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“You’re Making A Big Deal Out Of Nothing”: Bro Backs Fiancée’s Plans To Wear White To Sis’ Wedding
We all know weddings are a big deal, and honestly, so is the dress: the one and only time you get to wear a giant, sparkly white gown without being judged for your life choices. But what do you do when a friend or family member has every intention of showing up to your wedding in a white dress?
Today’s Original Poster (OP) was in the process of planning her wedding when her brother’s fiancée mentioned that she would be wearing a white dress to the wedding. Every effort made to make her realize that it was the wrong move proved to be futile.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
It used to be common knowledge that wearing white to a wedding as a guest was a taboo, but apparently this woman wasn’t aware
Image credits: Nathan Dumlao / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author is a bride-to-be and was stunned to see her brother’s fiancée planned to wear a white dress to her wedding
Image credits: LegionBreaker22
Image credits: Rosemary Williams / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She brought it to the fiancée’s attention that she couldn’t wear white, to which she responded that certainly no one would confuse her for the bride
Image credits: LegionBreaker22
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She told her brother what his fiancée said and he also insisted that there was nothing wrong with it and accused her of being insecure
Image credits: LegionBreaker22
The author nicely suggested that the fiancée come in any other color except white, but she was met with a dismissive response
The OP was having a peaceful holiday with family when her brother’s fiancée shared that she’d found the “perfect dress” for the OP’s upcoming wedding. But the problem was that it wasn’t just any dress. It was a white gown, and not the soft ivory or champagne kind. It was pure bridal white. The OP, understandably surprised, pointed out that white is usually reserved for the bride and that it wouldn’t work.
Her brother’s fiancée mentioned that she just likes the way it looked on her, but the OP wasn’t satisfied. She suggested her brother’s fiancée find something else, but she insisted that no one would confuse her for the bride. The OP then decided to bring up her concerns with her brother, and he also claimed that his fiancée was just being herself and that it was no big deal.
He then went ahead to accuse of her being insecure if she thought anyone would confuse his fiancée for the bride. Stunned, the OP explained the situation to her fiancé and her mother, and they understood where she was coming from. Her brother and his fiancée still believed she was just being controlling, though.
The OP asked her brother’s fiancée to reconsider her dress choice, reiterating that she was welcome to attend the wedding in any color but white. The fiancée, however, just rolled her eyes and told her she was only being uptight about it.
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Wearing white to someone else’s wedding is a taboo that’s stood the test of time for at least a century. Author Martha Stewart explains on her website that it’s considered tacky because it can confuse guests and take attention away from the bride, who should be the clear focal point of the day.
If there’s any doubt about whether wearing white is appropriate, Green Wedding Shoes advises against it. Even if the dress code is unclear, they suggest that it is important to never assume the couple is okay with it. According to them, it’s always best to ask.
Checking in is especially important if you’re close to the couple or if they have a non-traditional approach to weddings. However, when uncertain, choosing another outfit is the safest option.
Wedding planning should be a joyful time, but as Brides points out, it can become stressful when family members dismiss concerns. If someone downplays feelings, shifts blame, or plays the victim, it can signal toxic behavior, making standing firm on boundaries essential.
Netizens confirmed that the bride was absolutely not in the wrong, baffled that the fiancée didn’t understand the basic rule of not wearing white to a wedding. Some even suggested creative ways to give Emily a taste of her own medicine, like wearing a wedding dress to her big day. The consensus? The fiancée was either clueless or attention-seeking, and the bride has every right to enforce her boundary.
What do you think about this situation? Do you believe wedding etiquette still holds the same weight today, or is it time to rethink old traditions? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens affirmed the author was not wrong and expressed their shock at the fact that the fiancée didn’t know it wasn’t appropriate to wear white to a wedding
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What do you think ?
Orange Panda 10 months ago
I say have someone at the door with a picture of her and a bottle of red wine open and ready to go.
Paul C 10 months ago
You don't need a picture of her - anyone in a white dress who isn't the bride, gets the red wine shower.
