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There are so many of us here working on creative writing pieces, from poems to novels. Let’s use this space to share what we want from our writing, to rub ideas off each other and receive constructive criticism. Let’s do it!
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#1
This is chapter one, not edited yet, and a bit long (i can’t fit it all) but here goes:
A wolf crouched low to the ground, dark fur glinting silver in the early moonlight, following her leader and the rest of the hunting group. She halted for a moment as they twitched their tail, then the group fanned out around the pond.
She took her position, watching the others stalk closer. Their fur seemed to merge with the ripples, and they moved gently towards a large moose, in the middle of the pond.
A howl, crisp and clear, cut through the darkness on all sides, forcing the moose away. She wished to join in, but she could not, and that was her cue.
The moose loomed out of the water, bellowing menacingly. It ran straight for her, and she lowered herself, getting ready to pounce. She sprang, and soared into the air gracefully…
Then landed on her snout in the dirt. The moose ran past, pursued by her older brother, and the rest of the hunting pack. She whimpered in embarrassment, lowering her head.
Birch, who had been sent a little farther away, leaped up and caught onto its back, slowing it so the rest of the wolves could bring it down. Omega sighed, and got up out of the dirt.
Birch walked over to her, gently nudging Omega’s shoulder. “It’s okay. You’ll get it next time.”
No I won’t. Omega thought bitterly. “You know that’s not true.” She growled. “I’m no good at this kind of hunting.” She turned, and hopped up a nearby slope.
The she-wolf groaned, walking away to help the others drag the moose back to camp. Omega watched as they struggled for a bit, then stalked into the woods, fuming angrily.
Slowly, she lay down on the ground, and tried to make herself look limp. She closed her eyes, and waited.
After a little while, she heard a rabbit hopping up. She thought for a bit. I could catch this and bring it back, or I could wait. This is probably the best choice. I could wait all night for something bigger, and still get nothing, but this is easy, and one of the larger things in the forest.
The rabbit had hopped right up to her nose. She waited, then slapped her paws down on it, killing it with a single bite.
She got up on her paws, and started carrying it back to camp. A mouse scurried along in front of her, and she scooped it up as well.
When Omega finally padded through the thorny barrier, she saw that the moose was taking its place in the center of the clearing. She dropped her rabbit on the pile of prey, and took her place on the edge of the clearing.
Alpha padded out of their den and leaped on top of the highest stone in the clearing. Her brother Mouse followed, smiling smugly.
“My pack,” Alpha began, “I look upon you fondly, as we have suffered many moons hardship together, and I am proud to introduce our newest members.” A few pups came racing up to the rock, their pale-furred mother chasing them grumpily.
“Frost, what are your pups names?”
The wolf seemed to straighten, and she pulled her pups close with her tail. “This is Moth,” she motioned to a brown female, “Stone” a dark gray male, “and Snowflake.” A tiny white pup peeked out from behind her mother.
“We gladly welcome these new pack mates.” Alpha said, dipping his head. “But I’m afraid that there is bad news as well, my friends.”
Murmurs swept through the crowd, and as his eyes settled on her, a cold feeling settled in her stomach.
“I am afraid that with these new mouths to feed, we do not have enough efficiency on hunts, and just earlier today, a hunt was jeopardized because of one packmate.” All eyes settled on Omega.
“Due to ancient wolf custom, I must banish Omega. Her injury has hampered us all, and with winter approaching, I fear that we have tolerated this long enough.”
She stood, wobbling, as her legs trembled.
“Alpha.” She barked loudly. “I know that I must go, that I have been a burden for years, but I have one favor to ask.”
She could hear wolves whispering among themselves, asking each other how Omega could be so bold and idiotic.
Final score:
4points
Tiramisu 1 year ago
WOW, I can really see that hunting scene in my head! Also I love when details like the character names are significant to the plot, as I’m assuming is the case with Omega. I named my main character Delyr, from the Arabic boy name for brave, and want that to play into my story. Also for some reason everything after the hunting scene gives off the Jungle Book vibes
RELATED:
#2
I was inspired by the horror game: Fears to Fathom. Know that this story is quite long, so be prepared by that.
In the year 2005, an unforgettable event unfolded, wrapped in the chill of September. With my parents away in Chicago for a business meet, the house became my lonely domain. Days stretched ahead, promising solitude, but that tranquility was destined to shatter.
