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Parenting is basically trying to see how little you can mess someone up in a few decades. Because, let's face it, no mom and dad is exempt from making mistakes when raising their kids.

However, some are worse at it than others. And you can see it in their children.

So when X user Efi Chéri posted a question on the platform, asking everyone, "What immediately tells you that a person wasn't raised right?" people immediately started sending in their replies.

From being rude to service industry workers to microwaving fish in the company breakroom, here are some of the most popular answers.

#1

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

CamillaYahel Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pets are a lifetime commitment. If you're not ready for that, don't get one. Simple.

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Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D., LMHC, is a therapist with over 18 years of clinical experience, and her research on positive psychology, mental health, and emotional psychology has been published in various peer-reviewed academic journals and textbooks.

As hard as parenting is, she believes that every mom and dad should try to avoid the following seven mistakes, beginning with minimizing your child's feelings.

"Kids need to know that it's healthy to express and talk about their emotions," Hutchinson explains. "When parents tell their kids things such as 'don't be so sad about it' or 'it's not a big deal,' they're sending the message that feelings don't matter and that it's better to suppress them."

So if your kid, for example, appears fearful during a loud storm, consider saying, 'I know you're scared right now,' and asking them what they think would make them feel better instead.

#3

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

yeezyree Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was a kid I was friends with someone who liked to dismember different animals, from insects and spiders to opossums and cats. Also tried to get me to participate, which I refused. It's partly the reason I became a park ranger: it is my calling to keep animals safe from people like that.

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#4

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Justbribaby1 Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have a campfire story called 'Jenny and the Night Women' about the dangers of always spoiling children. Creepy...

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#5

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

_oh_abby Report

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Donald
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I'm on an elevator and you barge in before I can get off I will walk right through you. Exceptions made for the elderly or disabled obviously, but it really is just common curtesy.

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Then there's saving them from failure. "As parents, it's hard to watch our children struggle through challenges that we know we can easily fix for them," Hutchinson says.

"But think of it this way: if your kid is doing poorly in school, you know that telling them the homework answers will only backfire because you can’t be in the classroom when they have to complete those tests on their own." 

Failure is part of success, and if kids never get the chance to learn that, they'll never develop the perseverance they need to rise back up after a setback.

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#8

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

_BeautysHerName Report

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Em
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How to know you've worked in retail too long: you hold the door for someone and then thank THEM.

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The next common mistake is overindulging your kids. Research shows that when you give your kids whatever they desire, they miss out on skills related to mental strength, such as self-discipline.

"You want your kids to grow up knowing that it's possible to achieve what they want — if they work for it," Hutchinson explains. "Parents can teach their kids [to] learn self-control by setting clear rules for things like finishing homework before screen time or doing chores to boost allowance (so they can buy things on their own while knowing they earned it)."

#9

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

JustNaz7 Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I borrowed a mate's jigsaw, when I gave it back he thought I'd bought him a new one. 'Nah, fella! You just haven't cleaned or maintained it since you got it. So I did it for ya.' Take good care of your own shite as well!

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#10

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

siatrini Report

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hitex
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dont keep your trash in your pickup bed! It will fly out & litter just like tossing out your car window!

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#11

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

DAQUANDSG Report

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Chriss21
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our cleaner at work calls me madam, I told her not to because we are the same age. She said it's not a matter of age, it's a matter of respect because I am superior to her. I could not believe she said that. She is black and apparently was raised to believe she is inferior to white people. I am shocked and incredibly sad, this happened weeks ago and I'm still not over it

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Parents shouldn't expect perfection, either. While it's natural to want your child to aim for big goals and be the best at everything, the truth is that's not how the world works.

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Setting the bar too high can lead to self-esteem and confidence issues later in life.

#12

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

hdent4mayor Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't stand deceptive people. Known a few in my day & I hope to never know them again.

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#13

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Dazzleeee_ Report

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nm
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a quite new business. Entering in public buildings or standing in front of private ones and recording by the so-called "auditors" (aka frauditors). Aiming to provoke reactions and the police to be called, for the pleasure of their sick audience.

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"There are many things that might make your kid feel uncomfortable, especially when it involves doing something new: trying new foods, making new friends, playing a new sport or moving homes and having to go to a new school," the therapist continues.

"But just like failure, embracing uncomfortable moments can boost mental strength. Encourage your kids to try new things. Help them get started, because that’s the hardest part. But once they take that first step, they might realize that it isn't as difficult as they thought it’d be — and that they might even be good at it!"

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#15

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

ashleysroom2 Report

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Say No to Downvoting
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 2/3 kids with autism/ADHD/stutter (and the 1/3 always trying to be heard over their siblings) that find inside voices very hard to gauge and manage - don’t judge people too hard on this one.

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#16

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

temi_0000 Report

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jmdirks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or at work in your break area, especially when the trash can is within reaching distance.

