Unless you’ve got an unlimited budget, you probably won’t be able to invite everyone you know to your wedding. You’ll have to make some tough choices. Do you want your cousins (thrice removed, living abroad) to show up? Do you invite all of your coworkers or just your besties? How many lukewarm acquaintances can you feed?

Most people probably understand that they might not get invited, and they’re fine with this. However, some brides may be a tad naive or miss common sense social cues entirely. Redditor u/hereforgossip17 opened up about how a bride sent her an incredibly bizarre ‘invite.’ Not to her wedding, mind you—it was to a group chat for wedding updates. Read on for the full story and the internet’s reactions.

Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the story, u/hereforgossip17, and she was happy to share her thoughts about what happened with the group chat. Check out our interview with her below!

It’s natural to want to share your joy with everyone when you’re getting married. However, you should try to do it in a socially acceptable way

Image credits:  Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)

One internet user shared how she was added to a group chat even though she wasn’t welcome at the wedding

Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)

Image source: hereforgossip17

“I do wish I had told her directly. I was advised against doing that”

We were curious about what went through the OP’s mind when she was suddenly added to the group chat. “My first reaction was that this was unnecessary and felt humiliating as well as hilarious since I was not invited to the wedding, but I was invited to the group chat. That seems really shortsighted,” u/hereforgossip17 told Bored Panda.

According to the author, if the bride’s closest family and friends took a “direct, polite approach” and let her know the group chat was a bad idea, it might have helped. This way, she could have become aware of the fact that some people may feel offended that they weren’t actually invited to the wedding but were suddenly plopped in the middle of the chat.

“I do wish I had told her directly. I was advised against doing that by another person on the chat. She was probably too excited and naive to think that [not] everyone wanted to see pictures and keep themselves updated. It was probably her taking the polite ‘do share pictures’ literally in this case,” u/hereforgossip17 said.

Meanwhile, she shared some thoughts on how the happy couple can deal with all the stress of figuring out who (not) to invite to the wedding. “In my opinion, anyone you don’t want to invite, don’t invite them. It’s your day, and you need to feel happy and safe and comfortable,” she said.

“And anyone who isn’t invited should just understand that they aren’t as close to the couple as they assumed, and that’s fine. You can’t be close to everyone you meet and are acquainted with.”

It’s incredibly expensive and difficult to invite everyone you know, so you’ll have to curate your guest list no matter what

Those of us who have been to a few weddings already know not to take it personally if we don’t get a gilded invite to celebrate the Big Day. It happens.

Maybe you’re not best friends with the happy couple. Perhaps they’re doing a wedding on a shoestring budget. Maybe they’re doing a destination wedding and only inviting their nearest and dearest. Or perhaps there are a bunch of other factors affecting their decision.

It’s their wedding, and at the end of the day, they have to be happy with the guest list. Feeling pressured to invite everyone just because you’re scared of the social fallout is no way to live.

However, let’s not rub salt into anyone’s metaphorical wounds, shall we? Adding people to a group chat for wedding updates is somewhat socially unacceptable when those same people won’t be coming to the actual wedding. It’s showing off how awesome of a time you’re having and rubbing it into people’s faces.

Of course, the bride might not have meant it that way. She might have simply felt bad that not everyone gets to be a part of her super amazing wedding story, so she wanted to extend some of that same joy and magic she was feeling.

However, a group chat for only the invited guests would be a far better decision. And even then, not everyone might feel comfortable being bombarded by countless updates about how happy the bride is.

Bombarding your entire social circle with non-stop wedding updates might not be the most self-aware move

Sure, your guests are probably super happy for you. But they have lives of their own: they don’t need a feed of your wedding shenanigans unless you know for a fact that they’ll appreciate it. Everyone can already see all the posts the bride is sharing on social media.

A smaller group chat for your core loved ones or everyone invited to your bachelorette party might be better. It can be super awkward to leave a group chat you don’t want to be in anyway. And many of us are part of so many group chats already that it would drive us nuts if we reacted to every tiny little update in all of them (thank you, ‘mute’ function).

Meanwhile, if you can’t invite someone to your wedding but still feel guilty about this, you can always invite them to brunch or dinner after you get back from your honeymoon.

There’s a fine line between being proud of your achievements in life and bragging about them. While it’s understandable to want praise and attention (we all crave love and respect), if you’re too desperate for it, you’ll likely push people away.

A few high-quality updates about your wedding journey might be better than a constant flood of details and decisions. Quality over quantity! Though, you never know, you might have a social circle that is super into wedding updates—in that case, do what feels natural.

Have you ever been invited to a wedding group chat, dear Pandas? What about being added to a chat when you didn’t get an actual wedding invite? How often do you think the happy couple should post social media updates about their Big Day? How much is too much? Tell us what you think in the comments.

Some internet users chatted with the author of the post in the comments

Here’s what some other readers had to say about the entire bizarre situation

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