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158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table

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While they are not always as exciting as jokes for adults, squeaky clean jokes can absolutely crack up even the most reserved, stoic person. The place you’re going to use these will most likely be at family gatherings, just to keep that family-friendly space welcoming for both adults and children.

So, if you’re short of funny clean jokes, look no further, as this list has everything you might possibly need. From short jokes to longer ones, they will surely help you keep your audience laughing their stomachs out. Perhaps you’ll even take them to a concert? You know, the one that only costs 45 cents? I’m sure your family and friends would love a 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.

It’s our great pleasure to share these clean funny jokes with you, and hopefully bring a lot of laughter into your household. So get ready to dive into this vast ocean of clean jokes, take a boat ride through, and let us know which jokes are the best. Share them with family and friends, and put some laughter into their lives with this list.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Can February march?
No, but April may.

16points

Luna Lovegood 2 years ago

This is actually really good

2points

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#2

What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

15points

Tiny Guy 2 years ago

I see what you did there

1point

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#3

When does a joke become a ‘dad’ joke?
When it becomes apparent.

14points

#4

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”
DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”
McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

14points

J Baker 2 years ago

And Schwarzenegger days "I'll be Bach!" ....wait, wrong joke

4points

#5

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What do you call malware on a Kindle?
A bookworm.

13points

Sam Quigley 1 year ago

always test for these, unchecked they can cause plot holes

1point

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#6

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?
Because they’re all shellfish.

13points

Peacemaker21 2 years ago

They're crabby too

2points

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#7

What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.

13points

#8

Some people eat snails. They must not like fast food.

12points

Peacemaker21 2 years ago

Slow and steady wins the race?

1point

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#9

People think "icy" is the easiest word to spell. Come to think of it, I see why.

11points

Deni Castro 2 years ago

I cast "icy" on you for 10 mana!

0points

#10

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table A grasshopper sits down at a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve?'"

11points

#11

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

11points

K- THULU 2 years ago

I thought it was cause he sucks....

7points

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#12

What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!

11points

#13

You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

11points

Pink_Boba22 2 years ago

Every politician has their face up their a*s

0points

#14

I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.

11points

#15

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table I googled “Rorshach test.”
But for some reason, all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting.

10points

#16

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”

10points

Deni Castro 2 years ago

Actually five is represented with a V.

0points

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#17

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

9points

#18

What time does a duck wake up? The quack of down.

9points

#19

It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans...

9points

#20

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What do we want?
Low-flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?
Nnnnneeeeeeeeeeoooooooooow!

9points

Deni Castro 2 years ago

More like neeeeever.

0points

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#21

Someone stole my mood ring yesterday.
I still don’t know how I feel about that.

9points

#22

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.
You have my Word.

9points

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#23

Why are frogs always so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.

9points

#24

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no body to go with.

9points

#25

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.

9points

#26

Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

8points

#27

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.

8points

Samia Guled 2 years ago

Where shall I find this meowntain? I must accomplish the snuggles from them

0points

#28

Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.

8points

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#29

How does a dog stop a video? By hitting the paws button!

8points

#30

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

8points

#31

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other's a little lighter.

8points

#32

What's sticky and brown? A stick!

8points

#33

What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

8points

Samia Guled 2 years ago

my whole life was a lie

0points

#34

You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.

8points

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#35

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste, mostly.

8points

Sam Quigley 1 year ago

These are supposed to be clean

0points

#36

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth and won a toaster.

8points

Sam Quigley 1 year ago

Now only if I could plug this in…

0points

#37

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come anyway.

8points

AniaSD 2 years ago

😞

1point

#38

You know what they say about cliffhangers…

8points

Commander James 11 months ago

I don’t get this one

0points

#39

What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!

7points

#40

What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!

7points

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#41

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, "Just you wait!"

7points

#42

What's a balloon's least favorite type of music? Pop.

7points

#43

I used to be addicted to not showering. Luckily, I've been clean for five years.

7points

#44

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.

7points

#45

Do you want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it.

7points

#46

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.

7points

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#47

Why should you never trust stairs?
They’re always up to something.

