“AITA For Telling My Mom I Won’t Attend A Wedding If She Wears A Certain Dress”
Interview With ExpertEveryone wants to look their best during wedding celebrations, so they look for the most beautiful, stand-out things to wear. Sometimes, in a bid to attract attention, certain people may even wear white for the event and try to outshine the bride.
In this particular story, a clueless older woman picked a whitish dress to wear to her nephew’s wedding. When she asked her daughter for an opinion on the outfit, the younger woman forbade her from wearing it. Unfortunately, she still wanted to go ahead with her choice.
More info: Reddit
Wedding guests should be respectful of the bride and groom and should refrain from doing anything that might upset them on their big day
Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster and her 60-year-old mother were set to attend her cousin’s wedding, and so her mom decided to show her the dress she was going to wear
Image credits:micquelles.must.haves / Instagram
The older woman asked her daughter for an opinion on the dress she had chosen, but her daughter freaked out when she realized it was 80% white
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The daughter advised her mom not to wear any shades of white to weddings and that it was a rule most folks followed, but the older lady was adamant about her choice
Image credits: Chance-System6463
Seeing how stubborn her mom was, the poster warned her that she wouldn’t attend the wedding, as it would be too embarrassing for her
The older woman in this story clearly felt that she could wear the dress she had chosen because it was decorated with flowers. She didn’t feel that it was too white and didn’t see any harm in choosing such an option, despite the fact that her daughter had warned her not to do something like that.
The OP didn’t want to turn down her mom’s favorite outfit option; she just wanted her to look at different colored dresses. She even made sure to tell her mother about the rule that people aren’t supposed to wear shades of white during such events. Unfortunately, her mom did not believe her and kept trying to justify getting the dress.
To get a deeper insight into this situation, Bored Panda reached out to Marie-Anne Lecoeur. She has been guiding women on their personal style journeys and has been a professional stylist since 2016. Before that, she informally advised people on style from her early 20s. She has written two bestsellers, posts style videos on The French Chic Expert channel, and is the creator of The French Chic Academy.
She mentioned that “in many cultures, a key aspect of wedding etiquette is that guests avoid wearing white. Otherwise, this choice can be viewed as disrespectful to the bride. White, often a symbol of purity, is traditionally reserved for her, ensuring she stands out on her special day.”
We also contacted Corinne Pierre-Louis to share her thoughts. She’s a bridal stylist and fashion expert. She said that “white has long been a color reserved for the bride. When a guest wears white, it can unintentionally shift attention away from her and disrupt a longstanding tradition that helps keep the spotlight where it belongs.
“Even white outfits with prints—or shades like cream, beige, or anything that might resemble white in photos—are best avoided. With so many beautiful colors to choose from, it’s a thoughtful gesture to pick something that won’t be mistaken for bridal attire. At the end of the day, it’s about honoring a custom that supports the couple’s vision for their celebration,” she added.
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s possible that the older woman had never decided to wear an off-white or cream dress to anyone’s wedding before, so she was unfamiliar with the traditional etiquette. When her daughter insisted she change her outfit, she began to act stubbornly and said that neither the bride nor groom would care about her choice.
It might be hard to deal with guests who deliberately—or unknowingly—wear white to weddings. Marie-Anne mentioned that “if a guest wears white to a wedding, the bride, groom, and close family will certainly notice. Since weddings aren’t the place for confrontations, however, they may prefer to keep a dignified silence and overlook the breach of etiquette.”
Corinne added that “if a guest shows up in white, it’s best handled with a gentle, behind-the-scenes conversation rather than a public confrontation. The bride, groom, a wedding party member, or a close family member might pull the person aside and explain the issue. They could even suggest a quick accessory swap or a subtle adjustment to help the guest add some color to their look.”
The young woman decided that she should take a stand against her mom and told her that she wouldn’t attend the event if she chose the whitish dress. This is quite an effective way to make her consciously think about her actions and protect her from the embarrassment that might follow if she had worn white to the wedding.
What would you have done if you were in the woman’s place? Have you ever witnessed someone wearing a white outfit to a marriage function? Share those unhinged stories in the comments.
People sided with the poster and felt that her mother was just trying to draw attention to herself
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Mom’s excuse about never hearing the “don’t wear white to a wedding” rule is total horseshit. I’m 64, and have heard that rule my entire life. It’s been the rule ever since brides started wearing white, ffs, so at least the late 19th to early 20th century. And yes, this “dress” looks, and fits, like a kimono-type bathrobe. It might even be a robe for all w3 know. Wraparound dresses have been around for decades, but they are cut to fit like a dress, not a robe. So that’s TWO—-maybe THREE—-strikes against it. Mom needs to totally rethink her wardrobe choices.
