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A joke that is as old as some teenagers might find its fate in the Internet’s dumpster where hackneyed things go into oblivion. However, some of the old jokes prove to stand the test of time; no matter how many times and how many years they’ve been around, they are still as funny as the first time you heard them. Such is the case with the legendary, iconic, and brilliant Chuck Norris jokes! However, as with many things that are old enough to have their own kids, sometimes the fable of its origin becomes a bit hazy, but no worries - we’ve found the exact story of how Chuck Norris jokes came to be. 

Picture 2005 and the Something Awful forums. Vin Diesel’s ‘The Pacifier’ movie just came out. In the light of this grand event, someone decided to start a topic listing Vin Diesel ‘facts,’ or rather, silly factoids, hyperbolizing Diesel’s physical and mental strengths. A then-teenager known as Ian Spector (this is unverified, but we love the name and surname combo, so why the heck not to include it) created a simple one-pager website where you could generate those very same factoids. However, soon enough, people got bored with mister Vin, and someone suggested replacing him with the martial arts divinity Chuck Norris. And the rest is history as the Internet couldn’t get enough of these clever jokes and silly factoids, making it become a viral sensation with undying relevance and popularity. And here we are, some seventeen years later, rekindling our love for Chuck Norris jokes and sharing it with you! These fun factoids, these brilliant laughs, are sure to bring you memories of better times and maybe even the exact occasion when you first heard one of these awesome jokes.

So, make haste, for the cool jokes are waiting! As usual, they are just a bit further down, so scroll on there, vote for these most clever jokes, and share this article with your friends! 

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#1

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.

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#2

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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talcottmargaret avatar
Insert Generic Username
Insert Generic Username
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the Boogeyman goes to sleep during the day because he's busy scaring kids at night. Regardless of when he goes to bed, he does check for Chuck Norris.

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#3

Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest with Superman. I'm not going to say who won, but the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.

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#4

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

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#5

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

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Eugene Adeder
Eugene Adeder
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoes to protect his feet, he wears the shoes to protect the earth from getting destroyed by his feet.

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#6

Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.

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#7

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

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David Brown
David Brown
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Upon entering revolving doors he never has to touch them. They move out of respect.

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#8

Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.

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#9

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. And after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.

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#10

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary When Alexander Graham Bell first invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

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qaasimmalik avatar
Nitro Codes
Nitro Codes
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alexander Graham Bell's last words : AAAHH!! CHUCK WHY?? EDIT: Jeez! Why can NO ONE take a joke? What did this comment even say that's so bad???

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#11

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

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#12

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

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#13

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

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#14

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

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#15

Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

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#16

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

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#17

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

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#18

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

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harunaboluwatife71 avatar
Abdul
Abdul
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also know Pluto was a planet until he who must not be named said it wasn't 🙇🏽‍♂️

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#19

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris didn't call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone.

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#20

Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories at the campfire.

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#21

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

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Paul D Materiuk
Paul D Materiuk
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

when chuck norris goes to a birthday party the candles blow themselves out. original arr

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#22

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.

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#23

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

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#24

The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

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#25

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back.

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#26

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

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#27

When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck said, “Say Please.”

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#28

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage. It’s now called Red Bull.

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#29

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

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#30

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.

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#31

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

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#32

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

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ashertye avatar
Asher Tye
Asher Tye
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wouldn't it be called a Water Man? No, it would not. It knows better than that.

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#33

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

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#34

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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#35

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.

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#36

Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.

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#37

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

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#38

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

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#39

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

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David Mancini
David Mancini
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chuck Norris cannot die of a heart attack. His heart knows better than to attack him.

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#40

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.

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Pilar
Pilar
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn't that what pepper spray is for? I've been living a lie all my life! 😭

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#41

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.

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#42

Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

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#43

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris built the hospital that he was born in.

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#44

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

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#45

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

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#46

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.

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#47

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.

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#48

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all lethal.

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#49

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors.

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#50

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

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Earl Grey
Earl Grey
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? He brought it back to the store for a refund.

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#51

Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger, to this day planet earth continues to turn.

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#52

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.

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#53

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

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#54

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

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#55

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.

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Thomas Bentley
Thomas Bentley
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nah, the bowling ball he choses would be dust before he even tries.

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#56

Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.

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#57

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

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#58

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

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#59

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.

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#60

Chuck Norris was exposed to Covid-19.

Covid-19 had to go into quarantine for a month.

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#61

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris mines bitcoin with a pen and paper.

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#62

The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

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#63

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

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#64

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.

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#65

Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

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David Brown
David Brown
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chuck Norris has no need to bath. There's nothing brave enough to make him smell or get him dirty.

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#66

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

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#67

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

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#68

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

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#69

Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once. He won by tying them together with an anaconda.

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#70

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.

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#71

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

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#72

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave, because revenge is a dish best served cold.

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#73

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

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#74

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.

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#75

The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

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#76

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.

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redwyvernemperor avatar
Red Wyvern Emperor
Red Wyvern Emperor
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like to imagine that aliens did not contact us yet, becuase they read these and just assume they are true. XD

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#77

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.

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#78

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

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#79

Chuck Norris breathes air… five times a day.

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#80

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris appeared in the ‘Street Fighter II’ video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Chuck Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

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Red Wyvern Emperor
Red Wyvern Emperor
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard he was also in Mortal Kombat, but they removed him since he killed everyone in a singhle hit... and I mean EVERYONE at the same time.

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#81

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

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Grace Walsh
Grace Walsh
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Covering up a comment :) have an awesome rest of your day, and rest here to enjoy my picture

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#82

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.

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#83

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

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#84

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

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Marek Čtrnáct
Marek Čtrnáct
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He orders a whole roast chicken for lunch, but only eats its soul.

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#85

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

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Marek Čtrnáct
Marek Čtrnáct
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wouldn't putting of saltwater fish in fresh water drown it as the water bloats its cells by osmotic pressure?

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#86

Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.

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#87

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

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#88

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.

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#89

Chuck Norris didn't cheat death, he won fairly and squarely.

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#90

Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

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#91

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris played a game of rock, paper scissors against his reflection, and won.

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#92

When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape.

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David Brown
David Brown
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chuck Norris once ran three marathons in a row because they were on the way.

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#93

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary When Chuck Norris falls from a great height, the ground has its life flash before its eyes.

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#94

In the Beginning there was nothing… Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.

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#95

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.

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#96

On the 7th day, God rested… Chuck Norris took over.

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#97

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

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#98

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

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#99

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

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#100

Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.

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#101

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

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#102

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

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#103

Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.

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#104

Chuck Norris once raced the earth around the sun and won by three years.

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#105

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.

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Unpickled Pickle
Unpickled Pickle
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

HUH? Let me improve this one *AHEM* Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked someone so hard, It broke the light barrier.

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#106

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

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#107

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beat paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.

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#108

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling “Bang!”

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#109

119 Chuck Norris Jokes That Are Short Of Legendary Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time.

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#110

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

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#111

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.

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#112

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

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#113

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

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#114

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shave. His beard is scared to grow.

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#115

Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.

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#116

Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.

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#117

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

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#118

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

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#119

When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.

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Red Wyvern Emperor
Red Wyvern Emperor
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When Chuck Norris makes a mistake on history lesson, the history rewrites itself accordingly.

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