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30 Revealing Signs Of Behavior That Indicate Someone Had A Traumatic Childhood
Whether we like it or not, much of our adult lives are directly influenced by the way we grew up.
We may have forgotten about it, or suppressed some memories, but if you were neglected as kid, treated poorly, or not given enough support or attention when you really needed it, it likely has some serious consequences on your personality.
From low self-esteem to attachment issues, there are numerous ways the cracks in childhood can haunt someone.
So when someone posed a question on the Ask Reddit community wondering “What's a sign of childhood trauma?” it immediately resonated with many people. Below we wrapped up the most illuminating and thought-provoking responses.
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#1
I am always scared that people are mad at me. Always.
Mad Dragon 1 year ago
I am also scared that asking if someone is mad at me will make them mad at me, if they weren't already mad at me.
#2
Hyper independence.
Can’t be let down if you never ask for anything in the first place.
#3
Being an "empath." You actually have conditioned yourself to be highly attuned to micro changes that indicate negativity you need to look out for. Also codependency or hyper independence.
#4
Oversharing when you haven’t known the person long OR the opposite where you don’t open up to anybody. Two extremes
#7
Not wanting attention. Not taking photos. No social media. Don't celebrate birthdays. Dont want any awards. Don't want any kind words. Just let me exist, lol.
#8
Extreme self cringe, doubting if what you said was the right thing. Doubting if you acted the right way, or behaved the right way in a social setting. Asking someone several times if you did something correctly. Zoning out because you randomly remembered a traumatic childhood memory, low self esteem, lack of confidence.
Mad Dragon 1 year ago
Me *trying to fall asleep* Head: "Let's review every conversation you had today and figure out what you said and did wrong!"
#10
Someone once told me, "your parents shouldn't be your first bullies" and holy F**K that rocked me.
One sign you can notice in yourself that I didn't realize until I started therapy: you don't have physical sensations when feeling. Everything is just like....mental? It's hard to explain but...happiness is supposed to exist somewhere physically. Not every emotion is supposed to be represented by your permanent vague chest tension. Wild!
Another sign: you rarely, if ever, talk about yourself socially. I ask a s**t ton of questions of people and I am happy to listen to them and hear their problems, but I don't share much of myself to anyone. It makes it hard for me to deepen relationships because I don't practice vulnerability. I don't think people want to hear from me.
Finally, hypervigilance. I know people based on their footsteps. I know where my husband is at any given moment (he's lovely, he just has to deal with my traumatized a*s) in the house. I don't think I have ever truly relaxed.
But tbh.....this thread is kind of nice for me, in a weird way. It's terrible other people experience this, but I don't feel so alone right now.
Renno Lillemets 1 year ago
I think alot of us feel that we are not alone with our stupid weird problems. TY who ever made this and thank all of you sharing, i feel so many of you have what i have...
#11
Scared of conflict to the point you avoid it at all costs, certain that if it happens the other person will hate you/ it will end awfully. You’ve never seen people calmly sit down and discuss their emotions in a loving way, so that world doesn’t exist.
Donna Peluda 1 year ago
I had this problem when I was younger, I worked hard to be able to communicate with the people I loved but it always backfired on me. They took it as personal criticism. It could also be due to the kind of person I've had relationships with.
#12
Perfectionism. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I just always thought I was bad at everything or 'lazy,' when, in fact, I deal with a crippling level of perfectionism.
Loverboy 1 year ago
Lazy, I hate that word. It's used by people who don't know a damn thing about it. My dad uses that word a hell of a lot. I was good at things when I was younger. Now things are harder, I couldn't adjust and learn at a correct pace, I'm bad at things and I feel dumb, weak, lazy.
#14
Imposter syndrome.
You don't feel like you deserve anything. Don't feel like you're good at things. You feel like someone else has to be better or deserve those things more than you do.
I know that's not the only reason for it, but when you're told over and over how useless you are and how you don't deserve your family or to even exist, that stays with you. And it's really f*****g hard to convince yourself otherwise. Jobs, relationships, my feeling is kinda always "there has to be someone better."
It's also why rejection hits so much harder, because then it's confirmation of those beliefs. And it's really f*****g hard not taking it personally all the time.