This is what I would do. If the bride is comfortable with it, go ahead. If there's the slightest doubt about what is suitable, run it past her. Some brides would be okay with this, it doesn't look anything like a wedding dress. Though I still don't think it's a great choice for the occasion.
Load More Replies...The mother is shooting BS, I was taught you don't wear white to a wedding and I'm 75. The rule began when Victoria R wore white and her mother wanted to do so as well, Victoria's mother being a well-known interfering termagent. Mom got voted down by Albert. In 1840.
It's an outdated concept and was never meant to be a hard and fast rule. My MIL wore a white dress and I didn't care. And I'm 66.
Load More Replies...OP lost a little sympathy with me for her “well known rule for people under 30” comment which seemed unnecessarily pointed and beetchy. That said, the mother is being unnecessarily obstreperous and obstinate. Honestly, until recently I’d never known that there was so much drama behind the scenes with wedding guests, I’ve been to a lot of weddings, and no one I’ve known had ever flipped out and argued about their right to wear white.
I actually think the dress is cute for a wedding. I don't get the big bust up about white; like, are you wearing something that could be mistaken for a wedding dress? Then don't wear it. Otherwise, who cares? You think they'll get confused that a 50ish year-old woman sitting in the middle of the church wearing white is somehow the bride?
Load More Replies...I'm sorry that the mother is digging in her heels and refusing to listen. I agree with the poster who commented on the high unlikelihood that the mom didn't know about the custom. On the other hand, I hate to think that the daughter will miss the wedding as a result. I think she ought to go, and at some point explain to the cousin that she tried to stop her mother without anyluck.
I am well over age 30 and know about this "rule" actually an act of courtesy; if the mother has never heard of it, then she hasn't been to a wedding in a very long time. And, no one is too old to learn a new standard/rule of courtesy. It's not aggressive to point this out, bit actually an act of trying to save the wearer some humiliation. If this mother wants to look ridiculous, so be it. OP should go and when she sees the side eyes from other guests, she should return it with an "Yea" I know look and raised eyes; everyone will know.
Humans need to get off of this white wedding purity nonsense. The trend only goes back about 170 years and wasn't even about exalting the bride, it was for rich people to show-off they could afford such a delicate thing at the time. I call this kind of thing wedding politics! Get over yourselves.
While this is true, it's also not that hard to avoid wearing the colour the bride is wearing. Yes the tradition is relatively new, but so? If it's one the couple wants to adhere to then it won't k**l you to also follow it. While we can argue back and fourth about who wears what it's much better for everyone involved to just not be rude about it. They're there to celebrate the couple on their day, wearing a different colour isn't really a big sacrifice
Load More Replies...I thought the point of the "no white" rule was so that nobody would confuse you with the bride, but that doesn't sound applicable here, nobody is gonna think this is a wedding dress. (I mean, technically a bride could wear this too, but a bride could also wear a black dress or jeans, which we do allow guests to wear)
I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with confusion, but more to make the bride stand out, or in some people's minds show her purity by wearing white. In general it's not so much about white as not wearing the same colour as the bride unless they've explicitly stated that they don't care. It's more about curtesy than anything else
Load More Replies...I approve of this choice! I agree with the rule of not wearing a white dress at a wedding, but there are exceptions. In this case, the dress is not white but creamy, with a big flower on the front. The style is not too ceremonial or too wedding-like. Last but not least, the lady has an age and style that allow her to proudly wear this beautiful, elegant, but not pretentious dress.
I am shocked by the level of aggression in the article towards the mother and even more by the rude negative comments. When did we lose courtesy,, wit and articulate speech? Good manners cost nothing…
Loss of manners is an unfortunate result of too much Internet use.
Load More Replies...I didn't even realize MIL wore a white dress to my wedding. I was looking at my album (25 years later), and it finally hit me. I love her far more than I would have been offended (had I even paid attention to what guests wore). What a stupid hill to die on.
Poster is an a-hole as they are using this nonsense "rule" to make the situation about them and their own drama. If she was genuinely concerned that they couple would want to follow this rule, would be easy enough to just send a picture to the cousin and say "mum is thinking of wearing this dress, but we are a bit concerned because it's quite white, would you be ok with it?". Job done, no drama.
This assumes that the bride and groom wouldn't just say it's okay because they don't want to seem like jerks. Besides, they probably have enough to think about without having to deal with an aunt who won't listen to her daughter.
