Join the Fun!

Swear words are an interesting part of our language as they are taboo and very widely used at the same time. Friends and colleagues may swear while talking to each other all the time, but not when they are in a more formal setting, in public or in front of family.

They help people relieve stress or blow off some steam if something is irritating them. Some research suggests that people who swear are more intelligent, more honest and creative. So the cause that makes us swear and the words themselves are more often negative, but the effect they have and the traits they indicate are usually positive.

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others When I was 11, my 8 year old sister and I were in a good natured TP battle with our neighbors a few doors down. One night we were doing the deed, when our 9-year-old neighbor, who was watching with his family, ran outside brandishing a fake cane yelling in a really good impersonation of an old man voice, “get offer mah lawn you bunch of squirrelly kumquats!”
I remember skittering home, hearing his mom laughing her head off. I’m pretty sure he made that up himself.

ellahorn , Daniel Panev Report

Final score:

161points

POST

Derp2cat 2 years ago

Squirrelly cumquats, I’m stealing that now

43points

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My coworker told me that her preschooler learned to say "I'll pray for you," but that it comes out as the most shade throwing side eyed insult ever.

Caycepanda , Henry Burrows Report

Final score:

132points

POST

LH25 2 years ago

Like when Whoopie Goldberg says "Bless you" in Sister Act. "Bless" is not the word her tone conveys

40points

redditstolemyshoes , Niez Aini Latif Report

Even though adults swear in private all the time, they don’t want children hearing it. The Reddit thread in question is the perfect example of people searching ways of insulting others or swearing by using unusual words and phrases.

Bored Panda reached out to Timothy Jay, PhD who taught Introduction To Psychology and Cognitive Psychology in Massachusetts College Of Liberal Arts and who expertises in psycholinguistics and has a particular interest is swearing.

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others When I was in high school someone called someone else a wet bag of chips in place of calling them a useless f**k.

Final score:

130points

POST

Deborah Harris2 2 years ago

We say as useless as an ashtray on a motorbike :)

35points

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Get your poop in a group. = Get your s**t together.

Drvanfalk , Peep This Yall Report

Final score:

126points

POST

Karen Clark 2 years ago

Clever.. I like it.

27points

We asked him what leads adults to protect children from swear words and search for euphemisms. Dr. Jay told us that “Americans have an age-old custom of protecting children from certain aspects of life, such as sexuality, menstruation, birth control, offensive language/music/videos/games.”

The custom stems from the belief that swearing is harmful to children, “so most parents have rules about swearing in the home, although most of these parents break their own rules from time to time.”

However, the Professor Emeritus doesn’t agree that this is the best approach, “What parents need to do is teach their children that it is okay to have emotions. They have to teach children how to express their emotions in a manner that will not create personal or interpersonal problems.”

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My cousin called his brother a swamp donkey

BergeronDestroyer , Pom' Report

Final score:

124points

POST

Deborah Harris2 2 years ago

Well they look happy :0)

28points

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others One of the little kids I looked after was extremely mad at me one day. Pretty sure she was offended by my saying no to her. She glared at me, stomped her foot and called me “Mayor Humdinger”. For the non familiar Mayor Humdinger is the antagonist on Paw Patrol. I lost it, it was hilarious.

Mahovolich13 , Nick Jr. Report

Final score:

119points

POST

Lea Panthera 2 years ago

Using antagonists' names as insults? Why hadn't I thought of that? I shall now start calling people Hawkbutt, Sour-on, Hippo-chin, and Moldy Voldy(three cheers to you if you get all of the references!).

22points

tremendousdynamite , Insomnia Cured Here Report

We may imagine that people who swear have a lower education, come from low-income families and lack social skills, but it truly doesn’t reflect reality. As mentioned, people who swear can possess positive traits such as intelligence and honesty more often than those who don’t swear.

Dr. Jay confirms it, “Swearing might indicate that the speaker is not holding anything back and gets to the emotional core of communication. People who have large, fluent vocabularies are also good at generating swear words.”

