I thought that slavery was outlawed.

Your children owe you nothing! As a parent, you hope they will be nice to you as you age, but you should never expect anything from them. My kids are 23, 20 and 17 and I don’t expect anything from them

Parent here. No.

The mom chose to have kids. The kids didn't choose her as a mom. Supporting your kids is all part of the deal. I expect my kids to pay it forward by volunteering in the community or having kids of their own. Or both. But not by supporting me. Knowing me, I will likely expect visits and phone calls when I reach my dotage as part of the paying-it-forward, but I don't think that's too much to ask.

NTA. Unless something happens (like illness, poverty) there should never be an expectation that kids should have to fully take care of their parents if they're doing well. My parents are working now to make sure that us kids don't even have to worry about things when they pass (funerals, expenses, graves, etc) because they DID have all of that dumped on them when their parents passed. They understand and won't let us have the same burden.

I see comments that this idea is cultural. Maybe, but I can give a real-word, born in the USA example. My husbands parents had a business built from the ground up. Never wealthy, but it supported them and 6 kids. Many of the kids worked in the business. Eventually, Dad wanted to be a "silent partner" in the business while stepson took over. Stepson (not my husband) took it global and was doing great, while Mom and Dad (divorced) continued to draw a salary and insurance but doing nothing. Hard economic times hit, Stepson is laying off workers, including Mom, but Dad has signature on accounts and continues to draw out money directly. Eventually the business is bankrupt, Mom and Dad angry that Stepson allowed the business they had expected to sustain them the rest of their lives go under. Over-simplification, but you get the idea.

Honestly, I will never understand why some parents think their children should take care of them. That's not how it works. If a child helps their parents and takes care of them, that's their decision. If a child doesn't want to, that's fine. I mean, my birth father, who never raised me, said right to my face that he wished I was rich so he'd never have to work again. When I told him if I ever won the lottery, I'd give it to my grandmother (his mom) he wasn't happy. It's the child's decision to make.

I find it peculiar people ask "what country are you in?", as if families just drop whatever cultural traditions and practices they've been accustomed to once they live in another country or because they happened to be born in a different country than their parents, or grandparents came from. It's actually quite rude. Lainey from The Social (a talk show kind of like The View) mentioned her mother expects money every weekly visit. She's openly stated she comes from a Chinese heritage. I think her mom is from China. When I told my own mom this fact my mom was like "That's a good idea." So... that was a regret. Good thing my mom didn't put that into action LOL. Nah, my mom knows I've been struggling enough.

When a religion says taka care of your parents that means take care of them within your means... Support them be there for them take care of them but not necessarily financially Also parents CHOOSE to have the child so they CHOOSE to spend money on them because of course they have look out for them A child doesn't chose to have parents lol you didn't get to choose this expense you didn't choose this responsibility

I don't think children should take up responsibility of their parents as soon as they start earning, but I absolutely believe that the care of an elderly parent rests with the children. NO ONE can work forever and taking care of ones elderly is a family matter. While parents should do everything possible to not be a burden, leaving a parent without care or support is morally wrong and indifferent.

In my culture and my religion,we have to look after out parents.I really don't mind,they did,after all look after us from infancy and I wouldn't be here without them.I don't mind. Its nice for me to be able to give back. We get huge rewards in the next life for doing this too.Win win.You should go with your heart on this one. Not your head. Think as a mother of all the sacrifices u do.Its not that she expects u to give up ur life and look after her.She expects you to have mercy towards her,as she disd when you couldn't even talk to say what you needed.Stop looking to the Internet for answers that's in your heart.

In some cultures, one hundred or more years ago, it was the responsibility of the children to take care of their parents when they were to old to work. The more children you had, the more people to care for you when you got old. But those were the days before social security and pensions. That was then, now is now. A child has a right to make his own way in the world, without parents demanding their support. Many children help their elderly parents in many ways, other than supporting them financially. I considered myself a big help to my mother when she was too old to do a lot of things for herself. But she was thrifty, living on social security and didn't need my financial help. She expected assistance from her kids as she got old, but never financially.

The new breed of human traffickers---parents using the adult sons/daughters for life-time financial support and guilt tripping them into emotional subservience.

Your parents take care of you in your helpless years and many beyond that BC they are your parents. A child's role is to respect those parents and to care for them in the event they too become helpless (financial, health). If they did a good job with you you should have the stability or else hopefully the money that they put aside for retirement

I always find this hypocritical. Whenever we have the case of Bad parenting the internet goes send them to nursing home but when its the case of good parenting go and also send them to nursing home. If I have a kid at least I know what to do if abuse or love results to the same thing anyway when I grow old.

My dad passed years ago. Both believed that it's the parents responsibility to raise children to be independent and help them, even when they're grown, if they can. My mother got sick. I told her that she was going to live with my family. It's been 11 years. She's better but still I'll buy even so is an amazing help in this family. Maybe because they always helped me expecting nothing in return that I jumped at the chance to help her.

In other words, is having kids an investment?

While I think this is a ridiculous tradition, OP lives in Bangladesh where it seems like a very strong tradition. Despite most people believing OP doesn't have to support their parent, it's likely going to be the opinion of the community they live in that will prevail. If that community punishes children who don't support their parents (shunning, nasty comments, etc), can OP tolerate that without too much emotional damage? Are there enough adult children around her that have decided not to support their parents? If so, OP would at least not be the outlier. Is this mother a relic of the past and one of the few parents left in this community expecting their children to support them? If mom is a dinosaur, then OP can go about her life knowing that others will simply ignore her mother's complaints about them. Same if a good-sized percentage no longer follows this tradition. Otherwise OP needs to ignore comments, cave & pay, or move.

It's not my responsibility to take care of my parents. I'm not planning on having kids so I'm self sufficient, they should be too.

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