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64
“AITA For Refusing To Attend My Sister’s Wedding After What She Did?”
Interview With ExpertFamily is complicated. We wish it wasn’t, but sometimes it seems we are just one Thanksgiving dinner away from a full-blown argument over what happened ten years ago.
For Reddit user Only_respond_in_puns, the latest conflict was with his sister. The man assumed he would be part of her wedding party (since their other sibling was), but he learned that the bride wasn’t willing to trust him with such an important role because he didn’t fit the “aesthetic” she had envisioned for her big day.
RELATED:
This young man wanted to be there for his sister on her wedding day, but she tried to make him as invisible as possible
Image credits: Andrew Neel/Pexels (not the actual photo)
So he refused to go altogether
Image credits: Agung Pandit Wiguna/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: only_respond_in_puns
Having a grown-up relationship with your sibling isn’t always possible
Image credits: Enes Beydilli/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Diane Gottsman, an internationally renowned etiquette expert and founder of the Protocol School of Texas, has spent the last few decades training everyone from university students to business leaders on how to navigate tricky social and professional situations with confidence and ease. She told Bored Panda that both siblings are technically correct. “The couple does have the right to choose the wedding party. But the brother is also responding in a perfectly understandable manner.”
However, “to eliminate a family member from a photo or from being part of the wedding party because of a birthmark or any other type of issue beyond their control because you want ‘the aesthetics’ to look good is extremely shallow.”
According to Gottsman, the brother has a right to be upset. “There might not be anything he can do about it and it’s clearly a hurtful and a sad situation. He can rest assured his feelings are valid. There will be plenty of opportunities to be in pictures with people who are emotionally deeper and more compassionate than what he is seeing displayed by his sister.”
There isn’t a whole lot of research on sibling estrangement, but in one study, 28 percent of German brothers and sisters reported at least one “episode” (defined as either a lack of contact or emotional closeness). The reasons for sibling conflict vary, but common ones include parental favoritism (in both childhood and adulthood), disputes over caregiving, and abuse by either parents or siblings.
With the amount of information we have, it’s hard to draw any overarching conclusions in this situation, but for now, Gottsman said, “The man would do well to lean into friends and family for support and try to avoid further conflict with the bride.”
“It will take forgiveness on his part and understanding on the bride’s part. At this particular time, the bride does not seem to show compassion for her brother’s feelings. I wonder how she would feel if the roles were reversed. A birthmark is just a fraction of what defines this young man. His character, commitment to family, along with the relationship he shares with his sister should have been considered first and foremost.”
People who read the man’s story pretty much unanimously said that his decision not to attend is completely justifiable
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What do you think ?
Kate Johnson 9 months ago
If my daughter did this, I'd tell her she could forget about me attending her wedding or paying a dime for it. The brother should tell her, "It's not that I don't love you, I just can't have someone so deeply shallow and pathologically selfish in my life." Skip the wedding and skip the relationship altogether.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
"Hey sis, I can use foundation and makeup to cover my birthmark, but nothing will remove the stench of what a foul person you are!"
Load More Replies...
Glen Ellyn 9 months ago
I sure as heck wouldn't go to the wedding (no gift either!) and would go no-contact with her and the rest of the family that chose to go along with her. They're all awful!
For Work 9 months ago
Go to the wedding and if there's a toast at the reception- give a speech saying you hope her children aren't born with a birthmark on their face or otherwise she might hide them in the cellar. It's your time to tell the crowd you weren't part of wedding party because of your birthmark. Drop the mic and leave.
Mark Childers 9 months ago
Social media has largely caused so much of this. Everyone wants to have the perfectly curated pictures to post. I can't imagine doing all of that for some pictures when it's supposed to be about the coming together of two families, not a photo shoot.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
What kind of gets me the hardest is like... Photoshop is a thing. People are REALLY skilled with digital image manipulation these days. I guarantee you that OP's sister could find a photog and a digital artist who could actually tastefully edit OP's birthmark out of the photos. That would still be an absolutely shallow, abhorrent, cruel thing to do and sis would still be a giant gaping a-hole, but the fact that photo manipulation didn't even cross her mind (or she dismissed it) makes her even worse of a person.
Load More Replies...
