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“AITA For Telling My Mom I Won’t Attend A Wedding If She Wears A Certain Dress”
“AITA For Telling My Mom I Won’t Attend A Wedding If She Wears A Certain Dress”“AITA For Telling My Mom I Won’t Attend A Wedding If She Wears A Certain Dress”

“AITA For Telling My Mom I Won’t Attend A Wedding If She Wears A Certain Dress”

Interview With Expert

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Everyone wants to look their best during wedding celebrations, so they look for the most beautiful, stand-out things to wear. Sometimes, in a bid to attract attention, certain people may even wear white for the event and try to outshine the bride. 

In this particular story, a clueless older woman picked a whitish dress to wear to her nephew’s wedding. When she asked her daughter for an opinion on the outfit, the younger woman forbade her from wearing it. Unfortunately, she still wanted to go ahead with her choice.

More info: Reddit

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    Wedding guests should be respectful of the bride and groom and should refrain from doing anything that might upset them on their big day

    Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    The poster and her 60-year-old mother were set to attend her cousin’s wedding, and so her mom decided to show her the dress she was going to wear

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    Image credits:micquelles.must.haves / Instagram

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    The older woman asked her daughter for an opinion on the dress she had chosen, but her daughter freaked out when she realized it was 80% white

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    Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)

    The daughter advised her mom not to wear any shades of white to weddings and that it was a rule most folks followed, but the older lady was adamant about her choice

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    Image credits: Chance-System6463

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    Seeing how stubborn her mom was, the poster warned her that she wouldn’t attend the wedding, as it would be too embarrassing for her

    The older woman in this story clearly felt that she could wear the dress she had chosen because it was decorated with flowers. She didn’t feel that it was too white and didn’t see any harm in choosing such an option, despite the fact that her daughter had warned her not to do something like that.

    The OP didn’t want to turn down her mom’s favorite outfit option; she just wanted her to look at different colored dresses. She even made sure to tell her mother about the rule that people aren’t supposed to wear shades of white during such events. Unfortunately, her mom did not believe her and kept trying to justify getting the dress.

    To get a deeper insight into this situation, Bored Panda reached out to Marie-Anne Lecoeur. She has been guiding women on their personal style journeys and has been a professional stylist since 2016. Before that, she informally advised people on style from her early 20s. She has written two bestsellers, posts style videos on The French Chic Expert channel, and is the creator of The French Chic Academy.

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    She mentioned that “in many cultures, a key aspect of wedding etiquette is that guests avoid wearing white. Otherwise, this choice can be viewed as disrespectful to the bride. White, often a symbol of purity, is traditionally reserved for her, ensuring she stands out on her special day.”

    We also contacted Corinne Pierre-Louis to share her thoughts. She’s a bridal stylist and fashion expert. She said that “white has long been a color reserved for the bride. When a guest wears white, it can unintentionally shift attention away from her and disrupt a longstanding tradition that helps keep the spotlight where it belongs.

    “Even white outfits with prints—or shades like cream, beige, or anything that might resemble white in photos—are best avoided. With so many beautiful colors to choose from, it’s a thoughtful gesture to pick something that won’t be mistaken for bridal attire. At the end of the day, it’s about honoring a custom that supports the couple’s vision for their celebration,” she added.

    Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)

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    It’s possible that the older woman had never decided to wear an off-white or cream dress to anyone’s wedding before, so she was unfamiliar with the traditional etiquette. When her daughter insisted she change her outfit, she began to act stubbornly and said that neither the bride nor groom would care about her choice.

    It might be hard to deal with guests who deliberately—or unknowingly—wear white to weddings. Marie-Anne mentioned that “if a guest wears white to a wedding, the bride, groom, and close family will certainly notice. Since weddings aren’t the place for confrontations, however, they may prefer to keep a dignified silence and overlook the breach of etiquette.”

    Corinne added that “if a guest shows up in white, it’s best handled with a gentle, behind-the-scenes conversation rather than a public confrontation. The bride, groom, a wedding party member, or a close family member might pull the person aside and explain the issue. They could even suggest a quick accessory swap or a subtle adjustment to help the guest add some color to their look.”

    The young woman decided that she should take a stand against her mom and told her that she wouldn’t attend the event if she chose the whitish dress. This is quite an effective way to make her consciously think about her actions and protect her from the embarrassment that might follow if she had worn white to the wedding.

