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Woman Helps Her Infertile Friend With The Next IVF Cycle, Then Finds Out She Mocked Her Behind Her Back, Cancels The Check
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Woman Helps Her Infertile Friend With The Next IVF Cycle, Then Finds Out She Mocked Her Behind Her Back, Cancels The Check

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Friendship is one of the greatest achievements that humanity has learned over the millennia of its evolution. And indeed, this is a completely unique skill – to help another person who is not related to you by ties of kinship, completely disinterestedly, and moreover, to rejoice for them, for helping them. It’s one of those amazing feelings that makes us human.

However, as strong as this feeling can be, it can also be fragile. Confucius once said that “It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them”, and where distrust begins, a true friendship could actually end. Sometimes just a few words are enough to completely destroy what has been built for years and even whole decades.

Something similar happened to the heroine of this story, told by user u/South_Marine3167 on the AITA Reddit community. The post proved to be very popular, garnering nearly 27.3K upvotes and over 2.8K comments in just a few days. And here, apparently, ended the story of her friendship, which had lasted a decade and a half. So, let’s talk about everything in order.

More info: Reddit

The author of the post divorced with her husband several years ago as he wanted to have children and she turned out to be infertile

Image credits: Anna Marija Liljestrand (not the actual image)

The author of the original post says that she is 35 years old and, alas, infertile. With her ex-husband, the woman tried everything to have kids, but all their efforts were just in vain. It all ended very sadly – as a result, the husband divorced the OP, went to another, younger woman, now they already have one child and she is pregnant for the second time.

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Image credits: u/Sounth_Marine3167

Accordingly, as the OP herself tells, for her, the topic of infertility and adultery has become extremely painful. The woman did not receive support from relatives, who, on the contrary, blamed her for the collapse of her family, so her friends became her main support in this difficult situation. For example, “Alessia”, with whom the OP, moreover, ended up in the same “infertility boat”.

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Image credits: u/Sounth_Marine3167

The woman’s friend who is also infertile once asked her to help financially with their next IVF cycle so the author handed her a $12K check

However, Alessia and her husband have not given up on trying to have children, and resorted to IVF. One fine day, she asked the OP to help them pay for a new cycle, and the woman agreed to write a check for $12,000. As the OP herself admits, she sincerely wanted to help her friend, and did not put any conditions on the return of this money. She just wrote a check and handed it to Alessia, for which she thanked her from the bottom of her heart.

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Image credits: Denise P.S.  (not the actual image)

How disappointed the OP was when the next day, their mutual friend, “Carol”, sent her a screenshot of her conversation with Alessia, where, during the IVF discussion, she, in particular, wrote that “she didn’t wanna end up divorced, and having her husband go marry someone younger and have a baby with them and another one on the way! While she’s alone and without a family at 35!”

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Image credits: u/Sounth_Marine3167

When the woman found out that her friend mocked her infertility and divorce in private texts the same day, she just cancelled that check

Given that Alessia is now 32 years old, the OP quite logically assumed that it was just about her. The woman was so indignant that she simply called the bank and canceled her check. After some time, Alessia called her and asked what happened. The OP could not stand it and told off her friend, being totally outraged by her behavior. Alessia did not deny it, but stated that it was just an “inside joke” between “desperate infertile women”.

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Image credits: u/Sounth_Marine3167

However, this did not make it any easier for our heroine. She flatly refused to renew the payment – even when Alessia and her husband came over to her, begging her not to cancel the check. Alessia’s husband called the OP’s behavior dishonorable – after all, she refused to support his wife, while she actively supported her during the divorce process and after it. As for Carol, the indignant man simply called her a “toxic snake.”

Image credits: u/Sounth_Marine3167

The woman thinks that this case puts an end to their fifteen-year history of friendship

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Still, the OP didn’t change her mind, and she and Alessia haven’t spoken to since. The woman discussed the incident with Carol more than once and came to the disappointing conclusion that this seemed to put an end to her and Alessia’s fifteen-year history of friendship.

Image credits: u/Sounth_Marine3167

However, people in the comments almost unanimously supported the OP in this situation. In their opinion, it was a cruel thing to do of Alessia, especially after the OP was so gracious towards her and her spouse. In addition, as commenters note, the worth of any person is not connected to their ability to bear children.