Load More Replies...I'm not a member anymore, but I come out of a large Mormon family. The actual wedding takes place in a temple, where there's only room for a few close family members, all of whom must be in good standing with the church. When you get a wedding invitation, it's for the reception. Now the reception can be anything from a formal sit-down dinner (rare) or a desserts buffet (much more common). Guests are expected to dress nicely, but if a woman shows up in a white dress, nobody cares! Some years ago, a couple of my cousin's grandkids showed up to a reception in full Goth mode. Nobody batted an eye (though there was laughter on the way home; it made for a great story). Another thing about Mormon receptions: No alcohol. Removes a frequent source of embarassment and inappropriate behavior.
If the bride said it's fine it's fine, if the bride is wearing a different colour it may be fine. If the bride is wearing white and didn't explicitly tell everyone it's fine then you don't do it. It doesn't matter if it's pure white or any other possible shade of beige, blue, yellow, or whatever if it can be viewed as a white hue and not distinctly another colour then it's too white. If the bride is wearing red, then yes it would be polite to not wear red as a result. Same thing. Unless it's explicitly stated that it's fine go with the safer option and wear another colour
I think the "Don't wear white" rule is getting out of hand. Don't wear plain white/ cream but a white background with flowers/pattern is never going to be mistaken for the bride.
Contrary to what some here think, everyone does not know the "don't wear white" rule. I had never been to a wedding and was utterly ignorant of it years ago, in my 30s, when my niece got married, so I wore white to her wedding, a Marilyn Monroe iconic style dress that I made myself for a special occasion and loved but never got to wear. (Before you go there, no worries...I in no way upstaged her; she was a ravishing bride!) She had asked me to be in charge of the guest registry, and I decided that dress would be complimentary attire for my post; silly me. She was too busy to talk to me, and I wish I had asked someone else about what I should wear, but I didn't even know to ask. I sensed tension at the wedding but was clueless as to the cause. It wasn't until I told a coworker about the wedding the next week that I was informed of this white rule, and as soon as possible, I profusely apologized. But the damage was done. Her husband cheated on her, but I was a bigger scandal.
Mom’s excuse about never hearing the “don’t wear white to a wedding” rule is total horseshit. I’m 64, and have heard that rule my entire life. It’s been the rule ever since brides started wearing white, ffs, so at least the late 19th to early 20th century. And yes, this “dress” looks, and fits, like a kimono-type bathrobe. It might even be a robe for all w3 know. Wraparound dresses have been around for decades, but they are cut to fit like a dress, not a robe. So that’s TWO—-maybe THREE—-strikes against it. Mom needs to totally rethink her wardrobe choices.
This is what I would do. If the bride is comfortable with it, go ahead. If there's the slightest doubt about what is suitable, run it past her. Some brides would be okay with this, it doesn't look anything like a wedding dress. Though I still don't think it's a great choice for the occasion.
Load More Replies...The mother is shooting BS, I was taught you don't wear white to a wedding and I'm 75. The rule began when Victoria R wore white and her mother wanted to do so as well, Victoria's mother being a well-known interfering termagent. Mom got voted down by Albert. In 1840.
It's an outdated concept and was never meant to be a hard and fast rule. My MIL wore a white dress and I didn't care. And I'm 66.
Load More Replies...OP lost a little sympathy with me for her “well known rule for people under 30” comment which seemed unnecessarily pointed and beetchy. That said, the mother is being unnecessarily obstreperous and obstinate. Honestly, until recently I’d never known that there was so much drama behind the scenes with wedding guests, I’ve been to a lot of weddings, and no one I’ve known had ever flipped out and argued about their right to wear white.
I actually think the dress is cute for a wedding. I don't get the big bust up about white; like, are you wearing something that could be mistaken for a wedding dress? Then don't wear it. Otherwise, who cares? You think they'll get confused that a 50ish year-old woman sitting in the middle of the church wearing white is somehow the bride?
Load More Replies...I'm sorry that the mother is digging in her heels and refusing to listen. I agree with the poster who commented on the high unlikelihood that the mom didn't know about the custom. On the other hand, I hate to think that the daughter will miss the wedding as a result. I think she ought to go, and at some point explain to the cousin that she tried to stop her mother without anyluck.
I am well over age 30 and know about this "rule" actually an act of courtesy; if the mother has never heard of it, then she hasn't been to a wedding in a very long time. And, no one is too old to learn a new standard/rule of courtesy. It's not aggressive to point this out, bit actually an act of trying to save the wearer some humiliation. If this mother wants to look ridiculous, so be it. OP should go and when she sees the side eyes from other guests, she should return it with an "Yea" I know look and raised eyes; everyone will know.