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    What would you have done if you were in the woman’s place? Have you ever witnessed someone wearing a white outfit to a marriage function? Share those unhinged stories in the comments.

    People sided with the poster and felt that her mother was just trying to draw attention to herself

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    Poll Question

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    Beverly Noronha

    Beverly Noronha

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

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    Beverly Noronha

    Beverly Noronha

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    You can call me Bev! I'm a world-class reader, a quirky writer, and a gardener who paints. If you’re looking for information about tattoos, Bulbasaur, and books, then I'm the NPC you must approach.

    What do you think ?
    Tabitha
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mom’s excuse about never hearing the “don’t wear white to a wedding” rule is total horseshit. I’m 64, and have heard that rule my entire life. It’s been the rule ever since brides started wearing white, ffs, so at least the late 19th to early 20th century. And yes, this “dress” looks, and fits, like a kimono-type bathrobe. It might even be a robe for all w3 know. Wraparound dresses have been around for decades, but they are cut to fit like a dress, not a robe. So that’s TWO—-maybe THREE—-strikes against it. Mom needs to totally rethink her wardrobe choices.

    Tyke
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can they not just settle this by asking the bride rather than reddit?

    roddy
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is what I would do. If the bride is comfortable with it, go ahead. If there's the slightest doubt about what is suitable, run it past her. Some brides would be okay with this, it doesn't look anything like a wedding dress. Though I still don't think it's a great choice for the occasion.

    Load More Replies...
    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mother is shooting BS, I was taught you don't wear white to a wedding and I'm 75. The rule began when Victoria R wore white and her mother wanted to do so as well, Victoria's mother being a well-known interfering termagent. Mom got voted down by Albert. In 1840.

    Dusty's mom
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's an outdated concept and was never meant to be a hard and fast rule. My MIL wore a white dress and I didn't care. And I'm 66.

    Load More Replies...
    PunchinelloTX
    Community Member
    Premium
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP lost a little sympathy with me for her “well known rule for people under 30” comment which seemed unnecessarily pointed and beetchy. That said, the mother is being unnecessarily obstreperous and obstinate. Honestly, until recently I’d never known that there was so much drama behind the scenes with wedding guests, I’ve been to a lot of weddings, and no one I’ve known had ever flipped out and argued about their right to wear white.

    Ashlie Benson
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually think the dress is cute for a wedding. I don't get the big bust up about white; like, are you wearing something that could be mistaken for a wedding dress? Then don't wear it. Otherwise, who cares? You think they'll get confused that a 50ish year-old woman sitting in the middle of the church wearing white is somehow the bride?

    Load More Replies...
    Linda Barnes
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry that the mother is digging in her heels and refusing to listen. I agree with the poster who commented on the high unlikelihood that the mom didn't know about the custom. On the other hand, I hate to think that the daughter will miss the wedding as a result. I think she ought to go, and at some point explain to the cousin that she tried to stop her mother without anyluck.

    Paulina
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is OP punishing herself for her mother's choices? 🤨

    Robin Roper
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am well over age 30 and know about this "rule" actually an act of courtesy; if the mother has never heard of it, then she hasn't been to a wedding in a very long time. And, no one is too old to learn a new standard/rule of courtesy. It's not aggressive to point this out, bit actually an act of trying to save the wearer some humiliation. If this mother wants to look ridiculous, so be it. OP should go and when she sees the side eyes from other guests, she should return it with an "Yea" I know look and raised eyes; everyone will know.

    Austzn
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Humans need to get off of this white wedding purity nonsense. The trend only goes back about 170 years and wasn't even about exalting the bride, it was for rich people to show-off they could afford such a delicate thing at the time. I call this kind of thing wedding politics! Get over yourselves.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While this is true, it's also not that hard to avoid wearing the colour the bride is wearing. Yes the tradition is relatively new, but so? If it's one the couple wants to adhere to then it won't k**l you to also follow it. While we can argue back and fourth about who wears what it's much better for everyone involved to just not be rude about it. They're there to celebrate the couple on their day, wearing a different colour isn't really a big sacrifice

    Load More Replies...
    hbikerbob
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not a good looking dress and it doesn't fit very well

    Jaya
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought the point of the "no white" rule was so that nobody would confuse you with the bride, but that doesn't sound applicable here, nobody is gonna think this is a wedding dress. (I mean, technically a bride could wear this too, but a bride could also wear a black dress or jeans, which we do allow guests to wear)

