What do bears call campers in their sleeping bags?

Burritos.

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BeardedVulture

BeardedVulture

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2 years ago

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Isn’t this a Gary Larson cartoon?

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Camping is where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.

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BeardedVulture

BeardedVulture

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2 years ago

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Unless you’re Canadian, then it’s an investment.

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How do you keep your sleeping bag from getting stretched out?

Don’t sleep too long in it!

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Pink Taco Eater

Pink Taco Eater

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2 years ago

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Definitely a dad joke lol

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You can’t run through a campsite. You can only ran...

Because it’s past tents.

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"I went to buy a camouflage tent the other day. I couldn’t find any."

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Wizard

Wizard

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1 year ago

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lol

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The best part about living in an RV?

It’s harder for relatives to drop in for a visit.

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Why is it never relaxing when two couples go camping?

It's two tents.

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Why is tuna a perfect food for both dolphins and campers?

Because it’s good for all in-tents and porpoises.

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What do you call a camper without a nose or a body?

Nobodynose.

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The seaside camping trip was so boring that one day the tide went out and never came back.

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Did you hear about the pair of honey-making insects that fell in love on a camping trip? It was tent two bee.

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"My friend likes to setup a poker table in his tent when we go camping. The game gets in tents."

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How would you describe a happy camper?

Content.

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What is a mosquito’s favorite sport?

Skin diving.

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Where do cows go camping?

Upstate Moo York.

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At camp what does the sun drink out of?

Sunglasses.

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Teacher: "Where did your sister go for summer camp?"
Student: "Alaska."
Teacher: "Never mind, I’ll ask her myself."

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If you’ve got four tents, eight sleeping bags, and six camping chairs in your wheelbarrow, what have you got?

A big wheelbarrow.

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What do you say to a tent with a split personality?

"You’re two tents?"

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Why did the bread want to go camping?

So it could loaf around.

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What’s brown, hairy and can be found in a tent?

A coconut camping.

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"My parents sent me to mime camp one summer. I still can’t talk about it."

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"My girlfriend asked me what my favorite extreme hobby was, I replied "Camping. Because it’s in tents.""

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When’s the only time and place most teens go camping?

In front of Best Buy the day before the release of the new Call of Duty!

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Where does a camper keep his money?

In the River Bank!

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At camping site, what did the lake say to the sailboat?

Nothing, it just waved.

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If you ever get cold while camping, just stand in the corner of a tent for a while.

They’re normally around 90 degrees.

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Why didn’t the bike want to go camping?

It was two tired.

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"My wife and I went camping to save our marriage. It was an in tents situation."

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How many RVers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one… The others are dealing with their grey water issues.

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"I Googled my symptoms… Turns out I’m having camping withdrawals."

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At camp when do you go at red and stop at green?

When you’re eating a watermelon.

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Where do canoes at summer camp go when they are sick?

To the dock.

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What type of chair is good at yoga?

A folding chair.

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Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

RV.

RV who?

RV there yet?

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Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Carrie.

Carrie who?

Carrie these camping chairs, please.

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What did the father say to his daughter when her marshmallows kept falling into the campfire?

"Stick with it."

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While sitting around a campfire, a boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”

“That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.

After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

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What warm drink helps mom relax when they’re camping?

Calm-omile tea.

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Did you hear about the camper who broke his left arm?

He’s all right now.

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When camping during autumn, what’s the warmest part of the tent?

The corner — it’s usually about 90 degrees.

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Which type of witches like to camp on the beach?

Sandwitches.

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When does a detective working a case on a campsite stay in a tent?

When he’s under cover.

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What did one camper say to his friend after telling a chilling story?

"I can come up with s'more stories if you'd like."

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Did you hear about Elwood that got fired from his job of keeping people warm at campsites?

They told him, "You're fired wood."

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Annie!

Annie who?

Annie more marshmallows to eat on the campfire?

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What do you call a group a grizzlies cracking up together?

A BEARel of laughs!

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What’s another name for a sleeping bag?

A nap sack.

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If you’re in the woods, how can you tell if a tree is a dogwood?

