Lockbox stays. Daughter should offer the snacks to her cousins, though - for a hefty markup. If they are going to treat her as the local market, she can be the local market. (This might actually be a good sideline for her. Sell foreign snacks to friends or classmates; set up a table outside the college stadium on game day.)

The lock box isn't the problem. The absolute disrespect from the mother and her side of the family is...

So, the daughter works, and pays for the snacks herself, and I assume would be okay with sharing if she was asked first. Dad being the best that he is gives the daughter something to protect her investment (both current and in the future, because who knows what she can do with all that learning, on her own) but the mom is all butt hurt because now she has to buy her side of the family more snacks because they can't leave their grubby paws of a 17-year-old's? Go Dad, NTA.

The real question is WHY is he still married to such an obnoxious cow of a woman? She obviously has no respect for her daughter or husband. He sounds like he's a bit of a doormat. ETA: Just read the update and he DID divorce her and took his daughter when he left. :)

Keep doing what you are doing. You are not the AH, the rest of them are.

NTA neither is your daughter but everyone else is a bunch of AHs. Your daughter spent her own money on the snacks. She told everyone not to eat them. They did it anyway, which is rude, entitled and tramples all over your daughter's boundaries. Your wife is in the wrong here BIG TIME! She lets her family into your daughter's room. Invasion of privacy. Let's everyone take her snacks that daughter bought with HER OWN money. She doesn't have to share her property with anyone if she doesn't want to either. If your wife wants snacks for her family,let her pay for them instead of taking from a kid. Your daughter has a right to enjoy HER snacks. You make sure that wife understands boundaries and that daughter spent HER own money for her to enjoy the snacks. She doesn't have to feed the visitors. It's not her obligation or responsibility. She didn't invite the guests. Your wife invited them. Her guests are hers to feed. Keep the lock box. You and your daughter stand your ground on this. It's not just about the snacks. It's about respect for boundaries and property.

Ugh, to me the mom sounds like one of those insufferable boy-moms sacrificing her daughter to please the nephews, the boys she really wanted.

I think you should have a serious chat with that insane wife of yours, and slap the cousins around a bit, next time they invade her space and steal her property.

I read so many of these types of posts on here and on Reddit, and one theme that runs consistently through them is that some people have no sense of personal boundaries. The daughter has the right to set reasonable boundaries and others are obligated to respect those boundaries. It is also a parent's job to enforce those boundaries with respect to other adult family members. The obtrusive family members may be welcome to have snacks in the home, but there is nothing that says they get to have HER SPECIFIC snacks. Keep the box and the locks. Change the lock on her bedroom door, and if your wife objects, tell her that this is a hill you're willing to die on - protecting your daughter's autonomy.

You are a good dad!

She asked them to not take her stuff. She moved it to her bedroom, they go in there and steal it. Daddy provides a great solution and everybody except the daughter is mad... There is something wrong with his wife.

I absolutely despise adults who order children to share their stuff. If the adult isn't willing to share their possessions - their partner, their house, their car, their income, their clothes, anything they own - they should shut up and not order children to share. Awful selfish and greedy people.

Bonkers! Lock box And get a great lock for the bedroom door. Daughter deserves privacy and respect 👍❤️

She should start buying mexican candy too, and bait with that. Privileged snots cannot stand Mexican candy.

If someone entered my room when I was 17 it would have been a screaming match. Besides the snacks it's about privacy. daughter needs a key.

Daughter definitely needs a deadbolt for her room. What else is her cousins and aunts and uncles taking from her or snooping.

Lucky girl! She's 17 and hopefully the dad will be able to help her get out on her own soon, if that's what she wants. It would be sad if she leaves to start her own home sooner than she'd like just to get away from the mom though. The mom not having a problem with people going into her daughter's room to steal stuff she bought with her own money is a HUGE red flag! The rest of the toxic story writes itself. Hope the kid's okay!

NTA!! The wife is beyond ungrateful to be honest. Her daughter would rather collect fun snacks from around the world instead of d***s or STD or I. I'd say that's one helluva win since kids her age are doing worse than locking food away in their room. The fat remark was uncalled for since I'm sure she doesn't eat it all at once. Clearly the mother & leeches (not guests) don't understand boundaries at all. Good on OP for standing up for his daughter, if they want the snacks can either order their own or pay out of pocket for whatever is locked away.

Why is she letting people roam all over the house. My grown kids don’t even do that. They need to learn to respect your space.

Why do kids always have to share everything?

I think I was fewer than one line in and already deciding he's not the AH. But my god his wife and her family are the most entitled, obnoxious AHs. You don't take stuff that doesn't belong to you without asking. It doesn't matter where it is. It's not yours. It's not yours to give away. And no, family doesn't mean you get to literally walk into someone's private space and take things. Yes, she needs to move in with her father and he needs to leave his wife in order for her to do so.

Yeah I'd have some harsh words for the mom and her side of the family here. Dad specifically said in one of his replies that he keeps snacks stocked in the pantry for everyone's use. If they're not happy with what's on offer FOR FREE I might add, then they can go buy their own snacks. Daughter is using her own hard earned money for these. It's not like she's got daddy buying them for her then refusing to share.

But the hottest and most unpleasant snacks you can get your hands on (Kick A*s Peanuts) and then let them go to town. The peanuts are made wirn Habanero. Once they try them one time they'll think twice about doing that again. Make sure to pour them out in a bowl within easy reach that way they don't know what they really are. Sit back and watch the crying and screaming begin when their mouths start burning like the depths of hell!

