People often defend disabilities instead of disabled people. Your family is like that. NTA. Maybe too early to call it good riddance, but THEY need to apologize. YOU should be blocking them.

Her family is so selfish they decided to deny their children an auntie. She didn't say she hates children. I bet she was a great giver of gif, hugs and sleepovers. Now even the older children are put in the middle of the "grown ups" drama.

So OP paid for 2 caretakers so that her sisters could come. And in return, the best things these sisters could do was to harass her "for the tenth time" as of why she didn't want to have kids. Well... if you insist so much with such an intrusive question, you'd better be ready for the answer :)) Your life choices are nobody's business, and you don't need to explain them to anyone.

It always amazes me when people call another person selfish for not having kids, and then make an argument for having kids. If you think someone's selfish, they will be a terrible parent. It's great when selfish people don't have kids. It's a nightmare with a lifetime of consequences when they do. I don't think it's selfish to not have kids, but that pro kid lobby really ties themselves in logic knots trying to bully the rest of us into spawning.

YTA ones 😂

NTA, not even close. She listed the reason why she wouldn't have kids. Not in a condescending way, just stated facts. Apparently sister couldn't handel it. And to the contrary, not OP's choice is selfish, but sisters' choice of having that many kids despite knowing of the chance of having a disabled one. And more than once. F**k'em

Those YTA people need to get a reality check! I never wanted kids. My temper is too short sometimes. Her reasons are valid! She owes no one an apology! Sometimes children aren't a blessing (And if this makes me TAH and I get downvoted, so be it).

I am autistic. I want to raise an autistic child. However I want to adopt one of the many autistic children stuck in the foster system not force some innocent child to be autistic. Maybe the sisters should have considered adopting if they want to try to raise disabled kids. For the record what I mean when I say I want to raise an autistic kid is that I want to use what I've learned from being autistic to help a child I am not against raising a non-autistic kid that would be weird.

I agree with all her reasons but they were her reasons. She didn't need to justify why she doesn't want kids to her family. "I'm child free because I don't want kids. That's all you need to know. I don't have to justify my decision to anyone. I'm no longer engaging in this topic of conversation. Maybe it's time to say goodnight."

I definitely agree with the poster if any of my siblings had special needs children to that degree I definitely would not be having children!!! You can tell her family is selfish because they knew they kept having kids with disabilities and yet they still keep having kids!!!!! The poor children will never get a nice happy normal life

I have a child who has an unexpected ultra rare disorder. His is a denovo mutation so there was no inherited component. I adore this child, but if this had been something where it was inherited and I was aware, I absolutely would not have had kids. Watching your child suffer and die is the most painful experience on earth. No one would willingly choose that. There are some disabilities which are really not a barrier to a reasonable life, but the severe, medical disabilities are not something you should knowingly pass on.

OP's family are clouding the real issue by putting all the focus on a perceived insult that she never meant. She does not want children, and should not be constantly interrogated about that decision. Even if it were possible to guarantee that a child would be born perfect and sweet and dependable and a high achiever in all aspects of life, that will not affect the decision of a person who knows their own self well enough to realize they do not want to have kids. No one should ever be made to feel guilty for not wanting to add to an overpopulated world - whatever their reasoning. I was able to admit to myself early on that I am far too selfish and self-centered to be bothered with a dependent for 18 years or more.

NTA. She didn't really have to say more than: "I don't want kids". Just like the word 'No', it should be enough. Never feel like you HAVE to justify or explain - which I'm guessing the OP was made to feel guilty, and enlarged on her reasons (TBH, I would have said I was sterile if they harassed me; they'd soon shut up). The siblings (& mother, depending on what her siblings actually told her) are total AHs.

Think about what happens to that "blessing" when you're not around to take care of them anymore. Are they put in a facility? Are they pawned off on some family member who never wanted that responsibility, but can't bring themselves to deal with the fallout of refusing it? What about the quality of life that severely disabled child will have? Now add to that what this dying world will actually look like in the coming decades. On top of the financial sacrifice, the constant responsibility, and the stress of living through that along with the knowledge of what the future for them will look like. If you're ignoring all that, you're an a*****e.

I am a strong Christian. One of the guiding principles of Christianity is love your neighbor as yourself, treat others the way you want to be treated. That means respecting individual choices. Maybe having a disabled child is a blessing to your, but that is your choice. It in no way, shape or form applies to someone else.

NTA. "How dare you not bring a disabled child into this world? How dare you NOT suffer like the rest of us?" Everybody saying YTA can go f**k a cactus.

I have a few reasons why I chose not to have children. One being mental health struggles. I'm bi-polar and depression runs in my family. I wouldn't wish my struggles on anyone. People say I will regret it one day. Who will take care of me? We don't have children just so someone can take care of us when we're old. That's incredibly selfish.