For five days, from Monday to Wednesday, life glided along its ordinary course. Chores, video games, and easy dinners painted my routine. Friends were absent, and so was school, thanks to personal struggles. These days of isolation were the perfect respite, embraced by my affinity for solitude. But as the week progressed, Wednesday night draped itself in unease.
Under the dying light, my neighbor's customary visit was my only connection to the outside world. Microwaved dinners fed me as I stared at the TV, unaware that shadows loomed closer. The night crept in, dragging with it a disquieting clatter that stirred me from sleep. Heart pounding, I ventured out, stomach churning with dread.
The pitch-black outside offered no answers, urging me back inside. The sky's vastness offered no solace as I turned my gaze upward. I returned, unease simmering within, as I embraced sleep once more. But sleep was but a fleeting luxury that night.
Restlessness nudged me awake around 2 AM, leading me to the kitchen, guided by the lure of snacks. The chips barely registered as my eyes fixated on a strange figure etched in the kitchen window. Bag in hand, I turned, catching a glimpse of the vanishing silhouette. Sleepiness muddied reality, and I shrugged off the oddity.
Back in my room, Netflix and chips mingled as I sought comfort. The creak of a door pierced the air, halting my show. Heart racing, chips abandoned, I strained my ears against my bedroom door, hoping for familiar voices. Panic bubbled as my parents were not due home, and my neighbor's nightly checks seemed inadequate.
No phone, no means of contact, I felt trapped. Fear urged me beyond my room into the open house. The open front door stared back, confirming my worst fears. With wide eyes, I fought terror's grip, realizing escape was my sole salvation. The living room held me hostage, every rustle a threat, until I found refuge in a closet.
Breaths raced as panic set in, my mind racing to decipher the danger. Amidst confusion, I yearned to flee, to take flight, but fear paralyzed me. Footsteps, cold and menacing, beckoned me to hide. The intruder's presence was palpable, their proximity terrifying.
Eyes squeezed shut, I held my breath, praying they would pass. Eerie silence followed, releasing me from its grip. I ventured out, tiptoeing cautiously, hope pulsating as freedom neared. Almost reaching the door, a sudden pull halted my escape. The intruder had me, and fear's icy fingers tightened their grip.
Desperation fueled me, and I fought, futilely trying to break free. My struggle offered mere seconds, just enough to seize a picture frame and hurl the sharp corner at the figure. A fleeting glimpse of their ebony mask, adorned with white swirls, met my gaze before I made my move.
As the picture frame found its mark, I lunged for the door, fleeing into the streets. Adrenaline surged through me, pursued by the uninvited guest that had invaded my home. The intruder followed me out as soon as they regained their focus. Instinct led me to my neighbor's house, desperation driving me to their door. The intruder then took a turn in the opposite direction, as soon as I reached my neighbors' doorstep. The sound of pounding, a plea for salvation hammered her door.
My neighbor appeared, annoyance shifting to concern as my terrified form greeted her. I stammered, words eluding me as she ushered me in, kindness replacing annoyance. In her care, I found sanctuary, my trembling body finding comfort on her couch.
I told Mandy what nightmare had occured . Soon after she contacted the authorities.
Final score:
3points
MadameMalfoy 1 year ago
Oooooh! Very intriguing and i’m dying to know more! It is really well written and better than some published novels I have read 😅
#3
Okay so these are the actual first paragraphs of my story, unchanged from my first draft. Pretty proud of it ngl, also lmk if you want to read more:
I awoke to bright light focusing on my eyes. Shift as I may, the beams remained, as if knocking on my eyelids to open up. I sat on the side of the bed, hunched over in a strange state of confusion, frustration, and fatigue. Rubbing my eyes, I let out a sigh of defeat as I got up. I walked over to the panel and fiddled with the controls to open the blinds. The sunlight flooded in, as if restoring life to my long-dead bedroom. I carefully adjusted the blinds to let the light in but filter the direct beams out.
I turned to my closet, which was right next to the window. Behind the door, there it was on its hanger, my ceremonial suit, untouched from the last time I’d worn it. That was for when Ma was inaugurated as Prime Minister, a little over a year ago. I’d need to get that fitted today, ahead of a dignitary visit tomorrow.
I took out the clothes I’d actually wear that day and set them on my chair. It was as I was entering the small bathroom in the corner of my room that Hal, my robotic assistant, entered the room. He had all the humanoid features except for legs, in which place he had thrusters to hover around.
Final score:
2points
MadameMalfoy 1 year ago
Wow! Beautifully written. The detail is amazing and I could easily picture what the main character’s room looked like. I definitely want to know more.
What do you think ?
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