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with confusion, but more to make the bride stand out, or in some people's minds show her purity by wearing white. In general it's not so much about white as not wearing the same colour as the bride unless they've explicitly stated that they don't care. It's more about curtesy than anything else

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
    Tabitha
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mom’s excuse about never hearing the “don’t wear white to a wedding” rule is total horseshit. I’m 64, and have heard that rule my entire life. It’s been the rule ever since brides started wearing white, ffs, so at least the late 19th to early 20th century. And yes, this “dress” looks, and fits, like a kimono-type bathrobe. It might even be a robe for all w3 know. Wraparound dresses have been around for decades, but they are cut to fit like a dress, not a robe. So that’s TWO—-maybe THREE—-strikes against it. Mom needs to totally rethink her wardrobe choices.

    Tyke
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can they not just settle this by asking the bride rather than reddit?

    roddy
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is what I would do. If the bride is comfortable with it, go ahead. If there's the slightest doubt about what is suitable, run it past her. Some brides would be okay with this, it doesn't look anything like a wedding dress. Though I still don't think it's a great choice for the occasion.

    Load More Replies...
    Lee Gilliland
    Community Member
    Premium
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The mother is shooting BS, I was taught you don't wear white to a wedding and I'm 75. The rule began when Victoria R wore white and her mother wanted to do so as well, Victoria's mother being a well-known interfering termagent. Mom got voted down by Albert. In 1840.

    Dusty's mom
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's an outdated concept and was never meant to be a hard and fast rule. My MIL wore a white dress and I didn't care. And I'm 66.

    Load More Replies...
    PunchinelloTX
    Community Member
    Premium
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP lost a little sympathy with me for her “well known rule for people under 30” comment which seemed unnecessarily pointed and beetchy. That said, the mother is being unnecessarily obstreperous and obstinate. Honestly, until recently I’d never known that there was so much drama behind the scenes with wedding guests, I’ve been to a lot of weddings, and no one I’ve known had ever flipped out and argued about their right to wear white.

    Ashlie Benson
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually think the dress is cute for a wedding. I don't get the big bust up about white; like, are you wearing something that could be mistaken for a wedding dress? Then don't wear it. Otherwise, who cares? You think they'll get confused that a 50ish year-old woman sitting in the middle of the church wearing white is somehow the bride?

    Load More Replies...
    Linda Barnes
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry that the mother is digging in her heels and refusing to listen. I agree with the poster who commented on the high unlikelihood that the mom didn't know about the custom. On the other hand, I hate to think that the daughter will miss the wedding as a result. I think she ought to go, and at some point explain to the cousin that she tried to stop her mother without anyluck.

    Paulina
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why is OP punishing herself for her mother's choices? 🤨

    Robin Roper
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am well over age 30 and know about this "rule" actually an act of courtesy; if the mother has never heard of it, then she hasn't been to a wedding in a very long time. And, no one is too old to learn a new standard/rule of courtesy. It's not aggressive to point this out, bit actually an act of trying to save the wearer some humiliation. If this mother wants to look ridiculous, so be it. OP should go and when she sees the side eyes from other guests, she should return it with an "Yea" I know look and raised eyes; everyone will know.

    Austzn
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Humans need to get off of this white wedding purity nonsense. The trend only goes back about 170 years and wasn't even about exalting the bride, it was for rich people to show-off they could afford such a delicate thing at the time. I call this kind of thing wedding politics! Get over yourselves.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While this is true, it's also not that hard to avoid wearing the colour the bride is wearing. Yes the tradition is relatively new, but so? If it's one the couple wants to adhere to then it won't k**l you to also follow it. While we can argue back and fourth about who wears what it's much better for everyone involved to just not be rude about it. They're there to celebrate the couple on their day, wearing a different colour isn't really a big sacrifice

    Load More Replies...
    hbikerbob
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not a good looking dress and it doesn't fit very well

    Jaya
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought the point of the "no white" rule was so that nobody would confuse you with the bride, but that doesn't sound applicable here, nobody is gonna think this is a wedding dress. (I mean, technically a bride could wear this too, but a bride could also wear a black dress or jeans, which we do allow guests to wear)

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with confusion, but more to make the bride stand out, or in some people's minds show her purity by wearing white. In general it's not so much about white as not wearing the same colour as the bride unless they've explicitly stated that they don't care. It's more about curtesy than anything else

    Load More Replies...
    Load More Comments
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