7points

#48

Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.

7points

#49

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

7points

#50

What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”

7points

#51

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.

7points

#52

Why don’t blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs.

7points

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

Kinda not polite.

2points

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#53

I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.

7points

#54

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.

7points

Deni Castro 2 years ago

LoL!

0points

#55

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey!”
The horse replies, “Sure.”

7points

#56

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?
Approximately 1 GB.

7points

#57

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.

7points

Samia Guled 2 years ago

or the scientific word for them, flying breakfast.

0points

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#58

What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I’ll hang around.

7points

#59

I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.

7points

#60

I tried to catch fog yesterday.
Mist.

7points

#61

Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?
No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.

7points

#62

What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?
The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

7points

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#63

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

7points

#64

Why do comedians love eggs?
They’re easy to crack up.

7points

#65

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go straight for the juggler.

6points

#66

A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.

6points

#67

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

6points

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#68

I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.

6points

#69

A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. The librarian says, "This is a library." The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please."

6points

#70

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn't like it when she went the extra mile.

6points

#71

How do you look for Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints.

6points

#72

Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore.

6points

Rafael Castro 2 years ago

Roosevelt played the piano, Jefferson played the violin so...

2points

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#73

Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

6points

#74

How do mountains stay warm in the winter? Snowcaps.

6points

#75

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

6points

#76

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me!

6points

#77

How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.

6points

#78

Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."

6points

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#79

Have you heard about Murphy's Law?
Yes. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
How about Cole's Law?
No. It's julienned cabbage in a creamy dressing.

6points

#80

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.

6points

#81

Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.

6points

#82

I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

6points

#83

You: What cartoon mouse walks on two feet?
Them: Mickey Mouse.
You: What duck walks on two feet?
Them: Donald Duck.
You: No, all ducks do!

6points

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#84

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?
The corner — they’re usually 90 degrees.

6points

Kassiopeia 2 years ago

*burns in Celsius*

3points

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#85

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.
But when I got home, the signs were all there.

6points

#86

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.

6points

#87

I tried to win a suntanning competition. But all I got was bronze.

6points

#88

What kind of shoes does a spy wear?
Sneakers.

6points

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

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#89

Where do snowmen keep their savings?
In the snowbank.

6points

#90

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?
A roamin’ Catholic.

6points

#91

What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I’m coming down with something.

6points

#92

What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?
Patty!

6points

#93

How do you fix a broken gourd?
With a pumpkin patch.

6points

#94

What did the beaver say to the tree?
“It’s been nice gnawing you.”

6points

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#95

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Want to hear another roof joke?
It’s probably over your head.

6points

#96

What do you get when you pour root beer into a square cup? Beer.

5points

#97

What does the world's top dentist get? A little plaque.

5points

#98

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe, man! Breathe!"

5points

#99

How does a farmer mend his overalls? With cabbage patches.

5points

#100

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Why was the tomato red? Because he saw the salad dressing.

5points

Sam Quigley 1 year ago

“cLeAn”

0points

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#101

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

5points

#102

Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.

5points

#103

How does NASA organize a party? They planet.

5points

#104

What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi bud!

5points

#105

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.

5points

#106

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!

5points

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#107

Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!

5points

Samia Guled 2 years ago

7 year old me would have been snorting at this rn

0points

#108

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderpants.

5points

#109

Where does a waitress with only one leg work?
IHOP.

5points

#110

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What does a house wear?
Address!

5points

#111

Why are toilets always so good at poker?
They always get a flush.

5points

#112

You heard the rumor going around about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

5points

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#113

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’

5points

#114

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

5points

#115

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You probably think it’s “R” but it be the “C”.

5points

#116

How much teddy bears never want to eat anything?
Because they’re always stuffed.

5points

#117

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.

5points

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#118

I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

5points

#119

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.

5points

#120

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.

5points

Deni Castro 2 years ago

Woof woof!

0points

#121

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.
But hay, it’s in my jeans.

5points

#122

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.

5points

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#123

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.

5points

#124

What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky.