Not only swearing shows positive traits of a person, but it has positive outcomes and are used for positive purposes, “Swearing is used positively to: vent anger/frustration, substitute for physical violence, create peer bonding, create humor, allow for self-denigration.

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Growing up my dad randomly decided “Frankenstein” was a swear word and would pretend to get upset when we would “swear” at him. It still works 30+ years later 😅

My dad’s the best, I can’t wait to go home and visit with him this weekend!

Final score:

117points

POST

Screen_Addict 2 years ago

What the Frankenstein

33points

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My kid recently referred to a kid in her class as a "brathole."

TheJewMan87 , lori05871 Report

Final score:

116points

POST

LH25 2 years ago

I may use that once in a while.

27points

It’s not to say that people who dont swear are bad or stupid people who don’t have a sense of humor. And people who use child-friendly swears are not inferior either. Actually, Dr. Jay thinks that these milder swears may have the same effect as the heavier ones, “Depends on the particular person. Mormons use euphemisms (sugar, darn, fudge) that seem to work for their emotional expressions. Each person has a history of what will work for relieving stress as a matter of habit…so, it depends.”

#10

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others "first of all, brush your teeth"

Anything your say after that doesn't matter. They will already be dead inside

Holzy09 , kerinin Report

Final score:

111points

POST

Headless Roach 2 years ago

Evil

29points

thweet_jethuth , Stephanie Overton Report

#11

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My nephew called me a mashed potato once. I still don't know what I did to deserve that.

Final score:

100points

POST

James016 2 years ago

Oh, you know...

22points

Do you express your emotions with swears? Do you think children should be protected from offensive language while they’re young? Do you know any other funny-sounding swears and insults that would fit this list? Leave us a comment below!

#12

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Listen here you stick of unsalted butter

kmarz02 , Brian Boucheron Report

Final score:

97points

POST

Bored&InSchool 2 years ago

That is so simple: there's no real meaning, it's just kinda goofy in the perfect way. lol.

22points

#13

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Met a guy who recently had a child, he started replacing his curse words with PICKLES. He would cut his finger and just scream AHH PICKLES

delux561 , Christine Report

Final score:

87points

POST

Violet Smith 2 years ago

I would toss that second jar - it doesn't look right.

25points

#14

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others "Why, You Stuck Up, Half-Witted, Scruffy-Looking, Nerf-Herder!"

_-Princess Leia_

anon , JMAS Report

Final score:

87points

POST

Ellie 2 years ago

Who you calling scruffy looking?

40points

#15

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Son of a motherless goat. Makes no sense but always makes me giggle when I say it.

evilshenanigan , lisatozzi Report

Final score:

84points

POST

harpling 2 years ago

So... a goat Disney princess? They all seem to be motherless.

23points

Luke T 2 years ago

Aside from Tiana.

5points

Gizzywig 2 years ago

It’s from The Three Amigos!

1point

Crystal Spencer 2 years ago

Comes from the movie The 3 Amigos.

1point

Joseph Kastorff 2 years ago

The Three Amigos. Steve Martin says that line

1point

Cara G 2 years ago

This is from The Three Amigos when Steve Martin's character, Lucky Day, is trading insults with El Guapo. "You scum sucking pig! You sonofamotherlessgoat!" 🤣

0points

Dolly_of TheCowboy 2 years ago

I use this all the time. Had heard someone else use it and thought I can sub this one in pretty easy and the longer you think about what it means the worse it becomes lol

0points

Audra Sisler 2 years ago

I say, son of a biscuit eater! No clue why lol

0points

JOHANNA MUELLER 2 years ago

orphaned kid

0points

Karen Clark 2 years ago

Me too! 😄

0points

Adron-the-survivor , Darren Foreman Report

#16

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others I had a friend yell “what the peepeecake” while playing videogames with him while there were small children in voice chat. Everybody immediately cracked up. It’s perfect.

blockboy9942 , xrayspx Report

Final score:

77points

POST

Bored&InSchool 2 years ago

Me and a friend of mine are both truly cracking up right now.

