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What’s ‘normal’ for you and your family or us might be completely weird for someone else. And vice versa! That ‘someone’ might live nearby in your neighborhood. But the way their relatives behave at home might be completely at odds with your own experience. Whether for good or ill.
Inspired by user u/itsbilliebrown, the members of the popular r/AskAnAustralian online group opened up about their childhood experiences. They revealed what traditions and behaviors they thought were completely normal, only to later realize other households did things very differently. Read on for their candid stories, ranging from the hilarious to the heartbreaking.
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#1
Its not necessarily "not normal" as a lot of people have it.
But i didnt realise for awhile that not *everyone* has 2 loving parents who still love each other.
i was blessed in this way.
the sixthgirl 5 months ago
Talking to my therapist once, I wondered aloud how many people grew up in healthy, well-adjusted, two-parent homes. My therapist thought for a moment and said, "Probably somewhere around ten percent."
#2
Having an abusive alcoholic father. I seriously thought all men were like that.
Story time:
I remember a moment when I was 13 years old and I was at a party of my dad’s friend. I didn’t know anyone there except my dad. I wanted to go home because it was late and I was tired. My dad was drinking heavily as usual and said we’re sleeping there and to go to sleep on their couch and that was that. I was very upset and just wanted to sleep in my own bed and not in a strangers house. I started crying while I was trying to fall asleep and one of my dad’s friend’s sons who was in his 20’s came up to me and asked if I was okay and if I needed anything. I explained that I wanted to go home and I felt uncomfortable sleeping there. He listened and acknowledged my feelings. He offered to play a song on his guitar to lighten my mood. I gladly accepted. Then he left me alone once I assured him I was okay. I fell asleep after that.
While at first I was a little nervous to talk to a strange man in a strangers house, I was honestly shocked that he was being so nice and not dismissing my feelings. I genuinely didn’t think men were like this. That man was nicer to me in that moment than my father had ever been. I’m really grateful for him because he really changed my perspective on men at such a crucial time in my life.
BoredPossum 5 months ago
That's a good guy. Seeing a kid in need and stepping in to make sure it's all right.
#3
Pre bedtime cup of tea. Every night around 9pm we all will sat back down at the dining table and drink tea in proper tea set. My dad will also sometimes cut up a baguette and we will have it with butter and jam dipped in tea, otherwise whatever cookies/snacks around.
I used to really enjoy this time, its like a lot calmer dinner time. After tea time then we all will go to bed. Only realise its not a thing when i moved out.
According to NCHS, family traditions form a strong foundation and give kids a sense of stability and predictability. These traditions make children feel connected with their families and like they belong. The result is that they grow up with a stronger sense of identity, higher self-esteem, and overall better mental health.
Probably the best way to get a sense of what society considers ‘normal’ is to spend more time around other people. If you went to your friends’ homes after school or had sleepovers, then you probably noticed how awkward everything can be. It’s very likely that their parents had different routines, rituals, and ways of talking to each other. Some things feel… slightly ‘off.’
#4
That some kids couldn't tell if there was a problem the second they woke up.
There is a feeling, a "vibe" when dad was in a mood. The quiet is very particular.
#5
Being told no to everything like going over to a friend's house. It got to the point I didn't bother asking anymore. Both my parents have since died and, whilst cleaning out the family home, I found a letter from my primary school expressing concern that I had no deep connection to any kids in the school and that it was unusual that a kid my age (8) didn't have at least one close friend.
#6
My mum baked a lot and I often had "unusual" cakes/pastries (apple strudel, bee sting cake) at recess at school. Other kids would want to try some and whenever friends came over my mum would serve cake or make scones for afternoon tea and put some chips in a bowl. Everyone was like "omg that cake your mum made was so good!"
But for me home made cake and baked goods were just the norm. Probably a very European thing, but no one else's mum did that!
Similarly, your friends probably thought the same thing when they came over to your own place. When we’re stuck in our comfort zones and routines, we hardly ever consider that other folks might live very differently from us. What’s ‘normal’ for us is simply what we’re used to. It’s what we see every day.
When we step outside our family or social bubble, we realize that life is very paradoxical. On the one hand, everyone’s daily lives can be quite different from what we’re used to. On the other hand, many things remain fundamentally the same. No matter what part of the world you live in, what your culture and background is, you’re still a human being. We tend to have lots in common, once we move past our superficial differences. Our traditions might be different, but at their core lies our love for our family members.
