Bride’s Parents Refuse To Attend Her Child-Free Wedding Because She Wouldn’t Make An Exception For Her “Rainbow Baby” Nephew
Weddings should be incredibly happy occasions that celebrate the love between two people… the problem is, they’re potential drama minefields as well. Arguments between family members can appear like a bolt from the blue and you’re stuck standing there, jaw on the floor, wondering what just happened and why most of your family will no longer be attending the ceremony.
A 33-year-old bride-to-be, who plans to get married to the love of her life Derek in October, took to Reddit to ask for opinions about how she handled a very sensitive situation with her brother and her nephew, who is a miracle baby. She was planning on a wedding without any children in attendance at all, however, her entire family “lost it” when she didn’t invite her 4-year-old nephew, her brother’s son, as an exception.
The redditor explained that her nephew is a “rainbow baby,” having been born to her brother and his wife after she suffered several painful miscarriages. According to her, that’s why he’s given special treatment and allowed to misbehave as much as he wants. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. It’s a complicated, emotional situation, so be sure to share your opinion about who you think is right and who was being insensitive in this case.
A bride-to-be sparked a lot of family drama when she refused to make an exception for her nephew who is a “rainbow baby”
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual photo)
Here’s exactly what happened
The bride-to-be explained that it would have been hypocritical of her to invite only her nephew while she’s already had to ask all of her friends to keep their children at home for the wedding.
However, her family didn’t take kindly to this logic and thought that her nephew should still be an exception because of the circumstances of his birth. That’s when the ultimatums started flying. Her brother, Paul, said that he won’t be attending the ceremony. Then her parents and later her aunt and uncle pulled out, too.
The redditor added a bit of extra info about how her brother behaves whenever she points out that not everyone can cater to him and his son. Paul would accuse her of being jealous because she still doesn’t have any children herself.
The bride-to-be added that she’d previously been married but divorced her husband over his inability to have children, so it’s a very sensitive issue for her. An issue that her brother doesn’t appear to mind poking and prodding to get his own way. What do you think about what happened, Readers? How would you have handled the situation?
If you do plan on allowing your guests to bring children to your wedding, then it’s best to leave the childcare to an accredited professional babysitter, not one of the guests. “Ultimately, if something goes wrong, you cannot have the responsibility fall on the shoulders of someone not properly qualified or paid for the task. There are many professional wedding childcare options available—it’s important not to cut costs when it comes to providing the personal care of children and minors. You could be legally liable and it’s just not worth the risk,” Anna and Sarah from The Wedding Society told Bored Panda earlier.
“For guests, the standard (and best) etiquette these days is definitely to respect the wishes of the marrying couple when it comes to children at weddings, whether it be that kids of a certain age are welcome, only specific children of a few family and friends, or no kids at all,” they said what the general etiquette is like.
“Please don’t take the inclusion or exclusion of your little ones personally (especially if the couple don’t have kids of their own to fully understand your situation) and remember—as nice as it is to bring your babes along to the celebration, it’s also an awesome opportunity for a fun night off if you’re asked to leave them with a sitter!”
This is what internet users thought about the complicated situation
230Kviews
Share on FacebookThey called her jealous and threw it in her face that she was not able to have children in her previous marriage? They don’t act like family. I’d seriously limit my contact with such toxic people.
yes, I'm surprised no one else commented on this. It seemed like such a mean comment to purposely hurt her.
Load More Replies...A rainbow baby? WTH people! He's not a miracle, he's just a lucky egg and a lucky sperm that didn't get killed off by mom's uterus. The kid is not special in any way. Obviously NTA.
These are going to be the WORST kinds of parents. This is 'my kid is special' delusions turned up to 11, and he's got the whole family drinking that Kool-Aid! I forsee the little rainbow having some development problems with this kind of treatment.
Load More Replies...Paul need a good whacking. He is a class 1 a**hole. And the way the family treats the "baby" (a 4 yo is NOT a baby anymore), he has absolutely no chance to become a nice guy. I'm sorry for him.
Any 4 year old would agree with you. They're definitely children at that point.
Load More Replies...It's going to be a fun wedding party with only friends and people that really like the bride. And another plus: Not having to pretend that you like your family anymore.
I read a bit more on Reddit: "Unfortunately, this level of enablement from my parents for Paul has been normalized long time ago. It's like his word is Gospel and many family members are willing to follow his lead and they think I'm being disrespectful to him since he's my older brother."
Load More Replies...NTA, I would go full arsehole on this, I would go ahead with the wedding, post it all over social media, thanking my in-laws and friends for their support, post photos of me being happy, and spend the next couple of weeks talking about my amazing day, and constantly post about it.