22points

#17

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Your mother uses cheap toilet paper

Final score:

76points

POST

harpling 2 years ago

Ooof! That burns! And chafes.

56points

#18

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Cotton-headed ninny muggins

tru2chevy , Kimberly Vardeman Report

Final score:

72points

POST

BasedWang12.7 2 years ago

this does sound offensive for some reason

9points

#19

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker!

Badfish691 , Thirteen Of Clubs Report

Final score:

70points

POST

BasedWang12.7 2 years ago

Ahhhh that good ol Orbit Gum commercial

14points

#20

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You're supposed to be dumpster diving for ham scraps, you six piece chicken mcnobody!

Infammo , PatrickRich Report

Final score:

66points

POST

Sam Juan 2 years ago

This sounds like it's the missing verse to "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch"

36points

#21

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others We were at the base of Old Faithful and, as it was erupting, the wind shifted blowing a totally unexpected big drift of spray on our son who was about 4 at the time. He was soooo mad he started running and swinging his arms, stomping his feet and hollering "Dag Darn It!" at the top of his voice over and over like a miniature longshoreman who just smashed his thumb with a hammer and, brother, he MEANT EVERY WORD HE WAS SAYING! 24 years later, I'll STILL say "Dag Darn It!" when I'm in a position where I feel the need to exclaim in a negative fashion but real swearing would be wholly inappropriate.

WeAreLivinTheLife , neajjean Report

Final score:

64points

POST

Vanessa Richardson 2 years ago

I love the way this story was relayed🤣

19points

MyToesWantToEatYou , Bryan Ochalla Report

#22

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others I was a C.I.T at a day camp and there was this young kid with anger issues. He would often get into fights with the other kids and would have frequent temper tantrums when things didn’t go his way. One day on the bus he was sitting playing on his gameboy when the kid next to him starts drawing on a piece of paper. The boy with anger problems wanted a piece of paper and the other kid said no multiple times. Things got heated and the kid drawing said shut up. ( I know, intense). In which the other kid screamed,”SUCK MY GAMEBOY!” Unsuccessfully tried to hold in my laughter.

Final score:

63points

POST

Nicky 2 years ago

¨She looked like a shar pei with a face-lift.¨

16points

#23

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Shisha pit ... I’m randomly dyslexic when I talk quickly and I tried to call my friend a piece of s**t (jokingly) and thus became shisha pit..

madeinboston , Marco Verch Report

Final score:

62points

POST

Ramirez rachael 2 years ago

My son and I switch small phrases all the time I can’t believe we never thought of this one!! Baco tell is our favorite late night taco

24points

#24

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others "your face is a toaster"

I just looked at my nephew, eyebrows raised.
I was flabbergasted.

Alec_de_Large , RecycledStarDust Report

Final score:

60points

POST

Bored&InSchool 2 years ago

oh, well then put some bread in my mouth and you won't be able to call me useless, eh?

16points

#25

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Your hairline looks like a MacDonald's sign

pillowclit , JJBers Report

Final score:

59points

POST

Federico Guerrero-Isaza 2 years ago

I didn´t know there were 99 billion people on earth. The more you know.

13points

#26

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My nephew called me a “stanky rainbow.” Best insult ever.

GodzillaPoppins , Andrew Report

Final score:

56points

POST

Bored&InSchool 2 years ago

stanky

16points

#27

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You smell like hot dog water

ricerock , stu_spivack Report

Final score:

55points

POST

Jo 2 years ago

That person be watching Scooby doo

21points

#28

I like to call people kartoffelkopf which means potato head in German.

efox02 Report

Final score:

54points

POST

Ashley Spurlock 2 years ago

How do I pronounce this????

12points

isaac_foxx1012 , Nicolas Sanguinetti Report

#29

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You total muppet!

Final score:

52points

POST

Federico Guerrero-Isaza 2 years ago

I would consider that a compliment.

