Weddings are one of the most magical days in everybody’s life. All your closest friends and family are together, everybody is happy, celebrates love and enjoys themselves. Well, most of the time.

Back to reality, of course, it’s almost impossible to plan a perfect wedding. Okay, maybe it’s possible to plan, but it’s hard to avoid any misunderstandings, dramas or ensure that everybody is happy for the whole celebration.

More info: Reddit

Since wedding themes are frequently important to the couple, it is crucial to consider them, especially if you are a bridesmaid

Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)

Woman wonders if she was being a jerk for not letting her bridesmaid wear her late mom’s favorite color

Image credits: snipperrs

Image credits: João Jesus (not the actual photo)

Bride wanted her bridesmaids to follow an ocean theme as it was about family traditions and kindly refused to let one of her friends wear a purple dress

Image credits: snipperrs

Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy (not the actual photo)

4 weeks later, her friend sent pictures of a few dresses, all purple, but once again was reminded that she shouldn’t be wearing this color to the wedding

Image credits: snipperrs

Fast forward to the wedding day, the bridesmaid came in a purple dress, but was asked by the bride to change or leave her wedding

Image credits: snipperrs

The bridesmaid as well as her family and friends contacted the bride saying that she was being a jerk for not understanding her loss of a mother

A Reddit user shared her wedding drama story to one of the communities asking if she was being too harsh for refusing to let her bridesmaid ignore the wedding theme and wear her dead mother’s favorite color. The post received a lot of attention and collected more than 9.3K upvotes and over 1.1K comments.

The author started her story by saying that recently she got married and everything went great despite some drama with one of the bridesmaids, who in the story she calls Anna. Anna’s mother recently passed away, which, of course, impacted her drastically. The OP started wedding planning before it happened, thus deciding to do an ocean-themed wedding. Bridesmaids were to wear pastel colors, and everybody loved the idea.  

One day during lunch, Anna asked the author if she could wear a dark, vibrant purple color to the wedding as it was her mom’s favorite. Well, after a little discussion with the husband, the author said that they wanted bridesmaids to be on theme as it was about her family’s traditions. After that, for about 4 weeks, OP didn’t hear from Anna.

One day, the author received a message from Anna asking for her opinion on some dresses, which were all purple. The OP kindly reminded her again that she couldn’t wear a purple dress to the wedding. Now, a little roller coaster – 2 days later, Anna again contacted the bride and apologized for her behavior. But guess what – the wedding day came and Anna showed up wearing a purple dress.

Unfortunately, the OP didn’t have any other options than just to ask Anna to leave or change. Of course, this led to a big drama, with screaming and calling everybody ‘insensitive and selfish’. Moreover, after the wedding, the OP received messages from those close to Anna that she was being a jerk.

The author was voted ‘Not the A-hole’ in this situation by the community members. “It was your wedding. Not a memorial for her mother. You didn’t request anything out of the ordinary,” one user wrote. Additionally, OP and the commenters discussed that Anna could have just worn purple shoes, a bag, jewelry or any accessory, just not a purple dress. Or could have just stepped down from the bridesmaids and worn a purple dress as a guest.

Image credits: Dewey gallery (not the actual photo)

Moreover, Bored Panda contacted Alisha Jemelian, who is a wedding designer and blogger. She kindly agreed to share her insights regarding the process of selecting themes, colors and how to solve disagreements over dress choices.

Alisha starts by saying that “I typically begin the process of selecting themes and colors by finding out about the couple’s venue or their top location choices. For example, if you book a venue that is a huge formal ballroom, then it is hard to create a rustic and cozy woodsy wedding. If you have a definite preference on wedding colors and themes, then keep them in mind as you search for your perfect venue,” she emphasized.

Speaking about the best way to deal with disagreements over dress choices, the designer shared: “My recommendation is to remember that you cannot control other people. You can respectfully state your preferences. 10 years from now no one is going to remember whether someone wore an off-color outfit to your wedding. However, they will remember if you treated them with respect and dignity. As the bride or groom, you have authority to dictate what others wear more than on any other day. But don’t use this authority to hurt others.”

Following this, “I hear about many situations where a bride’s wishes clash with her guests and loved ones,” Alisha says. “The most common situation I see is when it comes to bridesmaids’ dresses. The bride may have a strong preference for a certain style of dress, but the bridesmaids may not feel comfortable with the bride’s choice. For example, that bridesmaid or guest who struggles with self confidence or who is more modest may protest the strapless gown that leaves nothing to the imagination.”

Finally, “Most conflicts can be resolved with open and respectful communication. Look for areas where compromises can be made to accommodate different preferences. Discuss alternative options that incorporate elements important to both the bride and her loved ones.”

And of course, don’t forget to check out Alisha’s Free Style Guide + Veil Sample Swatches, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube profiles!

Folks in the comments had a discussion with the author, talked about possible solutions and agreed that the author was not being a jerk

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