Any guy that knows they never want kids should probably just get a vasectomy, so they won't end up in this situation.

All of this could be avoided if doctors respected patients' wishes. I have lived in US and UK and tried to get tubal ligation, and in both countries I was rejected by multiple doctors in the US because I might change my mind (when I countered with, adoption is always an option this was ignored) and in the UK because my theoretical future husband might not agree. On the other hand, they would let me join the army, which I definitely would regret because I'm an adult. Why can't I make birth control decisions? A neurological condition prevents me from taking homonal birth control, and four months into a copper coil I was still bleeding, which led to dangerous anaemia. A few years later I'm happily partnered with someone who also doesn't want kids and they won't give him a vesectomy either. We keep trying, but if conservatives are really anti abortion, they should help us access effective birth control.

Advice to OP: get a vasectomy and don’t have any P in V sex without one. Advice to the Ex: see a lawyer and get this whole arrangement in writing. This has way too many opportunities for OP to weasel out later if he feels like it. Don’t waive child support if you remarry unless the new guy legally adopts the baby. The college fund should be an irrevocable trust accessible when your daughter is 35 with expenses allowed for secondary education. Right now, OP can drain it whenever he feels like or if your daughter takes a year or two off before college. Regardless, no one should receive unfettered access to a trust at 18.

NTA. And she with her "you should try it out maybe you'll like it" doesn't seem to be ready for kids either. It's not a fancy toy you can try and then just leave it in the closet if you decide you don't like it after all.

Well it does sound kind of unlikely to get pregnant on birth control AND condoms. But that aside: She has the right to change her mind and he has the right to stay by his decision. He needs to pay child support, but no one can force him to have a relationship with a kid he did not want and would not want to keep. This is her choice alone (which is fine, if it were the other way round I would of course argue that she can indeed abort a pregnancy she didn't want, even if he would want a baby). But he needs to get a vasectomy stat.

Oof, what a horrible situation. NAH, just two people trying to make the best out of a train wreck.

This guy's situation is my worst nightmare

Well. One more child who will grow up hearing "you're just like your deadbeat father" every time she doesn't please her idiot mother. OP is being a lot nicer to this chick than she deserves, considering she lied about being on birth control and probably took a pin to the condoms.

Guess he doesn’t realize that as his income rises support would too. The support amount he is paying is very low compared to income and time or lack there of with child. I’d be telling him to stuff it. Everything will go through the courts. That way things stay on the up and up. And the amounts are legal. Been there, done that. And support doesn’t end when one gets married, that’s alimony. Support continues until 18.

He's an idiot.

I think OP is a sensible man who thinks about the poor childs feelings being with a father who didn't want her. I have a familymember, who got pregnant, didn't want an abortion or adoption and got the father to marry her. It was not a happy marriage, and the poor son had a sad life, because in the end his mother also got to resent him, though she did realise her sad life was not his fault but her own.

I think that this agreement between you two should clearly state that these funds are for the support of the child and are in lieu of court-ordered amounts because the two of you decided to go this route instead. Also, clearly state that if she marries, her new husband takes on the role of provider for the child (personally, I think you are stuck with support unless he adopts her). I would add some provisions to the college fund that it will be available for any post-secondary education ( think Culinary Institute, Julliard, etc) until she reaches age 25 or 30 - because some of us take a while to know what we want. Run all of this through estate attorneys for the trust fund and family attorneys for the support agreement. As she will likely be the only child you ever have, and you will hear things through your sisters, you may want some sort of escape clause in there. What if the Mom dies, can your sisters have standing to adopt her? What if she needs bone marrow? Never say never.

While I applaud this upstanding guy, I don't agree with what he is doing. I am a woman, and I think women who get pregnant when they know the man didn't want to, should not be granted any child support from any court. Women constantly hold men hostage, either by "saying" he sexually assaulted me or by getting pregnant. The former is the most disturbing. Without any proof whatsoever, his life is ruined over an unproven statement. Meanwhile women parade around half naked and how dare a man whistle at them. Now he's saddled with debt he never wanted, never asked for. As for writing a letter to the child. I would never advise that. That just produces more heartache for the child forever. I truly think if she didn't want an abortion that he would pay for, then he should just walk away, period.

What is insane--WHY my gosh WHY involve his sister? What if the child is visiting the sister and he drops by? Also, she will always have a way to him through the sister--and how does she explain that the sister is the aunt but who knows who the father is? He is insane to let this go on with the sister. If he wants separation, he should keeps things totally separate. Will they lie to the kid and say the sister is just a good friend? Also, this child support is NOT generous. Unless it's legally designated child support she will have to pay TAX on it, which will take away 1/3 to 1/2. That's less than I got, and with taxes I would be down to $5 left a month including my salary. Raising a child is damn expensive. For some of my daughter's sports travel teams I would be paying hundreds a month for travel and fees.

I'm sorry, but this girl trapped him into fatherhood. It would be incredibly unlucky for the pill AND a condom to not work. She either stopped taking the pill and put a hole in the condom or she's the unluckiest woman on the planet. Yes, one might fail (but the pill is 99.5% sure), but both methods? Nah. Don't believe that. I think she liked him, had this vision in her head of them living happily ever after together with baby. Her reaction tells me she was shocked to the core that he didn't fulfil his part in her fantasy. It's an awful shame that he is now going to have to pay for a baby that truly shouldn't have been conceived.

He is willing to travel out of state for an abortion but not for a vasectomy? I find it strange that conservative states (his words) would have an issue with body autonomy. I'm not sure about how it is for women in my country (I should find out) but I had a vasectomy in my mid 20s made the appointment some quick background questions and snip snip.

What a douche bag. So fly to another state and get a vasectomy, just like you wanted her to fly to another state and get an abortion. I am sorry she got pregnant, but it's her CHOICE. That's what choice is about. I am glad he's paying money. He didn't have to do that.

Gotta be honest...he is an A.R.S.E.H.O.L.E! I respect his choice for not wanting children. But he didn't push to make that a permanent choice. And he still had s.e.x. Which, we all know, can result in pregnancy, even if we use protection. None, we all know, is 100% proof. And the way he treated her... appalling. (Many of the comments from other posters were all about blaming her too 🤬). It just shows, to me, the utter hatred and contempt so many men have towards women. ...... However. Kudos for him for setting up good child support. And ensuring his sister plays a roll in the child's life. There should be no conditions added to it though. And none for the fund he is setting up for her regards college. That should be for her to use as needed for her future. Even if she chooses against college, there are other ways to gain a good career (apprenticeship for eg) that she would still require support for. It should be for education in any form.

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oof she played him good, huh?