Load More Replies...
Lee Gilliland 10 months ago
Again, asked and answered, no you can't wear white to a wedding unless specifically instructed to do so. Asked and answered about twenty times (although I did love the Goth lady who had everybody else show up in their wedding gowns to scotch the stupid MIL/SIL combo). If you show up at a wedding that's not yours in white, you are the b*tch. Move on, we aren't changing our answer.
BoredLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago
Uninvite her AND the brother. And post security at the door with their picture to keep them away. You asked nicely and she blew you off. You're not acting like a bridezilla so you're not the a*****e.
Janelle Collard 10 months ago
I hope OP does this. Or, have someone with a *giant* blue Slushie on hand, just in case. 😉
Load More Replies...
Janelle Collard 10 months ago
"I'm not trying to upstage you." Yeah, you are, you annoying twatwaffle.
Kathy Brooke 10 months ago
If an event (any event, no just a wedding) has a dress code and the organiser specifically, personally asks you to adhere to it, you do. Or you don't go. What's the big deal? INSISTING on wearing white when you can wear literally any other colour isn't "being yourself ", it's being deliberately awkward and domineering.
Tabitha 10 months ago (edited)
The only time it’s OK for anyone but the bride to wear white is when the bride is wearing black or red and has clearly stated it’s cool with her if you wear white—-but in that case, you still do NOT wear the black or red, or whatever color the bride is wearing, ffs!
Romy Rösli 10 months ago
Why does „they are just being themselves“ more often than not mean „they are being an annoying a***e“?
Romy Rösli 10 months ago
To be honest I didn’t know guests were not supposed to wear white to weddings for a long time (fortunately I don’t like white) but if the bride or groom to be tells me not to wear a certain color I will respect their wish without questioning it.
Earonn - 10 months ago
Everyone should have a close friend to arrange for a little red-wine-accident on such occasions. Or maybe it would be a nice side hustle to be hired for weddings as the red-wine-accident-provider :D
Debbie 10 months ago
I am quite crafty, and I think some of the pigments and inks I use have a better effect than wine. Although maybe also more collateral damage.
Load More Replies...
DrBronxx 10 months ago (edited)
The only time a guest can wear white at a wedding is if they have the permission of the bride and groom. No permission, no white.
zububonsai 10 months ago (edited)
Yes, I learned of the adorable Nigerian (IIRC) wedding custom "bride wishes for HER side of the family for colour X(like, white) and groom for everyone of HIS side for colour Y (e.g. green)" and then everybody sticks to this colour but can wear whatever shade they want. That's lovel and the only time I would wear white to any wedding when not being the bride.
Load More Replies...
ThisIsMe 10 months ago
Put it in writing to her: you are having a traditional wedding, and that would mean no one wears white but the bride. If she can't go along with that, you are sorry that you won't be seeing her on your big day. She cant b*&^h and moan all she wants about you, but it is what it is. Can't make everyone like you, but you can tell them they are not welcome to wear white to your traditional wedding.
KatSaidWhat 10 months ago
Sometimes polls need multiple choice - like red wine AND uninvite. But someone else ^^ said what I thought - I would tell her I was going to wear my wedding dress to her wedding - nobody will mistake me for the bride because it's not my wedding ;-)
Kate Johnson 10 months ago
I'd tell her, "You realize that everyone will be making fun of you behind your back for wearing white at a wedding like that. They'll think you're a pathetic, attention grabbing skank, and I'd never want anyone to think that about you!" This is the truth by the way for any skanks that are thinking about trying the same thing. We ALL think you're pathetic and a bad joke!
turk 10 months ago
How many of these someone other than the bride wearing white to a wedding stories do we need? Why don't brides just put "no white outfits for women allowed" in the invite?
