Nowadays, it’s hard not to spend time on the internet. We go online to read the news, keep up with our friends and family members, find entertainment and to understand the latest trends. But if you catch yourself speaking in more meme and TikTok references than coherent sentences, it might be time to log off and get some fresh air.
Being chronically online is a sneaky illness that creeps up on us when we least expect it, but thankfully, there is a cure: spending time offline. Below, Bored Panda has gathered some of the most facepalm worthy posts from folks who could certainly be diagnosed as chronically online to serve as a warning sign that it’s never too late to go outside and touch some grass. Keep reading to find a conversation with Eric Simons of the Chronically Online podcast, and remember to log off social media before this insidious illness gets to you too!
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Chronically Online Suicide
I feel like if you "unalive" yourself, you've already cancelled yourself ETA quotations around unalive since it wasn't clear that I was using it as satire and not seriously
According to Oberlo, internet users around the world spend an average of 399.5 minutes every single day online. In South Africa, the average person who uses the internet is online for a whopping 567 minutes per day, while Brazilians with internet access tend to spend 555 minutes each day surfing the web. At over nine hours each day on the internet, I think those people could qualify as “chronically online.”
To learn more about what it means to be chronically online, we reached out to an expert on the topic, Eric Simons, co-host of the Chronically Online podcast. “Chronically online is an insult. It refers to a person who is always online, lacks any real-world interaction, and forms their entire worldview from their phone,” Eric explained.
“You will see it used in a comment section to tell someone they don't have a life. The accused ‘chronically online’ individuals are also often told to ‘touch grass,’” the host continued. “That means go outside and experience the real world. Daniel and I chose the podcast name ‘Chronically Online’ to be tongue-in-cheek, but we fit the description. Overall, the term is negative.”
Touch Grass
Despite the term not being a compliment, Eric jokingly argues that it probably is one of the least harmful addictions we can have. “Think about it. By the time you tell someone they are chronically on fentanyl, they’re a goner,” he told Bored Panda. “But to be serious, being chronically online is unhealthy. You can fall behind in school or at work when you are glued to the screen. It can also affect your physical health when you trade exercising for arguing with people in the comments sections of cat videos.”
“A psychologist will have to tell you what living in a bubble of algorithm-tuned content does to the brain,” Eric continued. “Nothing good, I bet. But hey, back in the old days, people were outside all the time and would get kicked by horses. So I ask you, which is healthier: too much internet or a horse kick?”
This Woman Who Thinks The Sky Is A Tiktok Background
Eric also says he believes the younger generations are more prone to being chronically online, but that doesn’t necessarily mean society will be worse off. “Some individuals may be more prone to develop internet addiction that negatively affects their lives, but overall, the younger generations will be able to reach a stable level of internet usage,” the host says. “They will adapt. We are already adapting.”
And if you’re looking for a cure for “chronic online-itis,” Eric says he knows just the thing. “Find a hobby that does two things. First, it gets you out of the house. Second, it involves interacting with other people. For Dan and I, that hobby is stand up comedy,” he shared with Bored Panda. “We are out there on stage facing the real world every night. The joy of landing jokes and the pain of bombing are as real as real life gets. And the comedy community? Our local scene is top-notch. It's a supportive, diverse circle that adds much needed perspectives to my world view.”
It Was All A Conspiracy To Make Gamers Touch Grass
No conspiracy here, this is just a humorous comment about Overwatch 2 which is apparently the most blatant money grab (coupled with a buggy game) that Acti/Blizzard have put out. Currently rated about 10% on Steam. *OOF!*
“The more community-based your hobby the better,” Eric added. “I see rock-climbing and hiking have strong communities. They have the added bonus of being great for physical health. For me personally, as an internet addict with an itch to create my own viral videos, I found enriching connections in filmmaking circles.”
“For getting a diversified perspective on the world, volunteering can really help, because you meet a wide range of people from different backgrounds and with varied personalities,” the host continued. “Starting a local group to pick up litter at a park or nature preserve in your area is my go-to volunteering suggestion. The planet will thank you too.”
