As Rebecca J. Rosen beautifully put it, marriage isn’t a union of just two people but rather two families—each with its own beliefs and ways of looking at the world. The resulting relationships can be some of the closest and richest, but, for many, they can also be some of the most difficult. Like this 41-year-old man.

Recently, he and his wife along with his children from his first marriage went to her parents for dinner. The night seemed like any other, but for some (religious) reason, the old folks decided that it was the time they would throw away all the trust they had been building with their in-laws and attack one of their core identity traits.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: u/MadDadThrowaway8630

Diabolical in-laws have a special place in our culture. In Hamlet, for example, Gertrude’s brother-in-law kills her husband, then lies to her to gain her hand in marriage. In the Meet The Parents film series, Robert DeNiro’s character uses his ex-CIA skills to uncover dirt on his daughter’s fiancé (and that’s the least of it).

The trope is particularly potent on television: in the Sopranos, Livia Soprano estranges her daughter-in-law Carmela from her own parents; the Simpsons sees Marge’s sisters Patty and Selma at constant odds with Homer Simpson; and Debra Barone and her mother-in-law Marie in Everybody Loves Raymondveer cyclically between niggling combat and genuine affection.

Still, most people don’t start off expecting to hate their in-laws; 2012 research from Purdue University, US, showed the vast majority of couples go into their marriages anticipating positive ties.

In another study from 2022, both men and women reported having more conflict with their mothers-in-law than their mothers.

Terri Apter, a psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge University, who conducted more than two decades of research, found that … 75% percent of couples reported having problems with an in-law, but only 15% of mother-in-law/son-in-law relationships were described as tense.

One contributing factor that could explain the prevalence of female in-law tension is child-rearing, and its disproportionate impact on women, which could potentially compound any pre-existing conflict.

But while the mother-in-law to daughter-in-law link is surely the most complex, all in-law relationships come under tension as couples move through life together. The most frequent intra-familial flashpoints are religious celebrations and holidays. “If both sets of in-laws are adamant that you’re all going to theirs for Christmas, you’re going to have a problem,” said Martin Daly, a professor of psychology, neuroscience, and behavior at McMaster University, Canada. “Occasions like Christmas are a major point of conflict, because it’s where people are expected to be together.”

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Thrown together for an extended period of time, without sufficient room for autonomy, families come up against the phenomenon of ‘hypercopresence,’ which can happen with any interaction involving forced closeness – holiday gatherings included.

Sadly, the negative effects can be long-lasting. Hypercopresence often results in conflicts with relatives, angry words that cannot be taken back, and cold, rude nonverbal behaviors which leave lasting impressions.

Plus, holidays are when families carry out much-anticipated traditions and rituals, which research shows makes them feel closer and increases people’s enjoyment of these occasions, so when in-laws diverge from their beloved rituals and traditions (or vice versa), tensions can flare.

People were taken aback by this cunning move

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After the post went viral, the dad shared an update on the situation

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Image credits: u/MadDadThrowaway8630

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