#7
Having cereal for dinner.
I grew up with divorced parents, and lived with my single Dad. At the time he was a full time uni student and also trying to work full time as an office assistant, didn’t have much money nor a lot of time to go proper grocery shopping or cook. Almost every night dinner was a bowl of cereal, with the exception of “special occasions” where we would either walk to the local McDonalds for a happy meal or get a dominoes pizza delivered.
Wasn’t till I was about 11 years old at my first sleep over at a friends house where his parents called us for dinner, I was expecting to see a bowl of cereal on the table, but was massively confused at this meat and veg dinner that was in front of me. I remember going home thinking their dinner was weird.
Wasn’t till I was about 16 once dad graduated uni and got a job at a law firm and actually had money and time do go shopping and cook and therefore started making us “normal dinners”, that I realised cereal for dinner was not normal.
#8
Being able to sleep anywhere, with any level of noise.
My Dad was in a covers duo, and on Fri and Sat nights he would take us kids to his gigs and we would find somewhere to curl up and sleep once it hit about 9pm. Usually under a table, or in some padded chairs. He was never organised enough to actually PLAN to have us there, but we worked it out, and I can't say I hated it.
He also played golf at least 3 afternoons a week and would leave us at the clubhouse while he played 9-18 holes. We did our homework, played in the clubhouse, built sandcastles in the sandtrap near the clubhouse (when no-one was playing onto that green), and learned to putt like demons.
He's bloody lucky we were such good kids. There was a LOT of inattention paid, so we could have gotten up to some real mischief. But we didn't. :)
Brenda 5 months ago (edited)
Parents bowled on Friday night. (1972-1975). There were always 5-10 kids there. Mgr opened the party room & kids would play in there. Got there 630-7pm & played 2 hours. If you misbehaved, whoever saw would take us to our parents. About 9 or so, there was a break. Parents rounded up kids & we sat at tables by the lanes. By 10pm, most of us would be asleep. In the chairs, on the floor, under the tables. We LOVED going there. Parents weren't watching our every move, but they checked on us. This wasn't bad parenting & my parents are boomers. I'm GenX. Please remember you probably don't have the whole story. And not all boomers are/were bad parents. Things were different then compared to now. And that was different than their parents. My dad had to sit on a couch when his parents visited someone. Just sit there doing nothing. Every generation parented different. Doesn't automatically make them bad parents. Some are/were. Most were just doing their best at the time
#9
The five of us talking about state of the art new developments in science at the dinner table.
The exact traditions you foster aren’t as important as the fact that you have some traditions in the first place. They can be something as simple as eating dinner together every Sunday or entirely silly like doing a talent contest on the same day every year. They can be taken from earlier generations of your family or created from scratch to fit your life better. It’s also a lot of fun if you involve your children in creating these traditions. After all, they’re going to be a part of them (hopefully) their entire lives.
What are your favorite family traditions, dear Pandas? What did you think was ‘normal’ in your home, only to realize how bizarre it was later down the line? How different was the daily life in your friends’ homes? If you’re feeling up to it, share your thoughts in the comment section at the bottom of this post.
#10
Slaps in public and when friends were over. My family was the only family I knew that regularly hit us as kids, most other kids had been occasionally slapped or smacked, but *really* infrequently. We sometimes got slapped at school gatherings and other parents always looked horrified.
#11
Being told "no" all the time. Not being able to talk at the dinner table, when visiting grandparents, other relatives houses ("sit there and be quiet"). It was bad enough I was never spoken to otherwise. Mine took "children should be seen and not heard" to a another level.
Being on edge all the time wondering when either I ne of my parents were going to unleash their explosive behaviour. Not being able to gave a joke with my parents without them thinking it was disrespectful - visiting other friends' houses as a teen I was jealous of the way they interacted with their parents, laughing and making jokes.
I could never have an opinion, could never h ave a discussion about any topic without being called names.
Even now I find it hard to have a conversation with any one new that I meet.
When my sister divorced (her kids were 1 and 5) they would rather see her destitute than help - and I don't mean financially. I see at my kids's school grandparents who are involved and help by babysitting whilst the parents go to work. Mine didn't help her so she could work, however my father financially helped his deadbeat leech of a brother. He also gave a car to my gambling aunty (mum's sister). But no help for my sister. She managed to get through though....
Could go on......
