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Bride-To-Be Asks If She’s Wrong To Be Angry With Parents For Going On Vacation Instead Of Attending Her Wedding
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Bride-To-Be Asks If She’s Wrong To Be Angry With Parents For Going On Vacation Instead Of Attending Her Wedding

Bride-To-Be Asks If She's Wrong To Be Angry With Parents For Going On Vacation Instead Of Attending Her Wedding“I Cried About That For Days”: Woman Heartbroken After Parents Chose To Go On A Vacation Instead Of Attending Her WeddingBride-To-Be Is Upset At Parents Who Chose To Go On Vacation Instead Of Attending Her Wedding, The Internet Calls Her Out For Not Speaking UpWoman Asks If She Was Wrong To Refuse An Intimate Reception With Her Family After Her Parents Chose A Vacation Instead Of Her WeddingBride Wonders If It's Wrong To Be Mad At Parents Who Chose To Go On A Vacation Instead Of Attending Her WeddingParents Chose To Go On A Vacation Instead Of Attending Daughter's Wedding, Bride-To-Be Asks If She Was A Jerk For Refusing To CompromiseParents Chose A Vacation Instead Of Going To Daughter's Wedding, Hurt Bride Wonders If She Was Wrong To Get Mad At ThemWoman Asks If She Was Wrong To Refuse An Intimate Reception With Her Family After Her Parents Decided Not To Attend Her Wedding
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When we think about the perfect wedding, we focus not so much on all the aesthetic details, but on the people whom we’d like to witness the celebration of love. If you get along with your family members, it’s only natural to expect your parents and siblings to show up, alongside your nearest and dearest friends. Yes, the aisle and table decor is important, but it’s not the priority.

If you realize that your parents have decided not to attend your wedding, it can be absolutely devastating. So much so that any other compromise on the table seems like a pale shadow in comparison when all you want is to have your loved ones with you on the Big Day. Redditor u/Designer-Pay8281 opened up about an upsetting situation going on in her family. She’s planning on getting married this year, but her parents have made it clear that they won’t be attending the ceremony. They’ll be going on a 2-year vacation instead. Read on for the full story, in the bride-to-be’s own words. You can share your thoughts about the situation in the comments, dear Pandas.

Bored Panda got in touch with Suzanne Degges-White, a Licensed Counselor, Professor, and Chair at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University to hear her thoughts about sibling rivalries, jealousy, familial favoritism, and how to reconcile with someone if they’re remorseful, even though we might initially not want to.

“The best revenge on those who have hurt us in the past is a life well lived. Our parents do the best they can—but their best may not be what we most wanted. Learning to accept the shortcomings of others is sometimes the best thing we can do for our own mental health. This person’s parents will miss an important day in their daughter’s life, and the best thing the daughter can do is to make the day as memorable for herself and her new partner as she can,” she explained to us. “You’ll find our full interview with the professor below, dear Readers.

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Many people who are close to their parents expect that they’ll show up to their wedding

Image credits: Nathan Dumalo (not the actual photo)

One bride-to-be shared how frustrated she felt when she realized her parents prioritized their vacation over her ceremony

Image credits: Vidar Nordli-Mathisen (not the actual photo)

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“Sadly, sibling rivalry tends to begin early in life and can outlast a parent’s lifetime. Sibling rivalry is natural as kids learn at a young age that parents have a limited capacity to give their kids the attention they crave and when it feels like a sibling is getting more than their fair share, that can give rise to resentment, jealousy, and rivalry for the parents’ attention.”

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Professor Degges-White, from Northern Illinois University, explained to Bored Panda that some parents actually do actively one child over another. As such, this can give rise to a “deeply ingrained sense of injustice” in some siblings that can last a lifetme. It’s important to recognize that our parents aren’t ‘perfect,’ they’re flawed just like any other human being on this planet.

“As adults, we need to recognize that we need to feel that we are ‘enough’ regardless of how we feel others see us. If we continue to fall back into childhood rivalries, we are doing a disservice to ourselves and allowing the past to color our present. While we may never be able to right the wrongs, real or imagined, that we experienced in our childhood, we do have the choice to consciously move on from the past and just accept that our parents are human and, by nature, flawed—and we cannot ‘fix’ anyone else but ourselves,” the Licensed Counselor said.

“When we continue to feel ‘less than’ a sibling—and evidence seems to affirm that feeling—we have the choice to carry the negative feelings that are engendered or let them go and rejoice in the presence in our lives of people who care about us and want to spend time in our company.”

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We were also curious about how to proceed when our loved ones try to reconcile with us, yet we might still be greatly upset at them for what they did or didn’t do. “It’s a hard situation when someone is genuinely remorseful about prior bad behavior and admits their mistake and offers apologies to the one they hurt but their efforts at reconciliation are rejected. Some people take a long time to let go of past injustices and some folks live by a creed of ‘never forget, never forgive,'” Professor Degges-White said. She highlighted the fact that we’re all human, and as such, we all make mistakes.

“If we cannot make room for another’s attempts at reconciliation in our lives, we are setting ourselves up for a lifetime of needless losses and a shrinking support network. Seldom do the people who care about us intentionally harm us—and we should be able to step back and recognize that when someone puts themselves out there with a heartfelt apology, that they are putting another ‘investment’ into the relationship. Screwing up is easy, admitting and making attempts at atonement is not.”