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
So about that red wine lmao it’s like this entitled b***h turns up in white lol and you having a traditional wedding will of course be having waiters etc to hand out drinks RIGHT 😋now from someone who has worked in hospitality since I was 16 till 13 yrs ago I’m now 60 !so a bloody long time you learn quickly how to sort out entitled a******s it’s like this there is ALWAYS that dam carpet waiting to trip you up when you have a tray of red wine in entitled guests case and we perfect it ! you might not see the carpet 😂but trust us it is there !!! you get my drift have a word with the waiting staff lol they will be only to happy to oblige n no we never get in bother cos it not their fault after all it’s that bloody carpet 😂 it also works with hot soup to !!! 😂😂😂
Szilvia Kiszner 10 months ago
I'd hire a security guy just to throw her out if she shows up in white.
Lisa Maynard 10 months ago
You tell her, "I will not uninvite you, however if you show up in white, you will be removed immediately." And then install a friend designated to watch out for her and her white dress to patrol and remove.
Laura A Ivett 10 months ago
Emily island C, and that brother is P whipped.. tell her one last time it's not a suggestion that she find a different color, she either finds a different color or she's uninvited.
Laura Bradshaw 10 months ago
I would have one last discussion about this You will not be coming in a white dress, I do not care what you think of me it our wedding and this is our choice if you come in white you will not be let in. To brother I know there will be a shift to you putting your fiance and wife to be first before the family and that's the right thing HOWEVER this dsnt mean supporting her when she is clearly in the wrong and it affects other people especially when it comes to SOMEONE ELSES wedding. To insult me for saying no to a request regarding my husband and I's wedding is also extreemly rude. I want you to be part of our big day you are my brother but if this continues I will uninvite you both. You should be supporting me in this. I have now made myself clear , this will not be discussed again. I want to enjoy the lead up to our wedding and I don't want this drama effecting it anymore. Choice is yours now
marcelo D. 10 months ago
i never understood why people don't just straight up tell it how it is "I get you wanna f**k your -brother / son / cousin/- but making it public in my wedding is extremely tacky and creepy"
Orange Panda 10 months ago
I say have someone at the door with a picture of her and a bottle of red wine open and ready to go.
Paul C 10 months ago
You don't need a picture of her - anyone in a white dress who isn't the bride, gets the red wine shower.
Load More Replies... Lee Gilliland 10 months ago
Again, asked and answered, no you can't wear white to a wedding unless specifically instructed to do so. Asked and answered about twenty times (although I did love the Goth lady who had everybody else show up in their wedding gowns to scotch the stupid MIL/SIL combo). If you show up at a wedding that's not yours in white, you are the b*tch. Move on, we aren't changing our answer.
BoredLittleLeafSheep 10 months ago
Uninvite her AND the brother. And post security at the door with their picture to keep them away. You asked nicely and she blew you off. You're not acting like a bridezilla so you're not the a*****e.
Janelle Collard 10 months ago
I hope OP does this. Or, have someone with a *giant* blue Slushie on hand, just in case. 😉
Load More Replies... Janelle Collard 10 months ago
"I'm not trying to upstage you." Yeah, you are, you annoying twatwaffle.
Kathy Brooke 10 months ago
If an event (any event, no just a wedding) has a dress code and the organiser specifically, personally asks you to adhere to it, you do. Or you don't go. What's the big deal? INSISTING on wearing white when you can wear literally any other colour isn't "being yourself ", it's being deliberately awkward and domineering.
Tabitha 10 months ago (edited)
The only time it’s OK for anyone but the bride to wear white is when the bride is wearing black or red and has clearly stated it’s cool with her if you wear white—-but in that case, you still do NOT wear the black or red, or whatever color the bride is wearing, ffs!
Romy Rösli 10 months ago
Why does „they are just being themselves“ more often than not mean „they are being an annoying a***e“?
Romy Rösli 10 months ago
To be honest I didn’t know guests were not supposed to wear white to weddings for a long time (fortunately I don’t like white) but if the bride or groom to be tells me not to wear a certain color I will respect their wish without questioning it.
