"Cats are more like 'Hey, what are you up to? Never mind — I just remembered I don’t care.'" — Zoltan Kaszas

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Where does a cat go when it loses its tail?

The re-tail store!

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I saw a neighbor talking to her cat today, it was hilarious that she thought her cat could understand her. I went home and told my dog.

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TheAquarius1978

TheAquarius1978

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2 years ago

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Its been proved that cats understand comands as well, if not better than dogs, they just choose to ignore them lol.

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Why are cats, great singers?

Because they're very mewsical!

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I saw a poster today that asked, “Have you seen my cat?” So, I called the number and said that I didn’t. I like to help where I can.

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What's a cat's favorite color?

Purr-ple!

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What's a cat's favorite game to play with a mouse?

Catch!

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Why do cats make terrible storytellers?

They only have one tail.

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What's it called when all the treats are gone?

A cat-astrophe.

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Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Because of its bark!

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Down With Agent Hedgehog!

Down With Agent Hedgehog!

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After a few days living with my dad’s shiba inu dogs in the house, my two cats have learned to bark. And after my dad trained them, Donut now fetches slippers. *shrugs and look mystified* am I raising two fake doggo-cats

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What's a kitten's favorite kind of sticker?

Scratch and sniff.

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How do French cats say “Thank You”?

"Meow-ci Beaucoup."

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What's a cat's favorite dessert?

Chocolate mouse!

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What should you say to your cat when you leave the house?

"Have a mice day!"

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Why do cats always win video games?

Because they have nine lives!

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What did one cat say while her friend was complaining?

"Tail me about it."

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Why don't cats ever say "YOLO?"

They have nine lives.

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What did the sick cat say?

"I feel clawful!"

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What do polite cats say when they’re in the way?

"Paw-don me! I’m furry sorry."

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A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a Siberian Lynx in the front seat. “What are you doing with that Siberian Lynx?” He exclaimed, “You should take it to the zoo.” The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the cat again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. “I thought you were going to take that cat to the zoo!” The man replied, “I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”

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Why do cats have minty breath?

The use mousewash.

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The Sound of Mewsic!

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What do cats love to do in the morning?

Read the mewspaper!

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What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meowntain!

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Down With Agent Hedgehog!

Down With Agent Hedgehog!

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2 years ago

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I need the shirt that says: “One Cat Far from Crazy Cat Lady” :)

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What sports do cats play?

Hairball!

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How did the Mom Cat know she was pregnant?

Her test was pawsitive.

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What does the cat say after making a joke?

"Just kitten!"

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What do you call it when a cat is super-stylish?

"Haute-cat-ture."

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What do cats look for in a significant other?

A great purrsonality.

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When a cat doesn't want to say goodbye, what do they say instead?

"See ya litter!"

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Why is it hard to trust cats?

They have many tall tails.

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What song do kittens always request at dances?

"Mice Mice Baby."

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Why do cats make horrible DJs?

They always paws the tunes.

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A fun part of having a black cat is occasionally accidentally talking to a crumpled up black T-shirt on the floor.

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"I make a lot of jokes about my cat, but I always think wouldn’t it be fun if my cat was making jokes about me to his cat friends? That would be awesome if my cat was at home going 'What’s the deal with all the crying?'" — Debra DiGiovanni

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"Somewhere there is a house cat that did more than I did today." — Kristeen von Hagen

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"Knock Knock"

"Who’s there?"

"Cat!"

"Cat who?"

"Cat me outside, how bout dat?!"

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Do you want to hear a bad cat joke?

Just kitten!

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I have a pencil once owned by Shakespeare…

Thanks to the cat it’s so chewed up I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

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What do Christmas and desert cats have in common?

Sandy claws.

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What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have?

A catastrophe!

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What do cats like to eat on a hot day?

A mice-cream cone!

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Why do cats always get their way?

They are very purr-suasive!

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How do two cats end a fight?

They hiss and make up!

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What should you use to comb a cat?

A catacomb!

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What's a cat's favorite magazine?

Good Mousekeeping!

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What state has a lot of cats and dogs?

Petsylvania!

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Aunt Riarch

Aunt Riarch

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2 years ago

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I'm on my way...

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Where do cats always fly out of when they travel?

Kitty Hawk!

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How does a cat sing scales?

Do-re-mew!

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Why did the cat eat the lemons?

He was a sourpuss!

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Hank Youngblood

Hank Youngblood

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1 year ago

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HA HA!!!

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What normally happens when kitties go on a first date?

They hiss.

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Before going after a mouse, what did the dad cat say to his family?

"Let us prey."

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What was the kitten bowling league called?

"Alley Cats."

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Hank Youngblood

Hank Youngblood

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I hopped into a coffee shop and then my jaw dropped with shock when I saw a girl with really cool pants it made me want to dance I started to advance to tell her then I heard a little voice say stop you're gonna make it weird for everyone in here and you're gonna break her clothes so you better just not I said you're really dumb then she looked up and thought that I was telling her that she was really dumb I started to explain I said I love your pants and I was previously talking to my brain she said I understand I made this pair of pants by hand and now I believe that it is time for us to dance so that is what we did we had a great time and all because I gave a stranger a complement

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What do you call a cat who became a doctor?

"A first aid kitten."

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Why did the cat avoid eating lemons?