Humans need to get off of this white wedding purity nonsense. The trend only goes back about 170 years and wasn't even about exalting the bride, it was for rich people to show-off they could afford such a delicate thing at the time. I call this kind of thing wedding politics! Get over yourselves.
While this is true, it's also not that hard to avoid wearing the colour the bride is wearing. Yes the tradition is relatively new, but so? If it's one the couple wants to adhere to then it won't k**l you to also follow it. While we can argue back and fourth about who wears what it's much better for everyone involved to just not be rude about it. They're there to celebrate the couple on their day, wearing a different colour isn't really a big sacrifice
Load More Replies...I thought the point of the "no white" rule was so that nobody would confuse you with the bride, but that doesn't sound applicable here, nobody is gonna think this is a wedding dress. (I mean, technically a bride could wear this too, but a bride could also wear a black dress or jeans, which we do allow guests to wear)
I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with confusion, but more to make the bride stand out, or in some people's minds show her purity by wearing white. In general it's not so much about white as not wearing the same colour as the bride unless they've explicitly stated that they don't care. It's more about curtesy than anything else
Load More Replies...I approve of this choice! I agree with the rule of not wearing a white dress at a wedding, but there are exceptions. In this case, the dress is not white but creamy, with a big flower on the front. The style is not too ceremonial or too wedding-like. Last but not least, the lady has an age and style that allow her to proudly wear this beautiful, elegant, but not pretentious dress.
I am shocked by the level of aggression in the article towards the mother and even more by the rude negative comments. When did we lose courtesy,, wit and articulate speech? Good manners cost nothing…
Loss of manners is an unfortunate result of too much Internet use.
Load More Replies...I didn't even realize MIL wore a white dress to my wedding. I was looking at my album (25 years later), and it finally hit me. I love her far more than I would have been offended (had I even paid attention to what guests wore). What a stupid hill to die on.
Poster is an a-hole as they are using this nonsense "rule" to make the situation about them and their own drama. If she was genuinely concerned that they couple would want to follow this rule, would be easy enough to just send a picture to the cousin and say "mum is thinking of wearing this dress, but we are a bit concerned because it's quite white, would you be ok with it?". Job done, no drama.
This assumes that the bride and groom wouldn't just say it's okay because they don't want to seem like jerks. Besides, they probably have enough to think about without having to deal with an aunt who won't listen to her daughter.
Load More Replies...I'm not a member anymore, but I come out of a large Mormon family. The actual wedding takes place in a temple, where there's only room for a few close family members, all of whom must be in good standing with the church. When you get a wedding invitation, it's for the reception. Now the reception can be anything from a formal sit-down dinner (rare) or a desserts buffet (much more common). Guests are expected to dress nicely, but if a woman shows up in a white dress, nobody cares! Some years ago, a couple of my cousin's grandkids showed up to a reception in full Goth mode. Nobody batted an eye (though there was laughter on the way home; it made for a great story). Another thing about Mormon receptions: No alcohol. Removes a frequent source of embarassment and inappropriate behavior.
If the bride said it's fine it's fine, if the bride is wearing a different colour it may be fine. If the bride is wearing white and didn't explicitly tell everyone it's fine then you don't do it. It doesn't matter if it's pure white or any other possible shade of beige, blue, yellow, or whatever if it can be viewed as a white hue and not distinctly another colour then it's too white. If the bride is wearing red, then yes it would be polite to not wear red as a result. Same thing. Unless it's explicitly stated that it's fine go with the safer option and wear another colour
I think the "Don't wear white" rule is getting out of hand. Don't wear plain white/ cream but a white background with flowers/pattern is never going to be mistaken for the bride.
Contrary to what some here think, everyone does not know the "don't wear white" rule. I had never been to a wedding and was utterly ignorant of it years ago, in my 30s, when my niece got married, so I wore white to her wedding, a Marilyn Monroe iconic style dress that I made myself for a special occasion and loved but never got to wear. (Before you go there, no worries...I in no way upstaged her; she was a ravishing bride!) She had asked me to be in charge of the guest registry, and I decided that dress would be complimentary attire for my post; silly me. She was too busy to talk to me, and I wish I had asked someone else about what I should wear, but I didn't even know to ask. I sensed tension at the wedding but was clueless as to the cause. It wasn't until I told a coworker about the wedding the next week that I was informed of this white rule, and as soon as possible, I profusely apologized. But the damage was done. Her husband cheated on her, but I was a bigger scandal.






















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