#15
Inability to form and keep relationships, having sparse or little to no memory of your childhood, eating disorders, depression, social anxiety, agoraphobia, extreme emotional shifts, attachment issues, consistent exhaustion, strong unexplainable reactions towards social stimuli, separation anxiety, gastrointestinal issues and complications, substance abuse and addiction, intrusive thoughts, self-destructive behavior, etc
#16
Constantly apologizing for every little thing. Extreme introversion. Little to no outward emotion. Ability to stay calm in emergencies or chaotic situations.
NickTheDuck 1 year ago
and then feeling even worse when the other person says "don't apologize!" just trying to be helpful and it gets worse
#17
Constant dark humor or self deprecating humor.
Also the ability to totally pretend cr**py things never happened or pretend someone didn't do something awful to you.
People might think you're really funny and forgiving but sometimes they are both just coping mechanisms.
Samyan Elrod 1 year ago
Dark humour yes, but my guard is always so far up I can't do the self deprecating jokes becasue I'm so scared that the jokes are actually true and I won't risk it :/
#18
Feeling bad just for existing.
NickTheDuck 1 year ago
TW I heard a story of an 11 year old kid who unalived himself for mothers day, and his note said that it was the greatest gift he could give his mother.
#19
Among many of the signs people have posted here, thinking you’re completely responsible for everyone else’s emotions. If someone seems upset, it’s because you think you did something. You constantly try to predict other’s emotions because you grew up in an emotionally unstable living environment. Predicting others emotions was a useful survival tactic at one point, but can add lots of stress later in life and cause you to misinterpret social interactions with other people.
#20
Getting disproportionately frustrated at themselves for small accidents such as spilling things, accidentally breaking something, etc.
What happens is, a lot of these people would be abused as a kid for these things, so as an adult when it happens, their brain overloads their system with fear and anxiety, and frustration can be secondary emotion to that.
So when these things happens, this is basically a conditioned response because your brain associates these accidents with imminent danger.
This is why therapy is so important for people who had s**t childhoods especially during their developing years. I had no idea this was a thing until I went to therapy, but when my therapist explained this to me, it made so much sense. And now when these things happen, I tend to laugh it off.
devotedtodreams 1 year ago
I am this, though this is chiefly because I have had weak nerves for a long time, and they don't seem to be improving. And especially when everything seems to go wrong at the same time, it feels like a cosmic conspiracy or something.
#21
Always having an escape plan. From the current room, building, or most importantly, current life situation
#22
Choosing partners who don't support, cherish or value you. Choosing jobs and relationships that reflect the lack of empathy and neglect that you grew up with.
#23
Feeling like you have to do everything yourself. This can often come from either being taught to "be a man," or "if you can't do it yourself, you'll fail in life." Those are just a few that stemmed from for me. Constantly feeling like you're bothering someone by asking for help can f**k you up as a kid, and it can carry to adulthood.
#24
Poor social skills, complex PTSD, ADHD like symptoms.
#25
An adult acting childlike. People think it's cringe but age regression is a trauma response. You can especially see this is you've ever been to a psych ward. People are clinging to blankets and stuffed animals. Childhood was probably the last time they existed without being traumatized.
Sandra Guistwhite 1 year ago
Actually, I was traumatized in childhood, so when I do childlike things, it's a do-over, not reliving
#26
Being insecurely attached to friends and romantic partners
#28
Having a hard time showing emotion.
EmbersAreOut 1 year ago
I hav this issue with emotion. I lock it all up until something happens which releases months of anger and sadness. not a fun thing.
#29
Constantly feeling like you need approval from other people
#30
Trouble forming relationships
What do you think ?
MontanaMariner 1 year ago
Hey Dad, finally got 30/30 on a test. Finally proud of me? Nope. You hated me so much I hate myself. Thanks.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
We all have some of these to a point.... but if you can put hyper- in front of vigilance, awareness, self-criticial, scared of authority, etc.? Yeah, you're not "oversensitive". Adult survivor of 17 years of people hurting me since I was 2 years old. Go ahead. Tell me I'm just whining about "oh my trauma". I still have screaming nightmares in my 50s. Sometimes, it really is traumatic by clinical definition.
Hayhaypaula 1 year ago
And yet your heart led you to become a nurse that takes care of others! Good for you.
Load More Replies...
Cami 1 year ago
BTW just because you experience things like these doesn't mean that you have childhood trauma. A lot of these are normal to a certain point or are related to neurodivergencies.