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#17

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

PoeticBlckgrl Report

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Anon822209
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I tended bar, I would (half) jokingly tell customers that I wasn't a dog, but if they whistled/clapped/snapped at me again, I'd bite 'em. Said with a smile.

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#18

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

kittydubbs Report

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Captain Awesome
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will close the gap if we are approaching road work and a lane closure notice has been up for several miles.

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Your family should also have clear parent-child boundaries. Yes, kids need to make their own decisions, but they also need to know that you're the boss.

According to Hutchinson, kids who are mentally strong have parents who understand the importance of boundaries and consistency. Caving in and allowing rules to be negotiated too often can lead to power struggles.

#19

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

longlive_reuben Report

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More!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely! I do not like kids who come here and don’t say hi, most of them do though. It’s not about being ‘raised right’ it’s about shyness, but sometimes it’s just slyness

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#20

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Mone_mcloving Report

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lily jones
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always pick the cheapest thing possible when someone else is paying

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Lastly, parents should remember to take care of themselves. "The older we get, the harder it becomes to maintain healthy habits (e.g., eating healthy, exercising daily, taking time to restore)," Hutchinson says. "That’s why it’s important to model self-care habits for your kids."

It's also crucial to practice healthy coping skills in front of your children. For instance, if you’re stressed about work, it could be a great idea to simply tell your child something along the lines of, "I had a very tiring day at work, and I’m going to relax with tea and a book."

#24

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

kristinawrites2 Report

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CORGI QUEEN
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

waiter comes up, waiter: do you want some water? Me: yes thank you Waiter: i'll also take those dishes when I'm done Me:thanks Waiter: Ok all done Me:thank you

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The majority of parents (62%) say that raising kids has been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with about a quarter (26%) saying it’s been a lot harder.

At the same time, most of them give themselves high marks for it, with 64% saying they do an excellent or very good job as a parent and 32% reporting they do a good job, while just 4% think their effort could be described as fair or poor.

#25

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

stillkocky Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're friends with someone who constantly talks about people behind their backs, how long do you think until they'll do it about you?

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#26

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

SweetMuzik Report

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Snorky The Pig
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Popsicles were actually invented when a kid left his unfinished cup of lemonade on the porch overnight😂

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Those numbers are pretty interesting. But I guess, even if we see someone behaving rather badly, we can't immediately blame their parents for not doing their part. Research shows us that identical twins who grow up in the same home with the same parents often turn out very differently. So maybe the signs discussed in the thread tell us more about those people's character rather than their parents' commitment to raising them?

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#28

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Dionthemodel Report

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hitex
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or at least appreciating that your perspective isn't the right one for them

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#31

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Sheeebaaa_ Report

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Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as you're actually invited and didn't just walk in off the street into some random persons house.

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#35

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

_nic0r Report

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Lea Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. I live with someone like that. It's pure laziness. People keep telling me "maybe he doesn't notice". When there's pee and poo stains on the literal toilet seat I'm sure he fricking notices. If it were just me and him I'd leave it on the toilet seat for him to deal with whilst I use a bathroom elsewhere. It's so infuriating :(

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#37

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

randomscoconut Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry but, if you stop suddenly while I'm walking behind you, I'm probably going to go through you. I'll help you up afterwards, but it's important that you learn that lesson.

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#38

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

JasmineMenghuo Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

2 of these can be a result of learning difficulties or disabilities. Asperger's & Autism are just 2 examples.

PixxelDust
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. Took me until the start of high school to understand the general range of personal space, and I still say the wrong things at the wrong times. It's not for a lack of trying.

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Lyone Fein
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You observe your surroundings, and draw logical conclusions from the information presented.

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hitex
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once again, apologies from aspie here - I really try & don't mean to violate this rule. Politely let me know and I'll make sure to double check myself. It's unintentional

howdylee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So this person doesn't respect others that may be neurodivergent.

Goose of the Ahonkalypse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not everybody who sucks at these are neurodivergent. Some people are just entitled. Also being neurodivergent is not an excuse to ignore boundaries or personal space. It's quite obvious some of that is enabled when looking at the consistently different expectations for neurodivergent men/boys vs neurodivergent women/girls. Women/girls in general have higher social expectations than men/boys. It's part of the reason why many autistic women fly under the radar well into their 30's-40's. Because they work harder to acknowledge these boundaries. It is more difficult to learn but its still possible to learn. Being social awkward or socially struggling is understandable. Being an unmitigated a-hole who consistently ignores others boundaries is not. Obviously those with intellectual disabilities will have a harder time.

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François Bouzigues
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Social skills is something really hard to pick up if it is not natural to you. I am quite good at it. But i don´t hold grudge to people who are not

Kelly Scott
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you have Asperger Syndrome, trying to read the room is like going to a party where everyone is wearing sunglasses.