And if you’d like to hear more from Eric about what it means to be chronically online, he urges readers to let him and Dan be “your chronically online friends who keep you updated on internet trends.” You can find their podcast right here!
Vegan Lions
Chronically Online Vampire Girl
I mean, I’m also sick of mortals… I just know I’m one of them too XD
While being chronically online is usually nothing to worry about, and is of course, not something that a doctor would actually diagnose, there are a few signs to look out for to remind yourself that it might be time to log off for a while. According to Katie Rees at Make Use Of, spending too much time on the internet might start to become a problem if you’re skipping appointments or events to spend more time online, being sedentary for hours at a time on the internet, prioritizing your online life over staying fueled and hydrated, losing touch with friends and family members in real life, or if you know more about online culture than real world events.
Some of the ways you can combat becoming too chronically online are by using distraction-blocking apps on your devices, keeping a solid schedule to avoid becoming bored and scrolling online, limiting or deleting your social media accounts, turning off notifications for non-essential apps, making regular plans with your friends and family members and finding interests and hobbies to pursue that don’t involve being online.
The Twitter Immigration Is Real!
I have many followers, but they always seem to have a flashing light on the roof of their car.
Wtf
Blue Checks Need To Touch Grass
One of the reasons why slipping into being chronically online is so easy is because there’s always something new to see online. We have unlimited access to news, and there are constantly new posts being shared on social media and fresh YouTube videos to watch. We naturally want to keep up with the trends, share the latest hilarious memes and keep in constant contact with our friends. But when prioritizing internet culture starts to impact our real lives, it’s important to remind ourselves why we need some time offline every now and then too. Logging off every now and then can be a nice reset to remind ourselves that what’s happening online isn’t always real. “Girl dinner” is just eating food, and your relationship doesn’t have to be chronicled on Instagram and TikTok to be valid.
This Person Who Made A Sweeping Generalization About Men Who Don't Like Cats
Stop Touching Grass
This Can't Be Real
Spending time off of the internet can also be a great way to boost your creativity. When we’re bombarded with memes, social media posts and news headlines, we don’t have to think. We can just absorb endless amounts of information. But when we stop and spend some time with our thoughts, we might be inspired to create something new. If we actually allow ourselves to become bored for a moment, we might have some original thoughts for once. Without seeing the views and thoughts of influencers, you might have a fresh perspective on life.
This Is So Chronically Online
Hey Guys Don’t Go To The Beach Or You’re Promoting Global Warming😡😡
I’ve lived in a beach town my whole life. Guess I’m promoting/celebrating global warming.
Oh My Godddd
*me spending 10 minutes wondering what being gay has to do with multilevel marketing*
Spending less time online might also translate to having more time for things you enjoy. You can prepare a fresh, home cooked meal for your family and spend hours chatting outside while your phone is perfectly fine without you. You can be more present in conversations when you’re not distracted with notifications, and you might finally be able to finish that project you started months ago that you “never have time” for. Logging off might also make you feel less stressed. We tend to compare ourselves to others when we spend too much time on social media, but when we take a break and really allow ourselves to be present in real life, we’re reminded that things like virtual likes and Instagram followers really mean nothing.
Touching Grass Makes You A Fascist
Thought This Belonged Here
Aye, Fair Enough
According to Daisy Jones at Vogue, spending less time online might even make you a more attractive and interesting person. She explains how appealing she finds it that her girlfriend does not keep up with Twitter discourse or the latest trends on TikTok. She also hypothesizes that it’s healthy for one chronically online person to be with someone else who is less terminally online. “I think I find people who are mostly offline appealing because I am so online (largely for my work, but also because I’m addicted). It’s the combination that works,” Jones explains. “Kind of like someone who is incredibly energetic being drawn to someone a little more withheld. The two can level each other out; a reminder of what exists outside of their own bubble, and the shared equilibrium that can occur when two worlds collide.”
