The context: weddings are a celebration of love. The people involved love each other (or else why would they ask to/accept to be bridesmaid). The whole demand/refuse dynamic should not have a place in this context. No doubt fueled by commercialism, but still. If you prefer a or b, ask the other person nicely. Have a conversation. And make sure you have that loving relationship after the day is done

That one comment saying that it's a gender issue bothers me, almost every single time someone is referred to as a tomboy, or refers to themselves as a tomboy there's someone going on about it being about a confused gender identity, why? Why is it so hard to accept that some women are a bit boyish or not super feminine without trying to make it a gender thing? Just let tomboys be tomboys and don't try to read into it so much. The sister probably just wants to look good and hasn't gotten over her "pink is for girly girls" way of thinking, or she just doesn't think she looks good in it. It's not that difficult.

I love how one of the comments makes it a gender identity issue to not be super feminine...

And she paid for the dresses....she can suck it up or not participate

She paid for the dresses, of course she's nta. If the bridesmaids paid then it's a problem but the bride paid

Many years ago, I briefly worked in a bridal store. One thing I found was many wedding parties had someone, often a sister but sometimes a friend or even the mother, who is incredibly angry that the bride is the center of attention instead of them and acts out to regain the spotlight. You need to shut this down hard. She wears the dress or she’s out. Get this settled early.

Remind the sister that pink used to be for boys. And to stop being a selfish brat. She's 21, not 5. She either wears the dress, or is out of the party. Once she has stopped trying to make it all about her, the bride could suggest she change out f the dress for the reception, once the photos have been done? One of my bridesmaids did that - she normally hates wearing dresses, so I selected a two piece corset top and skirt and after the formal photos had been done, she swapped the skirt for a pair of trousers.

I was a tomboy (still not overly prissy). I wore pink long dresses to both of my sisters wedding back when I was preteen and early teen. I lived. I am 66 years old now. Sis can get over herself for your wedding. If it was not the dress it would be hair, make up, heels, etc. You are not asking for bridezilla type s**t, just normal wedding dresses. Tell her to grow the f**k up.

Suck it up, or watch from the audience princess knee scrapes.

I am not a pink girly girl either but when my sister got married and wanted me to be MOH I wore the pink girly dress she wanted me to. It was one day and obviously I survived. The second time I was MOH bride chose a green mini dress. I am midi or maxi dress type but again I wore it. I survived that wedding also. I wanted to be there for my sister so I sucked it up and enjoyed the day. NTA but sister needs to swallow her pride. It's your day, you choose the colors and styles of the dresses.

I have been married for 23 years. I told my girls the color and told them pickout anything they wanted to wear,I didn't care what it looked like. When my oldest brother got married I didn't want to be in the wedding. I raised him and was doing the mother of the bride things and helping with every other aspect of the wedding so I just wanted to watch them get married. My sister-in-law wasn't having it and tossed one of her difficult family members out of the wedding and said now I had no choice but to be in it. They rearranged the entire party so my husband and I walked together. My husband and I met because of my brother and my brother met my sister-in-law because he came out with me one night. So it's your wedding day and you do what makes you happy. Personally I think to many people endure so much grief simply trying to marry the person they want to spend their life with. It's one day,family and friends can suck it up or not come.

I just told my friends "dark purple knee length dress, go nuts" and had no problems because i'm not insane. it's one thing to have preferences, it's another to whine and cry and ask the world to call your sister names when she "ruins your vision". weddings are important, but it's not that big a deal in the long run. If sister is MOH, let her wear a different color. it's a different role anyway

21 years is quite old to throw a tantrum, don't you think? Just go ahead with your wedding, let her wear whatever she wants, but just don't include her in your lovely bridesmaids. That is how you deal with toddlers.

These are stupid.

I was very much a tomboy myself. I didn't enjoy wearing dresses or skirts, found jeans more practical. I loathed pink forever and only now in my last 20s throw it into my wardrobe. But when I was my sister's MOH, she fitted me in a handsewn, 50s style, feminine, and pastel pink dress. And though I never wore the dress again, I wore it because it was her day, she envisioned it for her wedding ceremony, and I knew even as a teenager that it wasn't about me.

Take a step back and downsize. Weddings have become over the top silly. Why not just a maid of honor, forget the bridesmaids, one person who is truly part of your life and has been there for you. Circle back and ask yourself the meaning of the day, what it represents. Likely find it isn't fashion, multiple attendants, unmemorable food, and loud music.

*Cues up Hold On - Wilson Phillips from Bridesmaids the movie

Wait what? Do we always agree with the poster? If the tomboy was posting this would we say 'stand your ground!' My god it's only one day, make her feel comfortable, djeez let her wear something else.. What does it matter? A (soft) purple goes with pink...