Chickens are fluffy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an autistic it is harder for me, so don't be too hard, but I agree with the fine line of personal space, I may tap your shoulder or your arm, that's it

Zuzanna2002 Czarnota
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I'm gonna get hate for that but I dont think autism is always an excuse. Like sure you might get it wrong sometimes, its harder and will take longer to learn but most the time you still can learn it and should do your best to. Some (just some) people think having autism or disorders in general gives them a free pass to do anything, even being streigh up rude

jmdirks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ya...this one is really weak except for the boundaries and people's space.

karen Young
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No home training. Read the room means knowing the audience, customs, social notms, etc.

More!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

know a few of these and they leave me speechless. This kind also tends to drop hints rather than use manners and ask politely for something.

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#39

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Erocklolw Report

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lily jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay the first one but who washes their hands before opening the fridge? Am I the only one who doesn't?

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#40

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

lailaimaye Report

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NetworkMan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apart from the no one at the end there, I wouldn't consider this proof someone wasn't raised right. I don't litter in the streets, but I'll leave my empty packets on a table in my own home. I'll leave my pots in the sink because I've just eaten, and can't be bothered cleaning them straight away. This thread is, to me, more about how we treat people and the places in the world we go, what you do in your own home is up too you.

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#42

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Naptown_HTown Report

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#43

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

comingoutmybody Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll respect her when she respects me. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're not toxic.

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#44

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Mslenah_ Report

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#45

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Sade__Adu Report

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NetworkMan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Again, disagree with this one. I'm out and about too much to be taking my shoes on and off all day, plus I have a weird bone in my foot, so tying my shoes takes a few minutes because I do it a certain way.

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#46

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

ladyofleisuredc Report

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hitex
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I give food, water & necessaries to beggars, but not cash - & ppl who harm animals have a special place in hades where they hopefully get treated similarly

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#49

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

Ruby_Deez Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or any other form of social media... I'm all for discord, debate and discussion, but arguing for sake of arguing, or to just upset people, is uncalled for and unnecessary.

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#50

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

KendraChenelle Report

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Snorky The Pig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't say their cleanliness. Obviously, cleanliness is important, but lack of hygiene could mean depression or homelessness or other things and doesn't say anything about the person's heart.

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#52

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

chomupaketi Report

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Snorky The Pig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually respect the poor people a lot- they held out so long in the hopes things will get better. They are a prime example of perseverance and strength in adversity. Besides, if I wouldn't respect them, I would be disrespecting myself 😂

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#53

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

_thatgorl Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure what this one means. Are they asking me to do the washing up? How do you even make a mess in a restaurant? Everything is on a plate, you eat it, then you're just left with a plate and cutlery.

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#54

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

alluringmilani Report

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Lea Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's funny when some people are wrong. Poor sense of hygiene also happens when people get really depressed. As someone with depression I'd know. :( some people are just lazy in that sense but perhaps be considerate to those who can't help it

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#56

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

TheDirtyD1587 Report

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censorshipsucks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

arguing with police? You mean that's bad? Of course you should argue with them. They're fascists, not god. Not standing up to authority is how you get nazis in power.

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#57

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

fallforkeys Report

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#58

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

MizTallgirl Report

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#59

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

abcdefghijKORI Report

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#60

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

BasilNgidi Report

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Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'll be nice until they're mean to me. Respect is earned, not given, no matter who it is. Edit: I won't be rude if I dont repect them. I'll just avoid them as much as possible and be cordial when i have to interact with them.

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#65

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

CorporateCutie9 Report

#66

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

riajalesa Report

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Mike Fitzpatrick
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless said person is standing in front of the mashed potatoes at Golden Corral...move, b***h get out the way, get out the way, b***h get out the way! 🤣🤣🤣

#67

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

siyungu Report

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#70

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

osuzack Report

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Tobias Reaper
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

whats wrong with denying food if offered what if your not hungry or its food you cant eat

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#71

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

4EV3RKODAI Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend who once stepped on a leaf and said sorry to it. He's the best person I know.

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#73

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

o_wildin Report

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Nina
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Culturally this one. If you try to tip in Italy, you can actually offend the people

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#75

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

_pharaohll Report

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Snorky The Pig
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't say that is a sign of a problematic upbringing per se. But yeah, flossing is important.

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#76

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

titusson_zealot Report

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Ranger Kanootsen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

B******t. Cussing doesn't disprove a person's intelligence or vocabulary. Sometimes it's just fun!

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#77

Clear-Signs-Problematic-Upbringing

_NOTtres Report

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Mila Preradović
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, they are supposed to slave themselves untill they fall off their feet instead of getting some sleep so they can function tomorrow, and...oh wait, here's revolutionary thought...clean the damn kitchen when they are actually capable 🙄 what is the kitchen going to do, run away? (I always clean before going to bed BUT I'm a nighthawk and I see how most people aren't, so why should they torture themselves?)

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