Despite the classic Hollywood wedding, in reality, people tend to have all sorts of ceremonies, receptions, after-parties, and after-after parties. Each couple ends up deciding what is important to them, but a disagreement over the wedding can be a necessary first test of a marriage.

A bride-to-be caused quite a stir when she told her fiancé that she didn’t want his elderly, 98-year-old grandmother to attend their wedding. She believed that the reception would be too much of a party for her to enjoy. Both commenters and the groom both thought the request was entitled, selfish, and downright mean.

While there is no set standard for a wedding, having family there is pretty standard

Image credits: Álvaro CvG (not the actual photo)

So one bride-to-be caused some drama when she revealed to her fiancé that she didn’t want his grandmother to attend

Image credits: Danie Franco (not the actual photo)

Image source: Legitimate_Scar_8747

Wedding planning is a pressure test for each couple

Image credits: Shardayyy Photography (not the actual photo)

While all the rituals, symbolism and other features might make it seem like weddings are an outdated relic of the past, this story goes to prove that it does function as a great test of a couple’s ability to manage expectations, organization and compromise. As un-romantic as it sounds, compromise is key to any functioning relationship. This is just as true for conflict management, even if the conflict isn’t a hostile shouting match. The “happy” couple needs to decide what hills they are willing to die on and if this is one of them, better for the relationship to end not, not four, wasted years later. Studies have shown that the higher the expectations for the wedding itself, whether the ceremony or the partying, as OP indicated, the more likely the marriage will fail.

It’s not that a big wedding will magically make the couple fall out, rather, often a big wedding is used to mask some potential doubts about the union. This isn’t to say that a fairytale wedding is bad, but as costs continue to rise, it does become something of a sticking point unless you are fabulously rich. For example, in the US, the home of doing things big, the average wedding might end up costing just shy of forty thousand dollars. Across the entire nation, over $72 billion dollars are spent just on ceremonies alone each year, a number that has likely grown due to cost of living increases. Any successful marriage needs to be able to balance finances, no matter who is the breadwinner. So planning and organizing a wedding is a vital test to see if the relationship will have legs or is destined to burn out pretty quickly.

Honest communication and compromise are necessary for any healthy relationship

Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)

Some readers might see OP as entitled, but to assess her side, there are some psychological factors that could be clouding her judgment. While we do not know the precise details, the bride is often enough putting in the majority of wedding planning labor, creating undue stress. As a result, she might feel that she should get a bit more of a say in how the entire event will actually go. When we are under stress, we tend to underestimate the pressure our partners are under, which is a recipe for relationship disaster if people don’t communicate honestly and empathetically. While OP’s request was missguided and possibly entitled, it is possible that she just was not in the right headspace to consider the position carefully. To err is human after all.

While we do not (yet) have a follow-up to this tale, it’s pretty clear that the bride needs to understand where her fiancé is coming from. Sometimes, your in-laws are truly terrible people, but in this case she simply wants to party. Instead of something drastic, like banning a literal family member, she instead should have considered some other options, like finding someone who would be willing to keep her company while the younger people party. Or to have an after-party for those who want to drink and dance, as some people see the reception as a time for some long-winded toasts and free food. It’s unknown how the discussion actually went down in the end, but hopefully the couple resolved this question and found a way to include grandma.

Commenters almost universally thought she was absolutely out of line and most definitely being a jerk

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