Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

New Mom Deeply Upset With MIL, Calls Her Out For Wanting To Claim Newborn Baby As Hers

New Mom Deeply Upset With MIL, Calls Her Out For Wanting To Claim Newborn Baby As Hers

New Mom Deeply Upset With MIL, Calls Her Out For Wanting To Claim Newborn Baby As HersFrustrated Mom Confronts MIL For Trying To Claim Her Infant Baby, Gets Tantrums And Tears In ReturnMIL Tries To Take Over Newborn Parenting, Gets Upset When DIL Pushes Back And Sets BoundariesDIL Has Had Enough Of Toxic MIL, Loses It After She Says She Should’ve Just 'Kidnapped' Her BabyDIL Can’t Tolerate MIL Who Keeps Treating Her Baby As Her Own, Finally Cuts ContactMIL Thinks Grandson Is Her Do-Over Baby, Tries To Steal Him, Calls DIL Selfish For Having BoundariesDIL Cuts Contact With MIL Who Won’t Respect Her Role As A Mom, Treats Grandchild Like Her Own BabyNew Mom Deeply Upset With MIL, Calls Her Out For Wanting To Claim Newborn Baby As HersNew Mom Deeply Upset With MIL, Calls Her Out For Wanting To Claim Newborn Baby As HersNew Mom Deeply Upset With MIL, Calls Her Out For Wanting To Claim Newborn Baby As Hers
ADVERTISEMENT

You know how some mothers-in-law could give an Olympic hurdler a run for their money with how effortlessly they leap over boundaries? They swoop in with all the subtlety of a tornado, determined to impose their opinions, “wisdom,” and unsolicited advice. It’s like they have this unspoken mantra: “What’s yours is mine, especially when it comes to your business.”

And, if boundary-crossing were a sport, our Redditor’s mother-in-law would have her own Hall of Fame plaque, as she’s trying to control every aspect of her daughter-in-law’s life.

More info: Reddit

RELATED:

    Some people think boundaries are optional and others just treat them like a challenge

    Image credits: user18526052 / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    One new mom is fed up with her controlling mother-in-law who expects to be part of the baby’s first moments, calling him “her baby” and even trying to steal him

    Image credits: Jonathan Borba / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    ADVERTISEMENT

    The mother-in-law always tries to control the woman’s life, from her bridal dress to demanding daily access to the baby

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    The woman says her mother-in-law constantly victimizes herself when she doesn’t get her way, calling her “selfish” for having boundaries

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: Accurate_Ad2278

    The woman freaks out when her mother-in-law jokes about taking the baby home from the hospital, suspecting she is actually being serious, given her history

    Our OP (original poster), had gone through one of life’s biggest milestones: giving birth. If you’ve been there, you know it’s a magical moment, but also one where you’re feeling like a half-human, half-zombie hybrid. At least that’s what some moms say.

    Instead of letting her rest, the OP’s mother-in-law decided to make a grand entrance with the opening line, “We should have brought the car seat and just taken the baby home with us.”

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Let’s be honest. At best, that’s an awkward joke, right? At worst? It’s a giant, flashing neon sign saying she doesn’t respect the OP’s boundaries. And, if you think this was a one-off incident, oh boy, you’re in for a ride.

    On her greatest hits list, the “Why are you engaged to her?” moment comes in at number one. Instead of congratulating her son on his engagement, this woman decided criticism was a better response.

    Then, when she didn’t get to pick the bride’s dress, she labeled the OP selfish. The woman really has a knack for turning milestone moments into her personal drama stage, doesn’t she? She even took it up a notch by calling the OP’s baby “her baby” and demanding daily FaceTime access. Boundaries? What boundaries?

    And the hospital incident? Let’s just say it was the cherry on her audacity sundae. For a new mom battling postpartum emotions, sleepless nights, and the whole recovery process, her mother-in-law’s car seat comment was a gut punch.

    So, what’s a new mom to do when her mother-in-law completely disregards her emotional state? Set boundaries, of course.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Image credits: kues1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    Boundaries are pretty much like the guardrails of life—they keep things from spiraling out of control. But enforcing them with family, especially boundary-blind in-laws, can be a hard task.

    The trick? Well, the pros say it’s clear, consistent communication. You shouldn’t leave room for interpretation and try not to let guilt or fear of conflict hold you back.

    For example, “Please always call before you visit” is a lot more effective than “It’d be nice if you let us know before popping by.” Pro tip: having your partner back you up is the ultimate power move.

    But, of course, this mother-in-law wasn’t one to take “no” lightly. When the OP laid down the law, her mother-in-law responded with a classic self-victimization performance, complete with tears and tantrums.