When I learned a lot of health probs run in my family, I chose not to have a child. It would be cruel to force a child to live with bad health just because of my "need" to be a mom. Besides, with my own health probs, I wouldn't be a good mom either. It's been hard, but at least I have 2 wonderful god-children I get to spoil.

Look... YTAs clan! She literally just said what she felt and not once did she say anything negative about them children. All she said was that she was happy in her life right now,and I don't want to raise a child with disabilities. It's such a sure thing that she'd have a disabled child that she doesn't want to take the risk. But ultimately, she loves the life she has. OP is as sound as a pound, because she even hired caregivers for the house warming get together. I think those siblings are just envious in a way, and because OP told them exactly what she felt, they're being very mean and nasty.

If there is ever a time to deploy the famed, "I'm sorry if you feel hurt" apology, this is it.

Kind of sounds like the sisters may be somewhat jealous of OP...

Your sisters and mom are huge a******s! Apparently they think it is ok to inflict these obviously genetic issues onto these poor kids. They are the selfish ones who had babies just because they have a uterus and they can reproduce, even though they should not have. I hate people like them. In a perfect world people like them wouldbe arrested for knowingly inflicting their children with a disability. And your mom is wrong. Even though your brother may be loved, no one in their right mind would relish the prospect of having a severely disabled child to take care of for the rest of your life.

Her sisters are jealous of her lifestyle and want her to be as miserable as they are.

As a single woman in my sixties, I'm childless by choice, because, well, it's MY choice! Most of my siblings had their kids as teens, and thankfully they're all healthy. However, they didn't have the freedom to do more with their lives, and I became their go-to babysitter when they had to go to work, etc. OP's situation was that she would face a real risk of having a disabled child based on her family's history. Now while OP should've phrased things more delicately, the sisters should not have gotten upset at OP's perspective. She was NOT rejecting their disabled children; she was simply stating her fear of having a disabled child.

Not only is OP totally NTA for choosing not to have children with a known high risk of severe disability, but what kind of people still think someone 'needs' to have children after hearing them say 'I know I would be a terrible parent?'

Disabilities or not, you don't owe anyone a reason. Just say, "I don't want kids." Sounds like you're better off without these nuts.

So the sisters are just mad that they made their choices and now have to live their lives only taking care of children who will likely never live on their own and they are jealous of their sibling's choice to not have children who will likely have disabilities. I have always feared having a severely disabled child because I do not have the capacity and patience for it.

You are making the right choice.

NTA YOU should apologize because you "know how they are"? "How they are" is rude, judgmental, presumptuous, & selfish. People decide not to have children for all sorts of reasons & you gave several until they finally pressured you into adding the family health history. (Why would they have pressed so hard in the 1st place?) What I don't understand is why they DID decide to have children when there was a strong possibility of disabilities. And when they did have children with disabilities they decided to have more - what on Earth? I wonder if the children know abt this & what their feelings might be on having deliberately been brought into the world without any consideration of what kinds of lives they might have. As for Grandma, I've heard that said so many times abt a disabled child: "He's a gift from God." Why is a child with disabilities more a gift than is any other child? Because the mom gets a lot of sympathy, the opportunity to martyr herself, & to get on the road to sainthood? For whatever reasons, they made their decisions - why shouldn't OP be allowed to do the same, for her reasons? Or maybe they're consumed by the idea expressed by my friend's mother when the friend was adopting a child very much in need of a good home & wonderful parents: "You're not a real woman until you give birth." (Incredibly cruel, especially since my friend had multiple fertility issues.) I would not apologize just for the sake of getting to spend Christmas with these people - they seem to have forgotten what the spirit & the message of Christmas are all about & are using it as a weapon to extort an apology from OP, at which time she'll be permitted to spend time with people who will probably still bear a grudge against her - maybe forgiven but not forgotten. I hope OP has lovely friends who will include her in their Christmas celebration - I'll be thinking of her.

I am in my 60s, so this is a long time ago, but my sister had a friend where, she was the only "normal " child with 6 or 7 older brothers who all had Downs Syndrome. Pregnancy was harder to avoid back in the 40s and 50s but just wow.

NTA. Misery likes company and the sisters want OP to be as miserable as they are. I smell jealousy.

I don't think this person is an AH for feeling the way she does or not wanting kids. Her choice. What I do want to address is the a**hat who commented that people who have kids with disabilities tell themselves the kids are a blessing to cope with their lives. Absolutely f*cking not. While I wouldn't wish our challenges on anyone else, I can 100% confirm that our child with special needs has been a gift. No bullsh*t. They simply love life and love us. Don't EVER assume or insinuate every parent in the disabled community is lying to themselves to cope. You have no idea what we're going through or how we feel about our kids. And yes, I'm bloody defensive because the idea that I see our child as a burden pisses me off. Yes, we have challenges, but no, I'm not lying to myself when I say he's a gift.