Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app

Continue in app Continue in browser

46Kviews

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns

ADVERTISEMENT

To some, Christmas is a serious festivity, a time for gathering the family and reflecting over the year. To others, it’s a celebration that’s all about giving and kindness. But you know what makes it all better and even more worthwhile? Why, humor, of course! That’s precisely why we’ve gathered this list of the best Christmas jokes ever - to make your good deeds even merrier and to annoy Aunt Janice with so-lame-it’s-awesome jokes over Christmas Eve dinner. Or to say to Father Christmas himself as a ransom for your present. A quick transaction is guaranteed with these hilarious jokes, and the present will surely be signed, sealed, and delivered in no time.

To you, dear readers, our good deed is this list - a jolly merriment, an authentic barrel of fun! If classy he-said-she-said jokes aren’t your cup of tea, we’ve tried our best to cater to anyone’s taste. There are Christmas puns, darker-toned jokes, prosaic farces, Flaubert-esque pastiches, and all the good stuff on Christmas. Besides having covered all the possible styles of whimsy, we’ve also delved into most of the holiday topics. A joke for Rudolph, a pun on Santa Claus, and a one-liner on gifts; all you could ever need in one place!

But, lest we spill all the merry beans and spoil you with the best Christmas jokes before you even have the chance to read them - scroll down below and check them out for yourself! Then, tell us which of these clever jokes you liked the most and don’t forget to share this article with your friends. Christmas time is giving time, after all.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?
Snowballs.

76points

Orange is aging 2 years ago

Snow people can identify as whatever they want

20points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#2

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

64points

Paul C. 2 years ago

Have you ever heard of Randolph, the Brown Nosed Reindeer? He runs just behind Rudolph. He just can't stop as quick!

20points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#3

"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard."

64points

Nathan Adams 2 years ago

To true🤣

6points

View more comments

#4

"I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me, “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing."

64points

Antz Online 2 years ago

I’m not gonna even think of trying that one

8points

#5

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns "I tell my kids that Santa is fat because he eats the children who get up early on Christmas morning. That way, I get to sleep in."

59points

Rui 2 years ago

Thats so evil im gonna try that

11points

View more comments

ADVERTISEMENT

#6

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.

58points

Daniel Atkins 2 years ago

oh oh oh.

19points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#7

Spotted outside a church in Michigan: "Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive if you want to meet him."

55points

Rui 2 years ago

These are too punny

6points

#8

What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause.

49points

Orange is aging 2 years ago

You mean when he takes a break for basically the entire year to quietly watch his elves painstakingly make hundreds upon hundreds of toys BY HAND and then take literally all of their hard-earned credit by giving the toys to bratty children across the entire world, rinse and repeat?

2points

View More Replies...

View more comments

ADVERTISEMENT

#9

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns If a reindeer lost its tail, where could he get a new one?
At a retail store.

47points

Eagle Girl 2 years ago

Where do fishing stories come from? A Re-Tale store

1point

View More Replies...

View more comments

#10

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

45points

Antz Online 2 years ago

Hahaha

1point

View more comments

ADVERTISEMENT

#11

The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.

44points

#12

Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.

43points

James Reed 2 years ago (edited)

What are polar bears called who are standing on a thin sheet of ice? Ice breakers. Why was the polar bear feeling sad? He was home alone and ice-olated.

6points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#13

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns How does the snow globe feel this year?
A little shaken.

42points

Eric G 2 years ago

Just the way I like it. -Bond, James Bond

5points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#14

Why was the snowman embarrassed when he was spotted rummaging through a bag of carrots?
He was caught picking his nose.

40points

Rui 2 years ago

Oh god

7points

View more comments

#15

Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
Reindeer. They sleigh every time.

39points

#16

What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.

36points

D K 2 years ago

Bahahaha

2points

View more comments

ADVERTISEMENT

#17

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns How is the alphabet different on Christmas than any other day?
On Christmas, it has Noel.

34points

D Gangwere 2 years ago

(sigh)

0points

#18

Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present’s beneath them.

34points

Rui 2 years ago

Boof

2points

View more comments

#19

Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners?
RUDE-olph, of course.

32points

Kija Amira 2 years ago

Which is why he's the fav?

1point

#20

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

32points

#21

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it.

31points

ADVERTISEMENT

#22

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns Where does Santa stay when he’s on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel.

28points

Hilo 2 years ago

This sounds very bad…

3points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#23

"My wife took our three-year-old to church for the first time. Getting impatient while waiting for the Mass to start, he turned to her and asked, "What time does Jesus get here?"

28points

Muhammad Zulkhairi Mohd Nasir 2 years ago

Tell that kid to be more patient... It won't be long before his Second Coming!