    But, you see, self-victimization isn’t just an annoying habit—it’s often a learned behavior that comes from insecurity or a need for control.

    People who play the victim often struggle to take accountability, choosing instead to shift blame onto others to protect their fragile egos. It’s sort of a way to gain sympathy and avoid criticism, but it can destroy relationships.

    ADVERTISEMENT

    When someone constantly paints themselves as the victim, it’s emotionally draining for everyone involved and creates an endless cycle of resentment and frustration. The best way to deal with it? Don’t feed into the drama, and maintain your own boundaries firmly but kindly.

    So, where does that leave our OP? Exhausted and frustrated, but also determined to protect her peace and her baby. And can you blame her? If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that no one needs extra drama when adjusting to parenthood.

    What do you think of this story? Was the mother-in-law just trying to be funny, or did she cross a line? And if you’ve had your own brush with boundary-blind relatives, how did you handle it? Spill the tea in the comments below. I’m all ears!

    Netizens sided with the woman, saying her mother-in-law was out of line for implying she would steal the baby and suggesting the new mom limit contact with her

    ADVERTISEMENT
    Share on Facebook
    Monica Selvi

    Monica Selvi

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hi! I'm Moni. I’m a globetrotting creative with a camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. I’ve lived in 4 different countries, an visited 17, soaking up inspiration wherever I go. A marketer by trade but a writer at heart, I’ve been crafting stories, poems, and songs, and creating quirky characters since I was 7.

    Read less »
    Monica Selvi

    Monica Selvi

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi! I'm Moni. I’m a globetrotting creative with a camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. I’ve lived in 4 different countries, an visited 17, soaking up inspiration wherever I go. A marketer by trade but a writer at heart, I’ve been crafting stories, poems, and songs, and creating quirky characters since I was 7.

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    Read less »

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If someone, even a mother in law, tried to rip my baby out of my arms i'd deck her then file a restraining order. If hubby objects i'd toss him to the side too, can't believe the spineless jerk lets his mother get away with this nonsense.

    Michelle Randazzo
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly where is the daddy? Is he afraid of his mom? Or does he need to grow a paie.

    Load More Replies...
    Kaa
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is this thing with super jealous MILs who claim their son's child for themselves? Heard it so often! What is going on in these women's minds? I'm really curious. Has anyone a psychological explanation?

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would stick with me too. She should have said "taken". More seriously - this is unhinged. Did she want more children and not have them for some reason? Her son needs to have a stern word.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm surprised OP married her hubs, with a mom like that, without discussing *boundaries* with him first. Like: "You will always have *MY* back over your mom's" and "She will not be in our lives if she can't adhere to *our* boundaries."

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The husband needs to shut his mom down, and go NC for awhile. Block her number, call the cops if she pounds on their door and won't go away, etc. Playing hardball is the only thing a loon like this will understand.

    Suzie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Lady, snowballs will fly in Hades before you ever take this baby anywhere."

    Broadredpanda
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WHERE IS THE SON DURING ALL OF THIS? Spineless MF! You’re going to have to run from both of these eventually! I can’t believe you didn’t/haven’t told this MIL to go and don’t come back!

    Learner Panda
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I found that saying no to some demands was harder than just being unavailable. So a demand to look after baby was met with a statement that we were going out for the day. Or wanting to sleep over; no, because I was breastfeeding exclusively and no I didn't express. Etc, etc.

    Debbie
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree that is easier because you feel tot have to give a reason. But the thing is, now you give them something to argue about. "Oh u have no car? No problem I'll come pick you up!" And then what excuse will you use? ", I'm too tired' " oh don't work you can relax in the car and you don't need to do much". Practice saying "no, I am not available then" a few times. Give no explanation. It gets easier to say it. Giving an excuse why you can't go is a habit, and it is a difficult habit to break.

    Load More Replies...
    Trillian
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always wonder ... does no one ever say anything back? If she made that comment with me, I would have told her that she was welcome to try to get as far as the door. And NO ONE pulls my child out of my arms without asking.

    Daman dan
    Community Member
    21 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Father here! When our son was born, my MIL wouldn't let me hold him at all. I couldn't argue because my wife was having such a hard time, that i didn’t want to upset her. She was completely overbearing and shot down everything i ever said about the caring of the kid and my wife listened. The 4 of us went to a clinic because he wasn't getting enough breast milk, which i knew but my i was told to shut up when i suggested to give formula. Evedy time the doctor asked something, MIL would either cut me off or dispute anything i said. After she checked him out, the doctor handed our son to me. MIL grabbed him and literally pushed me away! The doctor, who was visibly fed up Took him, gave him back to me and told MIL that I'm perfectly capable of holding my baby. It was the first moment of validation I received since becoming a father. It took everything to stop the tears that were welling up in my eyes. My wife had also finally recognised what was happening and told MIL to go home FWIW, my parents weren't angels either, but that's another story!

