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A joke that is as old as some teenagers might find its fate in the Internet’s dumpster where hackneyed things go into oblivion. However, some of the old jokes prove to stand the test of time; no matter how many times and how many years they’ve been around, they are still as funny as the first time you heard them. Such is the case with the legendary, iconic, and brilliant Chuck Norris jokes! However, as with many things that are old enough to have their own kids, sometimes the fable of its origin becomes a bit hazy, but no worries - we’ve found the exact story of how Chuck Norris jokes came to be.
Picture 2005 and the Something Awful forums. Vin Diesel’s ‘The Pacifier’ movie just came out. In the light of this grand event, someone decided to start a topic listing Vin Diesel ‘facts,’ or rather, silly factoids, hyperbolizing Diesel’s physical and mental strengths. A then-teenager known as Ian Spector (this is unverified, but we love the name and surname combo, so why the heck not to include it) created a simple one-pager website where you could generate those very same factoids. However, soon enough, people got bored with mister Vin, and someone suggested replacing him with the martial arts divinity Chuck Norris. And the rest is history as the Internet couldn’t get enough of these clever jokes and silly factoids, making it become a viral sensation with undying relevance and popularity. And here we are, some seventeen years later, rekindling our love for Chuck Norris jokes and sharing it with you! These fun factoids, these brilliant laughs, are sure to bring you memories of better times and maybe even the exact occasion when you first heard one of these awesome jokes.
So, make haste, for the cool jokes are waiting! As usual, they are just a bit further down, so scroll on there, vote for these most clever jokes, and share this article with your friends!
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#1
Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.
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#2
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Insert Generic Username 2 years ago
I think the Boogeyman goes to sleep during the day because he's busy scaring kids at night. Regardless of when he goes to bed, he does check for Chuck Norris.
#3
Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest with Superman. I'm not going to say who won, but the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.
#4
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
#5
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Eugene Adeder 2 years ago
Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoes to protect his feet, he wears the shoes to protect the earth from getting destroyed by his feet.
#6
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
#7
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
David Brown 2 years ago
Upon entering revolving doors he never has to touch them. They move out of respect.
#8
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
#9
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. And after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.
#10
When Alexander Graham Bell first invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Nitro Codes 2 years ago (edited)
Alexander Graham Bell's last words : AAAHH!! CHUCK WHY?? EDIT: Jeez! Why can NO ONE take a joke? What did this comment even say that's so bad???
#11
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
#13
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
#14
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
#15
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.
#16
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
#17
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
#18
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
#19
Chuck Norris didn't call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone.
#20
Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories at the campfire.
#21
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Paul D Materiuk 2 years ago
when chuck norris goes to a birthday party the candles blow themselves out. original arr
#22
The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.
#23
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
#27
When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”
#28
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.
#29
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
#30
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
#33
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
#35
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
#36
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
#39
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
David Mancini 2 years ago
Chuck Norris cannot die of a heart attack. His heart knows better than to attack him.
#40
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
#42
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
#43
Chuck Norris built the hospital that he was born in.
#44
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
#48
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all lethal.
#49
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.
#50
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
#51
Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger, to this day planet earth continues to turn.
#52
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
#54
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
#55
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
#57
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
#64
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
#65
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
David Brown 2 years ago
Chuck Norris has no need to bath. There's nothing brave enough to make him smell or get him dirty.
#66
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
#68
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
#69
Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once. He won by tying them together with an anaconda.
#72
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.
#73
Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
#75
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
#76
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
Red Wyvern Emperor 2 years ago
I like to imagine that aliens did not contact us yet, becuase they read these and just assume they are true. XD
#78
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
#80
Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Red Wyvern Emperor 2 years ago
I heard he was also in Mortal Kombat, but they removed him since he killed everyone in a singhle hit... and I mean EVERYONE at the same time.
#81
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Grace Walsh 2 years ago (edited)
Covering up a comment :) have an awesome rest of your day, and rest here to enjoy my picture
#84
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
#85
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Marek Čtrnáct 2 years ago (edited)
Wouldn't putting of saltwater fish in fresh water drown it as the water bloats its cells by osmotic pressure?
#86
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
#92
When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape.
David Brown 2 years ago
Chuck Norris once ran three marathons in a row because they were on the way.
#93
When Chuck Norris falls from a great height, the ground has its life flash before its eyes.
#94
In the Beginning there was nothing… Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
#96
On the 7th day, God rested… Chuck Norris took over.
#97
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
#98
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
#100
Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.
#105
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.
Unpickled Pickle 7 months ago
HUH? Let me improve this one *AHEM* Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked someone so hard, It broke the light barrier.
#106
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
#107
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beat paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.
#108
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling “Bang!”
#109
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time.
#110
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
#115
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
#117
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
#119
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Red Wyvern Emperor 2 years ago
When Chuck Norris makes a mistake on history lesson, the history rewrites itself accordingly.
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