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Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image)

People in the comments side with the author of the post, admiring her generosity as well

Moreover, commenters have admired the OP’s generosity as well. As some of them honestly admit, for twelve thousand dollars with no strings attached, they would be ready to literally carry her in their arms, ask her to become a godparent of their future kid, and generally wake up grateful for her existence every given day. Which, in fact, once again underlines the ingratitude that the OP was repaid by her now-ex-friend.

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Image credits: u/Sounth_Marine3167

We believe that by this point you have already accurately formed your own opinion about the heroes of this tale, so we’re looking forward to your comments. After all, in the end, every story needs a public opinion, so please feel free to leave your comments below.

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Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

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Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Frankly, it's weird that she asked you to pay for her IVF. How does this couple expect to afford a child if they can't manage to pay for their own IVF? Weren't they saving up for the treatments? It seems you were being treated like a bank, not a friend.

Monday
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well raising a kid is less of a lump sum than IVF so I can kind of understand that, but it is weird to ask your friends to help you pay.

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Amber.exe (She/They)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta-she talked behind your back and said it was an "inside joke" she talked about your infertility problems,when she is too,it's not funny when you're talking about someone behind their back. She didn't deserve the money

F C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mean people need to be more careful what they write down. I also have family like this.

Load More Replies...
Libstak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If that was a spare 12,000 dollars I think it should be set aside for any of the Ops future attempts to start her own family. I don't understand where the entitlement to this kind of money comes from tbh unless the OP is seriously well off or the same has been extended to her by this friend in the past.

Joann Boyd
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You would think that receiving $12K from a friend with no strings attached would buy a little loyalty. Entitlement knows no bounds!

kaycee14
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do so many people need to be reminded that a joke is supposed to be funny? If it's hurtful, it is not a joke. If you'd be upset if someone made you the butt of that "joke," then IT IS NOT A JOKE.

CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you’re making fun of someone else’s flaws it’s not a joke.

Maria Semenova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not even 'flaws', it's an illness and a very serious one... How this can be an inside joke among friends? This is mind-blowing to me

Load More Replies...
lauralett50
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd your so called friend had not talked about you behind your back, this issue would not have happened. The true colors came out. You don't owe her a thing . Did she give you financial support while you were trying to get pregnant? If not, don't worry about it . You don't have to deal with her disrespectful attitude . And they both need to finance to process themselves. My friend D worked 3 jobs to finance the ivf for his wife. Nat

pug nose curly tail
Community Member
Premium
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's not your friend. NTA. Good for Carol! Carol is your friend!

BluEyedSeoulite
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having gone through infertility myself, luckily not having to go through IVF, I can 100% agree NTA. What a terrible "friend"!! That money would be better spent ANYWHERE else for OP. I just can't imagine making fun of someone else's misfortune. Especially about something that could just as easily happen to me. The OP's husband left her because she couldn't get/stay pregnant. I'm OP never thought that would happen to her either. The "friend" can just as easily end up the same way.

Sunny Day
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does anyone else remember the Whiners on SNL? The couple went to a fertility doctor and he suggested adoption. The couple replied "but weeee want our owwwwn bayyybyyyy". There are so many kids in the system today who would LOVE to have caring parents. SMH.

Maria Semenova
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Have you already adopted anyone? A couple has a right to have their own baby without your judgments... Not that many can love any random child like their own and it's normal.

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Elio
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude don't give people $12,000 unless you're super wealthy. Also f**k your ex, he sucks.

RoanTheMad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. If she's that desperate for a child she can adopt one of the many, MANY children that are desperate for a home.

fu yu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alessia should've known better. Now let her raise her own damn money.

DrBronxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA at all. Her "friend" should know how deeply, DEEPLY hurtful saying something like that would be. And that's BEFORE taking the MASSIVE CHEQUE into consideration. One thing that I don't fully understand is leaving someone because they can't have kids. My wife and I have been doing IVF for years, and not once has divorce EVER entered my mind. My wife is my family, with or without children, and life without her would be...less.