16points

#30

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Gordon Ramsey taught his kids vegetable names to replace swears.
Shitaku for s**t was my favorite

MurrayMan92 , Lee Stranahan Report

Final score:

51points

POST

Francine Govan 2 years ago

Oh, the irony of Gordon Ramsay teaching others not to swear ...

65points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#31

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others “You’re... not a nice person!”
Which was then followed by a shocked gasp from their friend.

randomly-cc , DreamWorks Animatio Report

Final score:

50points

POST

Benita Valdez 2 years ago (edited)

Once upon a time in our late teens early 20's, my best friend went on a rant saying every possible insult and curse about a backstabbing "friend" after finding out they did some messed up stuff behind our backs. She went along on this tirade saying every curse she could imagine (and boy could she swear) and then ended it with "not nice girl". We lost it laughing with that final insult

23points

#32

My 10 year old calls people 'bum crumb' 😂🤦‍♀️

Cakegirl16 Report

Final score:

48points

POST

Kat'sPJs 2 years ago

Is that like calling someone a little s@#t

12points

#33

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick

anon , Quinn Dombrowski Report

Final score:

46points

POST

Ellie 2 years ago (edited)

Mason, chill out /j. Ah, vine was the greatest

13points

WarriorOfTheWord , James St. John Report

#34

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others You’re an immature nugget!

Was skating with a buddy and we passed 2 little kids, one kid called the other an idiot and he promptly shot back with immature nugget. That was well over 10 years ago and that’s still our go to insult for each other

Final score:

45points

POST

#35

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Sugar Honey Ice Tea (s**t)

Heymrpreacherman , Matthew Dillon Report

Final score:

45points

POST

Sam Juan 2 years ago

I still can't believe I didn't pick up on this in the first Madagascar movie until years later.

29points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#36

Shiitake (like the mushroom) instead of s**t.

Gordon Ramsey’s child said it at school and they got upset. Upon calling Mr. Ramsey and explaining the situation they were then set upon by Gordon Ramsey for them getting mad at his child for NOT cursing. He of course explained to them that shiitake is a type of mushroom.

By yelling at them about it.

Love that man.

Snarky_Boojum Report

Final score:

45points

POST

jjdubs W 2 years ago

Better story than the earlier one, but the earlier one had a picture.

11points

#37

You don't know grits from granola!

Back2Bach Report

Final score:

43points

POST

lauralett50 2 years ago

Showing your stupidity.

10points

#38

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others When I was 6 years-old, my childhood best friend taught me the phrase, “Get out of my face, Face!”

It’s so stupid, but I still think it to myself sometimes when I’m in a crowded area and people are in my personal bubble.

AgentSnipe8863 , Matt Gregory Report

Final score:

39points

POST

lauralett50 2 years ago

The little half - stache.

24points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

#39

Idiot bunky nematode. My brother was maybe 3 when he said this to me and my sister.

ChunkySoup93 Report

Final score:

36points

POST

Banned_User 2 years ago

Nematodes are cool

13points

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#40

Oh barnacles!

SilverWings002 Report

Final score:

33points

POST

Jessica Bower 2 years ago

Yup! That's one of my go tos... Got a 7 year old

10points

uriejejejdjbejxijehd Report

#41

Fork!

Final score:

32points

POST

your mom 2 years ago

HOLY SHORTS

4points

TheSanityInspector Report

#42

"Shog off!" It's from Shakespeare.

Final score:

32points

POST

Philly Bob Squires 2 years ago

It's usually "Slog off" but close enough!

4points

#43

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others My son (2.5 year old) will randomly scream in a shrill voice and smack your but and scream, "STIIIINKY BUTT!" he does this ANYWHERE and as loud as his tiny body can make the sound.

M0th3r0f1 , Mike Maguire Report

Final score:

28points

POST

Zea Wolffe 2 years ago

You should teach him this is not acceptable as soon as possible. It's funny while its you, but one day he'll do it to someone else and then it'll be a bigger issue than you gambled for.....