#12
A kind loving family that looked out for eachother. No toxicity, no drama, no b******t.
Phantom Phoenix 5 months ago
That was your childhood? And you managed to turn out normal, did you?
#13
My mother “stonewalling” us everytime she was angry or upset with us.
I thought this was normal behaviour and it has affected my ability to have healthy relationships because I never really learned how to have difficult conversations, I just shut down everytime something is upsetting or feels too hard.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago (edited)
What does that mean? Ignoring you? Edit: googled it, it means they shut down and refuse to talk to you.
#14
When I was young (8 and under) my house always had a particular smell. And only one of my friend’s houses smelled just like mine did.
Fast forward to being a teenager: weed. My house always smelled like weed when my father was around 🤣.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago
If you’re curious, weed smells like skunk spray. Seriously, if you’ve ever passed a roadkill skunk and smelled it, that’s pretty much the same smell.
#15
Having a pet kangaroo who slept on the bed and ate with the dogs. She also wore a cat collar.
#16
Having zombies in the hall, sleepy zombies who we were never allowed to touch or they would wake up and eat our brains . . . Turns out they were homeless junkies , good call mom.
#17
Complaints whenever i would ask to be driven somewhere or dropped off at a friends house. my siblings whine and argue or make up a lie to make sure they will never drive me anywhere and i have to get to places on my own no matter how difficult it is by public transport.
then when i was 16 i was at a friend’s house and said i’ll catch a bus home. he refused, asked his brother once and he immediately said “yeah sure. when do you want to leave”
happened again at another friend’s house, then another, everyone was so chill and i began to realise it’s just my siblings.
AtMostAFabulist 5 months ago
My siblings were like this. I got to the point I wouldn't even think to ask. I would either take a bus or ride my bike automatically.
#18
Getting belted regularly for little things like forgetting to vacuum. Raising my siblings. First jobs, giving all but bus money to help with family. My mother had me convinced that, as the oldest, it was my responsibility to look after them when they retire. I was about 14 when I found out that was a lie lol.
#19
We regularly ate “egg bread”. I didn’t hear the term French toast until after I finished school.
BrotherBroad3698: My parents called it ~eggy toast~ and I now call it the same with my own kids.
#21
Never having a book read to you by a parent. Now that I am one all of my kids gets 2 books minimum every night. I don't think I even had 2 books read to me in my whole childhood. .
#22
That "beatings will continue until morale improves" is supposed to be a joke, not a daily experience.
Robert Trebor 5 months ago
Navy: Liberty is cancelled until morale improves. Actually a policy with some officers.
#23
Moving houses almost every year, trying to find the cheapest place to live. Also d***s, I was introduced to it in primary school and my friends didn't even know what they were at the time.
e_castille: Having to move schools every year was rough. I began high school the most popular girl in my grade and by the time I graduated (five schools later) everyone knew me as a loner. It became a lot more difficult to make friends over time, and I just didn’t see the point anymore when I knew I was going to move on eventually.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 5 months ago
My therapist and I decided to calculate the number of schools I attended between kindergarten and grade 12, and we came up with around 50, give or take.
#24
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of c**p. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
So said LearnedButt.
Phantom Phoenix 5 months ago
🤣🤣 I imagine OP learned this when visiting and using the facilities at a friend's place... "Can someone bring me your poop knife?" Friend's Fam: 😶😶😶😧😧😧😱
#25
Had 2 mums in the 80s. Didn't figure out that wasn't a normal thing till I got to highschool.
#26
That counting wads of cash (d**g money), for my illiterate dad, at the age of 12 because I was the smart one is not normal. Going to d**g deals was not a normal Saturday morning thing for most kids.
Just d***s in general, I got so accustomed to it that I thought all the kids parents were in on it.
#27
My parents used to make me sleep outside as a punishment, like on the back patio. I casually mentioned it to my entire English class and they were all mortified lol 🤣.
LaserBrain 5 months ago
If my backyard looked like that, I would sleep on the patio whenever I could
#28
That being cornered and beaten wasn't 'regular discipline'.
#29
Everyone walks around naked. Literally rips clothes off at the door. It was never sexual. I was never abused.
#30
Taking your shoes off, and changing into home clothes. Knowing your parents income, household costs and budgeting.
Actually maybe it is normal, I don't know. Do kids these days know costs of rent etc...?