3points

View more comments

#24

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.

27points

Clare Is great 2 years ago

My advent calendars have only 24 days

1point

#25

What do snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.

25points

James Reed 2 years ago

they like frosted flakes

7points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#26

Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."

24points

Iguanas Place 2 years ago

Evil,just evil

4points

View more comments

ADVERTISEMENT

#27

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cowculator.

23points

Nathan Adams 2 years ago

I actually thought of this idea "cowculator" So i coded my own "cowculator" That actully works here's the link: https://studio.code.org/projects/applab/4zfMs3-M2uq4rCdUX5W2ARLXepSyOifYPSgM9eHZTy4

8points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#28

What do you call a blind reindeer?
I have no eye deer.

23points

Lauren Caswell 2 years ago

I found one with no legs...still no eye deer 🤷‍♀️

3points

#29

What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
Welfy.

21points

#30

People Are Cracking Up At These 30 Christmas Jokes And Puns Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
Because they're Santa's star bucks.

20points

Donkey boi 2 years ago

But they're female...

5points

View More Replies...

View more comments

Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium

Unlimited content

Ad-free browsing

Dark mode

#31

What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A pineapple!

15points

#32

What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole?
Bi-Polar.

14points

ADVERTISEMENT

#33

For Christmas, I gave my kid a BB gun. He gave me a sweater with a bull’s-eye on the back.

13points

Rui 2 years ago

I actually got a BB Gun for a Christmas and a second one in the next year so ones at my dads and the other is at my grandpas

1point

View more comments

#34

Why is it getting so hard to buy advent calendars?
Their days are numbered.

13points

#35

Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
He was searching for some holiday spirit.

13points

#36

I have this incredible ability to predict what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.

13points

#37

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

13points

ADVERTISEMENT

#38

What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

12points

#39

What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing?
Santa’s shadow!

12points

#40

"You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger."

12points

#41

"The holiday season: a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice."

12points

#42

"This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list: Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox."

12points

Rui 2 years ago

I dont get it

1point

View More Replies...

View more comments

ADVERTISEMENT

#43

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter. "In order to get in," he tells them, "you must each produce something representative of the holidays."
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. "This represents a candle of hope." Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. "These are bells." He's allowed in too.
"So," Peter says to the third man, "what do you have?" The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties. "What do these have to do with Christmas?" asks Peter. "They're Carol's."

12points

#44

Two kids are on their way to Sunday school when one says to the other, "What do you think about this Satan stuff?"
"Well, you remember Santa? This could turn out to be your dad too."

12points

Eunisha Emerson 1 year ago

What?

0points

#45

Which two letters of the alphabet do snowmen like best? I C.

12points

ADVERTISEMENT

#46

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
"Can you smell carrots?"

12points

#47

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

12points

#48

How do you know when Santa’s around?
You can always sense his presents.

12points

#49

What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm?
May the forest be with you!

12points

#50

What do you call an old snowman?
Water.

12points

Z Alexi 2 years ago

Puddle.

0points

#51

What kind of Christmas music do elves like?
“Wrap” music.

11points

ADVERTISEMENT

#52

How does a snowman get to work?
By icicle.

11points

#53

How do Christmas angels greet each other?
"Halo!"

11points

#54

What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas?
"Tis the season to be jelly!"

11points

#55

What are the best books to read during the holidays?
The Lord of the Five Golden Rings, No Country for Old Menorahs, For Whom the Jingle Bells Toll, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secret Santas, Frankincense and Sensibility.

11points

#56

Why didn't Rudolph get a good report card?
Because he went down in History.

11points

ADVERTISEMENT

#57

What is Santa’s primary language?
North Polish.

11points

#58

How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life.

11points

#59

How does Santa keep his bathroom tiles immaculate?
He uses Comet.

11points

#60

Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

11points

#61

Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.

11points

#62

Why did Santa bring 22 reindeer to Walmart?
Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks, but just in case it was more, he brought some extra doe.

11points

ADVERTISEMENT

#63

What’s Santa’s dog’s name?
Santa Paws!

11points

#64

Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh?
Because he wanted to see time fly!

11points

#65

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky?
Looks like rain, dear!

11points

#66

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!

11points

#67

What is a lion's favorite Christmas carol?
Jungle Bells.

11points

#68

"One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December."

11points

iBlank 2 years ago

hey, you be you

-1point

ADVERTISEMENT

#69

What is green, covered with tinsel and says, “Ribbit, ribbit?”
A mistle-toad.

11points

Jacob Michael 2 years ago

the joke in number one should have been here if you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

0points

#70

Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It’s too far to walk.

11points

#71

How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey?
On the dark side.

