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There are two types of people in this world, those who drive and those who exploit those who do. We are joking, obviously. But on a serious note, don't be a douche, chip in on that petrol, the liquid gold is expensive these days. Nonetheless, considering you ended up clicking on this article, we assume you are either of the two (or both): someone with a driving license or a big gearhead. So, if you are into the roaring, rumbling, scraping, or screeching, someone who can't pipe down when it comes to autos, or just someone who doesn't mind a funny joke about cars, you are in for a greasy treat.
But who needs car jokes when having a car that eats like a horse (yet has less than 200 horsepower) is a joke in itself? Definitely not me expressing my frustration about fuel prices through an article at work. Anyhows, it doesn't matter if you are driving a Model S, a 1990 Dodge Charger, or your partner mad, funny car jokes will surely tickle one's pickle, whichever the case is.
After all, there's one thing we all have in common - we all believe we are excellent drivers. Remember that curb you hit when parking? Exactly, it wasn't supposed to be there anyway. Don't worry; the funny jokes about cars won't be targeting you or your driving skills *wink wink*. So buckle up because below, we've gathered some of the wittiest car puns and funny jokes to tell to someone who knows a thing or two about cars. Do you have a favorite car joke? Let us know! Psst, also check out our list of the best car movies!
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#2
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
Riley Quinn 2 years ago
I can say with pride that I could parallel park anything. But, I say with deep shame that I can't pull into a plain, old, regular spot - head-on, mind you - in one attempt.
#3
My 35-year boycott of Ferrari and Lamborghini is still going strong!
And will continue until they lower the price.
#5
If a car’s chasing you, you’ll definitely get tired.
But if you chase cars, you’ll get exhausted.
#6
What kind of cars do people in Norway drive?
Fjords.
#7
I just got nine out of 10 on my driver’s test.
The last guy was able to get out of the way.
#8
What’s the difference between a Fiat and a golf ball?
You can drive a golf ball more than 200 yards.
#10
What kind of car does Yoda drive?
A Toyoda.
#11
Did you know that Ford is making a new heated tailgate?
It’s so your hands stay warm when you are pushing it back home in the winter.
#13
When I wrecked my last car, I solved the mystery of whether or not a Mercedes bends.
#16
Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice?
They’re trained to look for red flags.
#17
Why couldn’t the frog find where he parked his car?
He’d been toad.
#18
What do you need to be able to drive in the outback?
You need to show koala-fications.
#22
If you ever feel like your job has no purpose, always remember that there is someone who is installing a turn signal in a BMW.
#23
Did you hear about the Yoga class for electric cars? No, that’s a thing?
I guess. They just park in circle and say “ohm” the whole time.
#25
Just reversed into a Bugatti.
But I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling me.
#31
Porsche will sell electric sports car specifically for environmentally conscious owners experiencing a midlife crisis.
#32
What should you double check when buying an electric car?
That your driving license is current.
#34
What did the computer say to the other person after a 16 hour car ride?
Damn, that was a hard drive.
#35
Someone complimented me on my driving the other day.
They left a note on the windscreen - Parking Fine!
#36
My Subaru accidentally skidded over the bridge.
I guess it’s now a Scuba-ru.
#38
Guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the counterman “I’d like new air freshener for my Yugo.” The guy behind the counter shakes his hand and says “OK, that sounds like a pretty decent trade.”
#39
I got gas for $1.99 at lunch.
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
#40
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
Saint Lynnie 2 years ago
Wrong. He drove a Honda, but he didn't say much about it. It even says in the bible. Christ said "I do not speak of my own Accord"
#43
I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
#49
I use BMW to go to work.
Bus, Metro, Walk.
#52
Wanted: A man who has been stealing wheels from police cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.
#54
I stopped to pick up a hitchhiker.
Turns out he was just telling me he approved of my driving.
#55
My sweetheart is always taking health food crazes too far.
Now, it’s even affecting my driving. She took the carb-orator off my car!
#56
That car salesman is a real car-deal-ologist.
It’s been a long time since someone gave me such a stress test!
#57
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and six trash bags full of recyclable cans?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
#63
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.
#75
Lamborghini once decided to ditch the ICE entirely and focus on electric cars for foreseeable future
That time period was known as Silence of the Lambs.
#77
If somebody sees me singing in my car, my reaction is to stare at them until it’s awkward for both of us.
#79
Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.
Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.
#82
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
#87
You should get a job at a transmission repair shop.
I’m sure you’ll get used to the early-morning shifts.
#92
I'm on the highway to hell, but ran over the pothole to hell and need the roadside assistance to hell.
#98
Honda is the oldest car made in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!
The apostles were all in Accord.
#99
Why didn't the two Alfa Romeo owners say hi to each other when they met at the bar?
Because they saw each other at the mechanic's earlier that day.
#100
A guy changes his Fiat 500 for a bigger car and complains about increased road noise. The salesman comes around and says: "Can't understand how it could possibly be the case, the new sedan is so much quieter". The buyer responds: "When I sat in Fiat 500, my knees covered my ears."
#102
How do Prius owners drive?
One hand on the wheel, the other patting themselves on the back.
#105
What is the main difference between BMWs and Porcupines?
Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.
#110
A Ford Focus Electric and a Kia Soul went on a date. At first, the Focus wanted to Bolt, but after a while a Spark formed. Things ended up getting X rated, so I thought it better to just LEAF them alone.
#114
Never get into a lane-merging game of chicken with a person who has a garbage bag for a car-door window.
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