36points

#44

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Bite your thumb at someone

IdoNotknow1212 , badjonni Report

Final score:

27points

POST

oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago

or call them a Saucy Boy

2points

#45

Oh BOB SAGET!!

PianoManGidley Report

Final score:

26points

POST

Daydreaming in the dark 2 years ago

Danny tanner approves

13points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium

Unlimited content

Ad-free browsing

Dark mode

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#46

Nincompoop.

NoraGrooGroo Report

Final score:

12points

POST

lauralett50 2 years ago

A classic.

7points

#47

45 Of The Most Amusing Child-Friendly Insults That Members Of This Online Group Couldn't Resist Sharing With Others Pickle smoocher

pleaseluv , John Bell Report

Final score:

11points

POST

harpling 2 years ago

Even the pickle looks shocked by the burn!

14points

#48

At church camp we'd say "Mother Father"

TMG1053 Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Judo Flipped By Nobody 2 years ago

"Mother-" "fATHEr now you" "brother, i love word association games"

7points

#49

Donut - idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier - f**k off

Report

Final score:

10points

Captain Awesome

POST

Captain Awesome (Submission author) 2 years ago

That works!

2points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

#50

Meaniebobeanie

fazertazer Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#51

Holy smokes! What the fudge! F***k! You’re a buttface!

I’m 31 years old and I use these on the regular.

anon120 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#52

Donut - idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier - f**k off

Report

Final score:

-1point

Captain Awesome

POST

Lee Macro 2 years ago

Duplicated

3points

#53

Donut - idiot
U have the personality of a fridge
Take a long walk off a short pier - f**k off

Report

Final score:

-5points

Captain Awesome

POST

Lee Macro 2 years ago

Now triplicated

7points

Having started as a content creator that made articles for Bored Panda from scratch I climbed my way up to being and editor and then had team lead responsibilities added as well. So it was a pretty natural transition from writing articles and titles as well as preparing the visual part for the articles to making sure others are doing those same tasks as I did before well, answering their questions and guiding them when needed. Eventually I realized editing gives me the most enjoyment and I'm focusing only on that right now.

Read less »

What do you think ?

POST

harpling 2 years ago

I taught my nieces to call people diphthongs, nimrods, and sesquipedalians at school. Their teachers have admitted to being a bit confused.

10points

Auntriarch 2 years ago

You are either an auntriarch, or a diamond uncle

5points

Ricky Moore 2 years ago

I still love...'go suck a fart out of a dead seaguls hole'......its a mouthful, but effective...😎

5points

RAM31280 2 years ago

My friend's 4 y.o. was mad that his power wheels car wasn't working and called it a Pizza Fridge instead of piece of s**t. Our friend group still uses this saying 2+ years later.

3points

The real Kittie 2 years ago

I used to call my brother a butt nugget 🤣

3points

Just a lazy witch 2 years ago

"you first pancake of a man" by Mazikeen (Lucifer) is my personal favorite. And my second favorite is "you are not the sharpest pencil, are you?" :D

2points

BasedWang12.7 2 years ago

C U Next Tuesday is a classic.. and one I ripped from a song " Your makeup looks like you headbutted a box of crayons"

2points

O.M.Miki 2 years ago

Anytime I wear something my daughter or son doesn't like ( example a suit jacket that's a little bit bigger in size cause I like it it little baggy ) they always say I look like i got fired as opposed to saying i look like s**t. lol

2points

Marcia Ferris 2 years ago

Go hug a barbed-wire bison.

2points

Susan Bosse 2 years ago

When my son was about 7, we were driving somewhere and laughing about something and he yells "Shut your pothole, Mom!" I DIED laughing. We've said that ever since. He's now 20.