I definitely would deadbolt your daughter's room. Since her cousins are boys, they have NO business in there. Even if her cousins were girls, nobody should be in thete!! If I were you, I would stop buying snacks altogether. If your wife wants snacks that badly, tell her to buy them herself. Also, why is it ONLY your paycheck that buys the food for the house? It should be 50/50. I hope you are NOT the only one paying ALL the household bills!!?? Why does your in laws always have to go to your house? If you do get invited to their house, are there plenty of snacks offered to your family?? I doubt it. Your wife needs a reality check!!

My children were expected to be kind and share. However, there were a few things that meant a lot to them, or could not be replaced, etc. and they were allowed to keep such things to themselves. Of course that meant that anything special should probably not be brought out to play when friends came to visit. I had a few instances in which someone noticed the special item and threw a fit when they were told it was off limits. I always backed my children up. I have generous kids, sharing is never an issue. People should set boundaries and others need to respect them. In this situation, these snacks are not every day ordinary treats. Keeping them locked up is smart and should help to avoid temptation. These family members are rude and believe they are entitled. The wife is being an idiot. Or is she trying to raise a spineless doormat who can easily be exploited because she has no personal boundaries and a mother who won't protect her? I hope the father stands his ground.

Starts with candy next time in room alone jewlery and cash

NTA First of all it's a damn shame that your daughter had to lock her private possessions away from family members. Second of all, we'll done dad! She alone should decide who she wants to share with...I taught all 3 of mine this. Your daughter shouldn't feel guilty at all, if anything the family members should be embarrassed at their behavior, including your wife...respectfully. Definitely put a lock on her BR door for when she's not home. Seems to me everybody needs to be checked. Sometimes it's your own damn family that creates unnecessary drama and stress. Oh...and they are selfish to think they don't have to ask for permission. I keep snacks for my kids and they have to ask and so do their cousins. Again...well done dad!

Your wife didn't buy the foreign snacks - she has no right to give them away. Try offering your nieces/nephews/in-laws HER belongings. See how she likes it!

Your wife is an a*s and is inconsiderate. I sense that she treats you similarly. She is going to be surprised when your daughter turns 18 and wants nothing to do with her.

I would have just put a lock on her bedrooom door. Your wife is totally fine with her relatives snooping in her daughter's room? WTF? She can buy them snacks (with HER money) since it doesn't sound like they ever think to brings snacks with them. Also, I applaud your daughter's choice to try new and different foods from multiple countries. Do NOT back down on this. Your wife & her relatives are complete AHs.

I would help my daughter get her own place since your wife and her family can't respect boundaries. It sounds like your wife is a narcissist and honestly you can do better. I would move out with my daughter if it was me. And I'm a woman so that's saying a lot that I would tell a man that. That woman sounds selfish and conceited and she needs a reality check. NTA but your wife is the AHole

There is a very toxic family dynamic going on here with the mother sacrificing her daughter's well being in order to please her sister. Some serious family counseling is really necessary. Why does the mother prioritize outsiders over her own family? How is the cousins' behavior toward the daughter's food any different than if they were to take any of her other things without replacing them? Such as clothing, or books, or electronic equipment?

I suggest visiting the in-laws, and depleting their snack/expensive liquor/groceries and then ask why are they making ugly faces, since this what they're doing to your daughter.

NTA. Why is the daughter compelled to share everything she owns? The other kids should be told to stay out of her room -- period. What kind of family can't abide by simple rules of privacy? Keep the locked container and store it in her closet.

Also I think we missed a point. WHY are they allowed to behave this way. Boundaries Dad! If not don't come my home!

He needs to call the f'in thieves out as thieves. Pure and simple. Had a similar thing happen with my wife and her family. He handled it in a nicer way than I would have. I thought about a lock for my daughters door but the behavior and entitlement are the issue. My daughter should not have to lock up her belongings or hide for privacy in her home. F that! My issue was my wife's siblings and their ill behaved children would come over and abuse our home and snoop and steal from my daughter. No personal space or privacy. I put a very loud and vulgar stop to it and let them know exactly how I felt about anyone taking advantage of my hospitality much less my daughter. If there is even a single incident again they all will be asked to leave and never be welcomed back. Even at this point they are only welcome at specific times and dates until they can show sustained improvement.

no one should ever be required to share anything. not food. not clothes. not toys. not electronics. not passwords.

Your daughter isn't a child nor an adult yet but she is in a very critical time of her life. This is the around the age when they can resent you for treating them like children and not respecting their boundaries. This is when they are learning who they are , their likes, dislikes, deep trust, betrayal. This isn't anything minor. Her being treated like a greedy child instead of a young woman desiring her own space and belongings. Is a critical mistake .What your wife is doing unfortunately is disrespecting your daughter as she comes to her adult self. I realize you've undoubtedly tried talking to your wife. Remind her if she keeps pushing your daughter will push back and she may end up cutting ties with her. Many young adults do that for the very reasons, your wife is giving. It was lovely hearing of your effort to be supportive. Ultimately door locks will put things in clearer perspective. Your wife may never listen. But you did a great thing. Keep doing that.

If the mother wants to offer sweet snacks to the visitors she should supply her own - thank you for standing up for your daughter, her mother and her family seem to be subtle bully's , what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine too. Definitely NTA in any way shape or form

Well if the wife insists on the daughter sharing then the wife needs to share her things/money as well. Mom needs to not be a hypocrite

It’s gross disrespect and the fact your wife puts others above her own daughter is just so sad and damaging as far as their relationship goes. She’s destroying the trust that should be there. Your an awesome dad and your daughter at this point needs that as it seems she has only one parent

Theft is theft, regardless of the value of the products. Also why should other junior relatives be allowed to invade her personal space?! Surely the whole point of 'your own room' is that it's *your private space*, to keep your belongings.