According to Professor Degges-White, from Northern Illinois University, it can help to take a long view of the relationship you have with someone in order to accept someone’s remorse. Here are some questions that you might ask yourself: “Has the person been there for you when you’ve needed them? Have they been loyal to you even when you might not have deserved it? Is this the first time they’ve done something that has hurt you? If not, maybe letting the relationship go is the best option. If it is the first time, remind yourself that everyone deserves a second chance.”

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The expert said that while we can’t ever undo the past, we can make different choices going forward. “Trust is hard to rebuild, but if it’s a longtime relationship, it might be harder to replace that person in your life than you realize.”

As a compromise, the idea of an intimate wedding reception just for the family was floated to see where the redditor bride-to-be might be interested. However, the OP was so upset about not having her parents at her wedding that she refused the idea time and time again.

That’s actually what made her ask the AITA community for their opinion in the first place. She wanted to know if she was wrong to be so stubborn. The majority of Reddit users thought that the OP did nothing wrong. However, the verdicts weren’t unanimous.

Quite a few members of the AITA community were a tad confused by the entire situation, including why the bride-to-be’s parents’ vacation was supposed to last for 2 years, and whether they knew the specific date of the wedding. Some also thought that the OP should have communicated her feelings more clearly so that her family knew where she stood better.

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The author of the post shared some more information about what happened with her family in the comments

A while back, we had a chat about communication within families with parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin. “I think when establishing boundaries with family members, being clear and using good communication are the best routes,” the founder of ‘Walking Outside in Slippers’ told Bored Panda that clarity helps avoid situations where someone can misinterpret your actions for rudeness or for a lack of appreciation.

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The blogger pointed out that all families are different: some are very close, others are more distant. Though in both cases, good communication can help set the ground rules for how everyone interacts, and what expectations they have. This way, everyone can feel comfortable in a familial setting.

Meanwhile, childhood independence expert Lenore Skenazy, the mastermind behind the Let Grow project and the Free-Range Kids movement, told Bored Panda during an earlier interview that parents have to “keep the lines of communication open” with their kids as they grow.

While some parents might be far too detached from their children, others are far too controlling, which also isn’t healthy.

“Gradually give them more freedom as they get older and earn it by being responsible,” she said, adding that love requires trust.

“Taking all independence away for their ‘safety’ is a way to teach them that you don’t think they can handle anything on their own— how deflating!—and that you don’t trust them. Would you appreciate a spouse who tracked your every move? Would you feel trusted?”

Here’s what other internet users thought. Some people’s opinions were very divided on the story

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Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Read less »
Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

Read less »

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Indrė Lukošiūtė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual editor at Bored Panda, I'm determined to find the most interesting and the best quality images for each post that I do. On my free time I like to unwind by doing some yoga, watching all kinds of movies/tv shows, playing video and board games or just simply hanging out with my cat

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Johnny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why the parents wouldn't just fly back for the wedding - they are moving overseas, not going to prison.

Alice Teasdale
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember my Mum racing my early labour to get home to Adelaide from Fiji (where she lived) to see her first grandchild. She talked the Fijian ladies at Nadi airport into letting her use the airline's phone to ring me (pre mobiles working internationally). She'd stood at Suva airport until they let her on a plane to Nadi and was now making her presence felt in Nadi to let her on a plane to Australia! She can be very persuasive and probably made a whole lot of new friends sharing her excitement and joy as she made the epic journey! She made it when baby was a few hours old and came straight to the hospital from her all night flight. The joy on her face as she picked him up! That's how parents should be.

Lonely Tentacle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys, don't downvote just because you disagree... Downvoting here isn't a dislike, it can actually get people banned.

Load More Replies...
Hoodoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gratuitous drama? Martyr Complex? OP knew prior to setting her wedding date that her parents would be on an extended vacation. She then expected they'd change long-standing plans to accommodate her...They didn't. I think OP's expectations came back & bit her in the butt- expectations can do that. Makes me wonder if OP didn't purposefully do this

KiT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She moved her wedding date twice to accommodate her parents but they chose to leave before the event anyway. The OP doesn't seem entitled and full of herself. At least not to me.

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Johnny
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand why the parents wouldn't just fly back for the wedding - they are moving overseas, not going to prison.

Alice Teasdale
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember my Mum racing my early labour to get home to Adelaide from Fiji (where she lived) to see her first grandchild. She talked the Fijian ladies at Nadi airport into letting her use the airline's phone to ring me (pre mobiles working internationally). She'd stood at Suva airport until they let her on a plane to Nadi and was now making her presence felt in Nadi to let her on a plane to Australia! She can be very persuasive and probably made a whole lot of new friends sharing her excitement and joy as she made the epic journey! She made it when baby was a few hours old and came straight to the hospital from her all night flight. The joy on her face as she picked him up! That's how parents should be.

Lonely Tentacle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys, don't downvote just because you disagree... Downvoting here isn't a dislike, it can actually get people banned.

Load More Replies...
Hoodoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gratuitous drama? Martyr Complex? OP knew prior to setting her wedding date that her parents would be on an extended vacation. She then expected they'd change long-standing plans to accommodate her...They didn't. I think OP's expectations came back & bit her in the butt- expectations can do that. Makes me wonder if OP didn't purposefully do this

KiT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She moved her wedding date twice to accommodate her parents but they chose to leave before the event anyway. The OP doesn't seem entitled and full of herself. At least not to me.

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