Tamara Heikalo 9 months ago
Birthmark bearer here. Blessed with a special mark. People like this are dead in my world. Come on already. Physical differences are merely the packaging. It is the contents that count. If my packaging counts more than my contents, then ffff you.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I don't have a birthmark, but I am adopted and I look significantly different from my family members in terms of appearance. There were a few cousins/family members who mocked and bullied me for my skin color and appearance when I was a child, because I didn't "fit in" with them in terms of physical appearance. I haven't spoken to those family members in decades. A person isn't "just" their skin color, or their birthmark, or their scar, or their freckles, etc. <3
Load More Replies...
Jordan Croff 9 months ago
What a horrible family. Not just the sister but the parents too. It's hard to believe that people can be this foul.
Skogsrået 9 months ago
She actually said that to her own sibling!? Over a birthmark? Something they can't even control, that is cruel and heartless. Sure she decides who she has in her wedding or wedding party but OP can decide to not go to her wedding at all and cut her off completely. I know i would.
Barry Reinitz 9 months ago
My sister did not include me in my nieces wedding party because i am obviously gay and proud but in no way flambouant and or not as attractive as the rest of my family but my niece demanded i be in it as we are very close and it all went off just fine but there is still a rift between my sister and i over what i think is a onetime event not exclusive to pretty people but family . Looks should play no part
Kim Gatlin 8 months ago
I demanded that my gay uncle be invited to mine. He didn't come which sucks, but they all know my stand. He passed in 2016 but I loved him and his partner (also passed). I could tell some tales from redneck a palooza.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 9 months ago
If my daughter did this, I'd tell her she could forget about me attending her wedding or paying a dime for it. The brother should tell her, "It's not that I don't love you, I just can't have someone so deeply shallow and pathologically selfish in my life." Skip the wedding and skip the relationship altogether.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
"Hey sis, I can use foundation and makeup to cover my birthmark, but nothing will remove the stench of what a foul person you are!"
Load More Replies... Glen Ellyn 9 months ago
I sure as heck wouldn't go to the wedding (no gift either!) and would go no-contact with her and the rest of the family that chose to go along with her. They're all awful!
For Work 9 months ago
Go to the wedding and if there's a toast at the reception- give a speech saying you hope her children aren't born with a birthmark on their face or otherwise she might hide them in the cellar. It's your time to tell the crowd you weren't part of wedding party because of your birthmark. Drop the mic and leave.
Mark Childers 9 months ago
Social media has largely caused so much of this. Everyone wants to have the perfectly curated pictures to post. I can't imagine doing all of that for some pictures when it's supposed to be about the coming together of two families, not a photo shoot.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
What kind of gets me the hardest is like... Photoshop is a thing. People are REALLY skilled with digital image manipulation these days. I guarantee you that OP's sister could find a photog and a digital artist who could actually tastefully edit OP's birthmark out of the photos. That would still be an absolutely shallow, abhorrent, cruel thing to do and sis would still be a giant gaping a-hole, but the fact that photo manipulation didn't even cross her mind (or she dismissed it) makes her even worse of a person.
Load More Replies... Tamara Heikalo 9 months ago
Birthmark bearer here. Blessed with a special mark. People like this are dead in my world. Come on already. Physical differences are merely the packaging. It is the contents that count. If my packaging counts more than my contents, then ffff you.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 9 months ago
I don't have a birthmark, but I am adopted and I look significantly different from my family members in terms of appearance. There were a few cousins/family members who mocked and bullied me for my skin color and appearance when I was a child, because I didn't "fit in" with them in terms of physical appearance. I haven't spoken to those family members in decades. A person isn't "just" their skin color, or their birthmark, or their scar, or their freckles, etc. <3
Load More Replies... Jordan Croff 9 months ago
What a horrible family. Not just the sister but the parents too. It's hard to believe that people can be this foul.
Skogsrået 9 months ago
She actually said that to her own sibling!? Over a birthmark? Something they can't even control, that is cruel and heartless. Sure she decides who she has in her wedding or wedding party but OP can decide to not go to her wedding at all and cut her off completely. I know i would.
Barry Reinitz 9 months ago
My sister did not include me in my nieces wedding party because i am obviously gay and proud but in no way flambouant and or not as attractive as the rest of my family but my niece demanded i be in it as we are very close and it all went off just fine but there is still a rift between my sister and i over what i think is a onetime event not exclusive to pretty people but family . Looks should play no part
Kim Gatlin 8 months ago
I demanded that my gay uncle be invited to mine. He didn't come which sucks, but they all know my stand. He passed in 2016 but I loved him and his partner (also passed). I could tell some tales from redneck a palooza.
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