Blue_Mouse 1 year ago
That is true, but everyone has trauma to a degree, just some more than others
Load More Replies...
AwesomeLeoWife 1 year ago (edited)
Everyone has a lot of these to a certain degree. Yes I understand that’s not the point of the article but we shouldn’t be thinking about “oh my trauma” just because we relate to anything here though.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
Yes, we're all a little sensitive. We'retalking *hyper*. To the point that you can't sleep, can't eat, consider suicide, and thats at age 11. True story. Mine, in fact.
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Lilla Ontherun 1 year ago
Me too. My mother tried everything to raise me as a single parent, I could never tell her how broken I became.
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freakingbee (they/them) 1 year ago
well um..i guess i had childhood trauma? i never thought of it that way...
Steven 1 year ago
As others have rightly said, just because we can relate to these does not necessarily mean we were traumatized. Not everything indicates trauma. The Anerican Psychiatric Association (2013) defines traumatic stressor as "Any event(s) that may cause or threaten death, serious injury, or sexual violence . . . "
TMoxraaar 1 year ago
My parents hated each other (along with second spouses). I was told to "not tell them" this or that. I got used to trying to remember lies and figure out what I was "supposed" to say. To this day I feel guilty if I embellish a story, and even though I've told the truth I still always do that quick mental check of "what did I tell them about this last time?"
Cyndielouwhoo 1 year ago
Unfortunately, I can relate to a lot of these. I think the only saving grace for me and my siblings is that my mother tried to be a good parent and build us up as much as possible, of course she was treated badly too by my father. She did eventually leave him and take us along (which took a lot of guts, especially considering how rough it was for a suddenly single mom without recent work experience or family support.) But she did it! Even went to college, first in her family too.
MontanaMariner 1 year ago
Hey Dad, finally got 30/30 on a test. Finally proud of me? Nope. You hated me so much I hate myself. Thanks.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
We all have some of these to a point.... but if you can put hyper- in front of vigilance, awareness, self-criticial, scared of authority, etc.? Yeah, you're not "oversensitive". Adult survivor of 17 years of people hurting me since I was 2 years old. Go ahead. Tell me I'm just whining about "oh my trauma". I still have screaming nightmares in my 50s. Sometimes, it really is traumatic by clinical definition.
Hayhaypaula 1 year ago
And yet your heart led you to become a nurse that takes care of others! Good for you.
Load More Replies... Cami 1 year ago
BTW just because you experience things like these doesn't mean that you have childhood trauma. A lot of these are normal to a certain point or are related to neurodivergencies.
Blue_Mouse 1 year ago
That is true, but everyone has trauma to a degree, just some more than others
Load More Replies... AwesomeLeoWife 1 year ago (edited)
Everyone has a lot of these to a certain degree. Yes I understand that’s not the point of the article but we shouldn’t be thinking about “oh my trauma” just because we relate to anything here though.
Leo Domitrix 1 year ago
Yes, we're all a little sensitive. We'retalking *hyper*. To the point that you can't sleep, can't eat, consider suicide, and thats at age 11. True story. Mine, in fact.
Load More Replies... Lilla Ontherun 1 year ago
Me too. My mother tried everything to raise me as a single parent, I could never tell her how broken I became.
Load More Replies... freakingbee (they/them) 1 year ago
well um..i guess i had childhood trauma? i never thought of it that way...
Steven 1 year ago
As others have rightly said, just because we can relate to these does not necessarily mean we were traumatized. Not everything indicates trauma. The Anerican Psychiatric Association (2013) defines traumatic stressor as "Any event(s) that may cause or threaten death, serious injury, or sexual violence . . . "
TMoxraaar 1 year ago
My parents hated each other (along with second spouses). I was told to "not tell them" this or that. I got used to trying to remember lies and figure out what I was "supposed" to say. To this day I feel guilty if I embellish a story, and even though I've told the truth I still always do that quick mental check of "what did I tell them about this last time?"
Cyndielouwhoo 1 year ago
Unfortunately, I can relate to a lot of these. I think the only saving grace for me and my siblings is that my mother tried to be a good parent and build us up as much as possible, of course she was treated badly too by my father. She did eventually leave him and take us along (which took a lot of guts, especially considering how rough it was for a suddenly single mom without recent work experience or family support.) But she did it! Even went to college, first in her family too.
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