Cant blame OP. It reminded me of my younger sister, who asked me to use my librarycard so she can get double the amount of books. Years later we have a bad relationhip, with her Being disrespectful on several occasions towards me and refusing to say a single word to me. I got a call from the library i had many books due, the library i didnt go to since years. So i explained who is using my card and after the books are returned, i want the card to be cancelled. She and my mum gave me s**t for it. She hates me but still uses from me what she wants? That's not how it works dear.

Everyone smells like explosive diarrhea here actually. When you think of love and family as a transactional thing to be bought with money, what did the letter writer expect? Providing a venue only if "you put me in your wedding party"? That's not just wrong but sort of sad and pathetic. But the brother and fiancee are a piece of work, too. It's bad enough to kick your close relative out of the wedding party at the last minute, but then to feel entitled to still use their home? The whole family just sounds awful and need to go to group therapy.

They planned to kick him out from the beginning. They were biding their time, hoping "last minute" wouldn't come with any consequences. The parents can F. O. for defending their selfishness and hypocrisy. (Cue the inevitable claims of "if you defend the OP, you're supporting dryg use!!!").

"Oh, you're downsizing the wedding to make it more intimate? Then my place is obviously too big for your wedding now, and its size would ruin the intimacy you're insisting on. So good luck elsewhere."

This is not about the wedding, it is an issue between brothers. Older brother should hold his ground.

What a bunch of weirdos honestly. Why would you want to be in your 11 years your junior brother's wedding who doesn't like or understand you? Unless you have factual evidence that OP doing d***s has impacted his behavior, why would he be excluded from being in the wedding. Both seem kind of young to be expected to have such a large caregiver role for the parents too.

I have never read a letter where I absolutely couldn't care less about any of the people... ESH

OP gave one condition for them to use the vacation home, RENT FREE; that he would be in the wedding party. They ought to realize that if they went back on THEIR part, HE would go back on HIS part. If the problem is c**k use, how come his house is good enough? He probably did some recreational use in there...

NTA but the rest of your family (& the bride-to-be & her family) most definitely are AH! You had a deal - where on EARTH did they get the idea that they could renege on their end of the arrangement but you would still honor your commitment? YOU are ruining their "special day"? No, they did that all on their own. It boggles the mind that they were surprised at the result of their action. Even if they had been telling the truth when they said they were downsizing in order for the wedding to be more intimate (you correctly called that as BS), how stupid are they that the 1st thing said wasn't, "Obviously we can't cut my brother - he's giving us the venue"? And your parents saying to just let it go ..... Over & over & over on BP/Reddit we read that same thing: parents telling the wronged child to let it go. And if you do, that will reinforce the abusers' sense of entitlement. Too late to find another venue? Tough - their problem. Found a venue but it's going to be expensive? Geez, they had a FREE venue & blew it. I suspect the bride's parents are paying for the wedding - not the bride & groom - so they & their judgmental "religion" have to be placated (sounds like the bride is in their camp too, or she's just ignorant abt recreational dr**g use). Jussssst wondering if the entire event is alcohol-free & if they've given any thought to the idea that their daughter has possibly/probably been sleeping with the groom. Going to Hell? Did they expect you, as a "c*kehead," to do something bizarre at the wedding? Doubt it. Rumors were heard (not relevant whether or not they were true), they judged & labelled you, & took it upon themselves to exact your punishment - sanctimonious b******s. (Apparently, in their "righteousness" they were also oblivious to the fact that there could be consequences.) Back to your parents: your brother's accusation that you don't do enough for them & his truly absurd position that your paying some of their bills doesn't count (with your intention that they can then save more in their 401ks for retirement, & PLEASE verify, somehow, that they ARE putting $ in the 401ks. If you're not completely confident that they are, it might be necessary to, instead of paying some of their bills or writing checks to them, you put the amount you've been contributing to them directly into their 401ks), you say you travel a lot in your job so you can't be there as iften to "help" them. Well, your success in your job is what enables you to help them financially, so Baby Bro needs to get over that. Given that he's so much younger & not yet as successful, financially, in his career, what, exactly, is HE doing to help them? Unclogging a toilet? Feeding the dog when they go on vacation? Going to their house on Sundays & "letting" them feed him dinner? & Yet, they disrespect you by telling you to "let it go"? Really, I'm incensed & hope (tho NOMB & not my decision) if they decide that having a free venue is worth letting a c**ehead be in their wedding - & I wouldn't even want to be after what they've already done - you would tell them to pound sand. (You seem to be a much nicer person than I would be in this situation & everybody else is incredibly clueless when it comes to the realities of life & how the world works.) Be strong.

The OP sounds like your classic douchbag finance bro; but, he was entirely in his right to revoke the use of his property when his brother renegged on their deal. It was a s**t manipulative deal but that's not the issue at hand. So in this case he's NTA, but he seems to be an A*hole in general. That's fine. Not everyone needs to be saint and I don't have to hang out with him. I' would suggest the OP get himself some councilling for is obvious interpersonal and control issues.

F**k them. They were using you for your freebie venue. Sounds like you see your ‘brother’ so rarely that not seeing him at all isn’t too much of a stretch. It also sounds like your brother’s future wife is going to make his life a nightmare.

They are both insufferable. The brother and his GF sitting high and mighty calling OP a ¢rackhead while their hand is out for a favor from him. The OP because what, he needs to be in the wedding party for validation? If bro and GF want to play games, give them the use of the house for $5 less than the venue they were priced out of, get a damage deposit, don't attend at all then enjoy himself. Those 2 are going to try to play OP's fiddle for the rest of his life because he's so busy chasing that validation. The GF is a judgmental beyotch and will control ALL of their lives if OP doesn't grow a pair and stop seeking their approval. The "happy couple" needs to own the fallout and stop running to the relatives crying over the results of their decision.

Both are AH. You don't bargain into someone's wedding and if they knew about his 'd**g' habit, then they shouldn't have agreed to use his party house.

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Lost a lot of sympathy when OP revealed their habit. I would have perhaps come straight out with it and told him he wasn't welcome anywhere in my life if he continued melting his brain, and not bothered to use his venue.