11points

#72

What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot?
A chill pill.

11points

#73

How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
No Brussels.

11points

#74

What’s a reindeer’s favourite artist?
Beyonsleigh.

11points

ADVERTISEMENT

#75

What's red and white and falls down chimneys?
Santa Klutz.

10points

#76

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there's a whole world of difference between them.

10points

#77

Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them!

10points

#78

Why did they couple get hitched on the 24 of December?
So they could have a married Christmas.

10points

#79

What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!

10points

#80

What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

10points

ADVERTISEMENT

#81

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

10points

#82

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp Kringle.

10points

#83

Why did Santa get a parking ticket last Christmas Eve?
He was making a special delivery and left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.

10points

#84

"While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?” The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?” He promptly replied, “Another train.”

10points

ADVERTISEMENT

#85

Who delivers Christmas presents to good little sharks when they're sleeping?
Santa Jaws!

10points

Charlie Taube 2 years ago

Yes! A severed arm, just what I wanted!

2points

#86

What does December have that other months don't have?
The letter D.

10points

Aroace tiger (any pronouns) 2 years ago

Did anyone else go through the months?

2points

View More Replies...

View more comments

#87

My friend reviewed her young son's fill-in-the-blank homework. One line: "At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____."
His response: "Receipts."

10points

#88

From an article on the Woolacombe Bay Hotel in Devon, England: "Their three-night Christmas break includes a packed program of family entertainment, a crèche, excellent cuisine, and a visit from Satan."

10points

#89

What is a parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night.

10points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#90

What do elves have to learn before they can read?
The elfabet.

10points

#91

What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
"I don’t like brussels sprouts!"

10points

#92

Why does your nose get tired in winter?
It runs all day.

10points

#93

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

10points

#94

Why was the little boy so cold on Christmas morning?
Because it was Decembrrrrr!

10points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#95

Where do Christmas plants go when they want to become movie stars?
Holly-wood!

9points

#96

What cars do elves drive?
A toyYoda.

9points

#97

What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
RUDEolph.

9points

#98

What is Santa Claus' laundry detergent of choice?
Yule-Tide.

9points

#99

Why does St. Nick like the Temptations’ version of Silent Night best?
Because Santa Was A Rolling Stone.

9points

#100

Did you hear that Santa knows karate? He has a black belt.

9points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#101

What do you say to Santa when he's taking attendance at school?
Present.

9points

#102

Why does Santa have elves in his workshop?
Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!

9points

#103

Scene: A man applying for credit at a department store.
Clerk: What do you do for a living?
Man: I’m a tree trimmer.
Clerk: What do you do after Christmas?

9points

#104

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Yule log.
Yule log who?
Yule log the door after you let me in, won't you?

9points

#105

A teenager waltzed into our jewelry store to buy a cross for her boyfriend. I showed her a selection, and she pointed to three: "Can I see that one, that one, and the one with the little man on it?"
"Oh," I replied. "You mean Jesus?"

9points

Eric G 2 years ago

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. -George Carlin

5points

View More Replies...

View more comments

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#106

What should you give your parents at Christmas?
A list of what you want.

9points

#107

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He refers to his calen-deer.

9points

iBlank 2 years ago

he just nose

1point

#108

Why did the snowman want a divorce?
Because his wife was a total flake.

9points

#109

How did the two rival Christmas trees get along?
They signed a peace tree-ty!

9points

#110

Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen.

9points

#111

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut open till Christmas!

9points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#112

What's Jack Frost's favorite part of the school day?
Snow and tell.

8points

#113

What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed?
Cookie sheets!

8points

#114

What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.

8points

#115

What's Santa Claus's favorite track & field event?
North Pole-vaulting!

8points

#116

Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
Because it would say, “Baaaaahh humbug!”

8points

#117

Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen.

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#118

How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.

8points

#119

What do reindeer say before they tell a joke?
This will sleigh you.

8points

#120

How do you lift a frozen car?
With a Jack Frost.

8points

#121

How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas?
The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.

8points

#122

Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to be trimmed.

8points

#123

Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#124

What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

8points

#125

What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance?
A dependent Claus.

8points

#126

What kind of bike does Santa Claus ride?
A Holly Davidson.

8points

#127

When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him?
Sandy Claus.

8points

#128

How does Santa sing the alphabet?
A B C D E F G... H I J K L M N Oh!, Oh!, Oh!, P Q R S T U V W X Y Z!

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

#129

To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m turning my house into an Italian restaurant.

8points

#130

"One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of Band-Aids and said, “You two share.”

8points

#131

"I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “Toys not included.”

8points

#132

Did you hear that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer never went to school? That's right—he was elf taught.