5points

#125

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table I started a new job as a tailor last week.
It’s been sew-sew.

5points

#126

What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.

5points

Samia Guled 2 years ago

among us food?!

0points

#127

My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.
I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.

5points

#128

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

5points

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#129

A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

5points

#130

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”
And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”
That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

5points

#131

Why did the giraffe get such bad grades?
He always had his head stuck in the clouds.

5points

#132

Did you hear about the carrot detective?
He always got to the root of every case.

5points

#133

What washes up on very small beaches?
Micro-waves.

5points

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#134

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine.

5points

#135

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Why won’t skeletons fight each other?
They just don’t have the guts.

5points

#136

What do you call a cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese!

5points

#137

Where do beef burgers go dancing?
The meatball.

5points

#138

Why did bread break up with margarine?
Because he found a butter lover.

5points

#139

Did you hear about the waffle iron with anger issues?
He just flipped.

5points

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#140

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Why should you never tell a taco a secret?
Because they tend to spill the beans.

5points

#141

Why do they serve yogurt at museums?
Because it’s cultured.

5points

#142

What do you call a group of berries playing instruments?
A jam session.

5points

#143

Why are jalapeños such good marksmen?
Because they haben-arrow.

5points

#144

Why can you never gossip in a cornfield?
Too many ears.

5points

#145

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table Where do sick fish go?
To the dock.

5points

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#146

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

5points

#147

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.

5points

#148

Want to hear a roof joke? The first one's on the house.

4points

#149

Why don't koalas count as bears? They don't have the right koalafications.

4points

#150

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table A group of crows was arrested for hanging out together. The charge? Attempted murder.

4points

#151

What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

4points

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#152

I went into a store to buy some books about turtles. "Hardbacks?" asked the shopkeeper."Yes," I replied. "And they have little heads, too."

4points

#153

How do you measure a snake?
In inches — they don’t have feet.

4points

#154

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

4points

#155

158 Clean Jokes To Bring Laughter To The Table What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?
“Put it on my bill.”

4points

#156

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

4points

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#157

I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm.
I’m the new C-I-E-I-O.

4points

Deni Castro 2 years ago

And in that farm he had a cow...

0points

#158

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

4points

Linas Simonaitis

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Violeta Lyskoit

Violeta is an SEO Editor at Bored Panda. She has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism.

Violeta is an SEO Editor at Bored Panda. She has completed her higher education at Northumbria University with a bachelor's degree in Media & Journalism.

Neilas Šurkus

I'm Neilas, Content Production Manager for Bored Panda in the Home & Design category. In this role, I try to ensure the quality of our articles to bring the best possible web surfing experience to our readers. I love a well-structured, informative, and illustrative article, whether it's for design ideas, gardening solutions, or cute dogs and cats. I made it my mission to ensure our readers get to experience the same thing. As for my personal interests, I produce music, sometimes go out and take pictures of nice stuff, and have petrol running through my veins. I'm an avid fan of Formula 1 and Motorsport in general, taking every chance I get to burn some rubber at local go-cart tracks. Of course, movies, gaming, and racing simulators are a big part of my daily life, too.

I'm Neilas, Content Production Manager for Bored Panda in the Home & Design category. In this role, I try to ensure the quality of our articles to bring the best possible web surfing experience to our readers. I love a well-structured, informative, and illustrative article, whether it's for design ideas, gardening solutions, or cute dogs and cats. I made it my mission to ensure our readers get to experience the same thing. As for my personal interests, I produce music, sometimes go out and take pictures of nice stuff, and have petrol running through my veins. I'm an avid fan of Formula 1 and Motorsport in general, taking every chance I get to burn some rubber at local go-cart tracks. Of course, movies, gaming, and racing simulators are a big part of my daily life, too.

What do you think ?

Jose Ortiz 2 years ago

What do Mexican people cut their pizzas with? They use little ceaser's

2points

Samia Guled 2 years ago

I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.

1point

Jose Ortiz 2 years ago

What do Mexican people cut their pizzas with? They use little ceaser's

2points

Samia Guled 2 years ago

I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it's more of a wrap.

1point

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