Carrie Cain
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You weren't being oversensitive sweetie...saying something like that is NOT something to make a joke about and especially knowing just how much pain it caused. You had every right to do what you did and I completely agree with and support you in your decision. A friend that would say that is not a friend. She was just using you. Carroll is the REAL friend for telling you and staying by your side through all of the drama they have been causing you. Never second guess what you did. Much love and hugs sweetie. And don't forget, even if you can't have a child... there's still plenty of children that are waiting to be adopted by somebody who will love them and I have the feeling you would.

Donna Cheung
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First off, if Alessia didn't have the money, she shouldn't do IVF. Simple as that. Secondly, the cheque was a GIFT from the OP, who treated Alessia as a friend. Clearly the feeling is not mutual. Why should the OP be forced to give a gift (an a very expensive one at that) to somebody who's not even her friend?

Diphylleia Grayi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We mock for others pain until someone comes and mocks our pain, Alessia learnt the hard way.

Kat Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why throw so much money at someone who is a b***h? And on a side-note: For those of you who are childless (not child-free) and have the time: get a puppy. They do need a TON of time, in the first year, and pets can be eexpesnive, but the love of my pup and the joy of raising here, really put my raging hormones at peace. Now, I am 50 and am so relieved that I don't have children (especially after the Corona lockdowns)

F C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Carol is a stand up woman. I don't like being a "narc" but a person shelling 12k deserves to know.

Altea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who is dealing with infertility I totally get being oversensitive about this. It hurts like hell. I would have 100% done the same.

Valerie Witter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe TA…I don’t think she was making fun of you. I think she feels sad for you and hopes the IVF works for her. It’s a very hard subject for you to talk or think about. Don’t lose a good friend over this.

tara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it was really nice to offer to pay....and I am super sensitive and have a fit over everything...but was she really Mocking? Or just saying...I don't want things to end up the way they did for my friend.

Jus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't understand divorcing over no children. You marry a person, not the reproductive system. It only shows how awful and unloyal crappy person you are. OP is not that old, she could very well marry again and even have baby success with someone else. That wasn't a joke and the woman wasn't her friend.

Gabriel Sbárbaro
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It baffles me that a couple could be SO biological egocentric as to end a relationship, to end a marriage, because they can't have children of their own... ADOPT for f*ck sakes!!! Why, OH WHY it HAS to be a child of your own? What your genes have SO special that you CAN'T have it any other way? Do they need those genes to extract a magic sword from a stone? Do your genes contain the cure for cancer? Cheesus f*ck!!! Get over yourselves, people!!! There's too many people in the world already!!!

Unaffected
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd use this money to start an adoption process. Some unfortunate kid out there deserves this woman's love and care.She is obviously giving and compassionate

SirWriteALot
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we talk about the stress "Alessia" is in? She's literally doing everything it takes to be a "baby machine" so her hubby won't leave her? I don't think she's in a good relationship, so maybe it's actually a blessing in disguise.

Mary Kelly
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The good news is that you found out before she cashed the check, then you'd be out a friend and 12,000. Hey you know what, if you really want a child, you can use that check to start the adoption process...or use it to travel...or finally do something for you!

F C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read one of those "dear abby" columns about a woman who heard her friend talking about her when she wasn't supposed to. The adviser of the column told her while it was painful we're "fortunate" not to hear what our friends say about us jn the privacy of our own homes because according to her "everybody does it." Umm, no ma'am we do not. Maybe "I can't believe she wore those uncomfortable shoes all day" or "she gained a lot of weight since I last saw her, I'm shocked" but not "god I'm glad I'm not her!" Or any nonsense like that. The advice column went on to say that yes it was hurtful but you knew you were intruding (by accident) on a private conversion and basically she was saying don't throw away thr friendship this is what all friendships are like. Now the bad-mouthing was something very serious like this, like "if I was her husband I'd leave her too", it wasn't a small comment like I hate your new curtains or anything like that.

Linda Handy
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was a statement of fact about the hurt you went through and a great possibility for her. Your feelings are yours but I don’t think she was mocking you, just scared for the both of you.