1point

Whitefox 2 years ago

I work in a children's hospital. One night I was preparing a bottle for a baby. I was told their special bottle was all set up and all I needed to do was dump the formula in and tighten the nipple. This kiddo ate something called alimentium. This formula is one of the stinkiest ones out there. I dumped the can into the bottle and it shot straight out the bottom, down my pants and into my expensive new shoes. I grumbled, "Oh, fudge and Graham crackers!" in response to it all. I nearly had a heart attack when a sleepy voice from the other side of the crib whispered that was the best replacement curse they'd ever heard. I did not know the parents were in there.

1point

keighterz 2 years ago

I turned the word “business” into my swear word. Stub your toe? Business! Someone cuts you off in traffic? Oh business!

1point

Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago

My grandmother told me that my aunt on separate occasions called her a "Communist crab" and an "Irish frog."

1point

oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago

I am disappointed by the lack of "your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"

1point

wowbagger 2 years ago

I can't believe BP was able to find appropriate pictures to go along with most of these!

1point

Lauren Wilder 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago

My mum has always said dippy egg as an insult

1point

Jordi Sharpe 2 years ago

An old boss would call you a pylon if you messed up. A guy I knew in treatment once said about another client "Strong like bull, dumb like forklift."

1point

Indosidius 2 years ago

I have always been fond of "ectoplasmic afterbirth of a Martian gangbanger"

1point

mcborge1 2 years ago

"OH FISHCAKES!!" is a great one to use if you spill or drop somethng when there's kids around. My daughter always found it hilarious. :D

1point

Jennifer Brown 2 years ago

C**p on a cracker or christ on a cracker....both come out at least 4-5 times a day. I can't say FFS so this has to make do.

0points

Amanda Kumm 2 years ago

I was playing a board game with my kids where you're a zombie and you steal brains and put them in your head. I looked at my 8-year-old and calmly explained "you don't have a brain in your head..." and his brothers burst out laughing. So now we use this on each other!

0points

Dan St John 2 years ago

My favorite lately has been, you will never be the man your mother is.

0points

Lauren Wilder 2 years ago

My niece (who is tall for her age) got called a giraffe.

0points

JustinTime 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

The Redhead 2 years ago

My 5 year old daughter likes to call me Mr. Botty; I'm her mom

0points

POST

harpling 2 years ago

I taught my nieces to call people diphthongs, nimrods, and sesquipedalians at school. Their teachers have admitted to being a bit confused.

10points

Auntriarch 2 years ago

You are either an auntriarch, or a diamond uncle

5points

Ricky Moore 2 years ago

I still love...'go suck a fart out of a dead seaguls hole'......its a mouthful, but effective...😎

5points

RAM31280 2 years ago

My friend's 4 y.o. was mad that his power wheels car wasn't working and called it a Pizza Fridge instead of piece of s**t. Our friend group still uses this saying 2+ years later.

3points

The real Kittie 2 years ago

I used to call my brother a butt nugget 🤣

3points

Just a lazy witch 2 years ago

"you first pancake of a man" by Mazikeen (Lucifer) is my personal favorite. And my second favorite is "you are not the sharpest pencil, are you?" :D

2points

BasedWang12.7 2 years ago

C U Next Tuesday is a classic.. and one I ripped from a song " Your makeup looks like you headbutted a box of crayons"

2points

O.M.Miki 2 years ago

2points

Marcia Ferris 2 years ago

Go hug a barbed-wire bison.

2points

Susan Bosse 2 years ago

When my son was about 7, we were driving somewhere and laughing about something and he yells "Shut your pothole, Mom!" I DIED laughing. We've said that ever since. He's now 20.

1point

Whitefox 2 years ago

1point

keighterz 2 years ago

I turned the word “business” into my swear word. Stub your toe? Business! Someone cuts you off in traffic? Oh business!

1point

Freya the Wanderer 2 years ago

My grandmother told me that my aunt on separate occasions called her a "Communist crab" and an "Irish frog."

1point

oddly_informed_raven 2 years ago

I am disappointed by the lack of "your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries"

1point

wowbagger 2 years ago

I can't believe BP was able to find appropriate pictures to go along with most of these!

1point

Lauren Wilder 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points