‘Tis the season of woolen sweaters, hot cocoa, mistletoe kisses, and… puns! By now, you undoubtedly know about our fascination with good old wordplay, and we are firm on dedicating an article to each possible topic on puns. So, since it’s beginning to look a lot like a bonafide winter wonderland out there, Christmas puns are due. Despite the apparent reason for such jokes being entertainment, there’s one particular use for Christmas puns. And it’s to annoy the hell out of anyone willing to listen! Whether it be a workplace party, a homemade Advent calendar with puns instead of candy, or your family’s Christmas breakfast, you can always egg on anyone asking for it with some lame puns.
Before you go and grab yourself an oversized mug of eggnog to accompany these clever puns (they’re bound to get smarter with each sip), let us introduce you to what you are getting yourself into. Sure, there are puns about Rudolph - he’s the star of many songs, jokes, and parodies already, so we just had to add in a couple of original puns to expand his little repertoire. There are also puns about Claus himself, the jolly, wobbly-tummy advocate of righteousness. Then there’s the Christmas tree and its magic, the socks on a fireplace, and jubilant caroling, and none of it escaped the fate of becoming a funny pun.
Instead of making you bored with ramblings, here’s a proposition - scroll down below, and check out the merry Christmas puns for yourself! By all means, share this article with anyone who’s lacking some merriment spirit right about now; who knows, they might genuinely thank you for that! And, while Mariah and mister Buble thaws to perform their season’s greetings, vote on the most original puns that you saw. By the time you’re finished, they will be ready to remind you what they want for Christmas!
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I bought my son a refrigerator for Christmas – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
What language does Santa Claus speak? North Polish.
Asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas and she told me nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I gave her nothing.
The three phases of man – he believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.
Which reindeer was known for his bad manners? Rude-olph.
What is a parent's favorite Christmas carol? Silent Night.
How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.
How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? No Brussels.
Mrs Claus: "Look out the window, Santa. Is it snowing?"
Santa: "Looks like reindeer."
What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
Don’t mind the resting Grinch face.
You don’t like these puns? They literally sleighed everyone at work.
There are three phrases that sum up Christmas: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included.
Peace on Earth and Batteries Not Included seems a little contradictive. What a world we live in.
What do elves have to learn before they can read? The elfabet.
Who doesn’t eat on Christmas? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Preemptively covering the Vegan hate comment that will be here in a day
Why does Scrooge love reindeer? Because every buck is deer to him.
Everyone needs a friend like Jack Frost—he’s pretty chill.
Watch where you light the Christmas candles this year—you don’t want Santa to become Krisp Kringle.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer.
I love when candy canes are in mint condition.
What do you call a letter that is sent up the chimney on Christmas eve? Blackmail.
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? Mistle-toad.
"All the jingle ladies, all the jingle ladies."
Children who don’t learn to tie their shoes properly are bound to wind up on the knotty list.
Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points.
What’s the difference between Santa and a Knight?
One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh.
Okay, this one is clever. Except shouldn't it actually be the reindeer that drag the sleigh?
Single bells, single bells, single all the way.
It’s a simple case of claus and effect.
What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you, anyway.
Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
Can't wait to see Santa bring all my gifts at the door. I can already hear him saying "Package for 1234 Home Address Lane! Please sign here."
It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots".
What do monkeys sing at Christmas time? Jungle bells, Jungle bells.
How does one snowman greet another snowman? Ice to meet you.
But then you offer to go to the beach and they give you the cold shoulder. >:(
Who says Oh Oh Oh? Santa walking backwards!
Santa is verified to be T symmetric, scientists are still working to see if he violates CP symmetries.
Having something under the tree is such a gift.
When is the best time to open your Christmas gifts? There’s no time like the present…
Santa’s elves have plenty of photos for their scrapbooks because they’re constantly snapping pictures with their North Pole-aroid cameras.
It’s penguining to look a lot like Christmas.
What do you call Santa when he goes to the beach? Sandy Claus.
What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like Brussels sprouts!"
Our Christmas tree decorations this year are pure poet-tree!
Coal in my stocking? Snow thanks.
What’s the difference between the clementine in your Christmas stocking and Donald Trump? Nothing, they’re both a little orange.
You’re adorabell.
Hm. Not really xmass related, though it was cute when my (then) 4 yo said "I'm a doorbell"
Can you feel the chemistree between us?
Icy what you did there.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a rest from delivering presents? Santa Pause!
You can tell which dessert the snowmen brought by looking at the icing.
I’ll stop the world and melt with you.
Pawsitively having a wonderful Christmas time.
I don’t get it. Pawsitively insinuates some kind of woof woofer or cute toe beans….this joke has neither :(
And Ma in her kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down to a long winter’s (cat) nap.
Where does Santa go when he's sick? To the elf centre.
There’s snow place like home for the holidays.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Arthur...
Arthur who?
Arthur any mince pies left?
Why has Hillary Clinton asked Santa for a 23-letter alphabet? Because she is sick of F.B.I.
I fought to use my vacation leaves for the holidays because I promised my family I’d be gnome for Christmas.
You’re my snow angel.
Are you oakay? Yes, I'm pine!
He’s an elf-made man.
