So, there’s a Facebook group called Cakes With Threatening Auras. Quite appropriately, it is dedicated to scouring the vast internetscape and pointing out all of the visually documented flour-based confections that, as soon as you see them, fill you with the understanding that you and your offspring have been cursed to not be able to unsee them as they peer into your soul… [snaps out of it] what just happened?

The group was formed 4 years ago and has since amassed over 250,000 members, only just recently crossing the quarter of a million mark.

Not sure if it’s an appreciation, critique or whatever else group, but you can’t help but admit one thing: you can’t stop giving these cakes attention because of how perfectly bizarre they are.

Now, when baking a cake, there are—no exaggeration—at least several dozen things that can go wrong. Artistic talent is definitely part of it, so put down the pastry bag if stick figures are your go-to art style.

It’s important to understand that baking is the art of chemistry and physics. Knowing how heat, pressure, mixing and all that jazz affect the ingredients is a huge part in making a cake that you want and not a summoning circle for cacklers.

So, where to start? Chatelaine has published 7 rules for baking a cake that will make you proud:

Grease the pan and line it with baking paper; allow the oven to fully preheat; bake in the center of the oven; bake in an appropriately sized pan; don’t double recipes; use fresh ingredients; and no substitutions.

The seven rules above should solve most of the problems, but there are more solutions if your cake doesn’t turn out the way you wanted it to.

Now, if your cake is too dense, make sure you’re measuring wet and dry ingredients with appropriate measures. Baking soda and powder ought to be fresh and used appropriately over temperatures because you can’t quicken or slow the process.

If your cake turns out dry, try not to overly compress the flour and cocoa in the measuring cup as that makes more of it and creates a disproportion.

Also, overbaking is another issue, so look out for these three indicators that your cake is done: the cake should be slightly pulling away from the sides of the pan; putting a cake tester into the deepest part of the cake should come out clean; and the cake should spring back when pressed gently.

If the cake turns out tough, try following recipes to the T. Sometimes, the order of things matters greatly because of the immediate chemistry when mixing. Another option would be to use the right kind of flour.

Heck, even mixing methods matter. If a recipe says hand mixing, then using a mixer might just lead to problems like holes and tunnels in your cake.

Baking is a certain kind of exercise in patience. It’s a well-planned-out process where every step is important and it’s all done on the cake’s terms, not yours.

Waiting for that sourdough to rise, whisking that egg white just enough—it all matters in the grand scheme of things and cutting corners is the worst thing you can do.

Patience also applies to mastering baking skills. And a huge part of it is practicing until it’s perfect. Yes, that means that failure will happen, but it’s important to embrace it, make it into a learning experience and draw conclusions.

Hopefully, these conclusions aren’t based on cursed cake design that might just end up on Cakes With Threatening Auras.

So, hopefully, this helps you avoid creating a cake that’s out to get you. And if you need more confectionery nightmare fuel, the Facebook group is out there.

So, what are your takes on any of this? Have some horrible cake stories of your own? Why not share them in great detail in the comment section below!