have witty comebacks ready on the go, how do we make them land? Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant, told the BBC that it's best to respond to an insult in a positive way. She says that toxic banter turns the environment sour for every employee.

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Instead of being mean, says Raffy, try to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation" and don't make the antagonist the bad guy. It's best to turn them into the "victim" of the circumstances. What are some examples? "If a colleague says, 'This project is going nowhere fast,' you could say, 'At least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction,'" Raffy suggests.

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Europeans didn't colonize America, they conquered it by committing genocide on the people who were already here.

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Debbie
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still find this one funny. Honest and I bet Paul Felder also had to laugh about the response.

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Spidercat
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aaah yes, the socialist funding structure of the US Army and the USPS.... Shhhh...don't tell the GOP.

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SM
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The economics of government is just way above some people's heads... Actually, so is regular economics!

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Roxy222uk
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have you seen the size of those garages, too? Those are wealthy people.

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Clown fish
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10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe if you cover your face with a mask you might get some action to

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Jeff White
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the OP is a functional something, but BoredPanda doesn't allow bad words ...

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Helena
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For the original question. Because it is my last name. You don't need another reason.

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kevin Sorbo is the guy famous for playing Hercules in the '90s TV series. He has since gone a little funny in the head and believes some very strange things.

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Ryan-James O'Driscoll
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's actually not a bad way to cook salmon. It's not a great way, but a healthy and simple dinner in 3 minutes. Fish will be nice and flaky.

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Jeff White
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uh oh, you're trying to use sense or logic on a vaccine denier? It is astounding how ineffective that method is (although "I" think your example is brilliant). Well done.

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Tabitha
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like so many other religions, Muslims also have less draconian sects. Quit stereotyping.

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Trillian
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I sit there (in a bar or anywhere) reading a book I specifically don't want anyone to "like" me

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Spidercat
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When it comes to Christians Against Science... Proving it and changing their minds are not the same act.

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SM
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The guns used for Olympic sports are low caliber and have almost no kick to them.

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Jeff White
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I appreciate your attempt at common sense. But people who are so deranged regarding vaccines are never going to be affected by math and science and the common sense stuff. I really wish I had something wise and profound to say and help, but I don't.

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BrownTabby
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10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On a related note, am I the only one who would have gone bum over breakfast if I’d tried to run full tilt down a bunch of stairs in heels? And am I the only one who wants a version where she does fall down the stairs and the prince helps her and her clothes change back and she tells him what’s going on and he’s a bro and lets her stay with him and gets his guards to throw the stepbītches in the dungeon and “And she was STAYING AT HIS PLACE!” ensues?

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steve g
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10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm earning 40k a month, suicide is going to be a long way over the horizon.

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my favorite YouTube channels is called "Worst Games Ever". I enjoy watching people play terrible games I'd never play.

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Tee Pussi
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good thing they circled the answer, wouldn't have spotted it otherwise.

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Ample Aardvark
Community Member
10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Selling my victims' possessions of course! Edit: *their victims, damn autocorrect

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General Anaesthesia
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10 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Over paid, over sexed, and over here". - About American soldiers stationed in Britain during WWII.

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Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa)
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pronouns this woman used to make that statement. "I" (several times), everyone, your, we. These people don't know what pronouns are do they?

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Jennifer Mathison
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But the “creator economy’’s” product couldn’t be made without the existence of the Netflix one?

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BrownTabby
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10 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So…children…should not…act out scenes from their favourite shows…during…their designated play time…? Is that what you’re trying to say here?

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Scarlett Pettis
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4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Y E S S S Treat your children with kindness, dignity, respect, and empathy, and they will grow up to to be functionally awesome members of the world.

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Honey
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4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the best action and reaction. Should be #1