    JLo
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How far away does the MIL live? Hopefully she doesn't start popping in. Tell her that grandmothers are not entitled to see their grandchild's firsts. They had that chance with their own children.

    adobe blue
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is horrible but I am sure this woman has a history of steamrolling everyone all the time. Her husband and her son step back and watch things play out because they know how much worse it gets if someone tries to put in control. The new mom needs a great therapist to help her find tools to deal. She has 18 more years ahead with just this child. More kids, more drama. The husband needs therapy even more, his whole life has revolved around his mom and her insanity. I have a family member who exhibits this type of controlling behavior. She ghosts and bullies anyone who doesn't support her or dares to stand up to her. She can turn a nice, family get-together into a s@#$t show in five minutes and she does it with a huge smile on her face. Great therapist are worth their weight in gold and they are out there. Find one and start pushing back on the insanity.

    Petra brown
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think your mil needs help. This might be a much deeper issue than you realize. I had the same going on with my mom. I always had the best relationship with my mom. I could not gave asked for a better mother. Then my daughter was born. And exactly this happened ... taking her out of my arms, all I did was wrong ...i was so exhausted and confused and hurt. The situation got out of hand when my daughter developed a severe colic ...tummy like a drum ... and my mom ripped her out of my arms and insisted we did not need to go to a doctor. That was the end of the line for me. I told her very calmly to hand over my child or i would call the police on her. She was so surprised she immediately complied. When I came home, my mom was not there. She had a nervous breakdown. Moreover, I found out why she behaved so weirdly. She had to have an abortion for medical reasons years ago. It would have been a little girl. She got help and we are as close as ever. Maybe your mil has similar issues ...

    Beth Wheeler
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That b***h is WAY out of line and has never liked her for whatever reason (not good enough for my baby boy)??? Daddy needs to shut her down now and tell her if she doesn't stop she won't be seeing his baby! When the time comes for daycare and then school make sure their names are on the NOT ALLOWED TO PICK UP list or whatever it's called and if they refuse to leave call 911. Do not trust that woman with your baby.

    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where is the husband in all this? He needs to manage his mother.

    MoMcB
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is her first grandchild, but that is where it ends. Any contact is what the parents allow.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t know. I have heard those kind of comments from aunts and grandmas of plenty of babies and it was always for a laugh and just to show how adored the new baby was. I never saw anyone take it seriously and it certainly never led to any kidnapping or anything. So I guess I want to hear the other side just on that basis.

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The MIL cries when told "no" and refused to ask before taking the baby out of the OP's arms. I'd say that those actions speak for themselves. As for the MIL's side of the story, how reliable a narrator is she?

    Load More Replies...
    kwm6dd2qb9
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, a woman acting like a child when she doesn't get what she wants- what a shock.

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If someone, even a mother in law, tried to rip my baby out of my arms i'd deck her then file a restraining order. If hubby objects i'd toss him to the side too, can't believe the spineless jerk lets his mother get away with this nonsense.

    Michelle Randazzo
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Exactly where is the daddy? Is he afraid of his mom? Or does he need to grow a paie.

    Load More Replies...
    Kaa
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What is this thing with super jealous MILs who claim their son's child for themselves? Heard it so often! What is going on in these women's minds? I'm really curious. Has anyone a psychological explanation?

    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That would stick with me too. She should have said "taken". More seriously - this is unhinged. Did she want more children and not have them for some reason? Her son needs to have a stern word.

    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    3 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm surprised OP married her hubs, with a mom like that, without discussing *boundaries* with him first. Like: "You will always have *MY* back over your mom's" and "She will not be in our lives if she can't adhere to *our* boundaries."

    tori Ohno
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The husband needs to shut his mom down, and go NC for awhile. Block her number, call the cops if she pounds on their door and won't go away, etc. Playing hardball is the only thing a loon like this will understand.

    Suzie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Lady, snowballs will fly in Hades before you ever take this baby anywhere."

    Broadredpanda
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WHERE IS THE SON DURING ALL OF THIS? Spineless MF! You’re going to have to run from both of these eventually! I can’t believe you didn’t/haven’t told this MIL to go and don’t come back!