Stylishsidewaysbird
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can’t imagine any scenario in which I was ask a friend for that much money, let alone IVF. Maybe I could see the friend loaning-not giving-money for a medical emergency or coming up short rent/bills after an emergency.

Mario Strada
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one that see both friends as unworthy of friendship? Sure, the IVF lady talked about her behind her back. Not nice, but the woman in the middle, at least from this report, doesn't sound like had any intention to put her in her place. Instead she informed the OP. Who needs friends like that? Also, $12K? Wow.

CrunChewy McSandybutt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IDK. I think that canceling the check without having a frank discussion with Alyssa was kind of an AH move. Obviously, this fertility thing is super important to her, and what she said could have been interpreted in a number of ways. OP decided to take it as mocking, but it may have been just Alyssa saying she was afraid that her circumstances would end up the same way. As an aside, who are these husbands that just drop their wives for fertility issues? JFK, adopt!

Cindy M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My first thought was that Alessia may have been an AH in the moment, but this isn't their first round of IVF (per OP), and she clearly seems to be fearful of another unsuccessful attempt playing out with her in OP's position. It wasn't a sensitive way to voice it, but I could forgive a friend of 15 years for it. I fully support cutting toxic people out of one's life, but if this was the only incident? My friends are gracious enough to know when I'm having a moment, and I try to show them that same grace. I don't see any AHs here. Only scared people who need to have a conversation.

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Demon Child
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to love coming on to BP and seeing all the positive uplifting posts :) the people who made these posts put more work into it than buzzfeed writers do. but now this website is shifting to constant AITA posts and stealing more and more from buzzfeed. I visit both sites all the time, and i will see one thing on buzzfeed then see it on BP in a few days

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be very cautious about Carol. She seems like the kind of person who enjoys throwing a bomb into other peoples friendships. The husband is right that she is a toxic snake. Also, you say “the money came with no strings attached” but that was a lie, wasn’t it? If there were truly no strings attached, you wouldn’t have cancelled the check when Alessia offended you.

Purple Sprinkles
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Everyone says things they don't mean or have a c**p day. There were clearly strings attached to the money, 15 years of friendship was worth a conversation and an allowance of some sort of apology. One mistake has caused a ripple of saddness on 2 familys.

King Joffrey
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

This lady is not the AH but 'toxic snake' Carol is...

Monday
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is Carol the AH? She's the one that let OP know her so-called friend was talking s**t about her life. I'd want my friends to do that if I found myself in a similar situation.

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Frankly, it's weird that she asked you to pay for her IVF. How does this couple expect to afford a child if they can't manage to pay for their own IVF? Weren't they saving up for the treatments? It seems you were being treated like a bank, not a friend.

Monday
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well raising a kid is less of a lump sum than IVF so I can kind of understand that, but it is weird to ask your friends to help you pay.

Load More Replies...
Amber.exe (She/They)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta-she talked behind your back and said it was an "inside joke" she talked about your infertility problems,when she is too,it's not funny when you're talking about someone behind their back. She didn't deserve the money

F C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mean people need to be more careful what they write down. I also have family like this.

Load More Replies...
Libstak
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If that was a spare 12,000 dollars I think it should be set aside for any of the Ops future attempts to start her own family. I don't understand where the entitlement to this kind of money comes from tbh unless the OP is seriously well off or the same has been extended to her by this friend in the past.

Joann Boyd
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You would think that receiving $12K from a friend with no strings attached would buy a little loyalty. Entitlement knows no bounds!

kaycee14
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do so many people need to be reminded that a joke is supposed to be funny? If it's hurtful, it is not a joke. If you'd be upset if someone made you the butt of that "joke," then IT IS NOT A JOKE.

CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When you’re making fun of someone else’s flaws it’s not a joke.

Maria Semenova
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not even 'flaws', it's an illness and a very serious one... How this can be an inside joke among friends? This is mind-blowing to me

Load More Replies...
lauralett50
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd your so called friend had not talked about you behind your back, this issue would not have happened. The true colors came out. You don't owe her a thing . Did she give you financial support while you were trying to get pregnant? If not, don't worry about it . You don't have to deal with her disrespectful attitude . And they both need to finance to process themselves. My friend D worked 3 jobs to finance the ivf for his wife. Nat

pug nose curly tail
Community Member
Premium
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's not your friend. NTA. Good for Carol! Carol is your friend!