This Kid Who Thinks An Internet Urban Legend Is Reality
I had to look this one up because the only thing that came to mind was going to a store and asking if an out of stock item might be in the back room. To save other people time here is a link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Backrooms and to summarise Backrooms is some weird creepy pasta about a bunch (maze) of empty backrooms that you can accidentally find yourself stuck in. Potentially occupied by creepy critters. If the son in the tweet is young it's not hard to imagine them believing this. We all believed stupid stuff as kids.
Classic Tiktok
This Person Who's Having Nightmares About Getting Canceled For Spilling Juice
I kind of like this one. It's about a dream and it's related to a real thing (cancel culture) even if the dream twisted that into a weird situation. That's just this persons brain doing some thinking while they're asleep. Unless it's in a completely inappropriate discussion forum then it seems fine.
So if you have a lot of trouble staying off the internet, it’s important to at least have someone in your life who’s not terminally online who can keep you grounded. “I love that, like the majority of people probably, our most treasured and connected moments are the simple, real-world stuff,” Jones writes about her own relationship. “Smoking in the garden, foraging for wild garlic at sundown, holding hands at the supermarket. The internet is full of noise, and of people shouting over each other in order to be heard. When we’re together, all of that falls quiet.”
When Chronically Online Kids Think Gender Is So Cool And Fun And Quirky
Oof
Women Shames People For Wanting To Prevent Stis And Underage Pregnancy...under A Post About Hoe Obesity Prevention Is "Eugenics"
I mean, pregnancy is *technically* a sexually-transmitted infection… there’s another lifeform growing in there XD
Being chronically online is likely to become more and more widespread amongst younger generations, especially considering that 42% of kids have a phone by age 10 nowadays. So as their elders, it’s probably wise for us to teach them the value of real life skills and interactions, since there’s no question they’ll understand technology better than we do. Take them outside, play sports with them, take them camping, teach them how to swim and ride a bike. And please for goodness sakes, teach them that social media is not real and does not actually affect their value as a person whatsoever.
Found This Screenshot On Instagram. Man Needs To Stop Listening To Podcasts 😭
I Can't With This S**t
After a person lands their dream job, they may complain about the hours. After moving into a big house, they may complain about the mortgage rate. After having kids, they complain about the sleep deprivation.
This Is The One
I don't even understand what they're talking about here. Is the person complaining that he didn't turn enough? That he turned too much? I just don't get it.
We love the internet as much as the next panda, but we hope this list has served as a healthy reminder to go take a walk, sit in the park, read a book, or do anything that doesn’t require an internet connection for a few hours. Some Vitamin D and fresh air will certainly do you some good. Keep upvoting the posts you find particularly hilarious or cringey, and let us know in the comments below what the most “chronically online” behavior you’ve ever seen was. Then, if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article featuring more questionable posts from social media, look no further than right here!
Saw This While Scrolling
Or,I know this will sound crazy, but don't use filters in the first place?
😭😭😭
As someone with obsessive tendencies I actually stopped playing one of my all time favourite games when it started invading my dreams because I didn't want to love it to an unhealthy degree. Now I only play it occasionally; I still love it and have completed it several times, but I can love it without becoming obsessed. (Autism, man. It's a whole thing).
Mysterious, Tormented Fictional Characters = Autistic?
I've just had my eyelashes dyed and now I'm off to the cheese shop
Load More Replies...Is MLM - Man Loves Man? And WLW - Woman Love Woman? Are we not allowed to say gay and lesbian anymore? Wtf is going on hahahahah and why do I feel so old after reading this thread
Mlm and Wlw are specifically talking about same-sex relationships, which doesn't necessarily mean gay or lesbian!
Load More Replies...I had to stop reading these. Both Darwin and evolution have completely let us down.
I've just had my eyelashes dyed and now I'm off to the cheese shop
Load More Replies...Is MLM - Man Loves Man? And WLW - Woman Love Woman? Are we not allowed to say gay and lesbian anymore? Wtf is going on hahahahah and why do I feel so old after reading this thread
Mlm and Wlw are specifically talking about same-sex relationships, which doesn't necessarily mean gay or lesbian!
Load More Replies...I had to stop reading these. Both Darwin and evolution have completely let us down.