    Learner Panda
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I found that saying no to some demands was harder than just being unavailable. So a demand to look after baby was met with a statement that we were going out for the day. Or wanting to sleep over; no, because I was breastfeeding exclusively and no I didn't express. Etc, etc.

    Debbie
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I agree that is easier because you feel tot have to give a reason. But the thing is, now you give them something to argue about. "Oh u have no car? No problem I'll come pick you up!" And then what excuse will you use? ", I'm too tired' " oh don't work you can relax in the car and you don't need to do much". Practice saying "no, I am not available then" a few times. Give no explanation. It gets easier to say it. Giving an excuse why you can't go is a habit, and it is a difficult habit to break.

    Load More Replies...
    Trillian
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always wonder ... does no one ever say anything back? If she made that comment with me, I would have told her that she was welcome to try to get as far as the door. And NO ONE pulls my child out of my arms without asking.

    Daman dan
    Community Member
    21 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Father here! When our son was born, my MIL wouldn't let me hold him at all. I couldn't argue because my wife was having such a hard time, that i didn’t want to upset her. She was completely overbearing and shot down everything i ever said about the caring of the kid and my wife listened. The 4 of us went to a clinic because he wasn't getting enough breast milk, which i knew but my i was told to shut up when i suggested to give formula. Evedy time the doctor asked something, MIL would either cut me off or dispute anything i said. After she checked him out, the doctor handed our son to me. MIL grabbed him and literally pushed me away! The doctor, who was visibly fed up Took him, gave him back to me and told MIL that I'm perfectly capable of holding my baby. It was the first moment of validation I received since becoming a father. It took everything to stop the tears that were welling up in my eyes. My wife had also finally recognised what was happening and told MIL to go home FWIW, my parents weren't angels either, but that's another story!

    JLo
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How far away does the MIL live? Hopefully she doesn't start popping in. Tell her that grandmothers are not entitled to see their grandchild's firsts. They had that chance with their own children.

    adobe blue
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is horrible but I am sure this woman has a history of steamrolling everyone all the time. Her husband and her son step back and watch things play out because they know how much worse it gets if someone tries to put in control. The new mom needs a great therapist to help her find tools to deal. She has 18 more years ahead with just this child. More kids, more drama. The husband needs therapy even more, his whole life has revolved around his mom and her insanity. I have a family member who exhibits this type of controlling behavior. She ghosts and bullies anyone who doesn't support her or dares to stand up to her. She can turn a nice, family get-together into a s@#$t show in five minutes and she does it with a huge smile on her face. Great therapist are worth their weight in gold and they are out there. Find one and start pushing back on the insanity.

    Petra brown
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think your mil needs help. This might be a much deeper issue than you realize. I had the same going on with my mom. I always had the best relationship with my mom. I could not gave asked for a better mother. Then my daughter was born. And exactly this happened ... taking her out of my arms, all I did was wrong ...i was so exhausted and confused and hurt. The situation got out of hand when my daughter developed a severe colic ...tummy like a drum ... and my mom ripped her out of my arms and insisted we did not need to go to a doctor. That was the end of the line for me. I told her very calmly to hand over my child or i would call the police on her. She was so surprised she immediately complied. When I came home, my mom was not there. She had a nervous breakdown. Moreover, I found out why she behaved so weirdly. She had to have an abortion for medical reasons years ago. It would have been a little girl. She got help and we are as close as ever. Maybe your mil has similar issues ...

    Beth Wheeler
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That b***h is WAY out of line and has never liked her for whatever reason (not good enough for my baby boy)??? Daddy needs to shut her down now and tell her if she doesn't stop she won't be seeing his baby! When the time comes for daycare and then school make sure their names are on the NOT ALLOWED TO PICK UP list or whatever it's called and if they refuse to leave call 911. Do not trust that woman with your baby.

    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where is the husband in all this? He needs to manage his mother.

    MoMcB
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It is her first grandchild, but that is where it ends. Any contact is what the parents allow.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t know. I have heard those kind of comments from aunts and grandmas of plenty of babies and it was always for a laugh and just to show how adored the new baby was. I never saw anyone take it seriously and it certainly never led to any kidnapping or anything. So I guess I want to hear the other side just on that basis.

    Vinnie
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The MIL cries when told "no" and refused to ask before taking the baby out of the OP's arms. I'd say that those actions speak for themselves. As for the MIL's side of the story, how reliable a narrator is she?

    Load More Replies...
    kwm6dd2qb9
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow, a woman acting like a child when she doesn't get what she wants- what a shock.

    You May Like
    Related on Bored Panda
    Related on Bored Panda
    Trending on Bored Panda
    Also on Bored Panda