BluEyedSeoulite
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having gone through infertility myself, luckily not having to go through IVF, I can 100% agree NTA. What a terrible "friend"!! That money would be better spent ANYWHERE else for OP. I just can't imagine making fun of someone else's misfortune. Especially about something that could just as easily happen to me. The OP's husband left her because she couldn't get/stay pregnant. I'm OP never thought that would happen to her either. The "friend" can just as easily end up the same way.

Sunny Day
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does anyone else remember the Whiners on SNL? The couple went to a fertility doctor and he suggested adoption. The couple replied "but weeee want our owwwwn bayyybyyyy". There are so many kids in the system today who would LOVE to have caring parents. SMH.

Maria Semenova
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Have you already adopted anyone? A couple has a right to have their own baby without your judgments... Not that many can love any random child like their own and it's normal.

Load More Replies...
Elio
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude don't give people $12,000 unless you're super wealthy. Also f**k your ex, he sucks.

RoanTheMad
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. If she's that desperate for a child she can adopt one of the many, MANY children that are desperate for a home.

fu yu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Alessia should've known better. Now let her raise her own damn money.

DrBronxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA at all. Her "friend" should know how deeply, DEEPLY hurtful saying something like that would be. And that's BEFORE taking the MASSIVE CHEQUE into consideration. One thing that I don't fully understand is leaving someone because they can't have kids. My wife and I have been doing IVF for years, and not once has divorce EVER entered my mind. My wife is my family, with or without children, and life without her would be...less.

Carrie Cain
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You weren't being oversensitive sweetie...saying something like that is NOT something to make a joke about and especially knowing just how much pain it caused. You had every right to do what you did and I completely agree with and support you in your decision. A friend that would say that is not a friend. She was just using you. Carroll is the REAL friend for telling you and staying by your side through all of the drama they have been causing you. Never second guess what you did. Much love and hugs sweetie. And don't forget, even if you can't have a child... there's still plenty of children that are waiting to be adopted by somebody who will love them and I have the feeling you would.

Donna Cheung
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First off, if Alessia didn't have the money, she shouldn't do IVF. Simple as that. Secondly, the cheque was a GIFT from the OP, who treated Alessia as a friend. Clearly the feeling is not mutual. Why should the OP be forced to give a gift (an a very expensive one at that) to somebody who's not even her friend?

Diphylleia Grayi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We mock for others pain until someone comes and mocks our pain, Alessia learnt the hard way.

Kat Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why throw so much money at someone who is a b***h? And on a side-note: For those of you who are childless (not child-free) and have the time: get a puppy. They do need a TON of time, in the first year, and pets can be eexpesnive, but the love of my pup and the joy of raising here, really put my raging hormones at peace. Now, I am 50 and am so relieved that I don't have children (especially after the Corona lockdowns)

F C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Carol is a stand up woman. I don't like being a "narc" but a person shelling 12k deserves to know.

Altea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As someone who is dealing with infertility I totally get being oversensitive about this. It hurts like hell. I would have 100% done the same.

Valerie Witter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe TA…I don’t think she was making fun of you. I think she feels sad for you and hopes the IVF works for her. It’s a very hard subject for you to talk or think about. Don’t lose a good friend over this.

tara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it was really nice to offer to pay....and I am super sensitive and have a fit over everything...but was she really Mocking? Or just saying...I don't want things to end up the way they did for my friend.

Jus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't understand divorcing over no children. You marry a person, not the reproductive system. It only shows how awful and unloyal crappy person you are. OP is not that old, she could very well marry again and even have baby success with someone else. That wasn't a joke and the woman wasn't her friend.

Gabriel Sbárbaro
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It baffles me that a couple could be SO biological egocentric as to end a relationship, to end a marriage, because they can't have children of their own... ADOPT for f*ck sakes!!! Why, OH WHY it HAS to be a child of your own? What your genes have SO special that you CAN'T have it any other way? Do they need those genes to extract a magic sword from a stone? Do your genes contain the cure for cancer? Cheesus f*ck!!! Get over yourselves, people!!! There's too many people in the world already!!!