Earonn - 10 months ago
Everyone should have a close friend to arrange for a little red-wine-accident on such occasions. Or maybe it would be a nice side hustle to be hired for weddings as the red-wine-accident-provider :D
Debbie 10 months ago
I am quite crafty, and I think some of the pigments and inks I use have a better effect than wine. Although maybe also more collateral damage.
Load More Replies... DrBronxx 10 months ago (edited)
The only time a guest can wear white at a wedding is if they have the permission of the bride and groom. No permission, no white.
zububonsai 10 months ago (edited)
Yes, I learned of the adorable Nigerian (IIRC) wedding custom "bride wishes for HER side of the family for colour X(like, white) and groom for everyone of HIS side for colour Y (e.g. green)" and then everybody sticks to this colour but can wear whatever shade they want. That's lovel and the only time I would wear white to any wedding when not being the bride.
Load More Replies... ThisIsMe 10 months ago
Put it in writing to her: you are having a traditional wedding, and that would mean no one wears white but the bride. If she can't go along with that, you are sorry that you won't be seeing her on your big day. She cant b*&^h and moan all she wants about you, but it is what it is. Can't make everyone like you, but you can tell them they are not welcome to wear white to your traditional wedding.
KatSaidWhat 10 months ago
Sometimes polls need multiple choice - like red wine AND uninvite. But someone else ^^ said what I thought - I would tell her I was going to wear my wedding dress to her wedding - nobody will mistake me for the bride because it's not my wedding ;-)
Kate Johnson 10 months ago
I'd tell her, "You realize that everyone will be making fun of you behind your back for wearing white at a wedding like that. They'll think you're a pathetic, attention grabbing skank, and I'd never want anyone to think that about you!" This is the truth by the way for any skanks that are thinking about trying the same thing. We ALL think you're pathetic and a bad joke!
turk 10 months ago
How many of these someone other than the bride wearing white to a wedding stories do we need? Why don't brides just put "no white outfits for women allowed" in the invite?
Crystalwitch60 10 months ago
So about that red wine lmao it’s like this entitled b***h turns up in white lol and you having a traditional wedding will of course be having waiters etc to hand out drinks RIGHT 😋now from someone who has worked in hospitality since I was 16 till 13 yrs ago I’m now 60 !so a bloody long time you learn quickly how to sort out entitled a******s it’s like this there is ALWAYS that dam carpet waiting to trip you up when you have a tray of red wine in entitled guests case and we perfect it ! you might not see the carpet 😂but trust us it is there !!! you get my drift have a word with the waiting staff lol they will be only to happy to oblige n no we never get in bother cos it not their fault after all it’s that bloody carpet 😂 it also works with hot soup to !!! 😂😂😂
Szilvia Kiszner 10 months ago
I'd hire a security guy just to throw her out if she shows up in white.
Lisa Maynard 10 months ago
You tell her, "I will not uninvite you, however if you show up in white, you will be removed immediately." And then install a friend designated to watch out for her and her white dress to patrol and remove.
Laura A Ivett 10 months ago
Emily island C, and that brother is P whipped.. tell her one last time it's not a suggestion that she find a different color, she either finds a different color or she's uninvited.
Laura Bradshaw 10 months ago
I would have one last discussion about this You will not be coming in a white dress, I do not care what you think of me it our wedding and this is our choice if you come in white you will not be let in. To brother I know there will be a shift to you putting your fiance and wife to be first before the family and that's the right thing HOWEVER this dsnt mean supporting her when she is clearly in the wrong and it affects other people especially when it comes to SOMEONE ELSES wedding. To insult me for saying no to a request regarding my husband and I's wedding is also extreemly rude. I want you to be part of our big day you are my brother but if this continues I will uninvite you both. You should be supporting me in this. I have now made myself clear , this will not be discussed again. I want to enjoy the lead up to our wedding and I don't want this drama effecting it anymore. Choice is yours now
marcelo D. 10 months ago
i never understood why people don't just straight up tell it how it is "I get you wanna f**k your -brother / son / cousin/- but making it public in my wedding is extremely tacky and creepy"
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