They made him a sour-puss.

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Why do cats hate laptops?

They don't have a mouse.

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Where do cats enjoy spending a family day?

The mew-seum.

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What do you call the cat that was caught by the police?

The purr-petrator.

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Nonna_SoF

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2 years ago

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An "honest" merchant.

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"I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'… You probably saw our posters." — Stewart Francis, comedian

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What do you call a feline with a short haircut?

A bob cat, of course

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What animals can you not trust?

Big cats! Because some are cheetahs, and some are always lion!

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Russ Kincade

Russ Kincade

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Cheetahs never prosper - Zazu, The Lion King.

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Why are cats better than babies?

Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

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What did the alien say to the cat?

“Take me to your litter.”

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Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool?

She had mittens.

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Who was the most powerful cat in China?

Chairman Miaow.

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Aunt Riarch

Aunt Riarch

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Yes we is old

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What is smarter than a talking cat?

A spelling bee!

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Why was the cat sitting on the computer?

To keep an eye on the mouse!

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What’s a cat’s favorite button on the TV remote?

Paws.

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Why did the cat get pulled over by the police?

Because it littered.

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What did the cat say when it got scratched?

Meowch!

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"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Kitten."

"Kitten, who?"

"Quit kitten around and open the door."

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What did the cat say when it was confused?

"I'm purr-plexed!"

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How is cat food sold?

Usually, purr the can!

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What's another name for a cat's house?

A scratch pad!

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Why did the cats ask for a drum set?

They wanted to make some mewsic!

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Why did the cat have to go to an accountant?

They got caught up in a purramid scheme.

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What did the kitten have at their birthday party?

A pounce house.

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Before a cat fight, what is usually said?

"Hold my purrse."

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Which day of the week do cats love the most?

Caturday.

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What did the mom and dad cat say about their wedding day?

"It was unfurrgetable!"

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How did the cat comic know he was funny?

The audience was meow-ling with laughter.

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Why did some cat friends go to the mall?

There was a buy-one-get-one-furry deal.

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If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?

Their paws.

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"My cat loves me so much that sometimes he stares at me with that look of love that’s almost creepy." — Debra DiGiovanni

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How many cats can you put into an empty box?

Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.

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Why was the cat so agitated?

He was in a bad mewd.

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Did you hear about the cat who drank five bowls of water?

He set a new lap record.

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Why did the cat wear a fancy dress?

She was feline fine!

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What do you call a cat who lives in an igloo?

An eskimew!

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What do cats use to make coffee?

A purr-colator!

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In what kind of weather is a vet the busiest?

When it's raining cats and dogs!

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What do you call a cat wearing shoes?

A puss in boots!

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What's a cat's favorite subject in school?

Hisss-tory!

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What types of cats purr the best?

Purrr-sians!

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What's a cat's favorite TV show?

Claw and Order.

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What's a cat's favorite cereal?

Mice crispies.

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When cats need to go to the airport, who do they call?

A tabby.

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What made the cat upgrade his phone?

He wanted to finally get pawtrait mode.

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Why did the kitty get an "A" on their English assignment?

They properly used an independent claws.

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Why don't you want to play Monopoly with a cat?

They tend to be cheetahs.

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Why are cats bad at making decisions?

They become so purrplexed.

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What's a kitten's fave way to shop?

By cat-alogue.

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Why was the animal lover so untrustworthy?

She kept letting the cat out of the bag!

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What do cats call a nice dinner?

"A fancy feast."

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Me: *Sobbing* One minute he loves me and the next he wants nothing to do me!

Therapist: That’s pretty typical cat behaviour.

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What did the cat say when he lost all his money?

"I’m paw!"

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Did you hear about the passenger who had to be escorted off the airplane?

She let the cat out of the bag.

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A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The cat says, “A shot of whiskey.” The bartender pours the cat his drink. Slowly, the cat pushes the shot off the bar... immediately demanding, “ANOTHER!!”

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What do you call a fluffy male cat asleep on a bed?

A Himalayan.

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How do you know a cat is agitated?

He's having a hissy fit!

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billie wright

billie wright

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Good one

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What do baby cats always wear?

Diapurrs!

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What title does a cat go by in the kitchen?

"The Whisker."

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What did the cats do when they realized they had a bad plan?

They decided to (cat)nip it in the bud.

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What do cats quote from the movie Bridesmaids?

"Help me, I'm paw!"

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Why are kittens actually excellent bosses?

They have great littership.

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What is a cat’s way of keeping law and order?

Claw Enforcement.

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Did you hear about the cat that climbed the Himalayas?

She was a sher-paw.

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What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat?

A peeping tom.

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My cat told a joke today but I didn’t laugh.

He took it purr-sondal.

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Someone made a joke about my three-legged cat.

Major faux paw.

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What's the Cheshire Cat's favorite drink?

Evaporated milk.

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How do cats stop crimes?

They call claw enforcement!

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Why did the teenage cat call her parents when she found an apartment she liked?

She needed them to (cali)co-sign her lease.

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What did the mom cat say about her intuition?

"I just had a strong feline."

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What's a cat's favorite sport?

Hair ball.

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Why was the cat so small?

Because it only ate condensed milk!

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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

Frostbite!

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What did the cat say after hearing a funny joke?

Lmao.

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What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies!

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