i went to edit my comment and hit enter and posted it instead. >.< i meant to say: to me, hard looking means ^^^ above. nothing inherently negative.

Well that escalated! I don't actually think hard looking people aren't nice, pleasant, gentle or kind, but it seems others who have commented think this. I didn't notice his t shirt and I have a couple of tattoos myself! My comment was tongue in cheek but I did have a mild concern that some would find a reason to be offended (I'm still not quite understanding why). Anyway, thankyou to all the kind, thoughtful, understanding ( and maybe "hard looking")strangers put there who stood up for me.

Sonia, some people go online specifically to look for things to be offended by. Generally on someone's else's behalf, and despite being on their high horse they stoop low. There will always be naysayers at nitpickers, and they simply have no reason, from a rational point of view. It's how they get attention, apparently they would prefer negative attention over none? Pay them no heed :)

Hey thanks. Before I read this I felt obliged to write further having realised that some ( or all )were offended that they thought I was judging because the guy was black. I didn't even notice. I just thought he was really tanned. I don't normally "fight my corner" with strangers but got sucked in this time. So kitten is small and cute, man is big and cute, small, cute kitten in car with big, cute man is cute

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I got downvoted but I don’t care, my opinion stands. I am 70, Black and believe that words matter. You can’t excuse denigrating a persons character by saying I was joking because it’s not a joke to the stranger in the photo that you don’t know. He didn’t deserve to be judged It’s not OK.

E2 - It certainly seems that by using "hard looking," Sonia had no intent to denigrate or judge anyone. I think intent, as well as words, matter. I agree you can't excuse denigrating a person's character by saying it was a joke or tongue in cheek, but if it was unintentional, that should matter. Sonia was just trying to say she likes tough guys with soft kittens. I think any guy with a tank top, muscles, tattoos, shades and hat is going to look like a tough guy. I agree there's a different quality to "hard" than "tough," but you could explain why maybe someone of color could take that as an implication they're criminal (which I think is the issue?) rather than reprimand her, especially when it's clear she wasn't sure if it was ok to use such a descriptor but wasn't sure why. I should add that you sound like a very nice person yourself, and I have no doubt your perspective is affected by your experiences and your points are valid. Just the wrong target imo.

RedMarbles, thank you for respecting my point of view. I appreciate it. We'll have to disagree respectfully on the intent of the original comment. My opinion is based on seven decades of being labeled based on perceptions that had no basis in fact. People think it's harmless, but Sonia's decision isn't as guileless as everyone makes it seem. She had at least an inkling that what she wanted to say could be hurtful or "politically incorrect" and decided to go forth anyway. That's a considered decision. It demonstrates a disdain for being held to standards that might be thought of as politically incorrect. People who are not from marginalized communities do not have to worry about political correctness because the lack of it doesn't touch them. If you are on the other side of the equation, it's hurtful to have your feeling dismissed when people say you shouldn't be upset. When referencing a human being with tats & color, "hard" is one step removed from thug or hoodlum.

Oh! Was that the problem that he was black? I'm so sorry. I didn't realise that was what people were so upset about! It didnt even cross my mind! Let's clear this whole misunderstanding up. Redmarbles ( I love you; such an open mind and able to see both sides without judgement) was correct I was thinking bouncers, big bear dads etc. The problem seems to have arisen because thought it may cause an issue because people would be up in arms saying why shouldn't a tough looking man have a kitten, not that he was a black man. I'm not a pensioner but am in my 50s. Myself and my peers do find it difficult keeping up with what is considered offensive and what isn't. I'm from the UK and half Pakistani. My parents met in the 60s and were judged for a mixed race marriage. I have no judgement on sexual orientation, race, religion etc. The lesson to be learnt here is don't be hasty to judge. Apologies again to anyone who misunderstood me.

E2U&U2: She had an inkling it might be, and a lot has changed if she is older as she says she is, so she asked. She wants to learn. That's a huge improvement over the attitude of many who's world has changed around the. I respect your opinion, and I don't mean to invalidate it. I don't know what context this all has for you, or what happens in your personal life. But someone who genuinely wants to be educated is a good thing. She didn't say "I'm just brutally honest/Call it how it is/You're all snowflakes", or anything really terrible. She came back to the comment to see whether it was deemed acceptable, and we have all shared opinions. You have as much right to guess how this man in the photo *might* feel as any of us? I have personal circumstances around perceived judgements aI hate underhanded behaviour, but I can't go into every situation expecting bile, even if because of circumstance I receive it. That is only my opinion, which I have shared with you. Thank you for sharing yours.

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