#31
I didn't realise that not everyone automatically turns off lights when they leave a room/area. My dad drilled it into us when we were kids. When I went to other kid's houses, I was astonished that they had all the lights on all the time. I thought it was NUTS and that their parents must be really rich to afford the power bill.
bl00ph00h00: My Mum was really electricity conscious but we had some energy saving bulbs that apparently took the same amount of energy to turn off and on as to run for four hours continuously? So the rules in our house were like: Always turn the lights off, unless you think someone else will enter the room in the next four hours, in which case leave them on.
Lyone Fein 5 months ago
There was an energy crisis in the 1970s in the US and the whole country was encouraged to turn off the lights when leaving a room. To this day, I cannot believe it when someone doesn't do it. Now of course it's all about the ecology. but turning out those lights when noone is in the room still makes the most sense.
#32
In kindy I would use Swedish words that I picked up from my grandparents, I couldn’t grasp why the other kids didn’t understand when I would use these words. I had no idea it was another language.
denkapuma: I got into a whole argument with another kid in kindergarten about the pomegranate I brought in as a snack one day. I'd only ever heard the Arabic word for it up until that point. [I had] no clue I wasn't saying the English name
not_the_chosen_onee: I grew up with first generation parents so that meant to little me that everyone else’s parents were also first generation. The idea that some of my friends could only speak English used to shock me, like what do you mean you don’t have native language? Or like your own culture/ food at home. No one's just Australian, right?
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago
I wish I could speak Spanish well, I’m super nosy and there’s a bunch of people at my school who speak in Spanish. Sadly Spanish class is boring and not super useful, I never remember to do Duolingo, and the only person in my family/immediate group who speaks Spanish natively is my Pops, and he lives 16 hours away by car. I did apparently pick up a South American accent from him though.
#33
Being told 'no' so often. When I was at friend's houses, I would see how easy going their parents were.
#34
My family has this really long ritual that involves singing multiple songs, clapping and chants when celebrating someones birthday. Most other people just sing Happy Birthday and leave it at that.
Examples include hip hip hooray, for he/she is a jolly good fellow, why was he/she born so beautiful...and clapping while counting out the age. Most other people just sing Happy Birthday and leave it at that.
Featherytoad 5 months ago
Ugh, the birthday song is bad enough, and then they throw all that other c**p on top of it.
#35
Mum giving us a flannelette pillowcase each when we had colds to wipe our noses with - saved on tissues and was much softer. Husband thought it was the most disgusting thing he ever saw the first time I did it 🤣.
#36
BBQs never involved Salad. 63yo & still it's Meat on Bread with Sauce.
When I was young Adult venturing out on my own, first saw Salad at a BBQ, thought "That's weird ".
Brenda 5 months ago (edited)
Hubby's family had bread with EVERY meal, and i do mean every meal. Sometimes more than one kind. But no matter what, there was always bread & butter. And I always have salad or some kind of fresh vegetables with almost every meal. . (Mom says I'm part rabbit). Usually it's tomatoes, cucumber, green pepper. To each their own!
#37
Alcoholism.
#38
Farting out loud and everyone finding it funny
I fart a lot, when I was young I’d just rip my farts out loud and no one said anything, then I did it at other people’s and they called me out on it.
Michelle C 5 months ago
It’s one thing in the privacy of one’s home, hotel room, etc., and another anywhere else!
#39
My father was a control freak about decor. I only realised when my mother left him that it was not usual for a stay at home mother not to have at least 50 percent control over decisions about furniture, towels, cushions, plates, glasses, etc.
worker_ant_6646: When we were 17, my ex's dad flew off the handle one time we made footprints in the freshly vacuumed carpet before he did. We also went into the formal lounge room and rearranged the decor on the coffee table. It still looked neat and tidy but the ducks were swapped with the coasters and it was unacceptable. My ex was grounded for a week.
#40
Raspberry cordial and milk. Crushed disprin with jam. Pillowcases at the end of the bed to put Christmas or birthday presents in.
AnnaSoprano: My mum did crushed Panadol in honey for me.
ScarletRos 5 months ago
When I worked in a nursing home it was common practice to crush some residents medication and put it in fruit purée or jam or honey.
#41
A communal sock basket ... I still laugh about it now, it's not like we shared socks, everyone had their own but they were all in a basket in the loungeroom and it was like a watering hole.