8points

#133

Why did the children call St. Nick "Santa Caus"?
Because there was Noël.

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

#134

"As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate.
"You can't do that," argued my four-year-old.
"Don't worry. Santa will never know."
He shot me a look. "So he knows if I've been bad or good, but he doesn't know the cookie fell on the floor?"

8points

#135

"My mother cast one of her students as the innkeeper for the Christmas pageant. All the third grader had to do was tell Joseph, "There is no room at the inn." But during the performance—after Joseph begged for a room for his pregnant wife—the boy didn't have the heart to turn him down. "Well," he said, "if it's so urgent, come on in."

8points

#136

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back. The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside town. But three days later, the squirrels climbed back in. Only the church came up with an effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and made them members. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

#137

Worshippers are greeted by these words at the Travelers Rest Church: "Do Not Sit on Steps."

8points

#138

Why did they ask the turkey to join the band?
He had the drum sticks.

8points

#139

What did the salt say to the pepper?
Season’s Greetings.

8points

#140

Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
Because he was stuffed.

8points

#141

What do you call a letter that is sent up the chimney on Christmas eve?
Blackmail.

8points

#142

What's a geologist's favorite Christmas Song?
Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

#143

What happened to Santa when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker.

8points

#144

What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees?
Hornaments.

8points

#145

A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean"
Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I'll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky."
Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn't say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: "if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn't have invited you." the young man replies "if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn't have come."

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

#146

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues.

8points

#147

Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
Because they’re shell-fish.

8points

#148

A book never written: How to Decorate a Tree, by Orna Ment.

8points

#149

Did you know that Santa’s not allowed to go down chimneys this year?
It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

8points

#150

The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

8points

ADVERTISEMENT

#151

Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
To keep her off the North Pole.

8points

#152

How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas?
They use Santa-tizer.

8points

#153

How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm?
His sleigh is flown by raindeer.

7points

#154

What's St. Nicholas's favorite measurement in the metric system?
The Santameter!

7points

#155

What's a sheep's favorite Christmas song?
"Fleece Navidad"!

7points

#156

What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?
"Season's bleatings!"

7points

ADVERTISEMENT

#157

What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip?
Crisp Pringles!

7points

#158

How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day?
There's Noel!

7points

#159

What do you sing at an elf's birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!

7points

#160

Which holiday mascot has the least spare change?
St. Nickel-less.

7points

#161

Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present's beneath them.

7points

George Ring 2 years ago

Seen this before somewhere, oh yes, it was number 27

1point

#162

What's Santa's favorite song by the Ramones?
Blitzen-krieg Bop.

7points

ADVERTISEMENT

#163

Why does Santa go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!

7points

#164

"This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap."

7points

#165

"Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?"
A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"

7points

#166

What do Christmas trees and bad knitters have in common?
They both drop their needles.

7points

#167

What do you call a reindeer who wears ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can’t hear you.

7points

ADVERTISEMENT

#168

Why does Scrooge love reindeer?
Because every buck is deer to him.

7points

#169

Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
They were two deer.

7points

#170

Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
They’re into all the wrapping.

7points

#171

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for Christmas cookies!

7points

Linas Simonaitis

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Linas is a SEO List Curator at Bored Panda with a bachelor's degree in Communication & Digital Marketing. Before, he did a quick internship at AMII and worked as a Wolt courier (in other words, before Bored Panda, he never had a real job). After an intense day of Googling and scrolling, he likes to lose himself in League of Legends or make a couple pretzels while practicing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Also an owner of 0.0028 Bitcoin.

Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Justė is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier. Justė's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. Ask her anything!

Jurgita Dominauskaitė

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

What do you think ?

Lovin' Life 2 years ago

Too funny!

1point

Sharon Ingram 2 years ago

How do you catch a polar bear? With a can of peas. Cut a hole in the ice big enough for the bear to fall in. Pour out the can of peas to circle the ice hole. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

0points

Lovin' Life 2 years ago

Too funny!

1point

Sharon Ingram 2 years ago

How do you catch a polar bear? With a can of peas. Cut a hole in the ice big enough for the bear to fall in. Pour out the can of peas to circle the ice hole. When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

0points

You May Like

‘Ends Humour’: 50 Spot-On Posts That May Leave You Chuckling At The Ridiculousness Of It All (New Pics)

Viktorija Ošikaitė

100 Funny Country Jokes To Kindle Your Wanderlust

Saimonas Lukošius

“What Is The Funniest Joke You’ve Been Told That You Still Think About To This Day?” (30 Answers)

Gabija Palšytė

Back to Homepage

More about Funny

Related on Bored Panda

Related on Bored Panda

Trending on Bored Panda

Also on Bored Panda