By its bark.

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Smokers are great people to go camping with.

You can easily outrun them if a bear attacks.

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"I asked my llama if his cousin wanted to go camping. Thrilled, he ran off screaming, “Alpaca tent!"

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"Did you hear the one about the happy camper?"

"Nope, but I heard about the Jolly Rancher!"

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"No more bad camping puns! I can’t bear it!"

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Victoria Anderson

Victoria Anderson

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2 years ago

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Somebody lacks merit.

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Where do sharks like to camp?

Finland.

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Man takes along a bat to go camping. His friend asks if it’s for the bears.

Man: “No. This will not stop a bear.”
Friend: “What will you do if a bear crosses our path?”
Man: “I’ll run.”
Friend: “Run? You can’t outrun a bear.”
Man: “I don’t have to. I just have to outrun you.”
Friend: “But you can’t outrun me.”
Man: “That’s what the bat is for.”

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Family at an RV lot to the salesman: “We’d like to get away from it all in something that can take it all with us.”

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Where do eggs go for summer camp?

New Yolk City!

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Can a frog jump higher than the average tent?

Of course, tents can’t jump.

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What do bears call campers in sleeping bags?

Soft tacos.

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How do computer programmers make extra money in the summer?

They take on part-time jobs helping campers get rid of bugs.

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When did the girl jump out of the tent?

When her brother said he like his sleeping bug.

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"Got camping insurance but apparently if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night I’m no longer covered."

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Why do people hate camping with octopuses?

Tent-tickles.

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"My son and I went camping yesterday and he asked me how to start a campfire. I explained, “You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same. Then you’ll have a match.”"

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A man got lost on a camping trip.
Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.

“Charlie Smith,” someone shouted, “is that you?”

“Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Who are you?”

“We’re from the Red Cross.”

“I gave at the office!” Charlie shouted back.

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Arthur!

Arthur who?

Arthur any spiders at the campsite?

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Colleen!

Colleen who?

Colleen up the mess at the campsite before you leave.

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Matt!

Matt who?

Matt-resses at this camp are hard as rocks.

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Why didn’t the elephant carry a suitcase on his RV trip?

Because he already had a trunk!

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Why don’t mummies go on camping?

They’re afraid to relax and unwind!

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What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?

“Sandwiches!”

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Why did the robot go on camping?

He needed to recharge his batteries.

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Why does Humpty Dumpty like camping in autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall…

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Where did the sheep go to camping?

The Baa-hamas!

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"I lost my job keeping people warm at the campsite. “You’re fired wood,” they said."

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"I slept like a log last night. I woke up on the campfire…"

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"I’ve always wanted to try camping, but I’ve heard it’s really in tents"

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"I wasn’t sure about camping, but a guy roped me into it."

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A young boy goes camping in the woods for the first time with his dad.

After they set up camp, he asks his dad where he can go to the toilet.

“That’s the beauty of camping in the woods,” the father replies, “You can go to the toilet wherever you want.”

After five minutes or so, the young lad wanders back to the campfire.

“So, where did you go to the toilet then, son?” The father asks.

“In your tent,” the boy replies.

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What do you call a camper that drives through frozen rain?

Van Hailin’.

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What kind of shoes do frogs wear when camping in the summer?

Open-toad shoes.

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Why are RV campers so obedient?

They go where they’re towed.

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What day of the week is best for camping at the beach?

Sun-day.

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What vegetables like to camp?

Brussel scouts.

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Where does Dale Earnhardt Jr. like to camp?

In Mada-NASCAR.

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When the couple fell in love, they carved their initials into a tree. After they got married, they added a year. And for each kid, they carved their initials.

Then one day, while the couple went camping, the tree fell over and flattened their tent, which goes to show, karma’s a birch.

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Did you hear about the guy who roped his camper to the bumper of his car?

His vacation went off without a hitch.

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How do campers communicate with fish?

They drop a line!

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What did the campers say when the guides asked them how they enjoyed the campfire?

They all gave it glowing reviews.

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What did the beaver say to the tree at the campground?

"Been nice gnawing yo."