#42
Dads were there to smack you up and mothers were there to love and hugs you
Good cop bad cop sort of thing.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 5 months ago
My parents both have a little bit of both and you kinda gotta learn who to go for for what. Like, my mom can’t/wont handle panic attacks, but she’s much more likely to buy a treat or do a small favor.
#43
We played Murder In The Dark. Not just us two siblings, mum n dad as well.
Lost a few friends to being caught by one of us weirdos creepy crawling through our darkened house.
Sounds bad, but I promise you that it was harmless. Until mum caught you and breathed her ciggie breath in your face.
Jinx (she/her) 5 months ago
I like "hide and glow seek." Lights off. Get a bunch of glow sticks in the colors you want, different sizes for points, and take turns hiding your color around, then someone else has to try to find them, most points wins, it's pretty fun
#44
How controlled our food was.
Partly a whole heap of family allergies followed by I think fear that if we weren’t eating super healthy then something bad would happen, I’m not really sure to be honest. I do remember being amazed that friends were allowed juice and other sugary stuff.
#45
Both of my parents grew up in Asia, and they store cooked meat in the oven/microwave or a cooked pot of food on the stove, not in the fridge. And I’m talking for a few days.
It honestly wasn’t until I was an adult and started house sharing that I learned about the fear of meat being left out or stored properly.
I was never sick as a child from this practice and I’ve learned the only other people who think this isn’t insane behaviour are people who also have parents from similar regions. .
geezeronthehill 5 months ago
To be sure, cooked meats will keep longer than raw, but it's not worth taking that kind of chance. Chill asap. I've had experience as a camp cook, and the first rule is, don't make the crew sick!
What do you think ?
Ephemera Image 5 months ago
Parents should really be licensed and have to pass a test. Whether just clueless or abusive.
Gavin Johnson 5 months ago
I had no idea how idyllic my childhood was. We sat down for a meal at the table at 6pm every day, you best have a good reason for not being there, M&D and my brother and I would talk about the events of our day, my M&D both worked but we were always with an adult outside school times, we shared time together every weekend, visited museums, hiked in the hills, swam in rivers, we were loved and my folks were and are still a loving couple, they are now Grandparents 😀 we lived a relatively simple family life, we weren’t rich but we always had food to eat, but I had no idea how easy life was until I spread my wings at 15-16 and met reality. My Mum and Dad worked hard but gave my brother and I all the time they could spare and we were extremely lucky to have all the love we could ever wish for, I owe them more than I can ever repay!
Diego 5 months ago
My parents were absolutely horrible. Unpacking all my childhood trauma in therapy left me as a shell of a person. I hope to see my parents in hell one day. I'll never forget how much they put me down and made me feel like I was worthless. Jokes on them. I made it, I'm a scientist and the director of my department and make great money and have an amazing life....
Roman Hans 5 months ago (edited)
Same: horrible childhood full of hatred. My family made me think I was the problem, for fifteen years. Then I left home. Their lives continued to stink while mine turned incredible, just full of love, so now we know who was at fault. Hugs to Pandas with crummy childhoods!
Load More Replies...
Ephemera Image 5 months ago
Parents should really be licensed and have to pass a test. Whether just clueless or abusive.
Gavin Johnson 5 months ago
I had no idea how idyllic my childhood was. We sat down for a meal at the table at 6pm every day, you best have a good reason for not being there, M&D and my brother and I would talk about the events of our day, my M&D both worked but we were always with an adult outside school times, we shared time together every weekend, visited museums, hiked in the hills, swam in rivers, we were loved and my folks were and are still a loving couple, they are now Grandparents 😀 we lived a relatively simple family life, we weren’t rich but we always had food to eat, but I had no idea how easy life was until I spread my wings at 15-16 and met reality. My Mum and Dad worked hard but gave my brother and I all the time they could spare and we were extremely lucky to have all the love we could ever wish for, I owe them more than I can ever repay!
Diego 5 months ago
My parents were absolutely horrible. Unpacking all my childhood trauma in therapy left me as a shell of a person. I hope to see my parents in hell one day. I'll never forget how much they put me down and made me feel like I was worthless. Jokes on them. I made it, I'm a scientist and the director of my department and make great money and have an amazing life....
Roman Hans 5 months ago (edited)
Same: horrible childhood full of hatred. My family made me think I was the problem, for fifteen years. Then I left home. Their lives continued to stink while mine turned incredible, just full of love, so now we know who was at fault. Hugs to Pandas with crummy childhoods!
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