Unaffected
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd use this money to start an adoption process. Some unfortunate kid out there deserves this woman's love and care.She is obviously giving and compassionate

SirWriteALot
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we talk about the stress "Alessia" is in? She's literally doing everything it takes to be a "baby machine" so her hubby won't leave her? I don't think she's in a good relationship, so maybe it's actually a blessing in disguise.

Mary Kelly
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The good news is that you found out before she cashed the check, then you'd be out a friend and 12,000. Hey you know what, if you really want a child, you can use that check to start the adoption process...or use it to travel...or finally do something for you!

F C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read one of those "dear abby" columns about a woman who heard her friend talking about her when she wasn't supposed to. The adviser of the column told her while it was painful we're "fortunate" not to hear what our friends say about us jn the privacy of our own homes because according to her "everybody does it." Umm, no ma'am we do not. Maybe "I can't believe she wore those uncomfortable shoes all day" or "she gained a lot of weight since I last saw her, I'm shocked" but not "god I'm glad I'm not her!" Or any nonsense like that. The advice column went on to say that yes it was hurtful but you knew you were intruding (by accident) on a private conversion and basically she was saying don't throw away thr friendship this is what all friendships are like. Now the bad-mouthing was something very serious like this, like "if I was her husband I'd leave her too", it wasn't a small comment like I hate your new curtains or anything like that.

Linda Handy
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It was a statement of fact about the hurt you went through and a great possibility for her. Your feelings are yours but I don’t think she was mocking you, just scared for the both of you.

Stylishsidewaysbird
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can’t imagine any scenario in which I was ask a friend for that much money, let alone IVF. Maybe I could see the friend loaning-not giving-money for a medical emergency or coming up short rent/bills after an emergency.

Mario Strada
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one that see both friends as unworthy of friendship? Sure, the IVF lady talked about her behind her back. Not nice, but the woman in the middle, at least from this report, doesn't sound like had any intention to put her in her place. Instead she informed the OP. Who needs friends like that? Also, $12K? Wow.

CrunChewy McSandybutt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

IDK. I think that canceling the check without having a frank discussion with Alyssa was kind of an AH move. Obviously, this fertility thing is super important to her, and what she said could have been interpreted in a number of ways. OP decided to take it as mocking, but it may have been just Alyssa saying she was afraid that her circumstances would end up the same way. As an aside, who are these husbands that just drop their wives for fertility issues? JFK, adopt!

Cindy M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My first thought was that Alessia may have been an AH in the moment, but this isn't their first round of IVF (per OP), and she clearly seems to be fearful of another unsuccessful attempt playing out with her in OP's position. It wasn't a sensitive way to voice it, but I could forgive a friend of 15 years for it. I fully support cutting toxic people out of one's life, but if this was the only incident? My friends are gracious enough to know when I'm having a moment, and I try to show them that same grace. I don't see any AHs here. Only scared people who need to have a conversation.

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Demon Child
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to love coming on to BP and seeing all the positive uplifting posts :) the people who made these posts put more work into it than buzzfeed writers do. but now this website is shifting to constant AITA posts and stealing more and more from buzzfeed. I visit both sites all the time, and i will see one thing on buzzfeed then see it on BP in a few days

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be very cautious about Carol. She seems like the kind of person who enjoys throwing a bomb into other peoples friendships. The husband is right that she is a toxic snake. Also, you say “the money came with no strings attached” but that was a lie, wasn’t it? If there were truly no strings attached, you wouldn’t have cancelled the check when Alessia offended you.

Purple Sprinkles
Community Member
2 years ago

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Everyone says things they don't mean or have a c**p day. There were clearly strings attached to the money, 15 years of friendship was worth a conversation and an allowance of some sort of apology. One mistake has caused a ripple of saddness on 2 familys.

King Joffrey
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

This lady is not the AH but 'toxic snake' Carol is...

Monday
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is Carol the AH? She's the one that let OP know her so-called friend was talking s**t about her life. I'd want my friends to do that if I found myself in a similar situation.

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