What if Derek's side of the family, plus some invited friends had 'rainbow' babies of their own? Do you invite all of the rainbow babies and leave out the ones that were conceived without a hitch? How about unplanned babies - better leave those ones at home! Not to mention adopted or fostered children or even pets belonging to couples who can't have kids, who treat their pets like their own children. This is why you make the rules and you stick with them to avoid going down a rabbit hole. Your brother sounds like a first class t**t, particularly with the 'jealous' comment. You might think you want your family there, but they are toxic. You celebrate with the people who love you and who accept you for who you are. And have a brilliant day!
Excellent point. 1 in 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, that means there are a lot of 'rainbow babies' out there. I had multiple miscarriage before I had my daughter and wouldn't dream of expecting her to be an exception to the rule.
Load More Replies...Frankly, and I say this having been married by a justice fo the peace.... There's sometimes a really good reason you don't have a wedding, and just *get married*.
That is exactly what I came to say - Don't have "a wedding" just get married. I would cancel the whole thing and just have a small ceremony. Her request for a childfree wedding is not unreasonable but if this seems to be impossible with the family, well, too bad, then there will be no party for anybody...
Load More Replies...The kid may be an arsehole, but he's a kid - not his fault, his parents made him like that. The real arsehole here is Paul, "Maker of Rainbow Babies". Paul deserves a kick in the nuts!
Ah, genes do have some say in how susceptable a kid is to behave that way, and low and behold, look where his genes came from. The same entitled people that now enable him to become the world's worst person.
Load More Replies...this "rainbow" kid is going to be an entitled little prick when he grows up
Weddings are already boring af if there are other children around, a 4 year old would be a lot more entertained by a sitter so aside from all the bs the brother and wife really don't care for the welfare of their ever so special brat
They would probably spend the entire wedding dancing around him and expecting everyone else to.
Load More Replies...They called her jealous and threw it in her face that she was not able to have children in her previous marriage? They don’t act like family. I’d seriously limit my contact with such toxic people.
yes, I'm surprised no one else commented on this. It seemed like such a mean comment to purposely hurt her.
Load More Replies...A rainbow baby? WTH people! He's not a miracle, he's just a lucky egg and a lucky sperm that didn't get killed off by mom's uterus. The kid is not special in any way. Obviously NTA.
These are going to be the WORST kinds of parents. This is 'my kid is special' delusions turned up to 11, and he's got the whole family drinking that Kool-Aid! I forsee the little rainbow having some development problems with this kind of treatment.
Load More Replies...Paul need a good whacking. He is a class 1 a**hole. And the way the family treats the "baby" (a 4 yo is NOT a baby anymore), he has absolutely no chance to become a nice guy. I'm sorry for him.
Any 4 year old would agree with you. They're definitely children at that point.
Load More Replies...It's going to be a fun wedding party with only friends and people that really like the bride. And another plus: Not having to pretend that you like your family anymore.
I read a bit more on Reddit: "Unfortunately, this level of enablement from my parents for Paul has been normalized long time ago. It's like his word is Gospel and many family members are willing to follow his lead and they think I'm being disrespectful to him since he's my older brother."
Load More Replies...NTA, I would go full arsehole on this, I would go ahead with the wedding, post it all over social media, thanking my in-laws and friends for their support, post photos of me being happy, and spend the next couple of weeks talking about my amazing day, and constantly post about it.
What if Derek's side of the family, plus some invited friends had 'rainbow' babies of their own? Do you invite all of the rainbow babies and leave out the ones that were conceived without a hitch? How about unplanned babies - better leave those ones at home! Not to mention adopted or fostered children or even pets belonging to couples who can't have kids, who treat their pets like their own children. This is why you make the rules and you stick with them to avoid going down a rabbit hole. Your brother sounds like a first class t**t, particularly with the 'jealous' comment. You might think you want your family there, but they are toxic. You celebrate with the people who love you and who accept you for who you are. And have a brilliant day!
Excellent point. 1 in 3 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, that means there are a lot of 'rainbow babies' out there. I had multiple miscarriage before I had my daughter and wouldn't dream of expecting her to be an exception to the rule.
Load More Replies...Frankly, and I say this having been married by a justice fo the peace.... There's sometimes a really good reason you don't have a wedding, and just *get married*.
That is exactly what I came to say - Don't have "a wedding" just get married. I would cancel the whole thing and just have a small ceremony. Her request for a childfree wedding is not unreasonable but if this seems to be impossible with the family, well, too bad, then there will be no party for anybody...
Load More Replies...The kid may be an arsehole, but he's a kid - not his fault, his parents made him like that. The real arsehole here is Paul, "Maker of Rainbow Babies". Paul deserves a kick in the nuts!
Ah, genes do have some say in how susceptable a kid is to behave that way, and low and behold, look where his genes came from. The same entitled people that now enable him to become the world's worst person.
Load More Replies...this "rainbow" kid is going to be an entitled little prick when he grows up
Weddings are already boring af if there are other children around, a 4 year old would be a lot more entertained by a sitter so aside from all the bs the brother and wife really don't care for the welfare of their ever so special brat
They would probably spend the entire wedding dancing around him and expecting everyone else to.
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