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If you have 3 sleeping bags in one hand and 3 sleeping bags in the other, what do you have?

Pretty big hands.

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Why didn’t the swimmer go away for the weekend with his friends to the campground?

He thought they said they were going cramping.

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"Was out camping when a monk tried to sell me flowers but I said no. I like to do my bit to prevent florist friars."

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"I took a poll the other day. Turns out 100% of campers get angry when their tents fall down."

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Police just arrested a lurker with a knife hiding in people’s sleeping gear at a popular camping site.

He was charged with criminal in-tent.

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"I went to the camping supply store and was going to buy a tent but the pegs were on the top shelf. The stakes were too high."

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When police discovered a huge cache of stolen camping equipment they called in the public to view a table of con-tents.

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An escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods.

It was a clear case of criminal in tent.

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"When my Mom found out I had asthma she sent me to a camp for asthmatic children. It was so much fun singing songs around the humidifire."

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What happened when the camper paddling on a river in winter lit a fire because he felt cold?

He discovered that he can't have his kayak and heat it too.

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Ken!

Ken who?

Ken you also hear something growling?

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Kent!

Kent who?

Kent you please paddle any faster?

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Why did the camp warden quit his job?

Because it was always in tents.

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Why are people who go camping on April 1 always tired?

Because they just finished a 31-day March!

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What camping destination makes a pet bird sing for joy?

The Canary Islands!

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Why are hiking shops so diverse?

Because they employ people from all walks of life.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in the woods?

It’s okay. He woke up.

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Did you hear about the lawyer that got lost on a camping trip with one of his clients?

He was found with criminal in-tent.

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The number seven went camping one day.

He packed his things, and he was sept for life.

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It only costs a few bucks to get into our local aquarium if you’re camping nearby or dressed as a dolphin.

Yup, for all in tents and porpoises, it’s free!

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"I went camping last week. It was in tents."

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"A local farmer had opened up his land to campers. When I arrived, he helped me into the field with a wooden step over the fence. I told him that liked his stile."

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What kind of bagels do all the campers eat?

A Winnebago.

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Did you hear the one about the skunk who went camping?

Probably for the best… It really stinks.

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If RV campers don’t have any lawn decorations, what do they have?

Mobile gnomes.

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What does Barry Allen always remember to bring when he camps?

A flashlight.

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What is green and loves going camping?

A boy sprout.

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Teacher: "Please use the words “letter carrier” in a sentence."
Student: "Yes, ma’am. “My dad said that after seeing how many things my sister was bringing on to summer camp, he would rather letter carrier own luggage.”"

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Why did the summer camp counselors wear sunglasses?

Because their campers were so bright.

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Teacher: “If I gave you 2 tents and another 2 tents and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already own a tent!”

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What did the little boy say when he found a spider in his tent?

"Aaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

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What outdoor sport do spiders like when camping?

Fly fishing.

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What scares Irish kids when their camping?

Paddy long legs.

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What do fir trees always remember to bring when camping near a lake?

Their swimming trunks.

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What did the campers call the bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

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"Bought stuff cheap from the Richard III Camping Shop last December. The sign said “Now Is The Winter Of Our Discount Tents.”"

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"Camping in a field and we found an old Landrover. That was a nice Discovery."

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"My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping. With a really angry bear somewhere close by…"

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Two kids are camping in their backyard, it’s gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.

“What time do you think it is?” One of them asks the other.

“Just make a ton of noise,” says the other.

The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways.

After a few seconds of screaming a light turns on in another yard and a neighbour yells, “YOU CRAZY KIDS, IT’S 2 IN THE MORNING!”

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Carrie!

Carrie who?

Carrie on with your camping.

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Comin!

Comin who?

Comin side the tent, 'cause it's freezing outside.

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Knock! Knock!

Who is there?

Armageddon!

Armageddon who?

Armageddon a little bored. So let's go camping.

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What do you call it when Al Capone goes camping?

Criminal intent.

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Why is flaked tuna a good product for both dolphins and campers?

Because it's very useful for all in-tents and porpoises.

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