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While they are not always as exciting as jokes for adults, squeaky clean jokes can absolutely crack up even the most reserved, stoic person. The place you’re going to use these will most likely be at family gatherings, just to keep that family-friendly space welcoming for both adults and children.
So, if you’re short of funny clean jokes, look no further, as this list has everything you might possibly need. From short jokes to longer ones, they will surely help you keep your audience laughing their stomachs out. Perhaps you’ll even take them to a concert? You know, the one that only costs 45 cents? I’m sure your family and friends would love a 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.
It’s our great pleasure to share these clean funny jokes with you, and hopefully bring a lot of laughter into your household. So get ready to dive into this vast ocean of clean jokes, take a boat ride through, and let us know which jokes are the best. Share them with family and friends, and put some laughter into their lives with this list.
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#1
Can February march?
No, but April may.
RELATED:
#2
What concert only costs 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
#4
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”
DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”
McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”
#6
Why are crabs so bad at sharing?
Because they’re all shellfish.
#8
Some people eat snails. They must not like fast food.
#9
People think "icy" is the easiest word to spell. Come to think of it, I see why.
#10
A grasshopper sits down at a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve?'"
#11
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
#13
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
#15
I googled “Rorshach test.”
But for some reason, all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting.
#16
A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
#17
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!"
#20
What do we want?
Low-flying airplane noises!
When do we want them?
Nnnnneeeeeeeeeeoooooooooow!
#27
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
Samia Guled 2 years ago
Where shall I find this meowntain? I must accomplish the snuggles from them
#31
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other's a little lighter.
#33
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
#35
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste, mostly.
#36
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
#37
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come anyway.
#38
You know what they say about cliffhangers…
#41
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, "Just you wait!"
#52
Why don’t blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs.
#54
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
#57
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.
#59
I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.
#61
Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?
No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.
#62
What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?
The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
#66
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals.
#69
A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. The librarian says, "This is a library." The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please."
#72
Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments? Mount Rushmore.
#79
Have you heard about Murphy's Law?
Yes. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
How about Cole's Law?
No. It's julienned cabbage in a creamy dressing.
#80
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
#82
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
But if anything, it made him more sluggish.
#83
You: What cartoon mouse walks on two feet?
Them: Mickey Mouse.
You: What duck walks on two feet?
Them: Donald Duck.
You: No, all ducks do!
#84
Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?
The corner — they’re usually 90 degrees.
#85
I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.
But when I got home, the signs were all there.
#100
Why was the tomato red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
#107
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
#113
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’
The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’
#117
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.
#118
I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
#119
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
#120
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.
#122
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?
The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.
#126
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
#127
My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.
I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.
#130
The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”
And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”
That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.
#152
I went into a store to buy some books about turtles. "Hardbacks?" asked the shopkeeper."Yes," I replied. "And they have little heads, too."
#156
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
#157
I got a new job last week as the new top dog at Old MacDonald’s farm.
I’m the new C-I-E-I-O.
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