Even if the kid can file a claim (I dont know the laws in whatever country they live), that's a pretty crappy decision you're forcing your daughter to make. You are passing your responsibility onto her, and the emotional toll that could come with it. Sure, *maybe* it will be cathartic for her and be a net positive... but there is also a significant chance it will leave her with guilt/anxiety/stress/etc, in addition to possible retribution from her father against *her*. Those risks are YOUR burden, not your daughter's.

He caused the scene when he made her cry. His parents and yours are wrong for blaming you Shame on them and him!

I’m always suspicious when a shallow issue (public scene) gets more attention than a serious issue (child support, not showing up).

NTA - He is a deadbeat and almost toxic if he is verbally insulting and upsetting your daughter. DO NOT WORRY WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OR SAYS. You are the bomb for looking out for your daughter. His parents should be ashamed of him and not mad at you. He is trying to deflect by focusing on your truthful outburst. He is not a good father or even a decent adult. You can have his pay or tax refunds garnished. You can have the state collect it and forward it to you - deadbeats don't get away with just not paying. If you already had a legal agreement you won't have to do quite as much work to get the money. It DOES NOT MATTER if you don't need the money. You could be saving it for your daughter's future: college, a home, a car, etc. I don't think I would leave it up to the daughter. It could be invested, prepay tuition, etc. There are children who feel "bad" having to collect child support. Don't give anyone, especially him and his parents the idea that his contribution does not matter. It does. What you make isn't the issue at this point. From now on, this is your private business - you need opinions like you need another ... well you know! GO MOM! Also, should he really be an AH and you end up in court a 14yr old is usually given a private conversation with the judge which I had. It was helpful not to talk in front of a courtroom full of adults.

My son's child support was set up to come through the state. He paid or I could put him in jail. I would of too. He knew it.

Defending you child and calling out someone's bs isn't something you should feel guilty about. Let them believe what they want. Let him buy her expensive stuff. And tell her to get the receipt. Then return it an let her get stuff for her sport or stuff she wants. I'm sure the money for those gifts come from his parents anyway. An take him to court for the back child support. That can be used for her sports fund and college too. If they wanna treat the son better than your girl then shut that door.

Your daughter cannot claim child support retroactively as she has no legal right to it. Legally, child support was to be paid to you as the custodial parent so you could pay for your daughter's needs. You have to claim it yourself, then you can hand it over to her if you like.

It sounds like that man was spoiled all his life and refuses to grow up. He seems jealous of his daughter's accomplishments. Why else would he feel the need to put her down?

As a stay at home Dad to my awesome daughter I cannot even wrap my mind around a father not wanting to be with their daughter.

You're definitely NTA, and his parents needed to know what a liar their son is even if they don't believe it. You NEED to take him to court for child support! Although you have a good paying job, that money belongs to your daughter. Put it aside for her, as by now it's a very tidy sum and he'll be paying it with interest for YEARS. I speak from experience here. I made the mistake of failing to take my ex back to court once we finally found him when he could afford more. I had a good paying job then and didn't need it. Then I became disabled. I've kicked myself ever since. My sister felt as you do. Her ex was the very definition of deadbeat. She never went after child support as he was an irresponsible a**. She regretted it later, and her daughter is the one who paid for her mistake. Your ex needs to be responsible, if only because a court forces him.

Seems like the facts were a flip from what he portrayed to his parents and they are in shock of the revelation, no it may not have been the best place for everything to come to a head, but where/when would be? His actions caused the actual blowout, you hadn't disclosed his deadbeat proclivity in the past and he's used that. Have a sit down with his parents if possible, it's not your daughters fault and he may even have juxtaposed your and his parts in the story for years, they may have spent their time feeling successful for not treating you as the deadbeat. Also don't make the overdue child support your daughters problem, if you're going to go after it, do it while she is still the minor and you can play bad guy, put it in an account to be used by her for education or for a strong adult life start. Things may never be fully righted as far as the grandparents, it depends if they can get their heads far enough around the sudden exposure of the truth over lies told.

a) to score even one goal in a field hockey is actually amazing. you don't see too many goals in a competitive match. b) the father is a total a-hole. his parents may not approved of what he did but feel embarrassed that the mother decided to tell-all in the restaurant.

Holy c**p the deja vu I felt reading this was insane. I feel her pain big time. Brian sucks not her.

A lot of the upset of the grandparents is most likely social conditioning. Not saying they're right, just that that's how they were probably taught so between his parents surprise over learning the truth and the social conditioning to keep such matters as quiet as possible, they may be reeling.

The ex is like trumps a lil dk a hole.

women need to understand that, once they're divorced, the man goes away. keeping a close relationship with the paternal grandparents is a hope to get close to the ex. that's why people need to stop having children on their first marriage, or better yet, altogether